Hello! So close to wrapping this thing up and I am so excited and sad that it is almost over! This chapter was particularly difficult because I've never been in therapy and the closest I got to figuring out how all this should go down is by reading those cheesy articles on 'the ten things needed in a successful relationship' yada yada yada. Hopefully it sounds realistic enough because oddly enough, surgery is easier to write. You cut people open and you can easily find diagrams of all the organs and blood vessels and actual medical conditions with detailed descriptions of causes and treatment. Psychology is way harder since this is stuff you can't really see; you see the effects but you can't really see the thing itself.

Anyway, enough of my rant, Enjoy!

-DFD

Chapter 19

Shaak Ti's office was a little larger than the patient rooms in the delivery wing of the hospital. It has a couch, two chairs and a desk where Shaak sat with her notepad neatly organized in front of her. She smiled at them as she waited for them to get comfortable. Anakin sitting on the end of the sofa with Padme sitting right next to him and letting him wrap is arm around the back of the couch. "I'm sorry for asking you to take time off for this meeting, Dr. Skywalker." She said.

He nodded, "It's fine." He said, "And just call me Anakin."

"Of course." She said as she moved from her desk to one of the chairs, crossing her legs and resting her pad on her lap before folding her fingers over it, "Let's start with the basic How are you? Question." She says.

Anakin shrugs, "Fine- eager for things to get back to normal- but fine."

"And what does normal mean to you?"

"Yoda not assigning me rectal exams for one." He said, "Cardiothoracic surgery, Padme no longer in that brace and back at work."

Shaak nodded, "And how does seeing Padme hurt make you feel?"

"Bad."

"Guilty?" She asked.

Anakin shakes his head, "No." He said, though not with as much conviction as his previous answers.

Shaak takes a moment to jot a note on her pad, "What about when she was in surgery?" She asked, "That must not have been a pleasant wait; several hours of not knowing what was going on."

He nods, "It was terrifying."

"What were you afraid of?"

Anakin furrows his brow and glances between Padme and Shaak Ti, "Losing her." He said.

"Were you afraid you made a mistake?"

"What does that mean?" Padme asked.

Shaak looked at Anakin and nodded, "Tell her." She said.

Anakin looked at Padme and he could see she was afraid what he would say. It wasn't bad. But it wasn't something he really wanted to talk about. That day had not been easy for him either. He might not have been hurt, and he functioned just fine. But he'd be lying if he said he was just as good as he was before this mess. He sighed, and looked at Padme, "You went unconscious before they pulled you out." He said, "When they got you hooked up to the monitors, you went into V-tech. You weren't going to make it. Your stats were too low." Anakin took a shaky breath, "I did an emergency thoracotomy on you in the ambulance." He said, his gaze falling the floor in front of him, "I cut into your side and pushed your ribs out of the way so I could grip your heart. I had your blood all over me. I had your heart in my hand. And I kept it beating until you got into an OR and Ben put you on bypass." He shook his head, "I almost lost you." He said, "I almost lost you and waiting for you to come out, I was afraid they'd tell me I did something wrong."

Padme reached over and took his hand, "You didn't." She said, "You… you saved me." She said barely above a whisper "You saved me." She said again slightly louder and with a smile crossing her face.

"There is clearly a lot of baggage here," Shaak said, directing their attention to her, "What you both need to do, is acknowledge that you both have scars from this event. If you want to move forward, you need to clear the past. You need to talk about it, and do more than just 'work on it' you need to resolve it. And that means more than just working past the problem. It means confronting it. Talking about it. Accepting that it happened and being able to live with it."Shaak pauses and glances down at the calendar on her pad, "I want you both to start on that and come back next week, same time, alright?"

Anakin and Padme nod their heads and leave the office together. The walk to the car is silent as they process what was said. Anakin had not wanted to talk about what he did. He knew Padme didn't like that he hadn't told her, but he could also tell she was worried for him. He hasn't spoken a word since he finished telling what happened. Walking through the door of the apartment, he takes off his jacket and throws it onto the back of the couch before falling into it. "Ani." Padme says as she comes to sit beside him, "Ani please say something." She said.

