Okay, my dear Readers!
More Germerica! I will do one with the meeting per request. This one is just for laughs, though.
I own nothing. Rated M.
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"She is always late!" Germany groused as he stomped over to the window and back.
"Not always," Prussia interjected calmly. His crimson eyes glanced up once more from his paper. It did not bother him in the slightest if America showed up five to ten minutes late. It meant he was able to finish his coffee before she came.
And, he would still bill West for his time. So, therefore, Prussia adored meetings between his dear brother and the nation he had once trained.
Also, it was vastly entertaining to watch Germany turn molted whenever America did not arrive precisely on time.
"Why must you always defend her?" The blonde male snapped with irritation as he adjusted his tie.
Prussia noted that he had done that eight times in the last three minutes. Hm. Prussia slowly closed the newspaper, and stared at Germany.
"Why shouldn't I defend her? America will be here."
"Late! Again!"
"You are missing the point," Prussia said with open amusement.
"What point?" Germany asked, in spite of himself. He knew that sometimes Prussia had bizarre ideas about life. Yet, he always found himself wondering what went on in his brother's head.
"That she always shows up," The older male stated bluntly. Prussia shrugged as he flicked his gaze to the clock and back.
Well, America must have been running behind schedule. She was a whole fifteen minutes this time. No wonder Germany's panties were in a bunch. Internally the former nation snickered to himself.
"It doesn't matter if it's snowing outside, a hurricane, or even one O'clock in the morning," The Albino male said with a large smile. "America always comes."
"Ja, ja," Germany replied, nodding his head thoughtfully. He could recall the numerous times she'd burst through the door, disheveled and dropping reports all over the place. Likely because she had procrastinated, the mere thought of such a thing caused the blonde to frown.
He would have to send America more organizational e-mails.
Prussia sighed, seeing that his brother still did not comprehend what he was hinting.
"Because it's you." He said slowly.
"What?"
"America always shows up because you call her." Prussia hinted once more, a bit more obviously this time.
"Come now," Germany said with a slight tint to his cheeks. "That is absurd."
"Oh really?" The paler man arched a brow nearly to his hairline. "I can think of eight times alone, that she would have blown off a meeting had it not been held by you."
The blonde nation stilled, his blue eyes were inscrutable as he stared at his brother. Then his gaze moved to the floor as it narrowed.
"You must be mistaken."
"I bet," Prussia said, beginning to cackle madly, "That you could make up the lamest excuse, and America would still show up."
"Why would I ever make such a bet? This is childish and asinine."
"Becau-"
"Dudes!" America's voice boomed through as the door slammed open. Her blonde hair was in disarray and there was a bit of sweat around her temples. Yet, she had her same trade-mark 'American' smile.
Germany flushed, Prussia snickered.
"Uh..." America said elloquently, "Did I miss something?"
"You are late!" Germany roared as he pointed a finger at her.
America pouted. "But it was bad weather and-"
"Nien! I will hear no more of your excuses." The European nation continued as he went to his chair. "Now sit, we have a great deal of work to go over."
The female nation paused, waved at Prussia with a sheepish grin, and proceeded to sit. Germany grabbed the papers in front of him and shuffled the most important documents to the top.
"Now, concerning the last-"
"Could i have a cup of coffee first?" She asked sweetly.
Prussia watched as his brother's jaw clicked closed, and pink dusted Germany's cheeks. He looked at America, who was staring at him with a hopeful expression that could make adorable puppies envious.
"If you had been here on time," Germany began, after clearing his throat and averting his eyes.
"Oh come on Germany," America replied in a louder voice. "Bitte. Or Please or... whatever. I need caffeine right now."
The Albino nation glanced to see his brother trying to fight with himself over telling America no. Now, Prussia had witnessed many times how well Germany could deny anyone. Yet, he also saw the tick in the blonde haired man's jaw.
Oh, he was going to agree? Red eyes widened fractionally.
