Author's Note: I'm hopelessly grateful :) I have a second part to this note at the end of the chapter.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

Twenty Three

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I was face to face (or actually face to carton) with a reminder of the night before. There was a small spot of melted ice cream on Edward's nightstand, but the spoon was nowhere in sight. Chocolate. The memory sent a pleasurable shiver down my spine. I turned over to see Edward, but he was still sound asleep. As carefully as I could manage, I got up and searched around for a shirt, but came up empty. I pulled open his closet and grabbed the first thing I saw that didn't look like something he'd need for work and slipped it over my head. It was his Yale sweatshirt; it was a deep blue and went down to mid-thigh. I had to push the sleeves up to free my hands.

My stomach felt empty in that same way it did the morning of my first ever hangover, but I didn't have the headache or nausea along for the ride. I took one last longing look at the bed. Chocolate ice cream covered parts of Edward. I would have felt a little silly about it if it hadn't been me on the giving and receiving end.

I had never seen him even remotely intoxicated before; it set his libido into overdrive. I had no problem with this.

The front door and remnants of clothing were visible as I got to the end of the hall and I began wondering why I got out of bed in the first place before my stomach growled noisily. I pulled out the ingredients for omelets and got to work. Sometime during the process, Edward woke up and something in the vicinity started vibrating. He laughed and kissed my shoulder, "it's not me."

"Oh, my phone," I looked around for my purse. Edward found it and handed it to me; I pulled out my cell. "Alice sent me a text message…actually…several." I felt the worry first and then the guilt and then confusion. If she was in trouble wouldn't she actually call? Did she try Emmett and Rose? Wasn't Jasper with her? We didn't leave her all alone, did we? And then it was mostly guilt. Snap out of it and read her messages. I opened the first one.

Why didn't I meet Jasper sooner?! He's perfect!

I grinned, so far so good.

Return my damn texts! Or are you a little…preoccupied?

And then:

You guys can use the limo. Jasper and I are taking a taxi. Don't wait up.

I let Edward read them. "Should I call her?"

He had a big grin on his face, "no, leave them be for now." He kissed my forehead and then got to work picking up our shed clothing from the entryway; while kneeling, he picked up something and looked at it, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What is it?" I scooped the omelets onto a couple of plates.

He cleared his throat, "I…tore your underwear last night." He seemed bothered. I wasn't, last night was the most erotic experience of my life.

"That's ok, I have more," I shrugged.

Edward stood up quickly, dropping the clothes before striding over to me. He touched his fingers to my neck as if he were examining me, when he pulled at the collar of the sweatshirt I knew what he was looking for. I saw his expression change when he saw it, the little mark where he'd bitten me. I had no idea what it looked like, but I knew I bruised easily so it probably looked worse than it was; I couldn't even feel it. His voice sounded very small, "I hurt you…Was I too…?" He trailed off and let go of me.

I took his face between my hands to make him look at me though I didn't know what I was going to say. "Last night was…incredible. You didn't hurt me," he looked doubtful. "Trust me, in the middle of all of that you could have been a lot rougher and I would have still loved it," I tried not to blush. "I liked your…voraciousness."

The corners of his mouth started to turn up and I saw the hint of a blush spreading across his cheeks. He grabbed my waist and put his face to my neck, trailing kisses to the bruise; I knew he was also hiding his crimson face. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and he pulled his face back to look at me. "You know," he added, "you look really good in my clothes." He did my favorite lopsided grin and then I was the one fighting back a blush.

"Sorry, I couldn't find,-"

He cut me off with a quick kiss, "keep it."

Like, for the rest of the trip? Or forever?

"Take it back with you," he said.

I was equal parts excited and depressed by that statement. There was some part of me, growing louder by the day, hoping he'd ask me to stay in New York. Another part was terrified by the possibility. And the big dark mass that overshadowed everything kept telling me I would find some way to screw everything up no matter what he asked or didn't ask me to do.

We got ready once we finished eating; I was a little anxious to see if Alice was back in her hotel room. I put Edward's sweatshirt back on over a pair of jeans and grabbed my clothes from the night before.

I debated going straight over to Alice's door, but Edward told me to relax so I went into my own room to pack the dress and sweatshirt. I had this irrational fear I'd spill something on it that would never come out making him regret he'd given it to me. I put on another Alice top and then waltzed next door to check on her. I meant to knock like a regular human being, but instead it was a series of hyper raps on her door. I paused for a second and was just about to knock again when the door opened.

It was Jasper – with nothing on save a towel wrapped dangerously low on his hips. I opened my mouth part way and tried to laser my focus to his face. He leaned casually on the partially opened door, "hey Bella." I knew he could see me blushing; I could guide planes onto a runway with this glow.

