Pairings: HP/DM SS/RL NL/BZ RW/HG PP?
Rating: R, drama, angst and sap. Post Hogwarts
Warnings: R, bad languageAll flames will be made fun of! THIS IS SLASH! How many times will I have to say that for you homophobic guys understand that you shouldn't be reading these kind of fics I don't know… But you have been warned so I again tell you… All flames will be made fun of!
AN: This is not the first Harry Potter fic I've written, but the first I've ever published.
Disclaimer: I asked Dumbledore to magically give me the rights over Harry potter and crew, so now he has been arrested for plagiarism and fraud! Now I own nothing but the story T.T
Getting you back.
By Black Komagoro
Harry arrived very fast to Hogwarts he still had a lot to do but this was the most important. He ran inside the castle and to Snape's office, knocked twice and waited. The door was soon opened and he was greeted by two smiling faces and a frowning one.
"What do you need now Potter?"
Snape didn't let him even greet the other two or vice versa, and Harry was actually glad, this was urgent and he still needed to do a lot of other things.
"Draco reacted"
This got everyone's attention and one gasp, coming from Hermione.
"What do you mean? What did he do?"
"He, for just a few seconds, was able to be himself, he asked me for help… We analyzed it, it seems that the game you had with him made his mind react, the curse couldn't cope with the shock of 'Harry' beating him in chess so easily and perfectly. I played another game and as it was expected I lost, he said the other game had been just luck… When I said it was probably because Ron had taught me and that I would soon win again his mind just won the battle, even if for just a few moments"
Snape nodded understanding, Harry continued when Snape said nothing else.
"We all know Ron has no patience to teach me chess, even Draco knows that since he once saw him trying to do it… He recognized me as the real one, asked me for help a couple of times before he fell unconscious"
Snape nodded again but this time he continued using exactly the same words Neville had said before.
"He's out because the curse needed to take over the mind again… The only way to overpower him was to turn off his mind"
Harry nodded with a smile, though he wouldn't ever tell the man he had quoted Neville, what an irony.
"They are taking care for him right now, I doubt he'll wake up very soon which I think is a very good thing"
"Indeed it is Potter… I'll go to look at him soon, this shows some progress. If we keep denying the curse what it needs it'll be easier to bring Draco back… Now go Potter, do exactly what I said"
"I will professor… Hermione, Remus, I'll see you soon"
He bowed slightly and then left, the door closed and Remus sighed.
"Severus… What exactly is he supposed to do?"
Snape frowned but he knew there was no chance he could keep that to himself, what he didn't like was that Hermione was there.
"Potter has to stay away from Draco for the coming weeks, his presence helps the curse to set the fantasy harder into Draco's mind. He will send him letters with his own owl, telling Draco about the first five years of school, especially about the most significantly times for Draco… The other three will not answer to him unless he calls them by their real names"
"To keep the fantasy, the curse needs the image of Harry doing exactly what it wants… Otherwise it bases will lose strength and Malfoy's mind will gain land over it"
"Very observant Miss Granger, don't do it again"
"Why you-?!"
"Hermione! Severus, please do try to keep hostilities at the minimum, don't lose you focus…"
Hermione had had enough, she had a few things to say before she could continue working with Snape.
"Then we better let everything out right now…"
Remus was about to say something but she beat him to it. She turned to face the other man, though he couldn't really see her.
"You may be the world's best potions master but you are the worst human being I've ever had the displeasure to meet, and I did confront Voldemort! What you asked Harry was horrible and soulless… I don't care if you're so bitter that you can't accept others happiness, you had no right to ask him to leave!"
"Hermione!"
Severus stood up and calmly approached her.
"Don't you even dare Lupin, I've always been able to fight my own battles"
Remus sighed and just let himself fall over a couch, the potion had still to simmer for another hour, enough time for them to bicker and for him to rest a little.
"What ever you say Severus… I don't know why I even bother trying"
"Because you're stupid like that… Now Miss Granger"
Remus scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, if those two wanted to yell at each other he would let them, that had been what he always did when Sirius and James started fighting. Hermione faced the man without fear, behind was the time when she feared for her grades.
"Yes?"
She said sarcastically.
"Don't you ever try to think you know me again, you may be intelligent but you know nothing about life"
"As if you did… Your actions proves you know less that the current students of this school"
"And thus, it is me the one Potter went for help… We are going to work together for a while, I couldn't care less your opinions of me, but while you are here you will follow my rules. Whatever happens between Potter and myself it matters only to us"
She was furious her fists were clenched and he jaw tight.
