Emmett's newest instalment … Feach ar seo, lads, agus* review!

Take A Bow

Emmett:

Vampires don't worry. The usually don't need to. Esme is, I believe, the only exception to the worry rule. What vampires do a lot of the time, however, is kick their brothers' asses for being so damn depressing all the time. That's what this vampire does, anyway.

Edward gets the easiest ass kicking. I only have to visualise myself throwing him several miles into the distance and he gets the message. Jazz? Jazz doesn't get it as easy. Sure, he can tell when I'm pissed with him. Dude's got freaky mind powers. He just ignores me, though. Goes on moping through life.

We were heading out to the Volvo, Jazz and I. I had my arm flung across his shoulders in an attempt to cheer him up. Really it was just an excuse to 'accidentally' wrap my forearm around his pale neck and squeeze for a little while. He didn't need to breathe, so it didn't do him any damage. It just made me feel better.

Rose was already leaning against the Volvo, tapping her bright red nails against the roof. I caught Jazz staring at her nails as her fingers tapped faster still, impatience growing on her face. I suddenly wanted to try gin. Or… that stuff pirates drink… rum? Yeah, rum. A nice, large bottle of rum. Rose glared at me. No, she was glaring past me. I turned quickly, dragging Jazz around - I still had my arm around his neck - and saw Edward coming. Saw that Jessica girl walk by with Mike Newton, flicking her hair suddenly as she saw Edward and giggling. Edward failed to notice. He walked around me with almost blinding speed. Or, as blinding as one vampire can be to another. He slid into the car without so much as a quiet 'hello' and started the car, revving up to leave even before we'd got in ourselves. Rose slid in, taking my hand gently and pulling me in beside her. Jazz had no choice but to come too. He slammed the door closed and I relaxed my grip on his neck in favour of Rose's hand. He'd put up with his strangling in silence. He was staring past me now - why were they all doing that? - At Rose's hand, enveloped in my own. Her red nails were in clear view and he was transfixed.

'Jazz.' I said. He looked at me.

'You on for round two tonight? In our wrestling match, I mean.' We'd decided to call it a 'wrestling match' so that Rose, Ed, Carlisle and Esme hadn't a clue as to what we were talking about. I'd been trying very hard to keep my vague recollections of the night before out of my mind, and instead fabricated ones about a wrestling match. I didn't want to risk Edward telling Carlisle or Esme.

'I don't think so, Emmett.' He resumed staring at Rose's nails. Lightweight.

I wasn't paying attention as Alice said 'Edward?'

My head snapped up as I heard Edward's breathing had increased. What the hell?

'What the hell happened to you?' I asked.

He threw the car into reverse and slid the car out of the space, then out of the car park.

Ed. I thought. We were speeding now, more than Ed usually did in his Volvo. He wanted to get rid of us quickly. That was obvious.

Edward. I was waiting for him to acknowledge me. He drove faster.

Why are you driving like the Volturi are after your sorry ass?

He drove faster still. I doubted the car went any faster. Perhaps two bottles of rum. I looked at Rose, who was staring out the window. I pressed my thumb gently against the back of her hand and she turned to me, a frown on her face. It softened when I smiled.

I was vaguely aware of Alice speaking.

'You're leaving?' she asked.

What?

The car stopped suddenly. Rose slid out and Jazz and I followed. Alice remained in the car. I pretended to listen, knowing I'd just ask her later. Or that someone would tell me. I was trying to remember what Vodka tasted like. Jazz the Lightweight could keep his sorry ass at home. I was going out again. They liked us in that last club. Perhaps I'd return. An encore.

'…. Carlisle yourself.' Alice said.

Edward backed the car up and tore back down the drive, not looking back. Going to see Carlisle.

She said something else and walked back to us, her face beautifully contorted with a mixture of grief and worry. Wait. That last thought was almost poetic. How much would people pay to buy a book of vampire poetry? I was briefly glad that Edward was gone again. He didn't hear that random, weirdo thought.

Alice was still in pain. Mental pain, of course. Visions. Something to do with Edward and whatever he'd done. We ran into the house, Jazz and I fighting to sit on the sofa first. Rose punched me. I sat sprawled across the sofa, leaving Jazz standing stock-still. His depressed stare was back.

'Come on Alice.' I said.

Her face cleared, her black eyes focused on us again. Jazz took her hand.

'I saw Edward. Trying to kill Bella Swan.' She spoke slowly. Rose raised an eyebrow, then came to sit beside me. I could tell she didn't care.

