CHAPTER 9

Fortunately for Clementine, the remainder of the night was rather uneventful. No more intruders found their way into the home, and she managed to fight off the grasp of sleep. The only real obstacle she faced during the night was being AJ's caretaker. However, the girl figured out how to make formula for the infant easily after a few rounds of trial and error. She also was already somewhat capable of managing his cries, so she was well-prepared for everything that came her way.

Light was now filtering through the two small bedroom windows, casting a yellowish glow on everything in the room. The heat from the sun's rays helped warm the child's cool skin. Although everything was calm and quiet, she still felt as if she was being challenged. Her worst challenge, at the moment and throughout the night, was to sit alone with her thoughts. When surrounded with others, Clementine was able to push aside most of her worries. But when the girl had a moment alone, her mind would drift to rather unpleasant places.

The persistent nagging of regret would pester her for what seemed like an eternity. Thoughts of friends she couldn't save and memories of actions she should have taken left her feeling like a husk of her former self. If she could go back, she'd do so many things differently. However, she knew thoughts like those were useless. She couldn't go back, and even if she could, who knows if she could've made things worse.

But honestly, the girl didn't see how things could get any worse. It seemed to her as if every time she met someone, formed a connection with them, they died. So many of them died saving her, or passed on because she had made a mistake. She questioned if it was worth it, so many lives lost just for one kid. The story Jane told her pushed its way into her reverie. All those people died just to save one person, and in the end it wasn't worth it. She knew the story was about Kenny, and she had shook her head and told herself that it was always worth it to help someone. If you just look out for yourself, what does that say about you? But now, during this peaceful winter dawn, she saw the tale in a whole new light.

Clementine wanted Kenny to continue sleeping, because she knew that the rest was good for him. But yet she yearned for him to wake up. She wanted someone to talk to, someone to share her fears with, someone who could make it better. But even when the man did awaken, she knew she wouldn't share anything of substance. Clementine did care about Kenny, she really truly did. Also, the two had formed a mutual trust towards one another since they were re-introduced back at the Ski Lodge. Still, the thought of dumping more worries onto a man that's already under so much pressure just seemed cruel to her, in a way. She was already regretting telling the man that she feared him. It wasn't true, was it? Was she afraid of him? She never permitted the thought into her mind, but last night it found a way in and she couldn't keep it inside.

She sighed and stood up slowly to stretch out her legs. The bright sun blinded her as she stood up, yet it simultaneously was very welcoming. However, even nature's treasures couldn't be entirely enjoyed. The sun had to go down and dark and dreary afternoons were needed desperately. The heat from its rays was raising the temperature. Kenny claimed that if it just got a few degrees cooler, the walkers would no longer be a threat. She didn't know if that claim was empty, but they would never be able to find out if the sun kept shining.

Clementine decided to check out one of the books on the shelf. She could feel each second ticking down the hourglass, and its rate was much too slow for her liking. A book would distract her from both her thoughts and time itself.

She trotted over to the book shelf and stared intently at the spine of each book. Many titles contained lengthy jumbles of letters that were impossible to make out. She reached out tentatively to grab a smaller book. It's facade was a simple black expanse, corners adorned with golden foliage. The title was simple for the child to read. "Book of Fairy Tales," it stated in a proud cursive print. She felt a slight pull towards the book, although she felt it to be much too childish and frivolous. She set it back on the shelf gently with a sigh.

"Clementine?" she heard, whispered hoarsely behind her.

The girl turned around towards the familiar voice. Kenny still appeared to be sleeping, despite the fact that he just spoke a moment ago.

"Do you need anything?" she asked, curiously, as she approached the man's bed.

"No," he replied sleepily. "Do you need help? How was last night?"

"It was okay." She loomed over Kenny's bed to analyze his condition. Beads of sweat were pouring down his forehead, and his entire appearance was rather clammy. Despite finally receiving a good night of rest, tiredness settled down into every line of his face. Despite her age, she knew it wasn't the type of tiredness that could be fixed with sleep.

"I'm alright Clem. Don't worry yourself about this." A dry cough emitted from the man's mouth. Clementine noticed his lips were incredibly dry.

"I'm glad you're up. It was so quiet last night."

He forced a laugh. "I bet. We only have to do that for a few more nights." He paused to cough. "I just wanna be sure no one lives here before we get too comfortable. There could be trouble."

"So do you need anything?" she repeated. "Food? Water? Another blanket?"

Kenny furrowed his brow and frowned. Clementine wondered how her simple questions put him into a deep stupor. After a moment, he opened his mouth to speak. "There was something Kat always told me about getting sick. Starve a cold, feed a fever? Or was it the other way around? Yeah. It's the other way around."

Clementine was impressed by how nonchalantly he brought up his wife's name. She wanted to congratulate him, but she figured it was better to not bring attention to it.

"Does that mean you want water then?" the girl asked.

"Oh. Yeah sure. Thanks."