He sighed, "What do you want me to say?" He asked. He didn't know what to say. Tell her how he felt? Right now he felt drained. When she had been in the hospital before she woke up, he had nightmares that this was the dream and the reality was he had killed her. He made a mistake, he pumped too slowly and her brain was deprived of oxygen too long and she died. Even after she woke up, he was afraid he would wake up and find it was all just a dream. Add to that how he thought none of this would have happened if he had stayed or come back sooner, and it's just a cocktail of horrible feelings.

"Just say something," She said. He shook his head, "How long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?" She asked, "We agreed on it, and yet-"

"I almost killed you." He said, "I didn't, but I could have. And I just…" He scoffs and lets his head fall back to rest on the back of the couch.

Padme moves to sit beside him stroking his head with her hand, "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, "You had plenty of time and you just…

He shook his head, "I didn't want to think about it." He said, "The scar in your side is reminder enough."

She smiles, "A reminder that I'm alive; that you made sure I didn't die."

"A reminder that if I hadn't been such a selfish ass, none of this would have happened."

Now she understood. He could forgive her from what happened with his mother, but he couldn't forgive himself for what he didn't do. She never blamed him for any of this. She was mad at him for leaving, probably still is on some level; but she loves him. And that to her, means she is strong enough to let go. "Ani," She starts, unsure how to get him to see that. Her hand comes to rest on his collarbone and she feels the small bump of one of his scars. She smiles, "Take off your shirt." She says.

"What?" He says, raising his brow at her.

"Take off your shirt." She says again, her fingers already pulling the material up to reveal the strong muscles of his stomach. Slowly, he complies and throws the shirt over the back of the couch.

Her fingers firmly trace some of his scars; a small smile plays at the corners of her lips. As she watches her hands trail up his torso to come to rest on his chest. Her eyes continue the trail to his eyes and she sees the confusion in her demand. "Do you remember when you first showed these to me?" She asked, "I freaked out. I blamed myself for them because I thought if we hadn't broken up, you would have been fine." She paused as she let her finger trace over the scar on his shoulder he told her about. "Do you remember what you told me? You told me that life is too short to waste. That you'd rather look to an infinite future than a past that is already over." Padme shifted to sit up more, reaching for the hem of her shirt she started to lift it up.

"What are you doing?" He asked, his eyes wide as she pulls the shirt off, leaving her in her bra. His mouth hangs open slightly as his eyes trail her chest and abdomen. The red scars a sharp contrast to her fair skin.

She smiles and takes his hand, bringing it to the scar that cuts at her ribs under her arm, "Scars fade, Ani." She said, "That's what you told me. They are reminders of a horrible moment in our lives, but they won't be there forever." She drags his hand back to cover her heart, "But this isn't really a bad memory." She says, "It was a terrible day, but this;" She presses his hand down so he can really feel her pulse, "This wouldn't still be beating if you did nothing. And you have nothing to feel guilty about. There is nothing to forgive." Padme watches as his brow furrows as his eyes focus on where his hand is.

Anakin gives a small smile as she finished speaking. She was using his words against him. And he loved it. He loved how this woman just knew what to say, knew how to remind him of the man he wanted to be. Without her he is miserable. Without her he is nothing. His eyes follow the column of her neck, to her perfect lips, then to the beauty mark on her cheek before finally meeting her eyes. Sitting up, he leans towards her and brings his other hand to cup the back of her neck. "Don't do that to me again." He says, referring to the sinkhole, "Don't ever die on me."

Padme smiles and leans close enough to him she can feel his breath, "Only if you don't." She said, "Promise we won't die on the other." She said, "Promise we'll be together."

"Promise." He said, leaning forward to kiss her. "I wish you didn't have that damn brace." He muttered.

[][][][]

By the time the next appointment with Shaak Ti came around, Anakin and Padme had worked on coming to terms with the events of the sinkhole and the ones leading up to it. Their scars had been bared to one another, ripped open and then they helped each other close them again. It was a painful process and they had to relive the worst weeks of their lives. But in the end, they started to feel better. They got a better feel for who they are as a couple and where lines should be drawn. Shaak Ti took her seat across from the couch as she had the last time as they took their seats. The first thing she asked of them was to talk about what progress they made and how it made them feel. Shaak listened and nodded her head as they spoke and occasionally made a note on her pad.