"And finally, if you do not trust me then at least trust your 'dear friend' and Lupin… I know what I'm doing and you will do as I say… Understood?"
That last part was said quite menacingly, and Hermione discovered the man could still scare her. She took several deep breaths and finally calmed down, her voice was soft again and her eyes wet.
"Why do you want to see him being miserable, when he never did anything so wrong to you?"
Snape stayed silent fro a few minutes, pondering the first real and intelligent questions the girl had made.
"That's not my goal Miss Granger, I don't want to do anything to him. My main goal is to help my godson, his state is the result of Potter's actions, his disappearance was what activated the curse he was hit with. I'm just doing what it couldn't be done before, taking care of my family"
Remus looked sadly at Snape, the man had suffered more from Draco's state than his own worthless eyes. He had become the only one Draco could go to when he needed a loving parent. The kind of father Lucius never was, never intended to be.
"And what if Malfoy decides he wants to stay with Harry? What if what Parkinson said is true and Malfoy does love him? Will you still ask Harry to leave?"
"Hermione, that's enough… I think even you, with all that hate you have towards Severus, still understand his motives. Do not question him more"
"Why do you protect him so much?!"
Remus couldn't answer that, because that was Snape's call, it was his choice to tell her the reasons.
"Because Miss Granger… He's my husband, and I think that's more than enough a reason for him to do it"
"Sev-Severus"
Remus was looking at him wide eyed, as well as Hermione, of all the reasons that was the last she had expected. The wolf was smiling happily though, it was the first time Snape admitted their bond to someone he didn't completely trust, or it could be that he did?
"You, your-"
"My husband, and please shut your mouth before you catch a fly… We still have a lot of work to do"
With that he turned around and went back to his desk, they still had a lot to do. Remus took a still stunned Hermione and led her to the other room, to check on the potion and prepare the next ingredients. Also to talk with her without Snape present, he wanted to keep the fights as low as possible. Once the two were in the other room and the door closed did Hermione finally react.
"Do tell me this is a joke… No, this can't be a joke, Snape doesn'thave a sense of humour, and to joke with something like this, but it makes no sense! Remus what were you thinking? No, you weren't thinking obviously-"
"Hermione"
Remus didn't know if being amused or angry for all that rambling.
"Were you thinking I wouldn't have heard that to start with, have you seen a mediwizard yet? This surely is a wronged spell, or maybe a potion, well Snape is capable of that-"
"Hermione!"
Angry was it.
"Sure, war usually make people do weird things, so that may be it, because I don't have any other logical explanation fo-"
"HERMIONE!"
"WHAT?!"
Remus had an almost murderous look on his face, and that meant he was about to lose it. She stopped but was looking at him with an accusatory look, as if he had betrayed all of them.
"I suggest you shut your mouth and calm down, for a woman as intelligent as yourself you're saying quite a lot of stupidities"
She narrowed her eyes, if there was something she hated more than cold blooded assassins and heartless potions teachers, was being called an idiot.
"Then give me a credible explanation for what I just heard!"
"I thought love would be enough…"
He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her daring her to say something against that.
"Remus… That's not even funny"
"Good, because it wasn't meant to be… For someone who's supposed to be as tolerant as you you're being quite the contrary"
She fumed and sat down on a chair.
"Can you blame me?! This is Snape we're talking about, a man whom I've never seen express an ounce of love to anyone… I've known him for almost ten years and I just can't see how you can find something lovable at all in him…"
"Which shows how little you know about him, and just to remind you, I've known him for more than thirty years, who do you think knows him the best?"
She actually blushed at that, he had a point there.
"Hermione, do you really think I would fall in love with someone as bad as you say he is? Not only that, I respect him and he does the same with me. I won't tell you anything about him, or us. That's our private life, but in the need of proves I guess the only one I can give you is that he's blind because of me. He did what I was too afraid of doing, and he did it in the greatest expression of it"
She couldn't say a thing, a man or woman who risked their lives that way for someone, just couldn't be what she thought of Snape.
"Then why? If he understands the feeling so well, then why is he trying to hurt Harry so bad? Remus, I always suspected Harry felt something more than just rivalry for Malfoy, I'm not blind… And now, seeing him talking about him, he loves him so deeply"
"He won't tell me, but I trust him, he has his reasons…"
She sighed, Hermione just couldn't understand the reasoning behind it, but as she said to Harry; she would help the man. It had been a promise and she wouldn't fail to her friend.
"I still don't like it, and I still think it's cruel… I will help though, that's what my friend wants and as you said, I will trust him"
"Thank you…"
She shrugged but said nothing else, they had to keep going with the first part of the potion, it was just the base, the part where they could work without Snape present. Once the man had finished his calculations they would start making the specifics and completing it.
