Pairings: HP/DM SS/RL NL/BZ RW/HG PP?

Rating: R, drama, angst and sap. Post Hogwarts

Warnings: R, bad language. All flames will be made fun of! THIS IS SLASH! How many times will I have to say that for you homophobic guys understand that you shouldn't be reading these kind of fics I don't know… But you have been warned so I again tell you… All flames will be made fun of!

AN: This is not the first Harry Potter fic I've written, but the first I've ever published.

Disclaimer: I asked Dumbledore to magically give me the rights over Harry potter and crew, so nowhe has been arrested for plagiarism and fraud! Now I own nothing but the story T.T

Getting you back.

By Black Komagoro

He was eating his nails; he hated that and always had to hit Charlie on his hands when he did it. But now it was him who was doing it, and he couldn't care less. Harry was just too nervous to care, his friend had contacted him a few hours ago and said Neville would be expecting him at 5 p.m. Charlie told him to go to the burrow first, and that he could go flying from there. He was worried he would have to face Ron, but Charlie told him they wouldn't be there, but that he would have to face them at the end.

Ron's going to kill me, no he'll hex me, kick me, punch me and then he'll kill me. I shouldn't have gone for so long. I should have written, tell him that I needed to be alone but that I was ok… Yes, Dumbledore probably told them, but I know it's not the same.

He looked at his clock, it was 4 o' clock he sighed took a handful of floo powder and left to the burrow, his broom in hand and his heart in his throat. He arrived at Ron's house just in time for Charlie to offer him a butterbeer and something to eat.

"I don't think I can eat anything… I feel sick actually"

Charlie only laughed and forced the drink into Harry's hand.

"Drink something at least… You shouldn't be so nervous Harry. I'm sure everything will be just fine"

Harry drank slowly and his hands were shaking, he glared at his friend and snorted.

"Yeah right, I'll enter a house with three Slytherins, two of which probably want me dead for what I did. And even if I come back from there alive, Ron will kill me for not contacting him…"

"I don't think those Slytherins will kill you, they need you after all… Now Ron…"

He looked at Harry and smiled with a silly face.

"If he kills you, could I keep your place and you broom?"

Harry threw him one of the cushions from the couch directly at his head.

"Just my place, I already told Ron the broom would be his if something happened to me"

Even though he said it as a joke, Charlie knew there was some truth behind those words. Ron and Harry had talked before the war started and Harry had told him, that if he didn't make it, he wanted him to take care of his broom and his father's cloak.

"I think you should be going Harry, the trip takes half an hour at full speed, and you only have forty five minutes left. I don't want you flying to fast, it could be dangerous"

Harry smiled and embraced Charlie tightly.

"Thank you Charlie… I wouldn't have survived if you hadn't been there"

"It's ok Harry, you saved us all without asking for anything in exchange. You deserve to be happy"

He smiled and let go of his friend, and guided him out of the house.

"I'll be in contact, tell Ron I'm sorry and that I will come back as soon as I can so he can kick my sorry arse"

"I'll have some healing potions ready for then... Don't worry"

They laughed lightly, a bit sad to say to good bye. Harry took his invisibility cloak and put it around his shoulders; he couldn't risk muggles spotting him by accident. Before mounting his broom he took the front of Charlie's robes and brought him close, kissing him softly and embracing him for the last time.

"I'll miss you, my friend… Be careful and don't let Norbert eat too much, he'll get too fat to fly"

Charlie smiled, he would miss him but he knew Harry's heart was never his. He always knew someday Harry would leave him, but that didn't make it less painful.

I'll find someone to love too Harry… Someone who'll love me the same way you love Draco.

"I will, don't worry... now go, and please tell me how's everything going ok?"

Harry mounted his broom and turned to look at him.

"I'll write or call as soon as I know everything… Bye, Charles… Take care"

He kicked the ground and elevated rapidly, waved his hand one last time and left flaying very fast.

"Good luck Harry… And be happy"

Charlie entered the house and sat on the couch drinking the half bottle of butterbeer Harry had left. A small tear rolled down his cheek, at the end he couldn't keep his word, he had fell in love with him.

