Here is Chapter 3. Before I get into it I want to thank everyone for the replies. Also, part of chapter 2 got cut off mysteriously...so I'm posting it up top here. There will only be (until we near the end) Jay/Emma portions through flashbacks. And for the most part they will be softer, and shorter than today's. But it just so happens this is Jemma Fan-Terry Hill's lucky day. Chapter 3 has more Jemma than the heart can handle.

Again, thank everyone for reviewing. I love angst, so I love this story, especially this chapter. And I really can't wait for chapter four. More angst than I know what to do with...ENJOY!

Chapter Two, still

"Rose tint the world, Em…" he muttered looking away.

"For God's sake, Craig. Pull your head out of your ass long enough to enjoy what's left of your life. If Manny was all you had you would've finished those pills off in Vancouver. But you didn't. You flushed them, remember? You chose rehab…you chose LIFE. So start living it. Conversation's over. I set the alarm for 6:00 so we'll all have time to get showers. I'm going to sleep now."

I put my hand on Craig's shoulder, "You okay?" she asked.

He nodded, "I forget sometimes…sometimes it all goes dark. And she needs to bring me back. But she always does…I'm good now. Get some rest."

I climbed onto the bed next to Emma and rolled over so I was facing the wall. "Ellie?" Craig asked from the other bed.

"Yeah Craig?"

"Do you forgive me?"

I inhaled sharply, "I—not yet. But I will…I will."

"Yeah…thanks…I'm sorry, you know."

"I know…go to sleep."

Chapter 3: Haunted

The next morning we set out for New York City. Emma was still mad at Craig and Craig was, in response, less talkative than ever. I stretched out in the backseat of the car, "I am so excited," I started.

"Good" Craig said looking in the rearview mirror briefly.

"It was really nice of you to get these tickets, Craig," Emma said looking over at him.

"Thanks."

Emma looked back at me, "So, are you enjoying the one words answers? I know it's really get me all hot and bothered."

"Manny was on The Today Show" he muttered boldly.

"And?" I asked, "Who the fuck cares what she does now?"

"She makes her career reliving my mistakes."

"Everyone has mistakes," I offered with a shrug.

"Not everyone has to replay them on a daily basis."

"Sure we do. Not always in public…but always nonetheless." She paused for a minute and I knew the story she was going to tell. "Before Jay and I got married…Sean came to see me. We went out to this seafood restaurant. It was one of the best meals I've ever had. I still loved him…and I told him that, over dessert. We ended up sleeping together."

"What?" Craig interrupted, "You never told me that!"

"You never needed to know," I mumbled from the back.

"She told YOU?"

"Yes. And then Sean told me. We were honest about everything. Foreign concept, I know."

"Don't make this about me. I want to hear more about the Cameron-Nelson sexcapades."

Emma shrugged, "He was rough. Not gentle…I mean, after Jay," she blushed then continued. "I was used to these gentle, princess touches…he never touched me like Jay had until…after…"

"You slept with him more than once?"

"I told Jay about the dinner a couple of days later. He was furious. I mean, obviously. I—he left me. He went to stay with Alex and that girl she was seeing…Rachel or something."

"He is my friend Emma. How do you…how do you justify that? How do you look at yourself knowing what you're doing to me."

"What, Jay? What am I doing to you? You're not here anymore. If you aren't at school, you're working. If you aren't at work you're at the lab doing research. For school. You have priorities…I'm just not one of them."

"I'm trying to make something of myself. For you. I'm trying to get us out of this town…away from this little boy blue bullshit."

"Maybe I don't want to get away. Maybe I don't want to RUN AWAY, Jay."

"That's not what you did here? Run to Cameron when you couldn't fix our problems? I'm not a puzzle, Emma. Fuck."

"No, puzzles I can work out. You…you're always hiding, always running. You don't stop because you're afraid of what will happen when you do. What are you afraid will catch up with you?"

"The past. And look at that, here it is. Sean and Ellie hit a rough patch because of Santos' book. You get bored with me and you both meet up, naked, like your relationship didn't end eight years ago."

Emma struck him then shrunk away, "It wasn't like that."