"I see you've made progress," She says, "But I still have concerns."

"What kind of concerns?" Padme asked.

"The two of you have a very interesting relationship." She said, "Something bad happens, you run away, you claim you love each other, but having just gotten back together, there have already been several arguments with moments of denial in between. And when people question it, you get tense and defensive."

Padme narrowed her eyes at the psychologist, "We're fine." She said, "As you said, we've made progress, and we will continue to make progress. And just because I was tense, doesn't mean anything." She argued, "Maybe I just don't like therapists."

Shaak smiled at her, "Understandable, not many people like someone digging around in their heads. I suppose you and I have that in common at least. But I am just making my observations known." She said, "You have accepted what happened. But now you have to move past it."

"We're already doing that," Anakin said.

She smiled, "Are you?" She asked, "Because if you were moving past it, I'd imagine you would be agreeing to boundaries without worrying about what has already happened." She said, "It is important that the two of you realize that past mistakes do not define the direction things will go. You have learned from them, and you have to trust that the other has as well. You are working on boundaries. But I'd like to suggest something else, something to help simplify the process." Shaak Ti folded her hands over her lap; "Have sex." She said, ignoring the surprised looks they were giving her, "Physical intimacy is proven to have a wide variety of psychological benefits that will make talking about this easier. Shaak glanced down at her calendar, "I will see you two in… two weeks. Or earlier if you need it."

After leaving the office, the two of them stood there for several moments, digesting the advice they had been given. Anakin scratches the back of his neck, "I don't think I've ever been prescribed sex before." He said.

"Me neither." She said, her fingers fidgeting on the handle of the cane.

Anakin noticed it and his eyes trailed over her body, remembering the other night when she sat next to him in just her bra. It was the closest they have gotten to having sex since he first started to pursue her. They both wanted it. They both need it. And they are both being denied by the same thing. "I hate that brace." He said.

Padme nodded, "You're not the one wearing it." She said, her eyes meeting his, "I can't wait till they tell me I can burn it."

He smirks at her, "I'd be more than happy to help with that."

[][][][]

"So basically, Satine is mad at Ben because she kissed him and he just walked away?" Padme asked as they waited for the waiter to come back with their dinner. It was their first date night since they got back together. It wasn't planned. Anakin had gotten back from the hospital earlier than normal, asked if she had dinner yet, then asked if she wanted to go out. It was spontaneous. And random, yet so Anakin and she loved it.

He nodded, "Yeah, and you really do not want to be in an OR with both of them." He said as he reached into the breadbasket, ripping a roll in half; "It's bad. Really bad. Like if there wasn't a patient open on the table, they'd kill each other bad."

Padme shook her head, "It couldn't have been that bad." He had a tendency to exaggerate, though she can't say she wouldn't have been that mad if she were in Satine's shoes. If Anakin had done something like that, she probably would have punched him. But he'd never react like that. He would spend the whole day kissing her if he could. "Satine is more sensible than to be petty because he isn't good with showing affection."

Anakin gives a shrug, "Maybe." He admitted. Reaching across the table, he entwined their fingers, rubbing his thumb lovingly across her knuckle, "I'm just glad neither of us were ever that dense."

Padme smiled and leaned forward, resting her elbow on the table, "Well, you were rather obvious." She said, "Who says 'I'm going to marry you' after knowing them for ten minutes?"

He smirked, "I was nine and had yet to master the art of flirtation." He defended.

Her eyes narrowed playfully at him, "Are you calling your cheesy pick up lines flirting?"

"They worked on you." He said with a shrug, letting go of her hand when he saw their meals coming from the kitchen.

She wasn't sure how to respond to that. His idea of flirting was… different. He could be funny in a way that is reminiscent of 90's romcoms; but he was also… honest. The way he complimented her… it was more than just pretty words strung loosely together. They reached his eyes. She could see that whatever he said, every time he said she was beautiful or called her an angel, he meant it. And yes, it did work on her, but then again, why wouldn't it?

