Give In To My Pretendings [4]
It wasn't so much the throbbing pain in Kurt's head that awoke him. The pain he could deal with for at least another hour or so in his half awake - half asleep state; at least until it had gotten too bad for him to lie through. It was instead the beaming rays of sun shining through the window directly onto his face.
Squeezing his eyes shut - which didn't ease the banging in his head, Kurt let out a soft groan, trying his best to fall back into the peaceful sleep he was just in. It wasn't until he adjusted slightly that he realized the warm body he was holding on to; the chest his head was resting on breathing calmly under him.
Kurt breathed deeply, inhaling the fading scent of Blaine's cologne, and smiled. "Perfect," he sighed under his breath, moving up to nuzzle his face into the space between Blaine's neck and collarbone, blocking out the sun.
"Thank you...?" Came a deep, raspy response; Kurt's eyes opening widely in surprise.
"You're awake?" He squeaked, lifting up and instantly regretting it. His hands covered his face at the sudden banging he received from his sporadic movement. He let out a louder groan than before, lying back on Blaine's chest to try and seize the pain, his head slightly bouncing from Blaine's chuckles. "How long have you been awake?"
"A little while. I didn't want to wake you." he mumbled quietly for Kurt's sake, rubbing his hand gently on Kurt's back. "Figured you'd have a hangover."
"You were right." Kurt huffed, closing his eyes back and relaxing under Blaine's touch. "What happened?"
"Well..." Blaine started, a hint of amusement in his voice as he paused as if deciding where to start. "You seemed to have gotten a little eager with the drinking." Blaine laughed softly. Kurt let out another groan, hiding his face back in Blaine's chest before Blaine reassured him. "Don't worry, I made sure you didn't do anything embarrassing. It was fun - we laughed and danced off most of the booze."
Kurt listened to Blaine's recap, bits and pieces of his memory falling back into his mind. It hadn't been long before Blaine had been able to tempt Kurt to take a sip out of his red solo cup. Then one sip had turned into sharing three or four, all the while Blaine had pulled Kurt up to dance with him whenever he could. He could remember the way Blaine's movements had started off wild and energetic in the beginning of the night, as they always had been when he drank.
But then, by the time they had poured their third drink, the mood had changed. Blaine had slowed, swaying closer to Kurt. They had shared soft, tipsy laughs between each other, Blaine's hands low on Kurt's hips as they danced to just one more song, because this was Blaine's favorite song, despite saying the exact same for the last nine.
"That was fun," Kurt hummed, a soft smile on his face. His eyebrows scrunched together, trying to pull together some reason he would decide to drink more, not needing any extra catalyst to help him have a good time. "What happened after that?"
Blaine cleared his throat softly, his arm wrapping a bit tighter around Kurt. "We played some small games, sung some songs... and then Jeremiah came by."
Just as the name was spoke, Kurt's headache grew bigger as if it was a natural reflex. He remembered suddenly why he allowed himself to indulge in the drinks and the music and everything else going on around him. It was only a second of Kurt stumbling off to get him and Blaine some water to sober them up before he came back to Blaine arguing on the phone in a quiet corner of the house.
Then instead of it being Kurt and Blaine together, is was Blaine and Jeremiah on the phone. Then Blaine and Jeremiah outside the party. Then Blaine and Jeremiah talking in hushed tones, inside. Then Jeremiah leading Blaine upstairs and Kurt trying to pretend that he didn't see or care or mind.
The memories that came flooding back were unbearable. It was too much too quick, and even if Kurt was able to fake it last night, he couldn't help but find the entire situation sickening now. Literally.
"Oh, god," Kurt spoke suddenly, rolling out of his bed and dropping down next to his trash can. His throat burned as the contents from the previous night flew out into the bin harshly, leaving him feeling half dead on the floor.
"I'll get you some water." Blaine told as he hopped out of bed, and Kurt simply nodded, spitting into the bin and catching his breath. He closed his eyes as he sat up and leaned his back against his bed. Before he knew it, Blaine was sitting next to him with a cup of cold water and some painkillers in his hand.
"Thank you," Kurt whispered, placing the pills on to his tongue before chugging down the water. The glass was empty in seconds, a sudden reminder as to how dehydrated Kurt was.