"It was exactly like that," Jay spit touching his fingers to his cheek. They were both quiet for a moment then he looked her square in the eye, "My mother used to hit me."

Emma inhaled sharply and opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off. "No, Emma. My mother used to smack the shit out of me. I used to smack the shit out of anyone I could. But not you, Emma. Not once did I ever…so much as grab you hard. Whatever reasons you think you have for…for cheating on me…for taking a swing at me…for any of it…I don't care. It's all bullshit. You did this. Not me."

"Jay, God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Emma pleaded wrapping her fingers around his wrist. It was a move of desperation and, God, did she ever feel desperate.

"You should be sorry. I'm going to stay with Alex for a while. Clear my head."

"You're running to your ex and lecturing me?"

"Alex and I aren't going to hop into bed with eachother the first time one of us expresses an emotion other than contempt."

"How could I forget…Saint Jay: turned his life around and never looked back."

"Damn straight I never looked back, Emma," he said walking towards the door, "and I'm not about to start now." Emma watched his back as he slammed the door and it hurt to think that she was part of his past now too.

"So he left and you went to Sean again? You didn't learn?"

"This from the man that let Manny have two of his abortions." Emma said arching an eyebrow.

"Point taken," Craig mumbled looking far away.

"I…didn't think he was coming back. I called twice a day at Alex's until she finally told me I was just making things worse. I waited months. But I couldn't stop thinking about Sean. I hadn't seen him since the night we slept together. When I finally did, he looked a wreck…and it just made me feel more guilty. I knew he was trying to fix things with you, Ellie. But he was so mad at you for sleeping with Craig. Well, not sleeping with him but he thought you did and…Manny fucked everything up is the short version."

"I'm familiar," Ellie growled rolling her eyes.

"He started coming to the house in the day. I would make him lunch; we would talk. One day he kissed me. I didn't really expect it. But it felt good. To…feel wanted after so much rejection. We had sex on the couch before he went back to work. Then we did it again the next day. One day we were laying there, after. And he kissed me and said, "I love Ellie." It was weird. It should have hurt but it didn't. I loved Jay. He closed his eyes and I could feel his tears. He said, "I love you, too. But—"

"I know," I whispered back kissing him, "I understand completely." You'd think we would've stopped then…but we didn't. It was…It was about comfort, I think. I don't know. Jay came back though…he didn't come to see me. I could just tell because I passed his car on the way to some of my classes. I drove past the auto shop and saw him working under the hood of something expensive. I drove past The Dot and saw him serving milkshakes. I wanted to go see him, but I—he obviously hadn't come back for me. Sean ran into him at the drug store once. He punched Sean in the face then asked him if I was worth it. Sean cried a lot that week and we didn't have sex but he still slept at the house. It was right around the time you went into rehab, Craig. Sean took his car into the shop to get it reapolstered. Jay found one of my sweaters in the backseat and some condoms in his duffle on the floor. He…he…"

Suddenly Sean was pressed against the car door, "You still fucking my—"

"You're what? You're EX-girlfriend? What if I am?"

Jay smoldered at the words and tightened his grip around Sean's neck, "You're pathetic," he spit then backed away.

"No, Jay, YOU are pathetic. She was begging you to take her back. She was willing to work on herself, on your relationship. You don't know how lucky you are that she…she didn't just give up when it got too hard."

"I hate you," Jay ground out turning and stalking back into the shop.

Days later Emma was sitting on her couch, "Where's that beige sweater I wore to your brother's birthday dinner?"

"Umm…Emma…there's something I have to tell you," he said ringing his hands and toeing at the carpet. The story fell out easily and she shivered as he finished.

"Jay has the sweater? I…he bought it for me. He loved me in lace. I'm going to go see him." Emma frowned softly but she had made up her mind.

The next day she put on her best, a skin-tight gold dress that fell just above her knees. She walked into The Dot and eyed the teenagers milling about, "Is Jay here?" she asked the boy behind the counter.

"Mr. Hogart took the cashier's box to the bank. He left me in charge while he was gone though. Can I help you?"

"Um. No…it's personal. Will he be back shortly?"

"Yeah but…Emma…this really isn't the best place. A confrontation? At work? He has a business to run…" Emma looked up to see Spinner standing behind her.