Harry was flying at top speed now, that way he kept his mind focused on what he was doing and not on what was expecting him at Malfoy Manor. He knew Pansy would be more than angry with him, she had told him to talk with him; she had gone and declared her love for him just to say she knew how he felt and that he should talk with him. Harry didn't and till two days ago lived with the regret of not doing it, with the pain of knowing that he could have saved his life.

He just kept flying, focusing on the speed, the height and to avoid muggles. The wind on his face was not helping but he didn't care, he knew he should be close already and the only thing in his mind was to get there as soon as possible. After another ten minutes flying over green forests he finally saw the form of the manor.

Good lord, that's huge! They must feel quite lonely there. I mean, is so big, it would be like living in a quidditch pitch. It's big yes, but so empty.

He finally reached the grounds of the immense house and landed softly on the front yard, took off his cloak and folded it. He walked to the door and knocked hard on the great oak doors, and waited. Now that he was back on the ground his mind started flying again with all the possible reactions they would have. Yes, Charlie had told them, but it was not the same.

Pansy's going to kill me, revive me, and kill me again.

Harry looked up startled when he heard the doors being opened. His hands were trembling and his throat had gone dry in just a second. When the door was finally open he was presented with the grown form of his old housemate, Neville Longbottom. He was taller than himself, thinner and obviously had done something to his teeth.

Merlin! Who would have thought Neville could get this hot.

"Stop looking at my boyfriend and future husband or I'll hex your balls off Potter"

He looked past his old friend and saw none other than Blaise Zabini; Harry blinked and then turned to look at Neville again. The herbologist couldn't stop himself and started laughing.

"I wish I had a camera right now Harry… That face is priceless"

"I can bring you one Nev, I don't think hell react anytime soon"

Harry was about to say something, but what he had been thinking it would happen, happened. He felt his face sting with the strength of the slap, his cheek was deep red and it hurt like hell.

"Pansy…"

"Don't you Pansy me! You fucking bastard!"

She slapped him on his other cheek, at least now he was even.

"Pansy, dear… I think he already got it… You're angry"

Pansy turned around to look at Blaise, he whimpered and hid behind Neville. Harry, with both hands over his face couldn't help the smile that got to his lips.

"Still scary I see… Pansy, I came to talk, I owe you all an explanation but I would prefer if I could get inside"

His saddened eyes looked at the angered woman in front of him; Pansy growled but took him by the front of his robes and hauled him inside the house, not very gently. Harry freed his robes from her grasp and regained his posture, left the broom leaning against the wall and shrank his cloak to put it inside his pocket. Pansy huffed but didn't try to force him again, she only started walking towards a door followed by Neville Blaise and Harry.

She's furious and I can't blame her for it.

They entered a small room, or at least small for that manor, it was a bit bigger than the Dursley's living room. It had a fireplace and two leather couches facing each other. There was a crystal coffee table between both couches and a small bar. The walls were covered in a light blue satin and from the high ceiling hang a beautiful lamp, very old and valuable for what it seemed.

"Sit down Potter…"

Harry sat and soon was followed by the other three, Pansy in front of him and Neville and Blaise at his sides. He felt quite trapped actually; if they thought he would try to escape they were highly mistaken.

"Pansy, please… Don't be so hard with me… I know I fucked it up. But I really didn't know he was alive… I saw him die"

She raised an eyebrow, as well as the two at his sides.

"Potter, how could have you seen him die… He wasn't even near you!"

Neville and Blaise knew they shouldn't interrupt this talk, Pansy and Harry had something in common, and that thing was Draco.

"Pansy… Just hear me out ok? Do not say a thing till I'm finished… please"

She snorted but nodded just the same.

"Thank you"

Harry cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"After you left towards the forbidden forest, Voldemort appeared. He was throwing curse after curse against me, but giving the fact that our wands were brothers the magic nullified each other… All I could do was keep him at bay, but I knew he would finally get at me"

He rested his arms over his legs and crossed his fingers.

"I needed a diversion, someone who distracted him long enough for me to fire a spell before he countered… I looked everywhere while still firing towards him. It was then that I noticed him, he was at the other side of the castle, near the small forest…"

Harry closed his eyes, it always had been very hard for him to remember that moment.

