Fight the Current

Jasper:

Rosalie's nails are red. Constantly.

I don't understand why. Alice doesn't have red nails. I am led to believe that it is some kind of arcane female thing, roaring back to the times of the warriors of old displaying prowess in painting themselves. She has bottles lined up on the vanity table in her's and Emmett's room. Once, I stood in the doorway for three hours staring at them. They were arranged like mortal wine. By year, vibrancy, shade, thickness and quality. It fascinated me. Alice laughed, and painted hers blue for a joke. I laughed too. They are opposites, like Emmett and me. Chaos and calm. Darkness and light.

Her nails dig into my skin when she pulled me from the bar. They gleamed bloody in the fluorescent lights as she glared.

'How could you, Jasper?' she hissed at me. 'Have you no respect for human life still?

I couldn't answer. She stalked inside to claim Emmett from his fans. I turned to Alice, who was pale, as ever, an unfathomable look in her dark eyes. Roaslie's nails shone like blood. I could think of nothing else.

'Blood, Alice. Her nails … blood …' And I trailed off. Alice reached up to kiss me. I don't deserve her love, but she gives it all the same. She understands me, even when I don't.

'Total eclipse … of the … heart,' I sang quietly, as I held onto her hand, tightly in my own as I could.

She didn't ask me why I'd done it. Even if she had, I would have remained silent.

I don't know why I did it.

oOo

Rose's nails and the look in Alice's eyes (confusion. Love. A desire to understand) was almost all I could remember. I got home somehow. Alice. That's how. I don't know if it was the vodka (possible) or the self-hatred (probable) that left the night so hazy. Emmett was exuberant.

'That – was – awesome!' he exclaimed, as he punched me a high-five and settled down in front of the television with a sigh of contentment. For the thousandth time that day, I wished I could be as carefree as Emmett. I envied him.

I sighed to myself. If I was any more depressed, I might actually have the upper-hand with Edward. The boy exists to bring the rest of us down.

The next morning, Edward drove us to school. I hate that place. The warm, gurgling blood pumping in the mortal casing, everywhere. The cacophony of emotions, overwhelming, disconcerting. I loathed it. Chaos and calm.

I have seen many terrible things in my lifetime. More than many, and more than terrible. Edward truly believes us the eternal damned, himself more so than anyone else. He is alone in this great world of being, and he exists only for us. He is adamant outwardly that there is no place of rest for us fated to wander the earth forevermore. He truly believes himself to have sinned beyond all measure of redemption.

But ah, Edward, you are but a boy. Innocent, still.

Alice smiled at me as she dragged me through the doors. She is sunny. Bright. She likes school. She finds something new about the place every day. She revels in the humans around her. They interest her.

'Did you see the shoes Sandra Leon was wearing today?' she'd babble happily at home, already lugging the laptop over to me to show them to me.

'I must own a pair.'

The place fascinated her. Humans fascinated her. Alice, my dear Alice. So like a child in so many ways.

These halls held no horror for her. They were not a hell sent to try her.

But they were sent to try me. This was my retribution for sinning. This was hell on earth, sent to me since I could not go to it.

This life is a trial. Every second of every minute of every day … I am never free.

A slave to my thirst … to my conscience.

Eric Yorkie was excited by something. The aura around him was hectic. I winced; I could feel a headache coming on today, especially upon entering the halls, and the minds around me were all infected by the same train of excited thought.

It's going to be a long day, Edward, I thought, and his lips twitched as he stood to my left.

oOo

I endured. Again. Like countless times before. Only a few more months left this time around, anyway. But it was hard.

I was thirsty. So, so thirsty. A girl moved as I sat with my family. Short hair. Blonde. Warm blooded. Sweet tasting.

It was difficult. Difficult to stop imagining, difficult to pause comptemplation for too long. Difficult … too difficult …

Edward kicked my chair. I sighed. Shame. Shame flared, and I pushed their sympathies away, again.

Pushed them away. Again.

oOo

It was worse later. A human slipped onto his knees, when I was crossing from the gym to English class. He laughed, with his friends. No big deal.

When he stood, he saw me. Jasper Hale, standing frozen, mid-step, all his muscles tensed, flames in his eyes. Frightening. He moved away swiftly. I stayed standing there, until Emmett came up behind me, and guided me back to the building. He isn't understanding. I can feel his irritation, but it is diluted through his friendship.

'Come on, Jazz,' he says to me, and I walk silently with him.

War rages in my head. I wanted blood to flow. I didn't want his wound to break the skin, the warm trickle to stain the air, the scent to render me insane.

It didn't. But I almost failed anyway.

xXx

Signing in as : Wraithlike

So. Jasper has issues, but never fear, you won't have to deal with them for too long. He's overdue for a good kick in the pants, to be dispensed by the lovely Emmett "the bear" Cullen, courtesty of ... *ahem* "Carley". Yes, folks, that's Carley. Everyone get that? Good. She's up next. AWAIT WITH BAITED BREATH!!

Coming Soon: BouncesLikeJaboc's chapter of awesomeness. And actually, I have no idea. So, looks like we're going this blond together! xxx