Ch. 9 "Habits don't develop overnight, but in your case, it seems they have."

Slight Trigger Warning: Nothing major, just be prepared to read some slight non-con (again, nothing major—I promise)

Recovering from his congenital heart condition was always quite a struggle. It always took Tony a couple of days before he truly felt like himself again. But regardless, most of the time, he had no other choice. He refused to let this disability slow him down; made it his top priority to never miss work because of this, even if it meant struggling through the bouts of numbing pain.

"Steve, at least let me pay you back." Tony pleaded as he walked out of the hospital (with some help) and into Steve's car, the following day after the incident.

"You can start by sitting down and getting some rest. Just like the doctor ordered." Steve replied, settling into his own seat.

"Steve I'm serious, there has to be something I can do, even if it's not monetary…" Tony trailed off, knowing the full-implications that his words could potentially have and deciding to stop before they got out of hand.

"Let me paint you." Steve said quietly, he looked everywhere but in Tony's general direction as his embarrassment from the request reached his cheeks.

"Paint me?" Tony asked awkwardly.

"Yes, one of those paintings could go for hundreds of thousands of dollars, much more than what your medical bill was. Even if no one buys the painting, let me paint you...this time, with your consent." Steve asked, softly pleading with Tony.

"This doesn't feel like actual pay-back, it feels more as if I constantly allowing you to do something you've been meaning, or wanting, to do for a while." Tony grumbled as they left the parking space.

"So is that a yes?" Steve asked tentatively. Tony had to make up his mind quickly, since they were fast-approaching his home.

"I suppose, just as long as it's not one of those Greek paintings." Tony warned.

"I don't quite understand what you mean?" Steve asked, laughing nervously.

"Well… you know, those Greek paintings where all the people are either naked or semi-nude." Tony reminded, feeling stupid now for even mentioning it.

"No, nothing like that. Just a simple portrait." Steve promised.

ooOOoo

"I don't understand how those people could just sit there, immobile, for what feels like an eternity." Tony complained, he had been in the same position for the past three hours and both his back and neck were starting to ache. He was simply sitting there, in quite a lavish chair, but Steve would have a habit of reprimanding him if he moved so much as a muscle out of place.

"Those individuals exercised great patience and dignity when they were being painted. Just be glad I'm not asking you to stand." Steve said. He got quite bossy when he was painting; all work and no play, which gave Tony yet another insight into the blonde's persona.

"How much longer then?" Tony asked.

"Just a couple more minutes, I promise I'll be done soon." Steve said. "You know, for someone who's never done this before, you're quite good at it. Albeit with all the complaining." Steve continued as he finished the last couple of rough strokes.

"There, the painting is far from over, but you can get up now." Steve said, granting Tony the much needed freedom from the confines of the chair.

"May I see?" Tony asked, sauntering over slowly as he stretched out his limbs into the sky.

"Sure." Steve said, taking a step back to let Tony admire his work.

"You never cease to amaze me, this is great. You make me look superhuman, almost." Tony said, yelping in surprise when Steve wrapped his large arms around his waist.

"Won't you stay tonight?" Steve asked.

"Those paint fumes must be going to your head, are you serious?" Tony asked, skeptically. He turned his head to the side to get a better look at Steve's face.

"I'm completely serious. I feel like so much more could be accomplished if you stayed here." Steve quietly urged.

"Like what, why do I feel as if you're much more dubious than you let on?" Tony asked, smiling slightly in Steve's direction.

The blonde didn't answer, but rather, dipped his head to meet Tony's and placed a gentle kiss on his slightly-parted lips.

"Stay?" Steve pleaded softly, his bright baby-blues melting Tony's resolve like butter on a hot day.

"We have work tomorrow, I don't even have a change of clothes..." Tony said, bringing up excuses to get himself out of this situation.

"All that can be remedied, I have extra sets of clothing you can wear for the time being." Steve said, slowly turning the brunette around so he was facing Steve the entire way.

"What would I tell Clint?" Tony said as a last ditch effort to not be fully influenced by Steve's persuasive aura.

"He's not your guardian, plus, he'll see us tomorrow—he can put two and two together." Steve said, slowly dragging Tony out of the bright light and into the dark of the hallway.

"Clint has quite an overactive mind, I don't want him thinking things he shouldn't." Tony said, grasping at straws trying to find any excuse not to cave.

"And if he were to come up with something, what's the harm in that?" Steve rebutted. He took one good look at Tony and then sighed, letting go of his waist and taking a couple of steps back.