"I just…I just need him to hear me out."

"I'll tell him you stopped by."

"And if he doesn't come find me?"

"I can't. I'm sorry, Emma, but I can't let you do this to him. He's barely holding it together. You can't stay."

"You're going to remove me?"

"You're a smart woman, Em. Don't push it to that level."

Emma nodded and rose to leave. She made it to the door just as Jay's car pulled up. She turned and looked back at Spinner. He lowered his eyes to the floor and shook his head back and forth. "What are you doing here?" Jay asked bitterly.

"I—nothing, Jay. Just…apologizing again and—"

"Well thanks, apologies do SO lessen the pain of finding out the love of your life is slutting around."

His words stung and she recoiled like she had been slapped. "And telling you that I'll stay out of your way from now on. I don't. I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have. I'll go now."

"Oh, please, Emma. Don't start considering my feelings now. I wouldn't know how to respond to such great kindness," he spit after me.

She turned to look back at him but said nothing. He had tears in his eyes and she rose her hand to wipe at them but stilled her hand at his shoulder when she remembered that wasn't one of her privledges anymore. "You know what your problem is, Emma? You live in the present, and you always look backwards…but you never think about the future. You couldn't wait for the happy ending so you settled for something less magnificent but right there in front of you. Always looking for the easy fix."

Emma let the tears in her own eyes fall onto the asphalt and made eye contact one last time, "You're right. And I couldn't have been more wrong. And that's that…there's no fixing it at all anymore; I get that. That's what I came to tell you. Um. Good luck. I. I hope…" she paused briefly and turned back towards the road, away from him, "I hope you find the happiness…the fairy tale you're looking for…you deserve it." She walked all the way back to her apartment and spent the next two days hiding from the world.

Weeks passed and Sean and Emma fell away from eachother again. Not because they didn't still care about eachother rather, because Emma was pulling away from everyone. Ellie went over and held her while she tried to fall asleep. "Ellie," she whispered, "I miss him. I will never love anyone but him." Ellie just shushed her and rocked her until her breathing slowed and she could tell the smaller girl was asleep. They let her ride out the worst part of the pain from the dark rooms of her apartment. Then one day they ffinally forced her out. Ellie arranged a dinner for the three of them at a place called ShangraiLa. Everything was going perfectly until she saw him. He was sitting at a small round table with a gorgeous blonde, laughing about something she said. Emma crumbled like a rag doll. Sean pulled her against his body in a tight hug and mumbled, "Hey, you can do this. You're strong, remember?"

"No, no…I'm not strong. Not on my own. I need…"

"You need what?" Ellie asked expecting her to name one of them or her mother, or Snake, or…anything that wasn't….

"Him…I need him."

Ellie's heart broke hearing those words and she could see in Sean's eyes that his had too. When Ellie looked back up Jay was staring at us. "Let's just get to our table."

Sean nodded in response and guided Emma back to our table. She didn't look up just kept her eyes focused on the grain of the carpet. "He's moving on," she told them when they sat at our table.

"You knew he would eventually," Sean whispered as gently as possible.

"No. I thought…I thought he would realize he needed me too and come back. But he doesn't. He doesn't need me." Ellie understood how she felt because that's what she had been thinking about Sean for months now. And that understanding kept her glued to her seat. Sean looked over at her as if begging her for help…but Ellie didn't know what to say.

He pulled her into him on the booth and rubbed her back in soothing circles. Ellie turned her gaze to where Jay's eyes were fixed on the pair. "Sean…I don't think…he looks…he's watching."

"I don't give a good goddamn what he thinks or looks at, Ellie," Sean spit brushing Emma's bangs back, "You've come too far to let this break you, Em."

She nodded slowly and pulled herself into a sitting position, "Thank you, Sean." Her eyes darted back and forth between us and Jay's table all night. She hardly touched her food and Ellie made a show of asking the waiter to box it all up for later.

They were sitting on a bench in front of the restaurant waiting for the valet. Jay and his date had to walk past us to leave. And as they did we heard his words: "Bitch I used to date."

Sean sprung up and grabbed the collar of Jay's shirt.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Jay asked dropping his take-out bag.

