I should be scared , terrified even , but today I just don't have it in me to care or to even look around to register what was happening

So much noise , so many people and so many different stories which makes me wonder vaguely if any of them is similar to mine ?!

I highly doubt that.

I look at the glass of alcohol in front of me , I don't even know the name of my drink , but I don't care as I don't drink anyways.

But today was a special occasion , I had just buried my own father ,Charlie, the only family I had left .

I feel the tears streaming down my face , feel myself choking on my own emotions , I feel so suffocated so helpless but at the same time I just can't comprehend that he is gone .

He can't be gone , my daddy is a superhero , he is invincible , he can't die !

He can't leave me , oh God please tell me I am dreaming , tell me this is all a dream and in a couple of hours I am going to wake up to the obnoxious sound of my alarm, get ready for work and on my way there I am going to call dad just like every other morning and he will answer saying "hey bells" like he always does .

I close my eyes tightly as if to hold back the tears , I have not cried yet , it was not because I am strong but because it still hasn't hit me yet , and what a place for it to finally happen.

I am sitting on a stool at a nightclub or a bar I don't know the difference as I have never been to either of them , and the funny thing is it was my dad's final wish .

Ironic, isn't it ?

I remember getting the call at work from Mark , dad's co-worker, at first I thought it was dad telling me he wanted to me to come and stay with him for the weekend , as we usually do, so I answered cheerfully "Hey old man , you finally figured out you couldn't spend another weekend without me ? I kinda knew this was going to happen so don't worry my bags are already packed and in my car." I say all in one breath.

Then my world comes crashing down when I hear Mark sobbing.

" I am so sorry Bella"

I don't know what happened next , all I remember is the phone slipping from my hand and me falling down on the floor .

I sat there for what seemed like hours , then I pick myself up , rush to my car and drive like a mad woman to Forks , my hometown.

I remember arriving at the hospital , seeing so many people and so many familiar faces , but it was like I couldn't see as if I was blind .

I run to the room , see him lying on the bed , and immediately feel sick ,I slam my hand on my mouth to stop the scream that threatened to come out .

I go sit by his side clutch his hands tightly , he opens his eyes ,which look so tired , but he tries to smile anyways trying to reassure me that everything will be fine.

But he and I know it won't…

"Hey baby" he says and all that I can muster is a choked daddy .

"No no bells don't cry, you are breaking my heart kiddo" and I see the pain in his eyes through tears filled eyes , and I try to wipe the tears with the back of my hand.

"I am not crying".

He scoffs saying "I thought that age would serve to make you a better liar but you still suck at it".

And I smile despite everything.

"I love you daddy" I say as tears start to fall once more.

"I love you too kiddo , now listen to me , I don't think I have much time" he says with a wince , making my heart break.

"you have always been a good girl , you were quiet maybe even too quiet , you never caused any trouble , you grew up way before your time , and at the time I was thankful , you were a godsend , you have no idea how easy my life had been bells and I don't think I have ever thanked you for the sacrifices you made just to make my life easier." He said tears rolling down his cheeks.

"what are you talking about dad?! What sacrifices?!" I didn't understand what he was talking about.

"your childhood , your youth , you are 24 and you have never even been on a date , you didn't go to prom , didn't go out , you always finished school , came home , made dinner , and then nothing!

That is not how things should have been , you had to drive to and from Seattle everyday when you went to college just so you wouldn't leave me alone !" he says almost angrily.

I was confused ! Was my dad really telling me that I was too modest?!

"don't you dare look at me like I am crazy Isabella ?!" he said coughing.

I tried calling the doctor but he hushed me .

"let me get this out, bells ,please" he pleaded .

"okay daddy just take it easy please" I begged him.

"I want you to live Bella , I want you to get out, to have fun , to have friend , to meet people , I don't want you to stay alone forever , you didn't get to live your life fully, you didn't get the college experience , I mean as much as I appreciate that I still wish you had some fun , seen what life has to offer .

I know I can't blame you , I mean after your mother died I was a mess , I was a walking dead maybe that is why you thought you have that strange obligation towards me , and I know I should have stopped you at the time but I just couldn't let you go bells" he sobs .

I chock on my tears trying to stop him to make him understand but he wouldn't give me the chance.

"No let me finish , I couldn't let you go , not even after you graduated but I couldn't do that to you any longer , I had to let you go , I had to stop being selfish I had to think of what would happen to you when I die , you had no one but me , so I had to set you free , but you still remained the same , alone .

And it broke my heart bells , you deserve much more." He coughs violently.

The nurse tries to help but he stops her .

"my last wish bells is that you put me out of my misery , I will never rest in peace until I make sure that you are going to be fine , all that I am asking is that you get out of your shell , go out , drink ,dance , live baby just live and find love .

I hope you find someone to love you as much as I loved your mother I want you to have kids bells , a whole bunch of them , hell I want you to go crazy like the kids we see on tv at parties and clubs " he smiles faintly before coughing more and more until he stops coughing , breathing and living all together , he just lies there , staring at me .

Which brings me back her to the nightclub or bar sitting alone and surely looking out of place with my black dress and my mess of a hair .

"if you keep pinching yourself like that I am sure you will bleed ." I am startled by a strange gruff voice , I have not even realized I was pinching myself up until now .

The stool beside me moves and finally I look up and gasp starring into pools of green .

The man's eyes were the kind of green that pushes itself through snow just to show you that spring was coming , just to give you hope .