"I won't force you Tony, if you don't want to stay, you don't have to. I'm glad you came today though, it's always brighter when I have you near me." Steve confessed, giving Tony his space and his ultimatum.

"Uh-uh, you can't do that." Tony said pointing his finger and shaking his head.

"Do what exactly?" Steve asked, a small, mischievous smile encapsulating his features.

"You know what I'm talking about, telling me I can go, but guilt-tripping me into staying, it's starting to become a habit of yours." Tony said, willing Steve to disagree.

"Is it working?" Steve asked, always one to admit when he's defeated.

"Slightly… you jackass." Tony retorted, crossing his arms and sighing.

"So will you stay, I have all the commodities of your home: a bathroom, a bedroom, food, light. It's not that different you know." Steve asked, stepping close to Tony's frame and placing his hands on the brunette's shoulders.

"It's not that I'm not willing to stay because you lack resources… it simply is… I kinda' feel like we're moving just a tad bit fast." Tony admitted.

"We wouldn't do anything, I wasn't planning on doing anything. It's just that I want to make sure that you're safe and healthy as you recover." Steve confessed, hoping his words would penetrate Tony's steely resolve. He really truly wasn't planning anything dubious or outright obscene for them to do, he just wanted Tony near, even if it was in the same room, or if it was in the next room over.

"I've done this before Steve, it's not a foreign experience." Tony insisted, his fear for letting people help rising slowly from the depths of his mind.

"Why won't you let me help you? What is so frightening about the idea that I just want to keep you safe? What do I have to do to get you to trust me?" Steve asked, getting closer to the crux of the matter without even knowing it.

"It's difficult for me to believe that people simply do things out of the kindness of their hearts." Tony said, walking towards the living room and sitting on the sofa.

"I… I'm sorry." Steve said, defaulting to this response that's been ingrained into his brain since he was young.

"It's not your fault… it was his." Tony said, a slight shiver of disgust coursing up and down his back at random intervals.

"His…"

"You ask why it's so difficult for me to trust in you, to trust in anyone really. I'll tell you, but you have to die with this—you can't tell anyone." Tony cautioned, looking as serious as he could in their current situation. The bright fire that Steve had started when they had arrived, still burned brightly, casting long and dark shadows of the two bodies and other inanimate objects. It really set the tone for the rest of the story.

"I promise, if it's the last thing I do." Steve said, knowing this was the first step into learning more about Tony, learning something personal and probably traumatic. He knew that with this secret he'd be able to start a relationship on a sturdy and safe foundation, one that could withstand the demons of that past and the ghosts of the future. At least, he hoped it would.

Tony looked at Steve one final time, he still wasn't quite sure why he was telling him this. Maybe it was because they had spent all of yesterday talking about themselves, maybe it was because for the longest time he hadn't opened up to anyone, never allowed himself to explore his feelings beyond a glance, because the last time it had happened…

"I was ten and in school when one of the male teachers took an interest in me…" Tony stopped there, turning back around so he was fully facing the fire—he couldn't stand to look at Steve now, it would taint their relationship if he started to associate this story with Steve's face.

"He was younger than the other male professors, intelligent as well. He was our mathematics professor and he's one of the reason's I'm so good with numbers, even though you probably have never noticed that." Tony said, looking down at his hands and finding out that they were shaking. He clasped them in order to get them to stop, but he could still feel their slight tremors.

"It started out with small things, favors, light touches on my shoulder or my lap. I was the son of a poor, lower-class citizen—my father didn't have neither the time nor the money to pay attention to me. I… I guess I was selfish then too, I was happy someone (especially a male) was taking an interest in finding out more about me." Tony said, feeling disgusting for admitting this weakness.

"This was also the time I was starting to find out that I was much more different than the other boys… he was someone I could talk to, someone who would listen and not judge. I was so stupid, I was so—I don't know, I was so wrapped up in all that he was doing for me that I seemed to fall right into his hands." Tony stopped again and took a deep breath, he wanted to look at Steve, but he was scared, scared to find revulsion in his blue eyes, or disappointment. He couldn't live with himself if he saw those things in them. He wouldn't be able to finish.

"It was late one evening, he had asked me to stay and help him clean up the classroom. I was so happy to oblige, to do anything for him. He was the only friend I had, Clint was still too young to interact with at the time… I knew something was off that day when he started approaching me, touching me constantly. I didn't want it, I didn't he just—

"Tony, you don't have to continue." Steve whispered, his voice had wavered a bit as he said that. Tony turned his head, then, to find that Steve had been weeping silently.