Jazz looked worried. Or maybe his depressed stare had just intensified because he'd just thought of something else in his excuse for a life was worthless. Or maybe he was trying to teleport himself somewhere, like in that thing we watched a marathon of one night. Star Trek? Yeah. That.

'And?' I demanded. Alice was back with her tortured expression. If we weren't already vampires, I'd think they were practising for a part in a horror film. As the victims.

'He went to her house. Up to her room. Drank her dry then disposed of her body somewhere miles from here. I don't think he'll do it, though. He's gone now. I-' she stopped and her eyes became unfocused again.

'He's going to see Tanya.'

I whistled. Jazz slapped me a high five. I looked at him, but he'd resumed staring at the floor. I wanted to throw him out of the big glass wall at the back of the house and send him back up the Calawah River. Stupid, depressed, half-vegetarian moron.

Alice skipped to the stairs, where she sat down and said 'Esme.' Esme came floating down the stairs. Alice explained quickly where Edward had gone.

Make that three bottles of rum and a nice bottle of vodka.

***

'EMMETT IS IIIIINNNN THE BUILDING!' I announced proudly, striding back into the karaoke bar Jazz and I had haunted the night before. I'd jumped out of Ed's bedroom window. Rose was oblivious, as she was painting her nails again, talking with Alice about something they were referring to as 'the It bag'. I could only imagine what this was. I'd had to tear Jazz away from Rose and Alice. I needed to have a talk with Ed - whenever he came back - about Jazz. His obsession with Rose was just weird. Jazz still refused to come with me straight away. He said - and I quote - 'I have something nice planned.'

Jazz and the word 'nice' didn't really come together in the dictionary. At least I didn't think so.

I walked up to the bar and requested of the bar tender 'three vodkas and a nice, nice rum.' I even used my human voice. He glared at me. It took me several moments to recognise him as the man I'd knocked off his feet the night before in an effort to hide from Rose. Ah well. He slammed the drinks onto the bar and held his hand out. I stuffed a handful of notes into his hand.

'Keep the change.' I said, smiling, allowing my teeth to flash brightly at him. He blinked and took a wary step back. I laughed at him. He turned away. I took my drinks to a table a little away from the karaoke stage. Jazz still hadn't arrived. I downed the first vodka and relished in the clouded vision that accompanied it. Was it as good as last night? Hell yes!

I downed the second and third vodka and was just gearing up to pick out a song when the door to the bar banged open and Jazz ran in. He had on Ed's glasses again, and he'd borrowed some of Rose or Alice's make up, with which he'd drawn all along the outside of his eyes. He'd also used some of Rose's powder stuff she liked to buy. You know what I'm talking about. The stuff girls put on their eyelids to make them look darker or more colourful or whatever. He was also sporting a pirate hat and a rather interesting shirt with wide sleeves and wide ruffles at the end. Plus a brown frock coat. I tried not to laugh.

'JASPER!' A girl screamed. A girl that definitely wasn't Alice. She threw herself at him and I saw Jazz stiffen. His eyes were a gold colour, though, so he'd had the sense to drink before he came.

'Nice get up, sweetie.' She commented, examining his clothes. 'Very… Johnny Depp.' She continued.

Jazz's eyes met my confused stare. Who?

'Who?' Jazz asked. The girl stared at him, shocked.

'Pirates of the Caribbean?' she stared at him. 'Captain Jack Sparrow!' she put on a terrible British accent as she said.

'No.' said Jazz, looking confused. 'Who are you?' From his glazed look he'd obviously had a few beforehand.

'Starla!' Starla exclaimed. Oh, she was angry now. He'd put his foot in it. And his foot was now stuck. Only one thing for it: Em the Bear to the rescue.

'Jazz, Jazz. You were only kidding, right?' I stared at him meaningfully.

'Uh, yeah. Yeah.' He nodded slowly.

'Here we are Jazz. Have a vodka on me.' I clicked my fingers at the bartender and mouthed 'vodka'. The man scowled at me but slid one down the bar. I caught it, careful not to break the glass. I giggled. Jazz downed his in one, wiped the back of his hand over his mouth then started dancing.

'And weeeeee're… Walking on a treadmill! We're walking….' He mimed his interpretation of treadmill walking. Huh. A brain-dead form of human exercise. You'd think they'd have figured out by now that it doesn't go anywhere. They just walk in the same spot for hours at a time. And for what? NOTHING.

***

'Karaoke time, Jazz?' I asked.

