She expected this. She had been through it twice, after all. The first when she joined the army. The second when Helix recruited her. Fareeha knew full well how this would play out. For the first few months, all that would come out of her comrades' mouths was 'Ana, Ana, Ana'. How great Ana was. How Ana inspired her peers and subordinates. How Ana single-handedly saved an entire squad or a mass of civilians. How Ana looked amazing on Overwatch posters. How Ana was such a capable mother, to have raised such a capable daughter.
But the kicker always was how sorry they were about Ana's death.
Fareeha clutched onto her mug. Not too tightly; she did not want her impatience to show. She kept the practiced smile on her face as she watched Reinhardt slam a hand onto the table, recounting a mission he had with Ana. He was the biggest challenge she had encountered so far. Everyone who ever told stories of Ana in front of her – as an icebreaker – always did it with reverence. They would finish their tales with a respectful pause, resting sympathetic gazes on Fareeha. And that was where it usually ended. But this German giant would clap his hand on her shoulder at frequent intervals, sharing a passionate gaze that he expected to be reciprocated. That was her cue to grin and nod, sometimes laugh depending on the tone of the story.
He was trying so hard to wring every bit of familial pride from Fareeha. A daughter who no doubt loved her hero of a mother. A hero who had chosen not to appear before her child, even after recovering from her supposed death. A hero who did not care enough for her friends to tell them she was alive.
What a kicker indeed.
Satisfied with Fareeha's positive reaction, Reinhardt's hand fell from her shoulder again as he continued with the story. The rest of the squad's attention fell away from her, and onto Reinhardt's vivid description of Ana and her acts of valour. Fareeha sipped on her hot chocolate, feeling its heat but not tasting its sweetness. Her tongue was coated with an entirely different taste. Sitting at the corner of the table, it was easy to forget that she was now part of the squad. The ghost of Ana made it so easy. She wondered how many of them could look at her without seeing Ana first.
She expected this. She had been through it twice. But the third time was not getting any easier. Excusing herself softly on the pretense of having leftover work, Fareeha patted Reinhardt's massive bicep and strode out of the kitchen. It was more comfortable walking along the darkened hallway. At least she did not have to act happy as she did back there. She did not have to act like she belonged.
Choosing to go sit at the cliff side she had spotted in the first week, Fareeha took a turn towards the exit instead of the living quarters. It brought her past the med bay doors, which opened just as she passed.
The doctor's tired gaze landed on her, recognition lighting up blue irises.
"Fareeha."
She halted, taken by surprise. Angela needed no pause to remember she was not her mother. The comforting smile that sat just behind her lips – for those who still missed Ana – died away. Fareeha stood mutely with the mug in her hands, as the doctor started to look concerned.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Fareeha recovered enough to speak smoothly. She smiled anyway – a genuine one. "Are you just knocking off?" The watch on Fareeha's wrist told her it was 10.42pm. Much too late for the doctor to still be toiling away at her table.
"Yes. And you?" Angela glanced at her mug. "Where are you headed?"
"Outside. To…sit," she finished lamely.
"Oh. Would you like some company?"
Fareeha tapped a finger against her cup. She had not expected the question. Was she just asking out of courtesy? Or did she really mean it? Angela looked quite worn out – hair pulled messily back into a ponytail, light bags hanging beneath her eyes. The doctor had a tendency to lose herself in work, and no one could quite figure out how to intervene without being scared shitless.
As if sensing her hesitance, Angela explained, "I can't fall asleep right after work. Need some time to unwind."
Fareeha nodded in understanding.
"It would be nice to unwind with someone for a change."
Who in the world could refuse such a sweet smile? Fareeha's eyes widened when the thought flitted through her mind. She gave herself a mental slap, but it seemed her brain was well and truly fried – her hands jerked upwards to obey the command. Never had she been more thankful to be carrying just a half-filled cup; the hot chocolate sloshed menacingly towards the rim before settling back again.
"Are you alright, Fareeha? You look a little flushed."
The cool hand came to rest on her forehead, and Fareeha fought to keep her body still.
"I'm fine. Just–uh." There was a sense of loss when the chilly touch left her skin. "I would love company. If you're up for it."
"I am," Angela said, a corner of her mouth quirked. "Just let me get some tea, and I'll be with you."
When Angela learned of her plan to sit by the cliff side, she suggested another spot instead. It had a much better view, Angela promised, and she came through. Fareeha stood behind the safety railings, staring out at the dark sea from the top of the communications tower. There was something soothing about the large, ominously black body of water. She felt an urge to float in it. Jump in and just…float.
"The sky is beautiful too, you know," Angela said. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall of the control room.
Fareeha lifted her gaze and found that she was right. Innumerable stars shone above, forming a glittering sea of their own. Her urge to float in the sea grew stronger. To have such a beautiful view before her eyes as she lay in the water…the prospect was too appealing. She turned back to where the doctor sat, smiling up at Fareeha.
"I like coming up here when I need to clear my mind," Angela said as Fareeha sat down beside her. "It is relaxing, no?"
"It is." Fareeha returned the smile, then turned her gaze back forward. She lifted her cup of hot – now cold – chocolate and took a sip. Angela started asking about her well-being, how she was coping with being in Overwatch. Fareeha found herself growing tense as she answered the questions, dreading one that will inevitably be about another Amari.
But it never came. Angela continued asking about her life in Helix, then in the army. She listened to Fareeha's little anecdotes, always giving her full attention despite her weary state. Asking astute questions, giggling at funny bits, prompting her to continue. For the first time since she arrived at Gibraltar, Fareeha felt…present. Solid. No spectre of Ana Amari looming over her. No expectations. No barrier built by a family legacy. She could reach out to Angela without fear of being mistaken for another. And Angela could step into her circle as her first real…friend. Not colleague. Friend. She liked the sound of that.
Angela yawned grandly, leaning her head against the wall.
"Would you like to go back in?" Fareeha asked. Her companion hummed ambiguously and did not move. So they fell into a comfortable silence, Fareeha draining her cup as Angela closed her eyes. She looked out at the sea again, keeping her ears pricked to pick up the faint sound of waves crashing upon the cliff face below. It was tempting to stay here into the early morning, but Angela seemed to–
Something landed on her shoulder. Fareeha's heart slammed once against her chest in surprise. Then she turned her gaze to find a blonde head resting peacefully on her. Chest squeezing with a tenderness she had not felt in years, Fareeha leaned over carefully and picked up the cup dangling dangerously from Angela's fingers. She set it aside on the floor, wondering how to deal with the sleeping doctor. Wake her up? What if she did not appreciate the interruption? What about carrying her back. But what if she woke up halfway? It would make things a little awkward.
She settled for sitting just a bit longer, wishing the warmth on her shoulder would never leave. When it seemed Angela would not be waking any time soon, Fareeha decided to carry the doctor back. She left the cups on the floor – she would return for them later – and gathered Angela gently into her arms, beginning their descent down the tower.
She had been through it twice. But this time, someone had reached her through the Amari furore. Seen her for who she was – a person, not a daughter.
Fareeha peeked down at the sleepy head resting on her shoulder, nursing a tiny bubble of hope. This time. Maybe this time, she would not have to ride out the rough start by herself.