"He didn't do it, he didn't do anything. He got close, he'd pushed himself against me, started taking my clothes off, but something must have wilted his resolve, something must have made him stop what he was doing. He let me go then and I ran as fast as my heart would let me." Tony reassured quickly, his entire body shaking as he recalled the amount of panicked adrenaline that had coursed through his veins at the time. "He wasn't there the next day, or the next week for that matter. I never found out if he had left, died, or killed himself… I never told the police, same as you, I didn't think they would believe me." Tony finished, hanging his head low.

"It's a good thing he's gone…" Steve grumbled with murderous intent.

"Steve, it's over now… nothing happened, nothing major anyways." Tony said, trying to calm the blonde down.

"It still doesn't excuse what he did! He violated you, took advantage of your trust!" Steve erupted, his voice filling with emotion as his brain tried to make sense of how such low pieces of shit like that could call themselves human.

Tony remained silent. He couldn't say much, he'd told Steve something he'd never dared tell anyone else. He still didn't know how he felt about that, but it did seem like a large weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I understand now." Steve said, a bit calmer this time.

Tony looked up, he was torn between regret and adoration. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to remain just friends… what, with me being more of a handful than you probably imagined." The brunette said, waiting for Steve's confirmation.

"Are you insane? Tony, I would never leave you. What you just told me makes me want to wrap you in my arms and never let you go, not until I'm sure that any ugly memories of the past have been dealt with." Steve said, he stood up just to get on his knees and waddle closer to Tony.

He was now facing the brunette, making sure he retained eye contact.

"I think I may have fallen in love with you." Steve whispered, his voice and eyes sincere as they looked on into Tony's brown ones. "I've fallen and I can't seem to get up. Call it hasty, call it rushed, but I know that people don't normally feel this strongly about someone unless it's hatred or love." Steve said, baring his soul for Tony to mold into what he saw fit.

"Are you sure it isn't lust?" Tony cautioned, taken a bit by surprise at Steve's constant display of affection.

"I've never been with anyone so I really wouldn't know, but I do know that in this moment all I want to do is spend the rest of my time with you. Even if it means never getting past a kiss." Steve replied, truly believing every word he said.

"You're a madman! That sounds like a miserable experience! I'd go insane if all we ever did was kiss." Tony said, smiling for the first time since the story.

Steve chuckled then, shaking his head. "Then call me crazy, because I'm serious. I won't push you Tony, never again. I'm not him." Steve said, making sure Tony absorbed every word.

"Thank God for that, I don't know what I'd do if you were." Tony said, relieved. "I'll stay, if you still want me to." Tony said, thinking it over. He'd asked Steve to prove to him that he could trust him, Tony would have to give him the chance to first.

"You don't have to." Steve said as sincerely as he could, even though deep down inside, he was elated at the idea of keeping Tony to himself for a couple more hours.

"I don't, but I want to. But first…" Tony trailed off, looking down at his stomach and then at Steve.

"Yes?" Steve asked, not quite understanding.

"I need some food, you've been keeping me hostage for the past two days and you haven't fed me anything since we left the hospital. I'm starving." Tony clarified.

"Sorry." Steve apologized, his cheeks reddening a bit as he stood back up and lead Tony into the kitchen.

He was able to quickly reproduce some food that would tie them over until tomorrow morning.

"I think I'll take a shower first and let you get comfortable with the surroundings. Here's my bedroom and through there, the bathroom." Steve said, pointing as they went around the back of the kitchen to another flight of stairs that led to Steve's room.

"You're really secluded from the rest of the house, aren't you?" Tony admired as he took in Steve's large room.

"I liked to be alone from time to time, we had the space, and my mother didn't really see the harm in that." Steve said, slowly stripping from his shirt and shoes. There was something else he wasn't admitting, but he didn't think it was apropos with everything they had been through already.

By the time he was unbuckling his belt he realized Tony was staring.

"Sorry, force of habit. I'll just change in the bathroom—

"Has anyone ever told you your body should be illegal?" Tony asked, perplexed on how such a muscular body could exists in such pristine condition, almost flawless in its nature.

"No." Steve said, properly blushing at the… he really wanted to call it a compliment, but he wasn't quite sure if it was.

"Well, let me be the first, your body should be illegal." Tony said, and with that, he simply turned around and sat into one of the nearby chairs, picking up a book that had been sitting on the table.