"...I suppose one cup of coffee couldn't hurt." Germany said in a nearly monotone fashion.
"Ah Germany," America said with a soft laugh. "You're the best."
Prussia noticed the way his brother flushed to the roots of his hair.
It gave him an idea.
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He waited patiently. Because, he was so freaking awesome, and also due to the fact he had to be certain not to wake up West.
Sneaking into the other male's room was easy. The floors were clean, and nothing was likely to trip him. However, he had to be completely silent.
'I'll show that stubborn boy,' Prussia thought with a long, but quiet, and put-upon sigh. The things he did because he was so awesome.
And, for love. Or some other such bull-crap.
He grabbed Germany's phone. It was lying there innocently and just begging to be tampered with. He smoothed a pale hand over the device, with a wicked gleam to his gaze.
If Germany refused to believe the Awesome Prussia, there were consequences for being so foolish.
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It was three in the morning. The birds had not even begun their chirping and merry tunes. When, all of a sudden, the front door to his house bust open louder than a cannon being shot outside his window. Germany was out of bed in the space of a second, moving toward his clothes and some sort of weapon.
"Germany!" A feminine voice hollered from below.
"Germany! Speak to me buddy!" America continued.
Said male nation stilled, and gave a confused look to his bedroom door. Then he settled down a bit and made a face. Something must have been wrong for her to burst into his home at this hour.
"America?" He called out, it was questioning though he knew for certain it was her. Perhaps it was a ingrained response.
The fact remained that the decibel of her voice was distinctive.
There was the sound of fast and heavy foot falls up the steps. Germany blinked, and a second later America was right in front of him. A new hole had been made in his dry wall, thanks to the handle of the door being launched with America's strength.
Yes... this was... quite a way to wake up.
Germany scowled.
America grabbed his shoulders, her face inches from his. He felt himself flush at the proximity, but said nothing else as he noticed that something was obviously wrong.
"I just heard," she said with tears in her eyes.
"Heard?" He questioned, feeling alarm course through his veins. Had there been news he was unaware of?
America sucked in a breath, and let it go quickly.
"You've been invaded!"
"WHAT?" He asked, as loudly as possible. Germany's mind scrambled over what to do. He would have to get in touch with his generals. How had he not been notified? Who was this-
"By weeds."
The world shrank back into focus, and his jaw slackened as he stared at a very serious looking America.
"...what?"
"But don't you worry," she said with a thumbs up and a smile. "'Cause the hero is here! I'll save you."
She then proceeded to nearly crush him into her chest. Germany could only blink and force himself to breathe as his face was nestled in her bosom. He could feel her stroking the back of his head, and his brain felt as if it were overheating.
He was... her breasts were...
"The hero is here," she crooned at him sweetly.
Decency demanded that he force her to let him go, and then ask what the hell she was taking. However, he could not make his traitorous body move. His thoughts sputtered before fully forming and Germany simply allowed America to continue.
Well, for a few seconds at least.
Until he heard other footfalls, and America released him, turning toward the newcomer.
Prussia rounded the corner in full fatigues. "You've come!" He said with the absolute authority back in his voice. The one Germany and America both remembered rather well.
Germany was gob smacked.
"Yes, Sir!" America said as she snapped to attention. The pair exchanged information quickly. The blonde male rubbed his eyes as the star-spangled nation ducked into his bathroom, and came out in full uniform.
A stack of papers were shoved in his arms. Germany barely kept them from falling. 'The War on Weeds' was blazoned across the top.
His blue eyes scanned it quickly and looked back up.
"Ready to take on the 'enemy'?" America asked, with steely determination.
She pumped a fist in the air, Prussia nodded with an awesomely "badass" look.
Germany stared at them as if they were insane.
Which, they probably were.
"Good. We haven't a moment to lose!" Prussia declared.
"I understand. This is a very severe situation." The female nation replied.
"Damn right!" Prussia growled. "As it stands, we are being overrun in both the front and the back."