"Don't worry about it. You should lie back down." Blaine informed, standing and offering a hand to Kurt. Kurt let out a deep sigh before taking it and allowing Blaine to help him back into bed, pulling the covers over his head. "I'll be right back, okay?"
Kurt let out a grunt in response, listening to Blaine gently open and close the door before trying his best to relax again. He hadn't heard Blaine walk back in or out, but Kurt knew that he had by the second glass of water lying on his nightstand when suddenly woke up from a nap he hadn't meant to take.
He sat up slowly, rubbing a hand through his hair and allowing his eyes to adjust to the sunlight in his room. His hangover was mostly gone, thankfully. The only thing he was aware of was how parched he was and the hollowness in his stomach. Kurt reached for the cup and swallowed half of it down before Blaine walked in, a shocked smile appearing when he saw Kurt.
"Hey, I was just about to come wake you." he said in a soft tone, closing the door behind him. "Feeling better?"
"Much." Kurt hummed, pulling the covers off of him and sliding to the edge of the bed, allowing his feet to dangle off the side. "You seem pretty happy yourself."
"I am." Blaine assured. "Food's almost ready; it should be done any second. I came up here to tell you." He spoke, pointing absently to the door.
"Good, that's exactly what I need right now. And a big cup of coffee." Kurt mumbled, taking another drink from his glass before standing and stretching out his bones. He let out a few small, relieved groans at the tiny cracking sounds in his spine as he stretched, before giving a curious look to Blaine who was watching - well, staring, actually - and smiling. "What? Is there drool all over my face, or something?"
"No, nothing." Blaine responded shrugging and moving out of Kurt's way when he started his way to his vanity to look in the mirror.
When Kurt confirmed that there was, indeed, nothing on his face, he sat in front of the mirror and began his morning routine that he really should've started hours ago. He sighed over the small bits on his face that were becoming blotchy and red from last night's indulgences, and he quickly pushed open a cap of moisturizer to rub into his skin.
As he did, he couldn't help continue to glance up at Blaine in the mirror, who was still staring at him - more in thought than concentration, though. After a while, Kurt turned in his chair, facing Blaine. "Are you okay?" he asked with a slight laugh, snapping Blaine out of his thoughts.
"Huh?" Blaine hummed, making eye contact with Kurt, which only furthered his laughing.
"What are you thinking so deeply about over there?" Kurt smiled, closing one product and opening another as he spoke as Blaine laughed also, shaking his head.
"Just... stuff." Blaine answered softly with a shrug.
"Such as..." Kurt pushed, his words muffled as he rubbed his hands over his face.
"Persistent, are we?" Blaine teased, walking a bit closer to where Kurt was seated, pulling up a chair next to his.
Kurt shrugged in return, looking at Blaine through the mirror. "I'd call it healthy curiosity," he spoke with a slight smile on his face that made Blaine smile in return.
There was a pause as Blaine simply watched Kurt continue his routine, his eyes following Kurt's fingers with thoughtless concentration as they were before. He sighed softly before speaking, his words in a hushed tone, "Do you know how gorgeous you are?"
At that moment, Kurt could've sworn his entire body had paused to process the words that Blaine had just said to him. His hands had stopped working on his face, his eyes- now widened by the sudden question had refused to blink, and his brain had essentially short circuited right then and there. When his body had finally decided to reboot, Kurt simply blushed harshly, turning to Blaine who was just sitting there, chin propped up on his fist and a soft smile on his face. "I... is that a rhetorical question?"
Blaine let out a laugh at his response, a larger smile emerging, which did nothing to bring down Kurt from the slight high he was feeling from Blaine's compliment. Honestly, Kurt hadn't even done his hair yet, having Blaine not only compliment but stare openly at Kurt was not something he was prepared for as soon as he awoke.
As if on cue, Blaine lifted a hand that he wasn't resting on and ran it gently through Kurt's hair, his smile never dying down. "You should leave your hair like this today."
"Why?" Kurt laughed, his eyebrows furrowing slightly in confusion.
"Because you look nice with messy bed hair."
"Okay, now you're just flirting with me." Kurt spoke, raising a questioning brow which only furthered Blaine's chuckles. There was a small beat of silence as Blaine continued to comb his fingers through Kurt's hair, messing it up before lightly fixing it and then repeating. Kurt smiled at the action, suspicious of Blaine's seemingly sedated happiness, but not wanting to be the one to question and possibly ruin it. "I'll tell you what," he said after a while, finishing his routine and turning fully towards Blaine. "I'll leave my hair like this if you lose the gel."