"Thanks, I suppose, I'm gonna take a shower." Steve said, stepping into the bathroom and allowing the stress of the two days to melt under the steam and hot liquid.

"How did you sleep?" Steve asked silently as the first tendrils of daylight shone through the slight spaces of his curtains. He had been awake for some time so he was quite aware when Tony had fallen asleep. It had been a bit of an ordeal to get the brunette in the same bed as him, he'd promised he wouldn't push but he couldn't keep himself restrained enough to not ask Tony to "sleep with him." In retrospect he probably should have given the man his space, but it was the next morning and Tony hadn't left. Do with that what you will.

"Hm, what time is it?" Tony mumbled instead, pushing himself deeper into the warmth that was Steve's body. He was currently facing the other with the blonde's arms wrapped snuggly around his middle. Tony was comfortable, he wasn't gonna lie, but he wouldn't give Steve the satisfaction of knowing that, at least not yet.

"Let's see—Steve turned his head to look over at his alarm clock—it's just past six, we have about forty-five minutes before we have to leave." Steve replied, giving no indication that he was getting up anytime soon.

"I've never slept on such a soft bed before." Tony admitted, tracing the pattern on the duvet.

Steve didn't know how to reply, he could only imagine the life that Tony had lived when he was growing up. He'd be lying if he said he understood.

"It's different, not waking up and hearing the annoying squeak of the springs, or the shrill ring of the alarm." Tony continued, he tried not to imagine what his life would be like if he'd never had to work a day in his life, if everything had been handed to him on a literal silver platter.

"I don't normally set my alarm, I've got quite a solid internal clock and it hasn't let me down yet." Steve said.

"That's nice; I sometimes have trouble falling asleep, other times it's staying asleep." Tony wouldn't mention how it had been different this time, he didn't need to give Steve anymore cannon fodder.

They stayed quiet for a little bit more. It wasn't until the sun rose all the way that they both decided it was time to get up.

Clint had been worried the entire night that Tony had been absent from their apartment; he had returned to the hospital the same night but his brother had been knocked out. Steve told him that Tony had woken up and was overall okay; it was abundantly clear that he wasn't going to budge from Tony's side unless he absolutely had to.

"Well, if you have him, I'll go." Clint said, waving goodbye to his sleeping brother and his partner (was that too strong of a word?).

He would have gone to the bar, or to the club, had he been up for it. Every time Tony had one of his episodes, it was always a step closer to his death. Clint had never really known his own parents, Howard and Tony were the only family he ever truly had. When Howard died, Tony was the only person he knew. He had friends—he was actually quite popular at the factory—but they weren't Tony.

So he went home and decided to call it an early night.

He went to visit the hospital on his lunch break but the cute nurse had told him that Steve and Tony had left hospital about an hour ago.

He didn't think much of it at the time; Tony was a big boy, he could take care of himself. But that night, as he waited in his room for his brother to return, he began to worry. It became really bad around midnight when he realized that if anything happened to Tony, he wouldn't be able to reach him in time.

It took everything it had in him not to run to the police and report his brother as missing.

That morning he left the house an hour early, almost running to work, hoping that there was some sign (any sign) of Steve and Tony. But he had gotten there early for naught, they weren't there. So he waited, patiently for his brother to return.

When he saw the brunette finally enter the doors to the factory all his worry from yesterday and the day before culminated and he probably reacted a bit more irrationally than he should have.

"Stark, where the hell were you last night?!" Clint asked, looking between the two for an explanation.

"I… Clint, are you okay?" Tony asked, never before seeing his brother so angry before. Clint was normally quite civil, if not a complete asshole, but he was never outright serious, let alone angry.

"I was waiting all of yesterday for you to show up, I almost filed a missing-persons report! Why didn't you tell me you wouldn't be home?" Clint asked.

"Hold on, last time I checked, I could take care of myself." Tony reminded Clint.

"There you go again, this isn't about your self-esteem issues Tony, this is about telling your brother where you would be before you left me to assume the worst." Clint retorted, getting hot in the face. He was always so sick of Tony twisting everything to be about himself and his fragile ego.

"Wait, Clint, it was my fault—I forgot to tell you that I had plans to take Tony over to my place." Steve said, trying desperately to dissuade the oncoming argument. He could see people starting to gather around them, wondering what all the fuss was about.

"No, Steve, you don't have to apologize to him. He's not my fucking babysitter." Tony said, walking away from Clint and terminating the argument.

