Chapter 8
I woke up.. I actually woke up.
I opened my eyes... Quickly closing them again.
I really did think I was dead, for a moment, I thought it would all end. Everything would end.
But I am still alive. Still.
Alive... Using the term lightly, I don't feel alive, I feel like I should have died. And some unknown force stopped me from having what I wanted the most. What I think I want the most.
I keep my eyes closed... In hope that I don't have to open them again. Now everyone knows, everyone will hate me. I sigh, slowly opening my eyes again. I look around at the white room, pure white. Just like the blank canvas I imagined before, when I thought I was going to die. Maybe it was just hope, maybe I was never really dying. Maybe..
I look around the room once more, smiling to myself when I see nobody is here. Nobody cares. It's okay. Nobody wants to know about the druggie, I brought this on myself, I don't deserve help. Nobody cares, that's the way it should be..
~ Terry ~
I look at my fragile daughter, just laying there in the bed. Sleeping, restlessly. What happened to my little girl? Why is she doing this? I sigh as I turn around and walk out of the room, towards her best friends. The ones she has abandoned just for this new rebellion she has found herself on. These were her real friends, I don't even know the other people, they don't love her though, they ain't here.
I sit next to Lewis and put my head in my hands, "Zane dumped her?" I sigh, trying to comprehend why he would do that, he tried so hard, when he was over my house, he would look at her and I could just see how much he loved her, why would he break up with her?
"Yeah, she was really upset... That's when all of this started, kind of.."
"Kind of?"
"Well she started smoking and speaking to Avril before, we think the thing with Zane just sent her off the edge." Emma explained to me, she looked down at the floor and sighed,
"I don't know what happened to her... One day she was happy... Going over yours all the time... And then the next she was slamming doors, and shouting at me." I look at the door to her room, wondering if she was awake yet.
"I am going to go check on her.." I mutter under my breath after a few moments of silence, they nod at me as I walk into her room. Smiling at her when I see she is awake. She just nods at me though and turns away, I miss my old Rikki, where is she in all this chaos?
"What happened Rikki?"
'I don't know, why don't you tell me?" She mutters sarcastically, I sigh and then sit at the end of her bed.
"You took an overdose. I want to know why." I reach out to touch her hand but she quickly pulls it away, refusing to look at me. I look down and wait for an answer.
"I didn't do it on purpose. Okay?" She rolls her eyes and stares at the blank wall in front of her,
"Why should I believe you?"
"I don't know, I don't even care if you do or don't Terry. Just leave me alone." I nod and walk out of her room, wondering where the old Rikki ever went to, thinking about what else could have happened to make her do this, was it just curiosity? I approach a Doctor on my way out of her room and smile at him, I have to do this, I have to help her.
~ Rikki ~
"Whatever." I sigh and look at my nails, really not interested. Terry looks at me, he doesn't really care about me, he just wants to fix me. I roll my eyes at the psychologist in front of me,
"There is nothing wrong with me."
"You took an overdose, how can you say nothing is wrong with you!" Terry shouts at me, I roll my eyes again and look away from him, looking at the door.
"You know what, he just doesn't like me doing anything, he doesn't want me to have friends and he doesn't like me to be happy. I am going, I really cannot be bothered with this crap." I grab my bag next to me and walk out of there as fast as I can, ignoring my Dads, Terry's, calls behind me.
They can't help me, she admited that at the beginning, the psychologist woman, she told us she couldn't help me unless I wanted help, well guess what? Not only don't I want help, but I don't need it. I will never need it.