In a nightly bar, a large man was sitting by the counter with a mug in his hand.
"I-I-I-I gotta tell ya somethin'. Luv is pureetee complicated, ya know."
Although his heart-shaped pompadour showed that he had an affinity for romance, the man felt his heart sagging through the dirty road of rejection. No, that analogy was too insignificant for him - it was more like having his heart plunge into the depths of a deep, cruel ocean.
"I meen, it hits ya when ya leest expekt it. I thaut it wud never happen to me, but it deed. Oh gawd, do I feel pafetik..."
The man slammed his head against the counter, chuckling and hiccuping like a true, sad drunk. Across from him, a bartender was silently paying attention.
"Laik just todei, I traid to woo over a gurl that I laiked, and she just kiked me outta nowhere n left me hangin'. Me, Bara, bara - uh, Bra-Braht? Er - no, no, no, no, no, no - Bulat? Wut vuh hell am ai sayin', ai'm pafetik..."
Bulat's slurred speech was nearly incomprehensible to hear, but the bartender paid full attention regardless.
"Aw well, vat's wut happens when u laik a gurl and u happen to be gay."
The bartender raised an eyebrow. He certainly did not expect to hear this tidbit.
"Speekin' of bitch, am ai gay or am ai bi? Gawd I dunno."
You're drunk, that's for sure, the bartender thought. His face kept its blank state, even when seeing Bulat slam his head against the counter like a defective whack-a-mole. Seeing the pitiful sight, the bartender mustered the most encouraging words mankind has ever thought of.
"Sir, just go home already."
So, yeah... that's it. I'm done. Just wanted to give Bulat a little more screen time because I can. :P