"Stir three times to the left and one to the right, then add the powdered unicorn hair, wait three seconds and stir five times to the right, after that we have to let it rest with low fire for fifteen minutes"
Hermione did as told, Remus was reading word by word from the scroll Snape had given him. Hermione finished and left the silver spoon over the table.
"Does he know? Harry I mean, had you time to tell him?"
"About Severus?"
She nodded, while sitting once again on the chair.
"No, I will tell him but not yet, he already has a lot to deal with and I know this is something that will put him under more stress than he is already"
"He won't be happy you know that, don't you?"
"I know, but he'll have to learn to accept it, this is my life and I'm happy the way it is. I have someone who cares a lot for me even if he doesn't shows it to others…"
She smiled, and then snorted.
"Slytherin and Gryffindor… During school the hat always talked about unity, that the houses should be united and cooperating with each other… Maybe if Harry had talked with Malfoy before, things would have been different"
"Maybe, but the past can not be changed Hermione, however we can learn from it and now more than ever we should promote unity in the school. After all, it was separation what started everything"
Remus got near the cauldron and examined the contents.
"Harry too talked about the 'what ifs' and as I told him, 'what ifs' never help… What's done is done, you can't change it"
"But you can learn and create better things from it"
Remus nodded giving her a smile.
"Get ready to add the chopped hippogriff feathers"
Hermione stood up and go the right amount and ready to add them just the moment Remus made the fire stronger.
"Now"
She added them and the potion changed to an amber colour.
"Stir twenty times to the right and then fifteen to the left"
She started doing as told and they stayed silent, she had to be very exact with those, once she finished Remus added an ounce of bubotuber root.
"Stir fifty times to the right and let it rest for three hours… I'll go get the ingredients Severus has ready ok?"
Hermione nodded while she started counting. Remus left her stirring the potion and went to the other room, by now Snape surely would have the next batch of ingredients ready. She stayed there thinking about what they had said, and had to admit Remus had a point, she didn't know Severus Snape at all. She only knew the teaching side of him and never really gave more than the necessary attention during the Order's meetings. She sighed, it was quite difficult to try and put the two personas together, Snape the teacher and Snape the man. She just cleared her head and continued stirring, better to concentrate at the problem at hand.
Remus got out of the room and closed the door, just not completely, so if Hermione needed anything they could be able to hear her. He got closer to the desk Snape was working at and sighed.
"I heard…"
"I know"
Snape snorted and shook his head.
"You make me feel old, wolf"
"Well… We are old… Just not that old"
Another snort.
"Now that is reassuring"
"I'm still here aren't I?"
Snape put the parchments down and turned his face towards Remus.
"That's because you're a persistent mutt"
"Ah… So nice of you"
Remus smiled anyway, as did Snape, after all those years they had grown to understand each other with so little words, just looks. Now that one of them couldn't see anymore they talked a little more, and touched each other more. Snape raised his hand softly caressed Remus' face, feeling every part of it, knowing it by heart but still finding something new. Remus closed his eyes and did the same, and it became so intimate a gesture, something that was so theirs.
"You're beautiful"
"Don't say stupidities Remus…"
They were talking very low, as they had not forgotten that they were not alone.
"I'm stupid like that… Deal with it… I still think you are"
Snape didn't say a thing, he just leaned forward while bringing Remus' face closer. They kissed softly, Remus had summoned a small chair and was sitting right next to the other man.
"You don't have to answer but…"
"I have my reasons Remus"
"I know, at least part of them and I understand… I just… Well, just let me speculate, you don't have to admit or deny anything. Just hear me out"
Snape nodded and rested his head over Remus shoulder, the wolf gave him a sense of tranquillity so great that he could actually relax.
"I know you want to protect Malfoy, he's your godson and I understand that. And that's why you're making Harry go through this, because you want to test his love for Malfoy. Make him prove that he can and will sacrifice his own happiness for Malfoy's well being… That he won't run again when things get difficult, because they will get difficult"
Snape said nothing, he never let Remus know if he was right or wrong when it came to analyzing him.
"Harry will lose everything, your godson won't. He will be able to keep living, he has money, friends that care about him, you… You want to see if Harry won't be affected by that fact, that he won't try to do anything stupid…"
Well, he tends to do stupid things… Most of the time
Snape was glad Remus was no legillimens or he would be in deep shit more often than not.