I was about to run back to my room when I heard giggling in the background. Alice called out from somewhere in the room, "if he promises to put some clothes on will you come inside?"

I opened my mouth and tried to think of the appropriate answer to that question when Jasper opened the door the rest of the way and stepped aside. I avoided glancing at him as I walked toward the desk which Alice had refashioned into a vanity. I heard the click of the bathroom door behind me and I relaxed minutely. Alice grinned widely as she applied mascara to her already long lashes. I waited for an explanation that didn't appear to be coming.

"Alice! I'm dying here," I said, exasperated. I leaned on the desk, holding a tiny tub of some sort of product in my hands.

"Well, Jasper and I discovered that we…get along quite well," she switched her application to the other eye.

I never do this, but I was feeling too curious for my own good. "You've got to give me more than that," I stage whispered, "you just met him yesterday!"

"You had sex with Edward on the first date." She said at normal volume.

I cringed, quickly checking to see that the bathroom door was still shut. I sighed, "ok, so…what happened?"

She shrugged, but I could see that look in her eye she got when she was really happy about something. "We just…clicked. We started talking and he's – he's charming and completely brilliant, and there's just something about him. It's hard to explain; he made me feel relaxed, I guess. But that's not really right either. And the way he looks at me, Bella – you have no idea." She grinned at her reflection.

I knew exactly what she was talking about though; it was the same way Edward looked at me.

We decided to have a late lunch once they were ready (I discovered that by the time we got to the hotel it was already after one o'clock); I went back to my room feeling a little like a teenager as I reported back to Edward. He didn't seem to think it was as surprising as I did; he just chuckled to himself and said, "way to go, Jasper."

Alice picked the lunch spot. We were all pretty hungry; Alice and I had big chicken sandwiches while the boys ate greasy cheeseburgers. We stole fries off their plates and chatted about random things – Alice's show, the people she'd met the night before; we also asked lots of questions about what Edward and Jasper were like in college and they delighted in telling embarrassing stories about each other. I had never really been on a double date before, but it was nice. The four of us got along well and it was nice to see Jasper open up and Alice relax; she'd been so anxious leading up to the night before.

She was still nervous though; she had yet to hear from Angela what the fashion insiders thought of her show. I'd catch her checking her Blackberry and frowning, like she was expecting a missed call. Jasper would brush his fingers over the top of her hand and just look at her in such a way, it was hard to explain. Her shoulders would loosen up and her grimace would disappear completely.

We took a walk after lunch; Edward and Jasper pointed out pieces of architecture they liked and interesting places that tourists wouldn't typically see. I knew they were just showing off, but it was still the perfect day.

I should have remembered that I'm the biggest destroyer of my own happiness.

Edward and I went back to his apartment with nothing to do but spend time together; it was something we both knew was quickly running out. He had to work the next two days; his supervisors weren't too keen on giving him as much time off as they had over the past month, so today was our last official full day together. We were all leaving on Saturday.

Between one movie ending and another beginning, I realized Edward was staring at me. It was something he did fairly often, but it felt different this time; I knew he had something he wanted to say, something I'd been avoiding hearing. I kept my eyes trained on the television.

"Bella," his voice was low and soft.

"Hmm?" It came out too high.

"What's going to happen after Saturday?"

"What do you mean?" You know exactly what he means.

He rearranged himself so he was facing me, with an arm slung over the back of the couch and a leg folded in front of him. "I mean, what's going to happen with us? Do things just go back to the way they were?" He still looked like he had something else he wanted to say.

I turned to mirror his position, my eyes downcast. Tell him no, tell him you love him and can't imagine being apart. Tell him you want to stay with him forever. Make him smile, make plans, tell him everything. "It can. I don't want to make things difficult for you. It'd be easier to just…revert…" I picked at one of my nails absently. Don't do this to him.

"I don't want it to just 'be easier'." He leaned forward a little. "I'm not…very good at this, but I know I want to be with you. I don't think I can do that if I'm in New York and you're in California."

Something prickled at that inside me. You're trying to pick a fight; you know what he's asking…Please don't do this. "Are you giving me an ultimatum?" I looked up at his face; he looked hurt.

"No, I wouldn't do that." His voice was still calm. "I just…," he ran a hand through his hair. "I want to be able to see my girlfriend every day. I just want to figure something out with you. "

He's being pretty damn reasonable about this. "I don't want you to have to change everything just to accommodate me."

