I lost my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time. That is, if I could have even called her a best friend anymore. Carly called a few times. I didn't pick up but she left messages. All saying I treated Freddie like shit when he didn't deserve it and it was only a matter of time before he went to someone else, that I was lucky that it was her and not some other girl.

I guess she thought I hadn't realized that Freddie did tell me the truth. When I think about it now...I should have just listened to him and then maybe we'd still be together, laughing at every little thing and doing whatever we felt like. Everything could still be perfect.

Freddie, at first he didn't call at all. Then he started to call seven times a day, and as much as I wanted to, I didn't answer the phone, because in a way Carly was right. He didn't deserve to be treated that way. If I'd answered the phone it would have taken him that much longer for him to get over me. I didn't want him to think things would go back to how they were. That just couldn't happen.

His first few messages were just sad.

"Sam, pick up. I didn't mean it. You told me to leave. I thought...no...I just." Then he'd get frustrated and hang up. You could tell he was crying in all of them. After two weeks of messages like those he'd gotten pissed.

"You are such abitch. You know that? Why can't you accept someone might actually not be lying to you, and really want to be with you. I wanted to be with you. You did this to yourself, are you that stupid that you can't see that? I love you, you bitch. Fuck."

Every message was absolute torture to listen to. It was obvious that we were both miserable. I wanted to call him back so much and tell him not to be sad anymore, that I need him. But I didn't call him back. I didn't make him happy. I couldn't anymore. More than anything else, I wanted him to be happy. It's not possible for us to make a new start. I left too much destruction.

It's been two months now, since we broke up. You would think it would sting a little less. That I'd be more well off, but I'm convinced that it hurts more every day. I only leave my house when I have to. I don't want to run into him. I'm not ready to see him yet at all. I won't have to worry about it soon enough, since he'll be leaving for his dream college in two weeks. I heard that he started seeing someone else. I wonder if he'll end it when he leaves or if there's not going to be a girl at that school that could make him forget about her. Thinking about when he'd said those same words to me stirred something up in me and I grabbed my phone. I couldn't even dial his number without the tears welling up again. I was slightly relieved when it went straight to voice mail.

"Hey it's Freddie. I can't come to the phone right now leave a message, thanks." Hearing his voice after all this time made my heart break all over, made me remember so much. But I couldn't let myself hang up after I'd gotten this far.

"I can't let you leave without telling you." I took a deep breath. "I know you didn't mean it and I did love you and I'm sorry for everything...I'm so sorry. I really hope that you'll be happy. Goodbye Freddie."

I rushed my words but I know he'll understand. I only hoped he couldn't tell that I was crying. I wanted him to have that closure and think that I'm fine now. I know I should have said goodbye to his face, but I doubt he'd expect as much from me anyway. Even so it needed to be said. So maybe now he won't have so many what if thoughts about us. Maybe he won't start college feeling miserable and missing me. Maybe now he can feel absolutely sure that he can start over.

I know now it's time for me to try

Hey! I hope you guys liked White Flag, I really enjoyed writing it. I'm working on the sequel which is from Freddie's point of view, and I'll have it up as soon as possible.