Padme looked up from the pasta dish in front of him and watched as he cut into his steak. After everything that has happened, she can't believe her luck that she is still with this man. The past two months have been so emotionally draining with one problem following another; and yet here they are. Together, enjoying dinner as if the world is not fighting them. No serious talks about the future, no worries, just them. In the moment.

Anakin looks up from his steak and meets her eyes, "What?"

She shakes her head, "Nothing," She says, reaching for his hand again and he gives it to her freely, "Just wondering what I did that made me so lucky to be here with you."

He smiles, "I was just wondering the same thing." He said, "You are far too perfect for me."

Padme squeezes his hand tightly and shakes her head, "No, You're too good for me."

Anakin laughs, "Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"Have you?"

Putting down his fork, he takes her hand in both of his, "I've known from the moment we met, that you were way out of my league. You were beautiful- even more so now- intelligent, compassionate, ambitious; you are more than I ever expected. More than I deserve, especially after all of this shit we've gone through."

Padme fights back the tears welling up in her eyes from his words. He really does not see how perfect he is. "Ani-"

"We can argue about who doesn't deserve who for the rest of our lives." He says, "But that won't change the fact that everything I just said is true. You're perfect."

"So are you." She said, trying to convey with her eyes just how much she means it. And it works. He returns the gaze and for several minutes they forget everything and simply relish their moment of pure contentment until the waiter comes to refill their drinks.

[][][][]

Padme sat on the exam as Dr. Windu examined her leg. Following her physical therapy session that day, they had sent her to see him straight away. For a moment she had been afraid she did something wrong. But she felt fine. She has been feeling fine. Doing the exercises she was instructed to do no longer tired her out and she felt like the range of motion in the limb was just as good as it had been before. There couldn't be something wrong. She isn't sure how many more weeks she can take in the damn brace. Though she does have to admit it is better than being stuck in a cast.

Windu had her flex her leg and squeezed around where her leg had been broken, feeling for abnormalities before rotating on the stool to look at the x-rays he ordered. Holding them up to the light, Padme tilted her head a little to see for herself. She might not be an orthopedic surgeon, but she knew a healthy leg when she saw one.

"I think everything is good here," He said after a moment, returning the scans to its folder, "The patella is moving the way it should and the tendons have been fully repaired. The bolts in the fibula are holding nicely. And I think you have regained enough strength that you don't need the brace anymore." He said, "As for working, I think you can handle maybe a four hour surgery right now. We'll continue to work with the therapist to get you to a longer surgery but I don't see any reason to keep you on disability."

Padme's eyes widen, "I can work?"

He nods, "Just don't push it."

"And the brace?" She hoped he said she didn't need it. While it helped keep herself from hurting her leg unintentionally, it was wearing out its welcome.

"Keep it for if the leg hurts, but you don't need it all the time anymore."

Padme leaped off of the table and hugged Windu. She was too happy to contain herself in that moment. "Thank you!" She said, her elation evident by the smile on her face.

"You're welcome," Windu mumbled; his eyes wide with surprise. Doctor Padme Amidala was not the kind of person to leap with joy and hug people. She hugged her friends, and her patients when they needed it; but among colleagues she was the epitome of professionalism.

She pulled back after a moment and cleared her throat as she composed herself, "I'm sorry," She said, "I don't know what came over me."

He held his hand up, "It's… alright. I suppose you were just getting tired of the brace."

She nodded, "Yeah. Well, if that's all…"

He nodded, "Yes, um, you can go."

Padme smiled as she left the room without a brace and walking stick for the first time in weeks. She couldn't wait until tonight. She was free of the thing that has been keeping her from showing Anakin just how much she wants him. She started to walk towards the exit, when a thought occurred to her. He was here. She was here. And there were on call rooms on almost every level. She's never done something like this before. Never been… spontaneous like this. But in this moment, it's too good to ignore. Turing around, she makes her way to the surgical floor and finds an empty on call room.