Blaine paused his movements in Kurt's hair, silently challenging him before sighing out a "Touche," and letting his hand fall onto the desk of the vanity. "You know what I've been thinking about?"
"Besides my overwhelming beauty?" Kurt teased.
"Besides that," Blaine laughed, sitting up straighter. "We should start going out more. Last night was a bit chaotic, but we just lost ourselves, and I feel like we don't get to do that enough together. I had a lot of fun with you."
Despite the sincerity of Blaine's proposal, the thoughts of the previous night had flashed through Kurt's mind, including the one's Kurt didn't want to think about and suddenly it was clear why Blaine was so happy all of a sudden. Kurt's smile faltered slightly as he cleared his throat, trying to refuse his mind from thinking about what had happened when Blaine and Jeremiah had disappeared upstairs, but he couldn't stop it. "Seems like you had a lot of fun without me too."
The moment the sentence left Kurt's lips, he regretted it, watching as Blaine tried to figure out what he was talking about. "What do you mean?" Blaine asked as Kurt shook his head, looking down.
"Nothing, forget it."
"No," Blaine spoke gently, resting a hand on Kurt's as he encouraged him to explain. "Tell me. Did I do something?"
Kurt sighed, opening his mouth to speak but closing it, trying to find the words to ask without seeming intrusive or... well, jealous. Which he wasn't, of course. The idea just got under his skin for some reason.
"No, you didn't do anything." Kurt began, shaking his head at his own stupid thoughts. "It's none of my business, I just... I remember you were hanging out with Jeremiah last night, and you guys snuck off. And now, you're all happy and... I guess I just figured..."
"That we... had sex?" Blaine finished when Kurt trailed off, Kurt's face scrunching up instinctively at the image.
"I was going to say 'made up'," Kurt answered. "It's not important, I'm sorry I even brought it up-"
"No, it's fine. Healthy curiosity." Blaine assured with a slight smile, his hand rubbing over Kurt's. "We didn't have sex, by the way. Despite how much he wanted us to." Kurt was silent as he watched Blaine stare at their hands, once again trying to figure out the right words to say, but not because of jealousy or anger this time. "Go ahead and say it." Blaine laughed with a roll of his eyes.
"Say what?"
"What you're thinking. The whole 'Jeremiah's a jerk' speech that I know you have a saved up. You wouldn't be wrong."
Kurt turned his hand over in Blaine's and laced his fingers between his, waiting until Blaine looked up before speaking. "Yes, Jeremiah is a jerk, and yes, I honestly think he may just be the scum of the Earth, but that wasn't what I was thinking." Kurt paused, searching Blaine's eyes and squeezing his hand softly. "I'm worried about you, Blaine."
"I'm fine," Blaine told, shaking his head with a shrug. "We're fine, sort of. Jeremiah would never disrespect my boundaries or hurt me or anything. He was just... frustrated, I guess."
"That doesn't mean it's okay for him to pressure you. Honestly, Blaine-"
"I know that, Kurt," Blaine responded, putting a reassuring hand on Kurt's shoulder to stop the rant he knew he was about to receive. "That's why we're still on our break. I don't plan on speaking to him until I've fully forgiven him and trust him."
Kurt nodded at Blaine, huffing gently in his seat. He wasn't exactly satisfied with the situation, but honestly, he wouldn't be satisfied unless Blaine had cut Jeremiah out completely right then and there. But he knew there was no chance of that happening. They loved each other after all.
"But thank you for worrying about me, it means a lot." Blaine smiled at Kurt. "No matter what Jeremiah wants, I'm taking things slow. I want my first time to be special. With someone who loves me."
Oh.
So much for loving each other.
Kurt could feel his face falter a bit, but he did his best to play it off by ducking his head and clearing his throat. How could anyone not love Blaine back. Jeremiah didn't even deserve this slightest amount of love Blaine was offering and he had the audacity to try and have sex before even saying 'I love you' back?