"If he passes the tests you'll let me go get him, and bring him back… If he doesn't, I actually don't want to imagine what can happen if he doesn't"
Snape could feel Remus' getting stressed and didn't know how to reassure him without saying anything, he knew the moment Remus was aware of his plans he would let it slip to Harry and that would just ruin everything.
"Severus… Do you still hate him that much? He never did anything to you, at least not as terrible as…"
"His father, or Black, or Pettigrew… Or you?"
"Yes…"
Snape sighed and for just a moment, sent his worries away, really embracing the other man. Searching for his face and kissing him deeply.
"I though we had cleared that part already Remus… I'll never forgive Black, I'll forever despise Potter, and I'll always feel pity for Pettigrew. But you had no choice in that matter, even now, with the best wolfbane potion I've ever made, you still can't get full control of the wolf during full moon"
Remus had his eyes closed, even though Snape said he didn't blame him and was, he thought, obviously in love with him, Remus still felt he had some part of fault for what happened that night.
"And I admit I was not saint back then, I did even worst things… You shouldn't have forgiven me for those, but you did. If you could still accept me after that, then I have no right not to do the same… I love you"
Remus wasn't looking, but knew very well that Snape was embarrassed, he never liked these kind of talks. Because he knew he had a very nice side, a very loving side and that he wasn't used to show it.
"And to answer your question… No, I don't hate him, I just can't stand him I think he's annoying and a pain in the arse…"
"And the fact that he may take Malfoy away?"
"That too…"
Snape was frowning, really annoyed with the sole idea of Draco getting even more away after he woke up. Remus said nothing, just let him stay there between his arms and enjoyed the moment.
"I love you too…"
Unknown to them, Hermione had finished with the stirring and had let the potion rest, making a time charm to measure the three hours. She knew she shouldn't be watching that, but it was so shocking that she couldn't stop herself, and right then and there all her perceptions about the man she despised so much, changed completely.
I really don't know him at all…
She was an intruder and knew she was intruding in something so intimate, so private that she would understand if Snape felt like killing her. She closed her eyes and backed away from the door, saw a chair and let her body fall on it.
I'm no better than the rest, we all judged him so fast, none of us ever tried to actually know him…
She sat there looking at the blue flames under the potion, trying to let one moment override seven years of hate and distrust. And it was so amazingly easy that it scared her, because if it happened with Snape, who else could be like that?
Harry… He's like that, we never came to really know him I guess, and Malfoy too.
She closed her eyes and let her head fall back.
Even after he turned against Voldemort and his father most of them didn't really trust him. As they should have done, the way Harry did, Neville did, even Justin. Timid Hufflepuff that he was, he got the courage to approach Pansy and tell her. If they had done the same, maybe Snape and Draco wouldn't be hurt, and a lot of others would be alive.
What ifs… I wish I could know… I wish I had listened to them, and made others listen too. If Ginny had accepted it maybe she would be alive now, if Cho had understood it she wouldn't have turned to Voldemort…
"God, we fucked it up so much…"
"Watch your mouth Granger, that's no language for a supposedly well raised witch… Though, taking in count the people you tend to relate to… It doesn't really surprise me"
She lost her balance and fell back on the chair, not really hitting the floor thanks to Remus' fast reflexes.
"Are you alright Hermione?"
She nodded, stood up and blushed a very deep shade of red when she looked at the two men. That image would be really hard to forget.
"Miss Granger, shouldn't you be checking the time?"
"Erm… I used a time charm that would be more precise"
Snape nodded and got closer to the potion, smelling it and checking the progress, on the other hand Remus was looking at her suspiciously. He knew this woman, and even though the fall had been embarrassing it had not been that much, she was still blushing and wouldn't look at them in the eyes.
"Very clever of you… As soon as the three hours finish add three drops of this"
He held a small vial of clear liquid, she recognised that potion.
"Ve-veritaserum?"
"It forces the mind to see the truth, and during the process of making the potion we will use more of it"
She nodded and took the vial from the other man's hands, Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Are you feeling alright Miss Granger?"
"What? Ah, yes I'm ok…"
Remus turned to look at his husband, and they both understood, in less than a second Hermione was face to face with the Potion's Master.
"What you saw, you are never to repeat… Understood?"
She nodded but then remembered the man couldn't see.
"Ye-yes professor… And I'm sorry, it's just-"
"Don't Hermione, I don't think anything you say will please him, or me"
He wasn't that angry, just serious and of course, a little bit annoyed; those were moments so precious to him that he felt selfish, not ever wanting to share them with anyone else. Hermione sighed and looked down.
"I'm sorry anyways, and Professor Snape… I'm also sorry for not trying to really understand before judging you"
Snape snorted and said nothing, he knew Remus would talk to her later when they were alone.
