Chapter 21
"Oh Rikki, Rikki, Rikki..." I roll my eyes at the woman in front of me as I get up of my seat and walk over to the other side of the room, looking out of the large window.
"What?" I mutter under my breath, turning around to stare at her.
"You think you have it all figured out, don't you?"
"Obviously." I roll my eyes, and turn away again. Counting the minutes until I can get out of here, waiting for the bell to ring to signal my next class. I hated this hour with her, she never shut up, she wanted to cure me, fix me, she wanted me to be someone else. Someone I couldn't be at the moment. I didn't want to be right now. I couldn't be the old Rikki everyone seemed to love so much, I don't know where she is. I don't know who she is anymore. I have to find her again, I have to be her again, but I have lost her on my way.
I have lost everything I was and now I can't fix it anymore. Jayne, the stupid shrink here, she thinks she can help me, but how can she help me, if I am not ready to help myself?
Don't they say you can't help anyone, until they want help themselves? You can't help people who won't help themselves, right?
"You think you know the best ways to get out of this place, that is why you don't say anything to anyone, you don't do anything that we could deem bad."
"I don't know what you're on about."
"What if I told you the best way to get out of here, what if I told you that the best way to get out of here, one of the only ways you're going to get out of here, is to find yourself?"
"Wow! That was deep." I sighed and folded my arms over my chest, I couldn't take much more of her crap, I don't care about finding myself, I only care about going home. I don't care much about anything else.
I run to my bag on the chair as soon as the bell goes, grinning to myself as I run out of the room.
"My God that dragged." I roll my eyes and shake my head as I run past Gemma, grabbing her arm on the way out of the school doors. I look around quickly, and take her around behind a tree,
"She was going on about finding myself or something." I giggle as we both sit down and look out beyond the large gates surrounding the whole building.
"We will be out of here one day Gemma, and I don't know.. I will make sure you're okay. You can come and live with me or something... Yes!" I grin to myself and grab her hand,
"There is enough room in my bedroom for another bed, it would be amazing.. And you could go to my school."
"Rikki..."
"And then you could meet my best friends, and you could come to JuiceNet with us, that's a juice bar by the way and of course Mako Island..." I just carry on, no regard for Gemma, I am in my own little world, a perfect world, where everything works out for the better. Even though it may not be that way in real life.
"Rikki come on." She looks down at her hands, I finally stop talking, noticing the sudden change in her mood.
"What? You don't want to?" I wrinkle my nose, looking at her,
"No, it's just.. That's all your life, not mine."
"Well I think that maybe it could be your life, anything has to be better than this... back and forth this place and the camp. Do you want to carry on living like that?"
"No, but I have nowhere else to go Rikki, you know that. I can't go home, I am not wanted home, can't you see that? I can't go to your home, because it's not me. I can't invade on your life, I would only end up hurting you." I sigh and shake my head,
"You're one of my best friends, you couldn't hurt me." I grab her hand and squeeze it, smiling at her.
"It'll all be okay."
"We need to get to class, we will have to use the toilet excuse again." I roll my eyes,
"Damn we ain't going to get away with that one for much longer."
"I am sure you could think of something else when it expires." I laugh as I get up and grab my bag,
"Come on then... Science." I roll my eyes, this place is worse than school and I thought school was bad.
--
"Rikki?" Gemma whispers to me, I look at her, rubbing my eyes. It's 2am in the morning, everyone else is asleep in our dormitory.
"What?" I whisper back, laying back down and looking at her, she is on the bed on the side of me, not so far away.
"I can't sleep." She mutters, playing with her hands,
"Sorry for waking you."
"Don't worry about it, you want to talk?" She nods and I get out of bed,sitting on the end of hers.
"I am always here, you don't have to worry about that."
"Thank you so much."
"No problem, what is it?"
"I, keep having dreams... nightmares. I can't think of anything else Rikki, every time I close my eyes I see him, I dream about the time I told Dad, when he told me I was lying. I can't think about anything else. How am I supposed to get over this if I can't think about anything other than that? What am I supposed to do?" I grab her hand, and wipe away the tears from her face, glad that tears don't turn me into a mermaid, I didn't want to go through that with someone. Not now. Not when there are bigger things to worry about, like my best friend suffering at the hands of someone I don't even know. He causes her pain everyday, and she won't tell anyone, she can't move on from anything... She thinks everyone will think she is lying. She don't want to go through all that again, not like she did with her Dad. I sigh and shake my head,
"It's going to get easier, I promise you, it won't be this bad forever. You'll be okay soon, I will make sure of it. But you have to tell someone." She sniffs and wipes away a tear with her spare hand – the one I am not holding – and then lets it drop down next to her.
"I know I should but it's so hard, I can't help but think I will be accused of lying again. I can't go through that again, please Rikki." She starts to sob as her body shakes from all the tears, I shake my head and put my arm around her,
"It'll be okay, I promise you, I won't make you tell anyone, I won't. Not yet, not until you're ready." I whisper to her, as I rub her back.
"Thank you so much Rikki, I am so glad I met you." I laugh a little
"Shame about the conditions we met on though." I grin at her, winking as I pull back and then move over towards my own bed,
"Night Rikki."
"Night." I close my eyes and think about being a mermaid again, I don't remember what it was like to be able to swim with Emma and Cleo, I remember it of course, but I have nothing more than memories of those moments. I only feel the loneliness I felt when I was a mermaid now, I don't feel like I have ever had anyone to share my secret with. I don't remember what it must have been like. I want to go back to it so badly, I need them again. I need that life, that feeling. I can't live like this much longer. Waiting for my next hit, I won't do it again.