Despite the confusion, anger, and pure disgust Kurt had for Jeremiah, his soft spot for Blaine was bigger, and he found it in him to smile back at him and not press on his wounds. After all, he knew the feeling of caring more for someone than they did to him. It was better to let Blaine come to him when he was ready.
"Of course I'm going to worry about you. I'm here for you no matter what, okay?"
"Okay." Blaine responded softly, before reaching over to give Kurt a hug which he gladly returned. It wasn't until the muffled sound of Finn telling them that 'breakfast was ready' that they pulled away, a slight laugh coming from Kurt.
"Leave it to Finn to ruin a heart-warming moment." he joked, standing, sliding on his slippers and walking to the door, Blaine following.
Blaine laughed in return, opening the door for Kurt as they both exited his bedroom and made their way downstairs. It wasn't long before Blaine found his place in the hub of the Hudson-Hummel family, Kurt realized. Between the setting of the table and breakfast chat, Blaine blended right in as if he had grew up in the household all his life.
It was true that Blaine had spent quite a few mornings over Kurt's and had gotten used to the simple logistics, but it never failed to surprise Kurt how quickly Blaine fit into his family like a puzzle piece, plopping in the reserved seat for him between Kurt and Burt easily. The family instinctively paused for him to say a quick prayer in respect, and Blaine instinctively worked around the natural order of who-gets-what-item-first when putting food on their plates. He knew when to chip in in the idle chit-chat, knew when to laugh at Burt's corny jokes, knew to begin to clean off the empty plates on the table when people started to finish their food.
Of course Blaine could fit into any family if he wanted to - with his manners and charm. There was no question about that. But sometimes, on certain slow, relaxing days, where he and Kurt would be sitting an inch closer to each other, or when they'd be able to share a glance over something Finn had said, or when Blaine would steal a piece a bacon from Kurt on his way to the kitchen before pressing a kiss to his head with a giggly "thank you" because he knew Kurt wouldn't be able to reject the affection, Kurt couldn't help but think Blaine did more than fit, but instead, belong. He was comfortable being at the table, and the table was more than comfortable having him.
"See, if I stole bacon off your plate, you'd probably slap me against the head." Finn grumbled teasingly, reaching for the bottle of maple syrup for his last pancake.
Kurt looked up at Finn, cut off from his thoughts as he finished the rest of his food absentmindedly. "That's because Blaine's our guest," He spoke calmly, wiping his mouth with a napkin and beginning to stand. "And you know better."
"And you're in love with him." Finn mumbled as he stuffed a piece of food into his mouth, muffled enough for just the two to hear, but still gaining a reaction from Kurt. Kurt punched Finn forcefully in the shoulder, gaining the attention of Burt and Carol when Finn let out a dramatic "Ow!" before moving to the kitchen to see Blaine doing the dishes.
As he washed, Kurt watched Blaine singing softly, eyes closed as he danced to the beat in his head, and Kurt couldn't help but smile. It was almost amazing how Blaine could be adorable doing even the littlest things, and Kurt's heart warmed as he watched Blaine in his element before he glanced behind him to see Kurt. Then his heart warmed even more as Blaine smiled brightly, never breaking his melody but instead, simply starting to sing to Kurt.
Okay, so maybe Finn was a little right.
"Blaine...? Blaine!"
"Yeah, I'm awake. I'm listening. What is it?"
Kurt let out an exasperated sigh as he pressed the palm of his hand to his forehead, a tired laugh leaving his mouth. They had been on the phone for barely a half hour, discussing future audition songs and college choices and campus visit dates and well... it was safe to say that Kurt had done more of the talking while Blaine pretended to listen.
Usually Kurt would be offended that Blaine was falling asleep in the middle of the conversation, but it was only if he had initiated the conversation. Blaine had insisted on talking about college tonight, despite having over multiple family members earlier that night, something that always drained him. Kurt offered to talk about the topic on a later date so Blaine could sleep, but when they both failed to think of a day the could due to their busy schedules, Kurt had no other choice but to agree and try to make it work.
It obviously wasn't working.
"Blaine, just get some sleep. We can talk about this stuff later." Kurt huffed softly.
"No, I want to talk to you. It's important, and I know we aren't going to see each other besides our coffee breaks, which is never enough time to fit in a full conversation-"
"We can talk in the morning. You're tired, Blaine, you need to rest. Your eyes are probably closed right now." There was another beat of silence and Kurt almost wondered if Blaine had nodded off again before he heard Blaine let out a dramatic sigh into the phone, making Kurt laugh in response.
