Author's Note: I'm so happy you guys are still reading! Also, you're really cute when you fret :). Muchos thank you's. Ok, so this chapter switches points of view; I added a line break to show where.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

Twenty Four

What have I done? What have I done? WhathaveIdone?

It was my only thought; my steps were paced to it from the moment I left his apartment. I couldn't look at him anymore and I knew I might never get that expression out of my head no matter how quickly I ran away. Hurt. Defeat. Love. He was going to let me go; he thought I didn't want him. But I do love him! I'm so in love with him that it terrifies me. I tried to think of the reasons I left him as I ran outside and onto the sidewalk; I walked for a while and got hopelessly lost. I had this strange feeling I was walking in the exact opposite direction as my hotel, but I didn't turn around. I went the wrong way anyway.

I thought I was doing this for his own good. I wasn't right; I wasn't good enough. Cliché, cliché, cliché. It was easier this way; I would only end up hurting him with everything I carried with me every day. I thought about what it would be like if we tried staying together – I would grow distant, sad; I would push him away. It's what I do; it's what I did to Mike in the beginning of our relationship's decay. I would hurt Edward a little bit, day by day until I finally gave up trying at all. I knew he wouldn't ever give up; I knew he would try to join me, that he would lower himself to meet me in this place in my head I lived. That would wound him so much more than what I did tonight.

When I began becoming more aware of my surroundings, I realized I had found my way into what looked like a very bad neighborhood. I was fairly certain a drug deal was going on across the street and that they had noticed me. The two men, one much larger – the dealer I presumed – stared at me as I looked around for a street sign or anything that would tell me where I was. Before I actually noticed what they were doing I had briefly thought about asking them where I was; I laughed morbidly to myself at their probable reaction. It would serve me right.

The bigger man raised his chin and looked at me, a portion of his face blocked by his the hood of his sweatshirt. "You lost, little girl?" He called out. I couldn't tell if he seemed amused or angered by me.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, wishing I had a jacket. I didn't know whether to answer him or keep walking, but in the end I was more afraid of ignoring him than not. I noticed a very expensive car empty of passengers idling a few yards from the men. I didn't see any other people. "Yeah," I called back in what I hoped sounded like an assertive voice. I suddenly felt very naïve.

Both men were facing me now; the smaller one couldn't stand still. I could see the constant twitch in his fingers as he paused to look at me. The man with the hood grinned part way, "where you going?" He took a couple steps into the street.

I was too afraid to give him the right address so instead I said "Gramercy." I figured I could get a taxi from there, assuming this man didn't kill me and dump my body in the gutter first.

He crossed the rest of the way to me alone and laughed; his teeth were unnaturally white. "You're in the wrong place, little girl."

I could feel my erratic pulse in various parts of my body and I prayed that he couldn't hear it.

He stepped onto the sidewalk, "what are you doing in Gramercy?"

I stuttered, "going home." I clamped my mouth shut to keep my teeth from chattering and tightened my arms across my chest.

He looked completely relaxed and stepped forward again, close enough to touch me. "It's early." He waited for me to say something, but my voice wasn't working anymore. He reached out and ran the backs of his fingers over my arm, from the shoulder to my elbow. I startled, taking a half step back. I tried desperately to remember which way I'd come from and fought the urge to turn around and look for a way out. "You should come hang out with me," he smiled, but it didn't look friendly.

I darted a quick glance across the street; the addict was shifting his weight from one foot to the other like he was about to do something. I couldn't decide if he was my only hope or if he was just going to keep watching. I looked back to the man in front of me and shook my head.

He still looked like he was about to laugh at me, like someone was going to jump out and say all of this was just a big joke. "Why not? I'll take care of you." He stepped close enough that I could feel his breath and when he reached out again he grabbed my arm firmly in his large hand.

I tried squirming out of his grip, feeling like an animal caught in a trap. I could hear something now, an odd strangled sound that I realized was coming from me. My eyes were beginning to water, but I could see that the man was still smiling.

And then he let go of me.

