a/n: I own nothing. Bummer dude.
We were lying in my bed, had been for quite awhile now. I had been listening to him sleep for the longest time, but I just couldn't doze off. I had been lying here this whole time, with Edward entwined with my body, thinking about everything. What would I do when I quit the escort business? Yes, I fully intended to quit, after this last date. I could paint again, and open my own gallery like I'd dreamt about when I was first attending college. Or better yet, I could open an art studio and teach classes to kids. That would be even better. My biggest threat, the main reason I couldn't fall asleep, was that I would have to tell Edward about the business. Which meant admitting I had lied to him about it from the beginning, and that I had sort of been cheating on him throughout the last two months…I wasn't sure I was prepared to do that. I could very well lose him over this, and I don't think I would survive losing him.
I heard his sigh, and glanced over to find him staring at me with eyes at half mass. He smiled my favorite smile, though it was a bit lazy now. I guess sleep will do that to the best of them. I smiled back, and snuggled closer to him. "Why aren't you sleeping?" He whispered, gently rubbing circles over my back. I shrugged, and replied as teasingly as I could, "I was debating whether or not to rape you in your sleep, or wake you up first."
He chuckled, and kissed my forehead. "That isn't going to work. Something is on your mind, and I want to know what it is." He replied. Damn. He always tells me how perceptive I am, but he's the one who's perceptive. "It's nothing worth talking about at four in the morning. We'll talk this weekend, after your thingy okay? I don't want to stress you out over nothing." I explained, hoping he'd drop it. He sighed in defeat, but pointed a steady finger at me. "Fine, but we will talk Saturday night." He declared. I smiled at his sternness and nodded in agreement.
"I'd like to tell you something now though." He stated after a few moments of silence. I tensed slightly, praying he hadn't figured me out, but tried not to show it on my face. "Okay, I'm all ears." I said quietly. He just stared at me for a moment, searching my face for what I didn't know. "I love you."
Chills had covered my entire body, and my heart was pounding. That's what he was doing, gauging my face for a reaction. I just sat there, staring at him for what felt like hours but was really only moments. I didn't know how to respond to that, I couldn't say it back, not yet. But at the same time, how could I not? I knew I loved him so why shouldn't he get to share in that knowledge? I watched the light fade from his eyes, and felt him emotionally shutting down. Oh no, this was bad! Fix it Bella! Fix it!
"Its okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He mumbled, pulling his arms away from me. Oh no, no no! This was very bad! Say something Bella, anything! Don't just let him leave! I just watched him, watched as his face took on a look of such heartache it broke my own heart. Watched him dress, all the way down to his shoes, and walk out the door. That was when my brain decided to function again. I jumped out of bed, and raced down the stairs to the empty living room. Shit! I flung the door open, leaving it as I raced down the hall to the elevator. Impatient as I was, I took the stairs anyways, going way too fast and not giving a damn if I fell or not. I deserved it after what I just did to him. He tells me he loves me and I just sit there? What the fuck Isabella? I scolded myself the entire way out to the lobby then to his car. Ha! He had taken the elevator.
It was freezing out here! In my rush to stop Edward from leaving, I'd forgotten to dress. So, here I was at four am in my underwear and sleazy little tank top standing outside my apartment building, looking pathetic no doubt. I crossed my arms, and began rubbing my hands up and down in a sad attempt to warm myself. I was about to say screw it and go back inside when I saw him. He looked miserable, walking with his head down, hands in his front pockets. He looked like he'd just had his heartbroken. I was an idiot. I was crying by the time he reached me, but I didn't dare touch him. The expression on his face told me it wasn't a good idea.
"I'm sorry, Edward." I stated my voice heavy from the tears. He just looked at me with a confused expression. "What? Why are you sorry?" He questioned moving not even an inch. Oh crud. This was bad. Had I mentioned how stupid I was yet? "I tell you I love you, and you just sit there? You couldn't even tell me it was too soon, or say thanks or…anything? You sat there!" He accused, still not budging. Gee, sound familiar?
"You shocked me! Literally shocked me Edward! I mean, I knew I loved you, but for you to love me was…unimaginable! I fully expected that when I told you how I felt, you'd walk away, not return my feelings!" I fired off, a lot louder than I intended. Hey, I did not like the fact that he was accusing me of…I don't know I just didn't like it.
He laughed bitterly and hung his head again. My hands ached to run through his hair, but I didn't dare move. If he wasn't going to then I sure as hell wasn't either. "Save yourself the trouble of lying Bella, I know you don't love me. You pretty much showed me that inside when you said nothing." He fired back just as loud. His words stung as if he'd slapped me across the face. He really thought I was lying? I shook my head, stepping towards him, but when he moved back I stopped. "Edward I'm not lying. I do love you, ask Alice or Rose, before you came over that's all we talked about! How much I love you and how chicken shit I was to tell you! I wouldn't li-"
"Enough Bella, seriously." He snapped, cutting me off. I looked at him, dumbfounded. Trying desperately to find a way to make him understand that I wasn't lying, and failing miserably. He looked at me for a few moments longer, and then shook his head. "Get back inside its too cold for you be out here like that." And with that last statement, he left. Left me standing there huddled into myself, staring after him with tears running down my face. See what I meant when I said I screw things up? Why couldn't I react like a normal human being for a change when my sanity depended on it?