Chapter 7
I crawl out of bed, not really seeing, hearing, smelling anything. I can't feel my surroundings, it is just one big white blur, one big mess. This is not the feeling I had been longing for, I felt something right now, I wanted to be painless but this was the opposite.
I clutch my stomach in pain, gritting my teeth as I try to hold back the scream, but never really hearing anything come out of my mouth. I close my eyes for a moment, trying to focus on something, anything, but the pain sears through my body, causing me to fall to the ground. I cry out in pain, I think, and slowly start getting up. Blinded by a white light, I cover my eyes with my shaking hand, never seeing... never realizing..
Grabbing my phone, I dial the first number I think of. Not really knowing if she would run to my aid, do I care if she doesn't? Maybe I want this to be the end... Maybe this was the way things had to go.
"Hello? Rikki is that you?" I note the worry in her voice already and lightly shake my head, not wanting to make anything spin around anymore than it already is.
"Emma.." The words come out, stuttering, full of the pain I feel.
"Whats wrong?" I listen to the voices in the background for a moment, Cleo and Lewis. I sigh as I close my eyes,
"Help me." I whisper, my voice cracking as tears fall down my face.
"Are you at home?" I stutter a yes as I drop the phone and lay my head on the cold metal door of the bathroom, so cold...
"Rikki? Wake up!" I hear Emma, I can her her crying, with Cleo and Lewis is shouting. Is he angry at me? What did I do wrong? I shake my head for a moment and slowly open my eyes, looking at the three faces surrounding me,
"God she is so pale.. what do we do?" My eyes flash over to Cleo as she speaks, Emma grabs my hand.
"She is freezing." I don't feel freezing, I feel boiling, I need to cool down, I am so hot. Someone help me, I look away from them and I feel Lewis at my side.
"What have you taken Rikki?"
"Nuffn'" I mutter, turning my head slowly to look at him.
"Tell me now." I can hear Cleo in my bedroom, Lewis must have told her to look around.
"Dunno." I close my eyes, so tired, I just want to sleep.
"Lewis!" I hear Cleo, she is closer now, but I don't open my eyes. I hear Lewis tut,
"Cocaine? Seriously Rikki?"
"Sorry.." I whisper, trying to focus, Emma squeezes my hand.
"What else?"
"Pot." I squeeze my eyes shut, tight, never want them to open again, don't let them open again Rikki, don't let them. I tell myself over and over again, this is my time, my time to die. I am supposed to leave this way, please just let me go.
I can hear the ambulance sirens in the background, I can hear Cleo crying, Emma whispering to me, telling me how much she misses me, how she wants me to get better, Lewis shouting at me, I hear the door knock and then.... nothing.
Everything is blank, there is no life flashing before my eyes, blank... There is a huge white canvas surrounding me, suffocating me, there is no way out... no exit.
I close my eyes and wait for everything to disappear. I wait for death to come... but all that I can feel is nothing, I can see nothing, I don't feel dead though... Not yet.