"Don't talk about Emma like that," Sean quipped shoving Jay backwards.

"I'll talk about whoever I want however I want," Jay said spitefully.

"Not Emma, not when I'm around."

"Of course, you're the white knight. Jay messed up? Fuck Sean instead, they're like the same but different. Tell me Emma, does he run his tongue along the shell of your ear like you like? Does he fuck you hard, or soft…or maybe both."

"He doesn't fuck me at all," Emma bit standing up to walk away from him.

He grabbed her arm and spun her back to him, "What, did he finally realize your tragic flaw too?"

Sean moved forwards to intervene but Emma motioned him back. "Let me handle this, Sean. Promise." He nodded and she followed his eyes down to the white knuckles on her forearm, "You're hurting me, Jay."

He wrapped his other hand around her shoulder and shook her roughly, "And you're KILLING me. This is killing me."

He shoved her away and she faltered before gaining her ground again, "I guess you can scratch that off your list." She tossed Sean and Ellie another look, begging them not to step in, to just let them have their fight.

"What?" Jay asked confusion splaying over his features.

"Never so much as grabbing me hard? Remember?" she searched his eyes for something, any clue that they could fix this. He dropped his hands from her like she was fire. And she sobbed loudly, "You…you only loved me when we were perfect. When you though I was perfect…"

Jay stepped towards her but she scurried back further, "I never wanted you to be afraid of me," he whispered hoarsely.

"You never wanted me at all," she replied angrily walking away.

Jay ran after her, Ellie, Sean, and the mystery girl tagging behind. "What do you mean I never wanted you? Why would you think that? Where would you get that ridiculous idea?"

"Everything you want you have," Emma said waving her arm to gesture around the lot. "And it wasn't easy, was it? You had to fight for it all. Everything you have you fought for…you gave me up without a second glance. You never fought for me, you never wanted me…you never needed me. I—."

"Why would I come after you if I didn't want you? If I didn't need you?"

"This is the first—the only—time you've come after me. And it's because you have to make ammends. That's what this was always about…this whole relationship. You felt guilty—you still feel guilty about everything you put me through in highschool. So you had to make it up to me…with the soft words, the gentle touches…the dream. But then I screwed up…I stopped being perfect!Emma with perfect!Jay…and suddenly we were even. And now, you think…with the arm, the shoulder, the pushing you think you owe me again. But you don't Jay. You don't owe me anything."

He moved his hand to her cheek to brush at her tears and she flinched. "Oh God, you flinched. You…I'm sorry…I'll never—I never—"

Emma grabbed his hand in her own, "You don't get it. It's not just the angry touches that hurt me, Jay. I can't even look at you without hurting anymore."

The valet pulled up with the car and Emma turned back to him again, "I'm moving out of the apartment, Jay. You should…you should call the landlord and set up a time to get your stuff out."

"Where are you going?"

"None of your fucking business," Ellie spit.

"Ellie," Emma corrected.

"Right, sorry, you're handling it."

"I'm going to the States for a while," Emma said to Jay.

"What's in the States?" Jay asked softly.

Emma didn't say anything and they all just kind of stared at eachother. Emma saw in his eyes the moment his got it, "Craig Manning," they both said in unision.

"So that's how you ended up in my flat? I always wondered why you came down alone. You lied to me so well, Hogart. You told me things were fine between you and Papa Hogart. You told me STORIES about what he was doing in Canada. You faked phone conversations! Tell me something, is he really over seas? In the Army? Are you two even MARRIED after all that?"

"You were at the wedding, Craig," Emma laughed rolling her eyes.

"Yes, but perhaps my eyes were deceiving me then."

"Nope, you became much harder to deceive when you came off the meth," Ellie shot from the backseat.

"Thanks for all the loving support, ladies."

"Anytime," Emma laughed, eyes twinkling.

"So how'd you two work it out?"

"That's…Ellie's part of the story."

"What?" Craig asked looking back at me, "You got them back together?"

"Not directly. I…you're gonna get angry. Like, unbelievably angry and she shouldn't talk about this while you're driving."

He looked back and forth between the girls then said, "When we get to the pizza shop. I want to hear the whole thing."