Clementine returned again to the supply bags. They were given multiple water bottles, which were very crucial to survival. She didn't know what she would do once they ran out. She wrapped her palm against the plastic bottle and returned to the bed to hand it to her guardian. He took it and smiled gratefully. He swallowed around a mouth full of the liquid and handed it back to Clementine.

"You should drink some now. You have to stay hydrated."

She accepted the bottle, shrugged, and took a gulp. Light crying sounded from behind her.

"I'll get it." Clementine volunteered. She sat the water bottle down on a nightstand and walked over to the baby's crib. He seemed to be rather comfortable in his throne, which in reality was a simple basket filled with blankets.

She tickled his nose and carefully transferred his warm body into her arms. The girl cradled him and stuck her tongue out, which elicited a laughter-like gurgle from the infant's mouth. It had been awhile since AJ had last eaten, so she wondered back over the Wellington bags to grab some formula.

"I can hold him while you fix that up." suggested Kenny.

She set the baby formula down and carried AJ over to the man. "Are you sure?" she asked. She wasn't sure if he was strong enough, or if there was a chance whatever he had was contagious.

"When it comes to this, yeah, I'm sure."

Clementine passed the baby off to Kenny and grabbed the water off of the stand. She wandered back over to the supply bags and sat down on her knees to begin her work. As she worked on the monotonous task of mixing the formula and water in the small cup, she watched Kenny cradle the baby. It was as if holding the infant relieved the man of his worries and brought him peace, although momentarily.

Clementine returned to Kenny, cup of formula in hand.

"Aw I can take that, Clem." he offered, a pleading tone entering his voice.

Clementine grinned and placed the bottle into his hand. Unsure of what to do now, she stood by the bed, left arm clutching her elbow.

Kenny broke the silence. "You're awfully quiet. Somethin' eating you?" His gaze left AJ for a moment to look at the young girl.

"Not really." she replied. "I'm usually kinda quiet." She noticed Kenny get this look on his face, as if he just discovered something very obvious.

He shook his head slightly and looked back down at the bundle in his arms. "Yeah, I guess you are. Christa must have rubbed off on ya." he joked.

Clementine felt saddened by the mention of Christa. She couldn't give up on the hope that she was alive, although it felt implausible. She didn't want to chase after Christa, because she knew it would be just like what happened with her parents. She felt she wouldn't find Christa. Well, she didn't doubt that she would run into her corpse or something of the like. The girl didn't want to get anyone else killed chasing after ghosts. The silence stretched on.

She heard Kenny sigh. "Shit! I-I should probably start thinkin' before I start talking. I didn't mean to bring that up. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Clementine said, sitting down on the floor. "I really do miss her."

"I bet." Kenny replied somberly. "We started off on the wrong foot, but she was a nice woman. Don't know if she thought the same of me though. I'm sorry about what happened."

"I am too." she replied quietly, head bowed down. "She looked after me longer than anyone. After Omid died, she was a little distant. She still cared about me though. We looked after each other. We were family."

"I wish things could've went easier for you two. I'm sorry sweetheart."

Clementine looked back up at Kenny and Alvie. The baby's eyes were shut and his little arms were wrapped around the cup Kenny was feeding him with. The scene made one word pop into her mind, and the word was family. Family. Something she had lost so many times before. She didn't know if her heart could handle this all again. Her lower lip trembled.

The trio sat in silence as Clementine felt tears welling up in her eyes. Not now, she thought. This can't happen now. After such a long period of holding everything inside, the dam broke.

"Omid died because of me!" she blurted out.

Kenny turned back towards her. " What? Now I'm sure-"

Clementine cut him off. "No! It really was my fault. I-I didn't listen. I left my gun out, and this girl came in and sho-shot him with it! And-and then Christa was mad at me. She never said she was b-but I could tell!" She felt herself losing control as sobs wracked her body.

She continued shakily, eyes squinted shut. "And then Christa got hurt or died or worse because she wanted to protect me! I don't understand why! And Lee and Ben d-d-died because I ran away. And-"

The girl was cut off by Kenny embracing her in a warm hug. The kind gesture, oddly, made her cry even harder.

"Hey," Kenny said softly. "It's gonna be okay, Clem. None of that's your fault."

"Yes it is." she sobbed.

"No, no. You can't beat yourself up over an accident. They all made their decisions and sacrifices for you. And you know what I think?"

"What?" she asked, voice muffled.

"I think it was worth it."

Silence, minus the sound of her cries, ensued for the next few minutes. She felt so little and vulnerable as she sobbed into Kenny's shoulder. She didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. She sniffled as her blubbering subsided.

"I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be strong." she whispered, a stinging sense of hopelessness lacing her words.

Kenny pushed her away and gripped her shoulders so that they were locked in intense eye-contact. "Look at me Clem. You-you're still here, ain't you? It takes guts for that. Toughness. Strength. You've had to do a lot of growin' up fast. Not too many folks could do that. In a lot of ways, you're like an adult. You're still a kid too. Don't forget that." Despite the hoarseness of his voice, his tone was forceful, powerful, convincing.