Germany could only watch as Prussia and America proceeded out his door. Looking for all the world as if they were about to head into battle. His ears could only catch snippets of the conversation.
About the 'enemy'. Supply lines, and their 'secret weapon'.
His blue eyes narrowed and then widened as he looked down at the papers again.
"What is going on?" Germany asked the empty room.
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He took his time showering, and even made himself breakfast.
Just so that he would have the strength to deal with whatever disaster Prussia and America would unleash upon the unsuspecting populace. Germany wanted to believe that it would not be so bad. After all, it did not take much to realize that Prussia was behind this.
He had seen the text messages right before his shower.
Germany was plenty content to let them be fools together.
Then he remembered what other things happened when America and Prussia worked in tandem.
It was enough to make him quickly leave the untouched food, and go searching for them. He did not find them in any room in the house, nor in the garage. A feeling of dread pooled in his stomach.
Germany tried to walk out his front door, only to find America with a flamethrower strapped to her back.
"What is this?" He exclaimed with wide eyes.
The female nation beamed at him.
"Prussia and I agreed that it was tactically sound to flush them out of the flower beds."
Not the flower beds! He had planted all of those just three years ago. He moved stiffly out of the door, and noticed that the blooms of various colors were untouched. Germany nearly breathed a sigh of relief.
America nearly materialized beside him, fiddling with the controls on her flamethrower. The female nation glanced down at the flower beds.
"Those are really pretty."
"Thank you," He replied sincerely.
"You like pink," she commented off handedly. "Really like pink."
Germany flushed to the roots of his hair.
"Pink is a perfectly acceptable color for a garden."
"I never said it wasn't," she pointed out. "It was just surprising is all."
His blue eyes turned slightly hard.
"Why is it surprising?"
America was about to answer, when an arch of flame billowed past them. Germany nearly jumped out of his skin. The star-spangled nation appeared unfazed by their near brush with death.
"I should totally mention one little thing," America said with a giggle.
Germany turned toward her, slightly caught up in the lyrical sound of her laughter.
"I asked Italy to help me with the 'war effort'." She informed him with a Cheshire-cat grin.
The stoic nation felt his stomach drop to the soles of his feet. Oh no. Italy would kill himself if she gave him a flame thrower! He was about to demand to know where Italy was, when another blast of heat from behind him signaled that he had better get out of the way.
HIs dark blue eyes shifted as he leapt as if his life depended on it. Which it did. He noticed that instead of red hair, it was brown hair.
Mien Gott... she didn't...
"Southern Italy," America said happily. Clearly proud of herself.
Southern Italy gave him a leering and evil smile. HIs fingers squeezed and suddenly fire erupted all over Germany's prized flowers.
"Hey potato bastard!" Southern Italy said happily. "Suck my balls."
America laughed so hard she nearly fell over.
"Isn't he epic!"
Germany thought he was something alright. Heaven help Southern Italy if Germany survived America 'helping' him.
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Prussia had dragged Germany off, so that he would not destroy Southern Italy. Who had taken an unholy delight in lighting fire to everything he could, as he called Germany all sorts of names. America praised Southern Italy for his 'zeal' in battle.
Prussia agreed with America.
Germany wanted to get away from them all. He even attempted to sneak out through his back door. He made it halfway across the yard before-
"Get down!" America screamed from behind him.
And, Germany, failed to get out of the way in time. She tackled him to the ground. A spray bottle in hand. Her blue eyes were narrowed and hard behind Texas.
"You fool!" She shouted at him. "You could have died!"
His darker blue eyes widened in horrified shock. He looked around, and at America who was watching something to their left.
"Shit," she swore. "We're surrounded."
Germany's concern melted into near fury. He could see that they were in fact, in the center of a ring of thick and bristled weeds. The one year he had not taken the proper gardening regime because affairs of his country came first, was the year he got 'invaded'.
He was going to drown Prussia the next time he saw him. If his meddlesome brother hadn't interfered with his phone...
Germany groaned.