"I couldn't see him completely, but I knew it was Draco… He was fighting someone else, after a spell struck his rival the mask and cape fell… He was fighting his own father, Lucius was trying to kill his own son… I was looking between them and Voldemort… It was so fast, I just saw the green light and Draco's body on the ground. Lucius was standing in front of him, his wand still pointing his son…"

Even though he was trying, he couldn't stop his tears.

"I closed my eyes after that, but the image wouldn't leave my mind. I felt pain, sorrow and that they had taken part of my soul with his death. I looked at Voldemort… And all the pain I felt for those he had killed, those I had already lost because of him… My parents, Sirius… A lot of my friends, and finally Draco… All that pain became rage and that rage ignited something within me…"

He raised his head to look at a very shocked Pansy, she was crying freely and Neville and Blaise had moved to her side. He understood, he had been there already, more times than he wanted to admit.

"I think it was instinctive, my magic got stronger, much more powerful than Voldemort's… I didn't need my wand and I knew it… I just extended my hand towards him and fired… I gave him all I had, it was the first and last time I used that curse… I killed him with the same curse he killed my parents… I don't want to feel that pain again, I don't want to feel how the dark magic feels when you use it"

He dried his tears with the sleeve of his sweater, sighed and continued.

"I saw his body fall and then become dust. I burned the remains, just to be sure… All that was left of him were ashes… The use of that curse and with wandless magic left me exhausted, but I needed to know what had happened with Draco's murderer… I turned and saw Lucius lying lifeless on the ground… And Remus was carrying Draco's body back…"

Pansy was still crying, yes she was angry with him, but she understood too.

"I didn't want to stay there… I wanted to leave all the horrors, all the blood and pain and screams… I didn't want to be here if he wouldn't be here too… Even if just to annoy me, so I asked Charlie to take me away… Norbert had been hurt during battle, one of his front paws had been severed. I used the last bit of strength I had to help him cure the dragon and he took me away…"

Pansy nodded, but Neville was the one with a frown on his face now.

"It has been two years Harry… I'm not saying the pain was less, but you could have at least tried to communicate with Ron or Hermione… We all were worried, you just left and people started saying you were dead, killed because of the link or that you had killed yourself… If you had seen the look on the faces of your friends… Merlin Harry, Ron's mother was devastated!"

With every word Harry felt smaller, Neville was right about that.

"I know Neville, and I feel like shit for that now… But back then, I knew that the moment people knew I was alive they would want to make of me something I'm not… A bloody hero, a hero chooses to be one I had no other choice… The real heroes are those who gave their lives during battle, those who risked their lives because they decided to do it… The only heroes I can see here are you three"

He frowned and gritted his teeth.

"I only had some minor injuries you know? Hagrid lost a leg, Ron may never be able to be a quidditch player I know his back still bother him. You lost an eye… Mrs. Weasley lost two of her children… And I could keep going"

"Harry…"

"The thing is… That I thought I had done my deed and now wasn't needed anymore… Even if Ron had missed me, he still had his family and Hermione, the same goes for her… You all had loved ones to go back to…"

Neville was getting angry and Blaise knew that could end very badly, his boyfriend was a very clam man, but once he got angry he became a force to be feared.

"And you? Are you saying you didn't have loved ones? Ron's family always saw you as one of them!"

"But at the end, I'm not one of them… I'm Harry Potter, not Weasley… The only relatives I have hate me… I came back because I couldn't keep living out of Charlie's money, but I couldn't be a part of the wizarding world again, it brought too many memories, too much pain…"

Harry expected it form Pansy or Blaise, but never thought Neville would ever raise a hand against him, but he did.

"You're not the only one who lost someone dear Harry! That fucking war cost me my parents! They're still in St. Mungo's! Ron lost Ginny and Percy! A lot of people are still mourning but they kept living!"

He had grabbed Harry by his shoulders and was shaking him forward and back.

"Do you know how was for me to see Ron's face every time I asked if they knew something about you? They were so fucking worried! This is not about you anymore Harry! This is about those who cared and loved you! I understand that you didn't want to stay right after the battle, but you shouldn't have stayed away for so long!"

His grip on the other man shoulders was getting tighter, but Harry didn't complain.

"If you had come sooner, this wouldn't be happening…"

Harry took Neville's hands and ripped them off his shoulders.