Clementine wasn't sure what she could say to that. She sniffled and stared back into the man's face. His expression told her that he was sincere, which left her feeling a sort of shock.

"But...I can't be a kid anymore." she muttered dejectedly.

"You can't. But you can't be an adult, either. I gotta-I gotta start strikin' a good balance here. This is on me, too. I put too much pressure on you, or I don't give you a say on things. I don't think everything through sometimes. I'm not sure what to do. Raisin' a kid ain't exactly what it used to be."

"It's okay. You try your best. Everyone did."

"See?" Kenny interjected, letting go of the child. "You're easy on others, but hard on yourself. No one blames you, so you shouldn't blame you. It's alright, Clementine."

"I guess." she replied, unsure. "But why wouldn't someone blame me for something that is my fault?" she asked. "You were mad at me and so was Bonnie. Did you only forgive me because I'm a kid?"

"When people get mad, they say things they don't mean. Once I calm down, I'm able to think straight. Maybe Bonnie's the same." Kenny paused briefly to cough. "If you didn't mean to do whatever it was you did, or if you tried to help, no one should hold it against you. You had nothin' to apologize for. That was me."

Clementine still felt mainly unconvinced. He had held many instances against others, even when the "offenders" intentions were good and their trespasses were few. Plainly, she felt he was just making excuses.

"Thanks. Can we talk about something else now?" the girl pleaded.

Some of his words had reverberated within her. Maybe she wasn't as weak as she thought she was. Still, a few minutes of talking couldn't undo the feelings she had endured for multiple years. It would take much more. Regardless of how she felt affected by the conversation, she knew that there were more pressing issues to focus their attention on. At the very least, they should put more energy into positive thoughts or silly trials.

"If that's what you want." responded Kenny.

Clementine felt grateful for his offer. His forehead was creased with concern and his dark eyes were filled with sympathy. She wasn't pleased with receiving either. She just wanted to veer his mind away from her little outburst, at least for the time being.

"That would be nice."

Kenny muttered something Clementine couldn't quite make out. He then turned around towards the bed and picked up a sleeping AJ. He sat back down on the floor, cross-legged and leaning against the bed. His movements expressed a certain level of uncharacteristic clumsiness.

"Little guy fell asleep right after eating. Don't blame him." He flashed a smile at Clementine. "Wanna hold 'im?"

"Sure," she responded, reaching out for the infant. Kenny gently passed him onto the girl.

Clementine too found a mask of peace wash over her when she held the baby. He was so innocent and oblivious to the ruins in which they lived.

Kenny coughed. "So uh...what do you wanna talk about?"

Clementine fumbled around for a response. She probably should have had a plan of what to discuss.

"Uh...do you know any jokes?" she asked, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. She instantly regretted her words, remembering most of the jokes he had told her in the past. She didn't exactly feel like laughing in the first place, and Kenny's sense of humor wasn't exactly that of a Grade A comedian.

"Alright, just give me a second." he responded, a rather solemn tone to his voice.

Clementine continued to cradle AJ until Kenny was ready. Just looking at the infant's sleeping face made her want to take a nap herself.

Clementine looked back up at Kenny once she heard him laughing. "Oh, I got one! You're gonna love this."

Kenny cleared his throat dramatically. Clementine, in response, shook her head, a faint smile lining her face.

He chuckled again. "Alright. Listen up, 'cause this is a good one. Some guy walks into a bar. He sits at the counter to order a drink. Before he can get a damn word out, some bowl of pretzels in front of him says 'Hey, you're a real handsome guy.' He tries to ignore the pretzels and orders some rum. 'Rum, great choice. You're a smart guy,' the pretzels tell him. The guy's freakin' out now, 'cause pretzels are talking to him. Now this guy, red in the face yells to the bartender 'Hey, why the hell are these pretzels talkin' to me?'"

Clementine watched on expectantly as Kenny interrupted his own joke to laugh.

After he gathered himself, he finished the punch-line. "The bartender replied 'Oh, that? The pretzels are complimentary!'"

While the joke itself elicited a slight grin from the girl, Clementine found herself giggling over Kenny's reaction to the joke. He was putting on an over-dramatic show of howling laughter.

"I'm gonna pop these!" he exclaimed, gesturing towards his sutures. "Ain't that funny Clem?"

"It was stupid." she replied, still smiling. "Do you have anymore?"

"I knew you liked it! Alright, I'll just need a second."

The pair spent the next hour or so exchanging silly jokes and meaningless stories. Yeah, Clementine found everything about their exchanges to be pointless, but that's what made it great. Just for awhile the girl could push all of her problems aside to simply enjoy the present. It was obvious that Kenny was still deeply worried, but she was grateful that he was putting on this act for her.

The rest of the day held little in store for Clementine. It was as simple as her being entrusted to explore the rest of the house, eating, and watching AJ while a still feverish Kenny continued to pass in and out of sleep. She found the monotony of the day to be rather pleasant compared to her more eventful days. Clem hoped that tomorrow held next to nothing in store for her.