I like rum. Jazz did too. As I asked him he was draining his fifth keg. Yes, keg.

'You BETCHA!' he said. He stared at the empty tankard he'd been drinking out of. 'Why is the rum always gone?'

'See! Pirates of the Caribbean!' Starla said. He ignored her and stood up. He wobbled and fell over a barstool.

'Oh.' He said, giggling. 'That's why.' I laughed and stood up too, holding onto the bar for support. The wooden surface cracked under my hand.

'Oops.' I giggled again and danced over to the stage.

'RIGHT!' I roared. That got everyone's attention.

'What's on the song list tonight?' I slurred. The entire bar erupted into cheers. They loved us.

'It's a Muse tribute night!' Starla shouted from her corner of the bar.

Muse? Who the hell were they? Where was Edward when you needed him? Oh, yeah. Trying not to kill Chief Swan's only daughter. My bad.

The bar tender handed me the microphones and turned on the TV screens with the words on it.

'Just make your way through the list.' He suggested, shrugging. The music started. Fangirls screamed. Someone handed me a drink. I downed it.

'OUR TIME IS RUNNNNNNNING OUT! CAN'T PUSH IT UUUUUNDERGROUND! CAN'T STOP IT SCREAMING OUT!' I yelled. Jazz joined in the second verse.

'I WANTED FREEDOM, BOUND AND RESTRICTED! I TRIED TO GIVE YOU UUUUP, BUT I'M ADDICTED!' for that one Jazz pointed to his empty glass and tapped it meaningfully. It was instantly replaced with a full one, as was my own.

***

Three hours later, we were still singing and the drinks were still coming. Fangirls were on stage with us. Starla was dancing right beside Jazz, who's frilly blouse thing was open, his frock coat removed. I hadn't noticed the pirate boots beforehand. Now he only had one.

'Starlight' started up and the room erupted into screams. Again.

'This one,' Jazz slurred, 'Is for Starla. My biggest and best… bestest fangirl.'

'OF THE PEOPLE WHO CARE IF I LIVE OR DIE! STARLAAAAA, I WILL BE CHASING A STARLAAAA…' Jazz was on his own for this one. I raised my arms and swayed side to side. I was handed another drink. Two girls wandered up to me then. They introduced themselves as Missy and Brooke. Interesting.

'Ohmigod, Emmett. You're so cool!' Missy - or Brooke, I couldn't tell who was who - said in my ear. I suddenly realised I was shirtless again.

'Ohmigod, Em, you should totally sing Take a Bow for us!'

So I did. Jazz joined in at some point, busy trying to restrain Starla from getting too close. Alice would see us at some point.

'Ohmigod, Emmett! You should, like, totally take a bow now!' Missy/Brooke giggled. 'You get it? You sang Take a Bow and now you should totally take a bow!' Missy/Brooke giggled again. The pair of them fell onto the stage floor.

I stood up and went to the centre of the stage. Jazz and Em's Empire. I raised my hands in the air to get everyone's attention, then took a sweeping bow. Jazz fell over towards me, Starla hanging around his neck and bowed too. Starla dropped to the floor.

'OHMIGOD, EM!' Missy/Brooke cheered, trying to stand.

'Ohmigod, Em!' A voice mimicked behind Missy/Brooke.

Rose. Of course.

'H-Hey, Rose. Fancy a drink?' I said in a feeble attempt at humour. She snatched a glass out of my hand - it'd been refilled again - and downed it in one. A calm expression crossed her face.

'Jazz?' she called, still smiling at me.

'Hmm?' Jazz called back.

'Hand me that microphone, would you?' She asked. 'I feel a power ballad coming on.'

***

Signing in as BounceLikeJaboc

A/N: Sorry about the PotC references. I just thought 'What could Jazz possibly do now that would be classed as utterly insane?'… And that is what I came up with…. It helps that I know PotC 2 practically off by heart, but anyway…

Thanks to Muse, who kept me company throughout this typing session! ~ Carley xx

Up Next: Aoife and a possibly less depressed Jazz. I know Em was supposed to give him a kick up the ass, but I needed to see where I was going with him not going straight to the bar…. I have a lead up to it anyway. Aoife is globetrotting as we speak, so depending on the response I may add another short chapter for which she can kill me cause it means she has to write two on her return. Ah, well.

*(From top of page): For all you non-Irish readers that means 'look at this, lads and review'. (I think you'll agree it sounds much better as Gaeilge. Nach e?)