Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews and everything else, it makes me smile.
Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.
Three
The trip was fantastic; I didn't even mind all the shopping, though I mostly picked up trinkets I could share with my class. When we got to Manhattan it was the night before my birthday and we were all exhausted so we checked into our hotel near Times Square and went straight to bed. The next day we hit the Met and the library (my New York birthday wish); after that Alice got us into a club where you actually needed a key. We went everywhere, Central Park, the Statue of Liberty, shopping on 5th Avenue, the Guggenheim, a show at the Lincoln Center, and a special stop at Bryant Park. "Next year, ladies, I'll be here showing for Fashion Week." I, for one, didn't doubt it for a second.
On Friday, our last day, we decided to split up. Rosalie and Alice wanted to go back to 5th Avenue, so I opted to take the day for myself. I started out at Columbus Park, watching the locals play dominos and do tai chi, and eventually found myself walking along a tall wrought iron fence surrounding one of the most beautiful parks I'd ever seen. I had no idea really where I was so I looked around for some indication. Finally, I worked up my nerve to ask someone which neighborhood I was in. He was an older man walking a tall Doberman, he smiled, "Gramercy," he nodded toward the park, "I've lived around here for twenty years and even I don't have a key."
"A key?"
"To the park, it's private."
"Oh," I tried not to sound disappointed. "Well, thanks," I smiled. He nodded before walking away. I faced the fence to look inside; there was an older couple inside sharing a bench. The woman was resting her head on the man's shoulder, his arm was around her; I had a sudden urge to take a photograph. See, it exists!
My cell phone rang, it was Alice. "Hey, where are you?"
"Gramercy Park, are you guys still shopping?"
"We're just about done; Rosalie had to buy a whole other suitcase. Want to meet for dinner at seven?"
I checked my watch; it was a little after five. She told me where to meet them and I continued my walk. I couldn't stop thinking about the couple from the park; it was starting to depress me. I didn't want a drink, but when I passed a bar I walked inside anyway. There was an open table in the back so I sat down to think. After a few minutes, thinking turned to writing. I don't know why I did it; I didn't even know I had any paper until I looked inside my bag. Call it a last ditch effort, or a purging of thoughts, I don't know. When I was finished though, I didn't really feel any better so I got up, bumping a man that looked like he'd had more than his share of drinks; we both dropped most of what we were carrying. He laughed loudly and apologized while we sorted out what belonged to whom. By that point, I was close to being late for dinner so I rushed out, ignoring the man's questions about where I was off to.
I'd completely forgotten about my letter to myself until I was packing later that night. "Hey you guys, have you seen-," I stopped myself. If they had seen it, they probably would have said something already, besides, I didn't think I'd want either of them finding it anyway. "Nevermind." We finished packing; it was amusing watching Rose and Alice get creative about saving space.
We were up early the next day and I still hadn't found my paper; it bothered me, but I tried to shrug it off. The flight went smoothly and by the time we'd claimed our bags, we were all ready to go home. Emmett picked up Rosalie wearing pajama pants even though it was the middle of the afternoon. She kissed him, mumbling, "I'm gone for one week…" She waved goodbye; we could tell she was suddenly preoccupied.
"Need a ride home?" Alice asked once Rose was gone.
"No, that's ok, Mike's coming to get me," I fiddled with the strap on my suitcase.
She gave me a long hug goodbye before leaving. I waited for Mike outside in front of baggage claim, after a few minutes I sat on my suitcase. After a half hour, I pulled out my phone. I called twice, but it went to voicemail both times. I decided to wait; he said he would be here. There were plenty of things that could have happened and there was probably traffic too. It was rush hour, I reminded myself, and in all likelihood it was a parking lot on the freeway. After another hour, I called him again and it went to voicemail. I watched people saying goodbye to loved ones, saying hello; they all looked tired. I looked around as if somewhere in front of me I'd find the answer that would undo the knot growing in my stomach.
I refused to call Alice, I couldn't bear to hear her say 'I told you so' and I knew well enough not to even try and call Rose. I remembered it was about an hour drive, depending on traffic. I sighed and got in the taxi line.
The sun was setting by the time I got home. I carted my now even heavier suitcase up the stairs to my apartment and unlocked the door. Inside, somebody was laughing. I dropped my suitcase in the entryway, making their heads turn in my direction. "You're back!" Mike said, a strangely pleased expression on his face. I didn't know what the hell he had to be pleased about.
I just stood there, looking at him, looking at the girl on my couch. There was a PlayStation set up on the floor next to my television; the girl was holding one of the controllers. She looked nervous. But like water through a sieve, I felt my anger draining away; I was too tired for this. Truth be told, I didn't even really care. "I'm going to go lay down; I'd like the two of you out of my apartment when I get up," I said without emotion. I carried my things into the bedroom and shut the door, then went into the bathroom to take a shower. I used all the hot water.
It was quiet when I woke up; I looked at the clock, 12:30 a.m. The wood floors were cold on my feet as I padded into the living room. Mike was still there, sitting on the couch, the TV on low. "What are you still doing here?" My voice sounded thick.
"I was waiting for you, you seemed kinda mad earlier."
I walked around to stand in front of the TV, "I asked you to leave."
"I didn't think you really meant it," he lifted half his mouth in a smile like his answer was obvious.
"You were supposed to pick me up today," I paused to gauge his reaction. "From the airport," I added.
He shrugged, "sorry, I thought you weren't getting home until tomorrow. I had a lot going on this week too, you know."
"I had to spend a hundred and fifty dollars on a cab ride."
He made a face I couldn't read. "It's not like you can't afford it."
I could feel the apathy being replaced by anger. "Get out."
"Look, I'm sorry ok, I forgot, but you got home, no harm done."
"I said leave." I was beginning to seriously debate throwing his things out the window to get my point across. "It's over."
"You don't mean that."
"Stop saying that…just get out." I watched him stand up and walk over to where his shoes were; he put them on without speaking.
"I'll call you when I can pick up my stuff," he said as he opened the door; without a backward glance he walked out.
I slumped to the floor feeling somehow defeated. The man I'd spent the last three years with just walked right out like none of it mattered. What did I want to happen? I argued with myself. What did I want him to do? I wanted him to fight for me, to beg for forgiveness, to change for me. I wanted him to say that he couldn't live without me.
At the very least, I wanted him to offer to repay me for the cab ride.