"Fine. Just stay on the phone, I'm going to change." he responded, his voice distant, letting Kurt know he was on speaker. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay awake to hear about all your ideas."
"Don't beat yourself up about it." Kurt commanded as he cleared off his agenda and laptop from his bed before shuffling to lie under the covers. "You have the rest of your life to listen to my ideas, trust me."
Blaine laughed softly, Kurt pressing the phone closer to his ear as he cut off his lamp. "You're too good for me, you know that?"
Kurt blushed softly at the compliment before responding, "Yeah, actually I do."
Another laugh came from Blaine, but closer to the phone than it was before as Blaine took Kurt off of speaker and held the phone to his ear also, turning off his light and sliding into bed. "Good." he spoke softly, adjusting to become comfortable and then sighing softly once again. "Hey... have I told you how much you mean to me?"
Kurt could feel his cheeks blush harder as he rolled his eyes at Blaine's sentiment, not being able to fight off the smile on his lips. "You tell me every day, you sap. Go to sleep."
"I'm serious," Blaine mumbled in his happy, sleepy tone, yawning out the rest of his words. "You keep me sane."
"Funny, you do the exact opposite,"
A deeper, slightly louder laugh pushed through the receiver as Blaine rolled his eyes this time before closing them. "Shut up, you love me."
Kurt smiled in the darkness of the room, his eyes closing as he just listened for a moment. He could hear Blaine's breaths becoming softer, knowing he was on the verge of falling asleep once again, and Kurt's imaginations ran free with the thoughts of this being them. Long nights away from each other not because of rehearsals and school work and things that mean everything now, but won't mean a thing later. Because they may be however far away from each other in a year, and won't have the time to talk but would anyway, missing so much that they'd rather listen to each other fall asleep than to not call at all.
Kurt's first call in the morning and last call in the night would be only reserved for Blaine, and vice versa. Despite knowing that those ideas didn't hold as much depth as Kurt wanted them to, he allowed himself to think it. Allowed himself to give in to his constant pretendings even if it was only for a night because tonight, Blaine wanted the last voice in his ear to be Kurt's.
When Kurt began to hear the soft snores of Blaine and was sure he was asleep, he relaxed more into his bed, his imaginations lulling him to sleep as he whispered - just for the sake of knowing it was true, he whispered, "Yeah... I do."
The next time Kurt had actually saw Blaine didn't take as long as Blaine had feared it would. To be fair, it was only supposed to be an hour long study date at the Lima Bean - nothing more, nothing less. But then Rachel and Mercedes ended up joining them, and one question turned into Rachel telling a story, which led into a debate, which let into another story, and so on. Before they knew it, they were ignoring their textbooks completely and simply gossiping over coffee and biscotti.
After, Blaine had invited Kurt over to try to actually get work done together, which, once again, didn't work once Kurt had saw shopping bags in the trash and demanded Blaine to show him what he had bought. They didn't know when they had done it, but some point in the night, they had silently agreed that procrastination had won and instead of fighting it, they simply put on a movie and enjoyed each other's company.
It wasn't until Blaine's stomach grumbled that Kurt had actually reached for his school bag after hours, just to pull out a leftover blueberry muffin from the Lima Bean and offer it to Blaine.
"Thank you," Blaine smiled at Kurt, taking the white paper bag from him as Kurt nodded, turning his attention back to the TV. Blaine pulled out the muffin and tore a piece from the top, eating it as he went to throw the bag in the trash before pausing. "Whose number is this?"
Kurt turned back to Blaine, looking at him then at the bag he was holding up that had a phone number written on it in black marker, a small smiley face following it. "The cashier." Kurt shrugged before going to watch the movie again. "He bought me the muffin."
"The cashier?" Blaine repeated in a louder, shocked tone, pausing the movie and playfully pushing Kurt's shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me? The cashier was cute!"
"I wasn't interested." Kurt admitted calmly, only causing Blaine to be overly enthusiastic in Kurt's place.
"Why not?" Blaine asked. "The cashier was cute!"
Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine's repetition, as if reminding him of how "cute" the cashier was was going to change his mind. "He wasn't my type. Sure he was cute, but I just wasn't interested in him."
