"Look at me." I watch Jayne as she walks over to me, turning my head to look at her, I don't move though. I don't even flinch away from her cold touch. She gets down to my level and shakes her head,

"Don't you dare blame yourself." I don't say or do anything, I just stare ahead, never really listening, never really seeing, never caring. For I know that it is my fault, that dream I had.. Blood on my hands.. Lady Macbeth... I was never going to be able to move on from this. I wasn't going to forget Gemma and I wasn't going to obliterate that guilty feeling.

"Gemma was in a lot of pain and she felt like this was the only way out." I nod and she seems surprised by my first reaction at all towards the death. I look at her then,

"Let me go home." I whisper,

"Not yet, you're not ready."

"I am never going to be ready, please there are too many memories here." I look around slowly and then back at her, she can see the pleading, the desperation in my eyes. But I see the stubbornness and the distrust in hers. She won't let me go home, not until she is ready to accept the fact that I am not going to try anything, I am not going to go back to the way my life was before, I am not going to do everything like I did before. I owe it to Gemma to get over this, it's the least I can do. I sigh and then get up off my seat, finally easing myself out of the shock that inevitably took over my life since Gemma's death a week ago.

"I am sorry Rikki, not yet."

"When then?" I look out of the window and walk as far away from her as possible, afraid I am going to lose my temper as my fist clenches. I close my eyes and think of my happy place for a moment, Mako Island is the first place that comes to mind. The MoonPool, so beautiful and peaceful, non judgemental like everyone else here.

"I don't know when Rikki, as soon as I feel you're ready."

"I am ready, I promise you. I can't stay here anymore."

"I really am sorry." She shakes her head as she sits down behind her desk, looking through some papers. I sigh loudly and then run my fingers through my hair,

"Look, Gemma had real problems, major problems that she couldn't escape from. But I... my problems aren't like hers, I made them for myself, I can break away from my... predicament.. and I can move on with my life. She is never going to be able to do that, but I want to do this for me and for her. I was being so selfish, making issues out of stuff that wasn't even there, wasn't even important." I pause for a moment to think,

"I really did think I had problems but I never did. I only thought I did, does that make me a bad person?" I wrinkle my nose at her and she shakes her head,

"It doesn't make you a bad person Rikki, there are obviously some issues you haven't addressed though. That sort of behavior doesn't start for no partiular reason. I know that Gemma and many others here, may have severe issues that they need to think about and adress but that doesn't make them better or worse than you. Gemma killed herself, it wasn't the best option but.." I look at her and she pauses,

"She thought it was the best option, okay? She did what she thought best for her. She couldn't handle being in and out of this place for the rest of her life. You were killing her and so was her Dad, if he had only believed her then none of this would have happened. She would still be that happy girl she was before and she would be alive." I sigh and look away from her,

"She wanted to die, she always wanted to die after he told her she was a liar. She never thought about anything else, and with every failed attempt... She died a little more and it carried on and one day she did it, and I understand now that it wasn't my fault. If I hadn't have been here, she may have done it sooner. Just don't talk about Gemma, you have no right." I snarl at her as I turn around to face her. She looks shocked and hurt but I don't care, Gemma tried to tell her how she felt but she would never listen because she always thinks she is right. Well sorry Jayne, but for once you're wrong.

"I think I am ready to go home now."

"And I don't think you are."

"Just listen to me, please... Gemma is happier now, I hope.. She didn't have faith and she didn't have a home to go to. But I do, please let me go." I watch as she shakes her head and I lower my head in defeat, not uttering another word as I grab my bag and get out of there.

That night I pack my bag as quickly as I can, taking everything this time. I wasn't planning on being caught and I wasn't planning on coming back. I was going to be okay, I was ready and even if Jayne couldn't see that, my Dad would. And if he didn't... Zane, Emma, Cleo or Lewis would.

Someone would see.

Someone had to realize how far I had come.

I knew it.