"Lupin, after adding the other potion you'll have to stir ten times to the left and then turn the fire off, this has to rest for at least three days"
Remus nodded and stepped aside to let Severus pass.
"We will start looking for the other ingredients then"
"There's no need Lupin, I already have what will be needed… You two better get as much rest as you can get, because after that you'll have very little time to sleep"
He turned around and left, leaving a still blushing Hermione and a sighing Remus.
"Well, he did say this potion was very difficult…"
"Indeed… Hermione, I understand that what you saw was very eye opening, but it is not for you to see or comment… Severus is very reserved and we both like it that way"
She sat down again and sighed.
"I'm really sorry, I just couldn't stop myself… But I won't tell anyone, I do want to make the others understand though, I don't know how…"
"That's not your job Hermione, understand that you saw something you shouldn't, Severus doesn't really care about their opinions… If they need proves then they better stay the way they are"
Hermione looked at him raising an eyebrow.
"What about you? I'm sorry Remus, but I doubt this relationship was born from nothing, just like that"
"No, it didn't it took time and several fights… But I already knew him from a long time ago. He made mistakes and that just shows you he's human but more importantly he regretted his actions and tried to do everything in his power to fix it"
"You can't fix death…"
Her tone was not really accusatory, more like wondering how Snape tried to pay for that.
"No, you can't but you can protect others to live, as he did… Just think about this, who do you think was the one who actually protected Harry? The one who risked the most was not Dumbledore, or me or the rest, even Sirius knew that… Because we were relatively protected by the light, but Severus wasn't, he had to be there within the Death Eaters, alone and always risking his cover. He had to lie to both parties and to those who he considered friends, betray them and sometimes do things he despised to do… He risked his life everyday and stained his soul with every action, and he did all of this to protect just one person…"
"Harry… But, Sirius not only risked his life, he actually died… Snape is not the only one, at least he's still alive"
"Sirius chose to be there, he fought bravely and his death will forever be remembered… He was my best friend and I loved him like a brother, but even he knew that at least he had the choice and some protection… Severus had no other option, or he did it or he died"
Hermione sat there thinking, trying to understand all the information that she was being given.
"He could have stopped spying, that way he would have been safe and still able to do something"
"Don't be so naïve Hermione, he was the only one who could have done it. Voldemort was no idiot and knew who was loyal and who wasn't, the only one with a mind strong enough to fool him was Severus… He had no choice at all, we needed that information and he was the only one who could get it. If it had not been for him, be sure we would still be fighting or worse, defeated"
The look she was giving him made it clear, it was not what she was expecting. They all thought Snape did it because he could and because Dumbledore had pushed him to do it, using his own guilt for the Potter's death and for his help during the trials. What she now knew had nothing to do with that, yes he did it because of guilt but also because he wanted to redeem himself, because he knew he was theonly one who could and because it was the only way to protect a child that was destined to save them all.
"He could have gone into hiding… He knew that if he wanted to, he could have gone away and no one, not even Voldemort and his mark could have reached him… But he decided to do it and risk it all…"
Hermione was talking barely audible, Remus could only hear her because of his heightened senses. She turned to look at him and small tears were rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry… I - can only guess what he went through… I think, I understand better now. What happened to him and Malfoy, that must have hurt like hell… And the thought of losing him now, to the one he risked so much to keep safe… God… Remus-"
She dried the tears with her sleeve and stood up, embracing Remus tightly, the wolf embraced her back, smiling sadly.
"Please… Tell him I'm sorry and…"
She let go of the other man and looked him in the eyes.
"And please tell him I respect him"
Remus shook his head, but he was smiling more happily now.
"No Hermione, you will have to tell him if you want him to know. It doesn't have to be now, especially after what just happened, but if you really feel that way it's only fair that he knows it by your own mouth"
She sighed again, and looked down.
"He hates my guts, I don't think it'll really mean something to him"
"Who knows, you might be surprised"
The charm alerted them that the three hours had just finished and Remus added the three drops of veritaserum and then stirred ten times, he turned the fire off and put the silver spoon aside.
"Come on, we still have a lot to do"
She nodded and followed him out of the room, turning of the candles and closing the door behind them. As she did the first time she put a time charm to let them know when the three days had passed.
TBC
And here's another chapter. Thanks to all those who put my story in your story alert and my name in your author alert. Thanks to those who choose my story to be one of your favourites and the C2 groups. And thanks to those who gave me reviews and I hope to get more of those.
Well, I really hope you all liked this chapter too, I already started working in the next one.