Blaine paused, staring at Kurt with a confused look on his face before shaking his head and laughing softly. "If you say so, Kurt."
"And I do."
"You know, I'm just looking out for you." Blaine spoke, taking another bit of his muffin and plopping it into his mouth. "I only want the best for you."
"Having a boyfriend is not what's best for me. I don't need a boyfriend to validate my worth."
"I know that, trust me, I do." Blaine defended. "But there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. Sometimes, you do seem a little lonely."
Kurt scoffed, rolling his eyes at Blaine. Who was he to call Kurt lonely? Sure, he occasionally thinks about what it'd be like to have someone to do cute, relationship things with, but he didn't depend on it. Plus, he didn't want to rush into a relationship just for the sake of it. He wanted it to be with a guy he actually wanted to be with. Honestly, it's Blaine fault for setting his standards so high anyway. Why would he settle when he knew there were gay guys like Blaine out there?
"I'm fine."
"Really? Is that why you're not going to prom?"
Kurt paused in his defenses, silently cursing Rachel for telling Blaine.
"Don't be mad at Rachel for telling me. She's just worried about you too." Blaine spoke as if reading Kurt's mind, turning his body to face Kurt as he criss-crossed his legs and looked Kurt in the eye. "But I find it peculiar that I had to hear it from Rachel and not you."
Kurt sighed, looking away from Blaine and refusing to give into the puppy eyes he was sure Blaine was showing. "I just didn't want you to make a big deal out of it."
"Well, I wouldn't have if you would've asked me not to." Blaine responded. "But I know for a fact that prom means something to you, and you can't hate me for asking why you're not going."
"I'm just going to look pathetic going alone." Kurt admitted, throwing his hands up in frustration as he stood. His hands rubbed over his face and stopped on his forehead as he let out a distressed sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. "It would just give those idiots there even more reason to think I'm not... normal."
"Kurt..." Blaine called, his voice soft as he stood too, walking towards Kurt and grabbing his hands.
There was a long silence as they just stood there, Kurt knowing that Blaine wanted Kurt to look up at him but he couldn't. He simply stared at their hands together, his brows furrowed in frustration and discomfort.
Kurt had originally loved the idea of prom. He loved the structure and romantics behind prom-posals, and finding the right outfit and having everything be perfect, but as the date came closer and closer, Kurt felt this constant weight of not having any of those things. The pressure of perfection constantly stopped him every time he thought of buying a ticket, especially when he didn't even have anyone to go with. One part of him hated himself for getting so caught up in something that was supposed to be fun, but the other part of him just couldn't do it. He just couldn't do it.
"Kurt, you're not normal." Blaine spoke suddenly, the words catching Kurt's attention and making him look up in confusion. "You're unique." Blaine assured. "You're creative, and talented, and strong, and gorgeous, and you have every right to go to prom as much as the other students who think there's a such thing as 'normal."
Kurt listened as Blaine spoke, stressing every adjective with so much sincerity that Kurt could feel the anxiety over the night that was yet to happen slowly untangle in his body. He wanted to say something, a 'thank you for being amazing', but he knew if he had opened his mouth, his voice would come out raspy and cracked, so instead he simply wrapped his arms around Blaine and hugged him, burying himself in Blaine's safety and support until he felt like he could breathe again.
There was another long moment of silence as Blaine held Kurt, before he spoke, "Maybe... I could take you. So you won't feel alone."
Kurt shook his head on Blaine's shoulder, hugging Blaine tighter. "You don't have to do that, Blaine." he said softly. Blaine hadn't even put in any thought to going to his own prom, the idea of a school dance being an instant trigger for him. Kurt wouldn't be able to live with himself if he forced Blaine to go.
"I want to." Blaine spoke up. Kurt pulled away slightly, searching Blaine's eyes for any hint of uncertainty, but he received none. "As long as you go and enjoy yourself, I want to be there for you."
"Are you sure...?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded, a smile growing on his face,
"And I want a cheesy invitation to. Like balloons and flowers that spell out 'prom' and everything." Blaine demanded.
Kurt laughed before resting his head back on Blaine's shoulder, nodding. His nose inhaled the faint scent of Blaine's cologne and he closed his eyes once more. "It's a date."