He chuckled, "I was just playing, little girl."

He said something else, but I didn't wait to hear it. I took off running; I had no idea which way I was going. As I increased the distance, I heard his howling laughter echo off the buildings.

I tried to find her after she walked out on me.

Maybe because I'm a masochist, or maybe because even though I denied it, I really would stand by like an idiot waiting for her to let me in. That thought tugged at me as I walked aimlessly, hoping I'd catch her before she got too far.

When I finally convinced myself she wasn't anywhere nearby, I went home and tried calling Alice. I gave her as few details as possible, but she put together enough to know that it was bad. Our short conversation was the closest I'd come to just asking Alice what had happened to Bella to make her so shut down. But I still felt like I'd be betraying Bella by fishing for information from someone else. Before she hung up, she agreed to ask Rose and Emmett if they'd seen her without raising their curiosity and to call me with any news.

I was lost and frustrated; I was hurt most of all and getting angrier for feeling that way. I didn't believe the things Bella said.

At first.

I'm ashamed to say that I stayed up all night; I stayed up and waited for Alice to call, or Bella to call, or anyone that could shed some goddamn light on what was going on. As the night wore on, anger trumped any other emotion I'd been feeling. I didn't know what the hell was wrong; I didn't know why she couldn't trust me, why she hid things from me, why she was lying to me. I let her into my home and into my life; she knew my history, my beliefs, my likes and dislikes and I was beginning to realize I knew almost nothing about her. I started to think that maybe I'd fallen in love with someone else, someone I thought she was or wanted her to be. I began to think things that started with 'how dare she'.

But I still stayed up all night.

At six o'clock I took a shower and got ready for work; I forgot to make coffee so I grabbed one right outside my building. It was still very early so I walked to work, trying lamely to stop myself from glancing around for Bella. I bought another coffee from a place across the street from my office and then grudgingly went inside.

Jasper was already there, bent over a sheet of paper with a T-square in his hand. I checked my watch; it was only a little after seven o'clock; Jasper was like a trained monkey when he was involved in a project. He looked up when he heard me walk in, "morning, you look like shit."

I didn't have the energy for a comeback so I grunted my disapproval and sat down.

Things didn't get any better from there. My boss yelled at the both of us for having to push back the Phase Two deadline on our university addition; he said it was because I'd had too much time off. I don't know, maybe he was right; I didn't care enough to argue.

I began to really drag as the day kept going and I couldn't for one second get my mind off the night before. I replayed everything over and over and then went back through all the conversations we'd ever had. I should have known this would happen, but how could I have? How could I have known that she'd strung me along all this time; how could I have known that she would just walk away?

Even with all that, I still went to her hotel after work.

I went to Bella's room first, hoping to avoid involving Alice again if it were at all possible. I knocked and waited, knocked and waited again; after the third loop I walked over to Alice's door. She answered after the first knock. "Edward," her voice was high; she sounded surprised to see me.

"Have you seen Bella?"

She sighed, realizing I wasn't in the mood for pleasantries. "She asked me not to call you," she looked down at my feet as she spoke. After a hesitation, she opened the door wider to allow me inside.

"Where is she?" I asked once I was inside.

Alice walked to the bed, which dominated the space, and sat down heavily. "She's out with Rose and Emmett; they know something's wrong but they don't know what."

I let out a breath, "I don't even know what's wrong. Alice, she just…she left. She won't talk to me; I don't know what the hell is wrong with her…or me, or both of us. I can't touch her, you know?"

Alice looked up to where I was standing near the window. "She's had a hard time; she's lost…a lot. We all thought she just needed time, but…," she trailed off. "I don't know; I wish I had answers for you."

Tell me what happened to her. I made a sound of frustration, "is this even worth it? Do I just wait?" I knew I didn't have the right to ask her that, but I couldn't keep from doing it anyway.

She said pretty much what I expected her to, "that's not my decision to make for you."

I thought about it, the anger and frustration mixing with the hurt and confusion; was it worth it? Did I even have a choice at this point?