"I know! I know it's my fault Neville… I fucked up"

Blaise took Neville's hand and made him sat back at Pansy's side again.

"Yes Potter, you fucked up… As we all have done some way or another. Charlie did as you asked him; that was his mistake. Dumbledore didn't try to find you, that was his. And I could keep naming people… But I think it is time to stop blaming ourselves and to start repairing the damage… Don't you think?"

Neville had calmed down already as well as Pansy. Harry nodded and sighed, he raised his head and looked at the woman in front of him.

"Pansy, I told you my reasons and what I saw… Now, I want to know what happened that day… How Draco survived to the killing curse"

Pansy shook her head.

"He was never hit with it… Yes, Draco was fighting his father but he managed to jump before Lucius could hit him. He miscalculated his jump and hit a tree, falling unconscious. I guess that's when you turned around… Lucius was about to fire again when Lupin hit him with a petrificus… He took Draco and carried him back to the castle"

It was so stupid, all the pain and grief just because a misunderstanding.

"But now that I see it from your point of view, well I think I would have thought the same you did. It must have been horrible"

"It was…"

Blaise summoned a bottle of firewhisky and four glasses, filling them and giving one to each person.

"Well, now that we have settled everything, I think it's time to talk about why are you here"

He took a small sip of his drink and continued.

"Potter, this will probably make you feel worst than you already feel, but you must know what happened and how Draco came to be the way he is now"

Harry just nodded, Charlie had told him Draco's state already and somehow he knew it had to do with his absence.

"Lupin took him to the Great Hall and put him in one of the transfigured beds. Physically he was ok, only a few minor injuries, but he would remain unconscious. He only woke up after a week and the only explanation was that the shock of the battle and fighting his father affected him that much…"

Harry didn't dare to drink, and he had never really liked firewhisky, so he left the drink on the small table and just looked at Blaise while he talked.

"When he finally woke up, he asked for you… We told him you had defeated 'him'… And that the war was over. He said that he knew you had won, that he had never doubted you would…"

"He had the faith I lacked…"

Blaise snorted and shook his head, taking another drink from his glass.

"Indeed… He left the infirmary a few days later, when Pomfrey was sure he was completely fine… Draco started looking for you, but he wouldn't find you… He even asked your friends, but they wouldn't tell him"

Harry closed his eyes at the thought of Draco asking Ron where the hell he was.

"As the days passed he started to feel depressed. Not even Dumbledore knew where you were… It was Neville who finally told him you had disappeared and that no one knew what had happened with you… Then the papers started with speculation; you should read those… some were hilarious. Then they published an article saying you were dead, written by none other than that bitch Skeeter… It was so well written, for once, and he believed it"

Harry closed his hands in anger, that bloody woman had always managed to make things worst.

"His depression got worse… He wouldn't eat unless we forced him to do so. We tried to cheer him up, told him that no one knew if that article was true, but he wouldn't hear. He only talked to me or Pansy, but every day he would say less, till one day he just stopped talking. Sometimes I would find him walking around the house in only his pyjamas and his wand in one hand… I can only guess he was looking for you as he used to do at school… To dare you to a duel…"

It was too much, Harry couldn't stand the knowledge that he could have prevented that. It was too late now.

"One day he just stayed in his bed and wouldn't move again. Draco stopped using his wand and hence his magic shortly after that… I think he now lives inside his own world, a fantasy he created in his mind. Pansy transfigured a wheelchair and since then we have been taking care of him that way… I think he sees you when he looks at us, because he only eats or let us help him if we tell him we're you"

Harry was crying again, he felt like scum.

"I'm sorry… God, I'm so sorry"

"If you really feel like that, then do something to bring him back from where ever he is, Potter"

Harry raised his head and dried his tears with his hands; he had an expression of pure determination.

"I will Pansy… I'll bring him back"

TBC

Now, I know some people may ask, WTF?! I decided to write this fic in response to all those, Harry goes mental, or blond, or mute… Or whatever thing people thought of. So I thought, why the hell don't I write about Draco having those problems and get Harry to deal with them? However, even though I'm saying it was because of sole depression, it may no be only that, so please don't feel discouraged by this chapter and keep reading

Thank you!