America's gaze widened.
"You've been wounded!" She declared and dropped the spray bottle to grasp at Germany's shirt.
"Stop," He snapped out, as his cheeks flushed.
America's warm hands were under the fabric of his shirt, as if she had not heard him. "Easy Soldier," she commanded with a bit of calmness to her words. "I'm a trained medic."
He stilled, despite not truly wanting to as her smooth hands explored the expanse of his chest. Germany swallowed heavily.
"Now," she purred out in a voice that spoke of sin and sensuality. "Where does it hurt?"
The blonde male nation could only blink as America leaned closer. He had never noticed the way her blue eyes looked so fascinating before.
Then he remembered that she had tackled him to the ground because she believed he was actually being invaded by weeds.
Germany's features pitched to those of annoyance.
"This does not seem professional at all."
The star-spangled nation pouted.
"Okay, if you do not want to cooperate, I will have to get an M.P." She chided with all seriousness.
"Wait, what?"
"Southern Italy!" America called out loudly.
"Nein!" Germany denied quickly.
The little devil showed up anyway, another look of evil delight on his features as he dangled cuffs in one hand and pepper spray in the other.
"You cannot do this," Germany snapped out.
"Prussia said I could." America said with soft shrug. "It would have been a lot more fun if you had just let me... check your wounds."
Germany's mind sputtered as America winked at him.
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America was on 'patrol' with Prussia the next day. Which translated into America having set up some artillery, small caliber by comparison, for target practice.
Prussia had already taken his turn, and America was back with her favorite weapon.
"Think we should tell him?" Prussia asked casually.
"Tell him what?"
"That you don't really believe Germany is being invaded by weeds."
America gave a wide grin.
"Nah," She said as she stared down the scope of a rifle. "I don't want to spoil anything. This is the most fun I've had in ages."
Crimson eyes watched her intently, before nodding in acceptance. This was ridiculously fun for Prussia as well. Sometimes West could be so... boring. America would certainly liven things up around here.
Plus, she brought lots of fun toys for him to shoot.
Prussia enjoyed that part as well.
"Won't you get in trouble for this?"
"Eh. I'll probably get yelled at." America said with a mutter. Slowly she squeezed the trigger and watched with satisfaction as another weed clump burst into smithereens.
There was something almost cathartic about target practice. Really, there was.
Her blue eyes glanced up to Prussia as she took her hands away from the gun.
"I've been yelled at before," she pointed out with delight sparkling in her gaze.
Prussia shook his head in amusement.
"Won't your people be upset that you brought 300,000 gallons of weed killer?" He asked with a certain level of seriousness.
America laughed.
"Look dude, my people want to work. This provided some jobs. They don't care what I do with it as long as they get paid." She pointed out, "Besides I billed it to the U.N. for 'humanitarian' purposes."
"How on earth did you get away with that?" He asked, flabbergasted.
"Simple," America said with a knowing grin. "I charged it to France's account."
"You didn't."
"Oh, I did. But more to the point, I filed it under something that will get his attention."
"Which is?"
"Pregnancy tests." The female nation said with a wickedly amused look. "From England."
Prussia burst out laughing.
"You are nearly as awesome as me!" He declared boldly.
"Easy there tiger," America said as she playfully swatted at his arm. "I'm going to be dating your brother."
"Speaking of which, here he comes now."
And, indeed, Germany was coming out the back door with a serious expression on his already stern face. A pair of cuffs dangled uselessly from one arm, and Southern Italy was nowhere to be seen. Well, that was expected to happen at some point.
America laughed quietly.
"Quick, make it look like you are giving me a status report." She said, as she upholstered another gun and offered it to him. Unloaded. No rounds in the chamber, safety on.
Prussia gazed at her long and hard, as he took the gun. She handed him a few clips, filled to the brim with ammunition.
"Waaay too awesome. I might start to get jealous."
America gave her best flirtatious and Hollywood smile.
"Prussia, darling. Eat your heart out."