"Fine! But the next time you collapse from carrying the groceries up the stairs, don't expect me to be there and help you!" Clint exclaimed to Tony's retreating back. It was a cowards excuse and he probably should have kept his mouth shut, but at the moment, he couldn't wrap his mind around rationality, so he drew inspiration from emotion instead and said the first thing that came to mind. He'd apologize later… at least he thinks he will.

"Tony, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean… I didn't mean for you to get into a fight with your brother." Steve apologized as they walked over to the clock-in area. That had been an unexpected turn of events and he was quite certain that part of it was his fault.

"Screw him, he's an asshole anyways. What, does he think he's the only one entitled to leave the house for extended periods of time?" Tony asked, rhetorically. He was fuming from the last jibe, he hated to seem weak to his co-workers, and especially to Steve. He knew his limitations, besides, that incident had only happened once… or three times.

"Tony, I think he was just worried." Steve said, trying to smother the angry flames that had burst out of nowhere.

"I'm not made out of porcelain or-or glass for that matter. I can take care of myself." Tony said, rubbing his chest, a cruel reminder of his ailment.

"No one is questioning that, but Tony—Steve turned the shorter man around to face him—you're hubris will be your downfall."

"Are you saying I can't be trusted with my own well-being?" Tony asked icily, a sudden shift of emotions from the burning rage from before.

"No! But sometimes, even you, have to learn when to admit defeat. He wasn't trying to humiliate you back there, he was just worried." Steve said, emphasizing the word.

"Would you have reacted the same?" Tony asked seriously.

"Worse. I can't stand the idea of you being in danger or hurt." Steve said, a bit more hushed since they were in a public place.

"I guess I can't fault him then." Tony said, looking down at his balled fists. He took a deep breath and let the tension go. He wasn't ready to see Clint yet, but at the very least he wasn't angry anymore.

ooOOoo

"It was nice having you over for the night, Tony." Steve said, sighing forlornly as he held one of Tony's hands on the drive home. He was so giddy with this newfound love that everything else, even the ugliness from this morning, seemed to fade away when they were alone together. But he was also cognizant of the fact that it couldn't always be that way, that one day they'd be separated for reasons beyond their control, he just hoped they be able to get back to each other when that happened.

"Like you always say, it doesn't have to end." The brunette said, catching wind of what Steve was actually trying to say.

"Really?" Steve asked skeptically, looking over to his right for a second.

"What can I say, your bed was comfortable." Tony said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm going to have to go back to my apartment though. If it's alright with you, I'd rather not have to wear your clothes from five years ago." Tony said, knowingly or unknowingly giving Steve a bone.

As they pulled up to the apartment, Steve stopped Tony before he exited the vehicle.

"You don't have to do this." Steve reminded him.

"You sound like a broken record Steve, keep talking like that and I'll assume you don't want me to stay." Tony challenged, looking at the blonde pointedly.

"You know I want you to." Steve said, almost a pained expression on his face at the thought of leaving Tony behind.

"Then let me go." Tony said, looking at his arm.

"That's impossible, but I know what you mean." Steve said, chuckling to himself.

ooOOoo

"So you actually showed." Clint said, his hands crossed across his chest as he looked Tony up and down.

"Yeah, but not for long." Tony replied, picking up one of his travelling bags (it wasn't much really, just an old duffle bag) and placing articles of clothing and other items within its confines.

"Tony…" Clint trailed off, losing his courage to actually tell Tony what he wanted to.

"Yes?" The brunette stopped his hasty packing and stood up to listen to his brother.

"I… I'm really sorry about today. I never should have said the things I said like that. I was just worried, we've been together since I was a baby; I mean, you practically raised me! I just… you don't leave the house unless I force you so I just found it odd that you weren't here last night. That's all." Clint said, he'd had the whole day to think his words over and he had come to the conclusion that he had been kind of a little twat.

Tony took a second to think of his reply. This had been their first argument in what seemed like forever, he really didn't know how to respond to that.

"I forgive you, asshole or not you're still my brother. Nothing will ever change that." Tony said, as sincerely as he could.

Clint shook his head but knew that all would be okay between the two of them. "So… you're staying over at his house already. How's that working out for ya'?" Clint teased, and just like that, they were back to their regularly scheduled bullshit.

A/N: Hopefully the trigger warning was enough, now we know why Tony is so reluctant to let Steve in, hopefully the blonde can fix it before long.