Author's Note: Thank you many times :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

Nineteen

The next few weeks passed too quickly. Bella and I rotated from her hotel room to Alice's studio to my apartment. I had become freakishly good at helping Alice with sewing and refitting clothes, but only when it came to minor details; she wouldn't let me anywhere near her pieces unattended. But finding specific pieces of fabric or accessory, pinning, and holding things in place for her – that was all me. In between that I went to my office, to the partially completed (at least on the outside) construction site, and out to the bar with Jasper to prove that my sense of masculinity had not in fact diminished, something Jasper questioned me on when he heard about the accessory fetching.

Bella met Jasper after her first full week in New York; Alice was supposed to come with us, but had a meeting she couldn't reschedule. Bella was hoping her group and my group, or Jasper that is, would get along so she was a little disappointed Alice hadn't met him yet. I told her not to worry; at the very least he was coming to her show.

I figured out that I was completely in love with Bella on a Tuesday night. It was the second week she was here and we'd just gotten back to my apartment from picking up some Chinese food. We were sitting on the floor, our backs against the ottoman, watching Big Fish on cable. About halfway through sharing our food, she looked at me while I ate, her head tilted. I raised my eyebrows at her, my mouth too full to speak.

"How do you use those?"

"What? Chopsticks?" I looked down at my hand.

She nodded, "yeah, I always wanted to be able to, but I lack the necessary coordination or something." She scooted closer and I put an arm around her shoulders and handed her my chopsticks.

I tilted my head closer to hers until they almost touched. "Ok, put the first one between your thumb and middle finger," I tried to help her as she awkwardly repositioned it in her hand; she dropped it on accident and furrowed her eyebrows. I leaned forward to grab the second set of chopsticks, fixing the first one in my hand to show her.

"You make it look too easy," she grinned.

"You make it look too difficult," I smiled crookedly at her. "Here," I moved it in her hand until it was right. "Now take the second one –,"

"Uh oh."

I smiled, "take the second one and hold it between your thumb and forefinger," I watched as she did it and looked up at me.

"Like this?"

I nodded, "yeah, now you move that one up and down and the other one doesn't move at all." I demonstrated and she copied me, using her left hand to fix the chopsticks when they began to fall. I picked up one of the containers of beef and broccoli, "grab something." She looked entirely too focused; it was cute. She lifted her utensils out of the box, holding a piece of broccoli and smiling brightly. I laughed, "good job, love."

Bella brought it closer to my face, "here," just as I opened my mouth to take it the broccoli snapped out of the chopsticks, hitting my chin once before coming to a stop on my pajama pants. "Oh!" Bella grabbed the piece of food and a napkin. "That's going to stain; I'm sorry."

"It's ok, these are pajama pants," I took the napkin she offered and swiped it over the fabric to make her feel better; it had barely left a mark. "I still want the broccoli," I grinned and she used her fingers to pop it into my mouth. Bella was looking at me in this hopeful way like she wasn't sure I liked what I was eating. I could hear the television in the background.

"You don't even know me."

"I have the rest of my life to find out."

I knew then that I loved her; I couldn't say it was a spur of the moment thing. I knew I was starting to feel something…maybe months ago, maybe when I read her first letter, the one that wasn't even to me. But at that second, it just fit together; this was how I was supposed to feel. It's like when you finally remember the answer to a question that's been bothering you completely out of the blue.

I wanted to tell her right then, in retrospect maybe I should have. After her reaction to my question about children though, I was hesitant to spring anything else on her. So instead I pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head, keeping my mouth shut.

The faster the days passed, the more I wanted to tell her, but I started noticing something that stopped me. I already knew Bella had trouble sleeping, so I couldn't tell if this was worse or simply the norm. She would toss and have nightmares that woke her, sometimes the both of us. She talked in her sleep as well, which at first I thought was endearing, but the first time she said Mike and then later, Charlie, I started paying closer attention. I couldn't make sense of most of what she said, but I knew it had to do with whatever she was keeping from me.

I wanted her to trust me enough to tell me what had happened to her; I kept myself from asking Alice for exactly that reason. Although I doubt she would have said anything regardless.

I knew Bella didn't trust me the way I trusted her; I wasn't sure if Bella really trusted anyone entirely. She put space between us; I couldn't tell if she realized it or not. I would catch her every once in a while caught up in her own world; I'd see her staring out the window or at some insignificant object with this look on her face that I couldn't quite describe. It was like she was carrying the weight of the world for lack of a better turn of phrase. When I asked her about it, she'd say she was just zoning out.

I was becoming afraid she wasn't as happy here with me as I was with her.

But it wasn't always as melancholy as I'm making it out to be, most days she was the Bella I fell in love with – selfless and kind, brilliant and funny, gorgeous and many other adjectives that wouldn't do her justice. I could never predict what she might say; she took me by surprise and she made me laugh. Sometimes when she smiled I could see hints of light underneath whatever hurt she kept with her; I wanted to see more.

The night before Emmett and Rosalie were due to arrive, Bella was nervous. We were in bed in her hotel room; I'd tried to "distract" her, but to no avail. "Are you afraid I won't make a good impression?" I grinned at her in the dark.

"I know Emmett seemed friendly when you first talked to him, but he can be scary when he wants to be…And he's really protective of us; he's the only guy in the group."

"I'm protective of you too," I didn't know what point that had in our conversation, but I said it anyway.

"I know, but I don't need you to defend me from Emmett," I could hear the smile in her voice. She paused and then laughed, apparently at the thought of me having to defend her against her bear of a friend.

I turned so I was lying on top of her; I had a one track mind that night. I couldn't help it, Bella was barely wearing pajamas. "What? You don't think I could take him?"

She laughed again, which didn't exactly stroke my ego.

I frowned in mock offense, "that hurts, Bella."

She quieted and ran a hand through my hair. "You could take him; you're very tough." She smiled wide like she was trying not to laugh.

"Now you're just placating me," I pouted; this was kind of fun.

"I am not," she grabbed my arms, apparently for effect. "You're strong…and buff, but not in a big way."

"Are you calling me small?"

She grinned, catching the double entendre before I did. "Definitely not."

I blushed and her smile grew.

"Are you blushing?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

"How can you tell? It's not light enough in here."

"You are blushing."

"Hush."

She laughed and I ran my fingers along her sides, eliciting a much louder, less controlled fit of laughter. She tilted her head back and I took the opportunity to taste the soft skin below her jaw. Her laughter cut off and became a half moan.

For the rest of the night I forgot about my worries, Bella's nervousness, and everything else. It was just us.