He let out a held breath, "why do you do that?" He had that crease between his eyebrows that he got when he was agitated; I remembered it from when he almost fought with those guys at the bar with Emmett.

Because you hurt people; you think it'll be easier alone, easier to keep your pain to yourself. "I'm not doing anything," I said lamely. "I just don't want you to go out of your way for me -,"

He made a mildly frustrated sound, "stop it. Just…don't. Look, I want…" he sucked in a breath and I already knew what he was going to say. "I want you to stay. I want you to stay with me. It doesn't have to be this difficult." He said it quietly and shifted his eyes down when he was finished talking.

I could feel a corner of my heart beginning to break. He looked vulnerable and my fingertips twitched with the urge to run my fingers through his hair. You're hurting him. "I can't…do that."

"Why? Are you afraid to? You can stay with me; I'll help you. We can find a school -,"

"No," I didn't know what exactly I was saying no to; I just couldn't stand to hear the slightly pleading tone his voice had taken on. I knew I was reaching at this point. "I can't just uproot my life."

He scoffed, losing his patience. "What life, Bella?"

"I have a life down there; I have -,"

"Oh, give me a break! You spent part of your first trip here alone in a bar writing a letter to yourself about how shitty you felt!"

"Maybe I should never have written it then…"

"You know that's not what I'm saying." He took a step back and paced a few feet away from me before turning back around. He pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "I can't…" He let his hand fall back down to his side. "What is it? What are you so afraid of? What are you hiding from me? I'm not stupid; I know this is what everything is really about."

I fought the urge to shrink back into the cushions. "Nothing…it's not important." You bet your life it's important.

"Dammit, Bella! Don't do this. You can't close yourself off like this and expect me to stand by like an idiot waiting for the day you decide to let me in!" I could tell this was something that had been bothering him for a while.

Don't let him leave; he's the best thing that's ever happened to you. "So, what? If I don't suddenly change who I am, you're going to leave me?" This isn't who you are.

"No," his voice was controlled, "that's not what I mean. But Bella, how can you expect this to work if you're not being honest with me?"

"I'm not lying to you." I knit my eyebrows together.

"You're hiding something."

I was angry. "It's none of your business, Edward!" Push him away, it's what you do.

"You are my business. You hurt, I hurt." He took a step forward. I thought I recognized the look in his eye. "I want to know what happened."

Pity. Curiosity. I jumped up, my heart racing. "Don't look at me like that – don't look at me like you feel sorry for me. I get enough of that at home. Poor Bella; I can't stand it! It's like everyone's waiting for me to just fall apart or something, well I won't."

"Dammit, you know that's not how I am, but I can't do this. It can't be a goddamn battle just to get you to talk to me, Bella -,"

"I have nothing to say, there's nothing I need to talk to you about. There's no 'opening up' that I need to do."

"Yes there is, and you're pushing me away because of it. What could possibly be so important that it's worth this?"

I didn't speak and it frustrated him even more. I wondered how long he'd been thinking about this and about how I'd tried to be normal for him and how that wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I hurt people just by being myself.

"Get over it," he spat.

I could see he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, but in that instant I felt a surge of protectiveness; I could feel it curve around my pain and my memories like armor. Please don't do this. The voice, some part of me I didn't totally understand, was getting fainter. My desire to protect my past was getting stronger.

I looked him in the eye and lied. I knew what to aim for – the one thing he wasn't sure about. "I don't want to stay here with you." I sighed heavily, "I don't want to lead you on, I don't…feel the same way about you as you feel about me." I couldn't look at his face as I said the last part. "I don't love you." My voice sounded weak and false to my ears and I prayed anyway that it would be enough; I prayed that it would be better this way. He would be able to get on with his life without me as a weight on his back.

I heard another piece of my heart break and fall away.

Everyone I love leaves and it's all my fault.

I looked back into his eyes and saw something there I'd never seen before. Edward was a good man; he worked hard and never complained. He rarely asked for anything; he was selfless and had an easy smile. He was determined and smart and optimistic and kind. He liked ice cream and coffee and taking really hot showers in the morning. He trusted me.

I knew then that he really loved me. He loved me too much to ever try and force me to stay if I didn't want to. I could see it; I'd hit a nerve. He thought I was telling the truth; he thought I didn't want him.

Tell him the truth!

Take it back! You can't do this to him!

Please, you can stop this!

He loves you so much.

I could see it in his eyes.

Defeat.

I knew I had just broken his heart.

Author's Note: Fret not! I know what I'm doing!

And in advance for you guys being so cool, I've put up a preview of the Tinsel Town sequel. If you go to my profile and click on my homepage, you can read it.

Many thank you's for reading.