a/n: So, tonight I'm going to a Twilight party. [= LoL ok not really a party…just a little get together where we'll be watching the movie …again. I'd like lots of reviews when I get back!
Three hours later, I was having dinner with a guy named Chase. We were at some stupid conference, and I was bored out of my mind. I only had to make it through the rest of dinner and I'd be free. Forever. I was relieved actually, to be done with this. I hadn't realized it until I'd met Edward, but something was missing in me. Something this job had taken a long time ago, and Edward had given back.
Currently, Chase was in the bathroom, which gave me a chance to recollect myself. I had found it odd that very few of the others had dates with them. Chase said most of them were married, but that their spouses would rather not be here. I didn't blame them that was for sure. I saw Chase coming towards me, and put on a fake smile, but that smile quickly faltered when I noticed who was with him. Oh. My. Gosh. No fucking way. I hung my head shaking it slightly. Well, I didn't have to worry about telling Edward anymore.
"Bella?" His tone wasn't accusing, just confused. Bless his heart; he thought there could be another explanation for this other than the obvious. I knew the tears were coming, and I didn't even try to stop them. I would not however, have this conversation here. I didn't want to further embarrass him, or his coworker. I threw my napkin down, and stood up quickly. "I apologize Chase, but I need to leave. I'll be sure to get a check back to you for the retainer and I'm sure it's obvious you don't need to send the payment." I stated, walking out.
I'd barely made it out the door when Edward grabbed my arm forcefully and jerked me toward him. "What the hell was that?" He demanded nothing but anger evident in his tone. I just shook my head, and pulled free of his grasp. "Not here Edward, please." I replied walking faster to his car. Ever the gentleman, he unlocked the door and opened it for me before going to his side. He said nothing on the ride home, but it was evident in his driving just how upset he was. There were at least four cars I'd thought for sure we were going to take out. Two of them were in the parking lot of his building.
We'd barely made it into the apartment when he started in. "What the hell was that?" He asked again, angrier this time. "Are you cheating on me? Is that what I interrupted?" I swallowed hard, and explained everything to him as calmly as I could. The more I exposed, the more shut down he became. I was losing him before my very eyes, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. "So," he began, "last night, at the club. That guy wasn't confused was he? That was an old client of yours right?" He demanded. I nodded, and he cursed quietly.
"I'm sorry." I pleaded." I swear this was my last one! And I haven't been taking any clients for at least two weeks. Alice and Rosalie have been taking them all. I wanted to tell you, I just…I didn't know how. I was afraid to tell you! I knew that you'd hate me, and I couldn't live with that! Edward, I'm sorry! I love you I swear I do!" I begged, knowing it was no use. His head snapped up, and he glared at me.
"You love me? You've been lying to me since the day I met you! You were dating a lot of different men while you were dating me as well, and getting paid for it! I just caught you out on a fucking date after you'd been in my bed! And you have the audacity to tell me you love me? Fuck you! Get out!" He yelled, much louder than I'd anticipated. My heart stopped at the last.
"Edward, I'm sor-"
"GET OUT!" He screamed, pushing me to the door. I sent him one last pleading look before he slammed the door in my face. Almost immediately, the door opened again. "Did you fuck them too?" he demanded.
"Were you fucking them, and then coming home to fuck me?" "No, of course not!" I exclaimed. "Good, then you aren't as much of a slut as I first thought." He said, throwing my purse at me. He took out his wallet, and pulled out a few hundreds. "This should cover it right? Or is the going rate higher for whores?" He sneered, shoving the money in my hand. I threw it on the ground and slapped him. I may have been awful, and I may have felt like a whore, but he had no right to say that to me. "Go home Bella." He said, slamming the door again. I stood there for a few minutes, praying, hoping against hope that he would open the door and talk to me. That he would open the door and say 'okay, I'm upset but lets talk about it. Maybe I could forgive you for this.' But it didn't happen, and after a bout of tears I left.
I walked home, and it was the longest walk of my life. The entire way I was crying, replaying the last couple of months in my head. Of all the different times I could have, should have told him but was too much of a coward to open my mouth. My heart was broken, and I had been the one to break it. Worse than that, I'd been the one to break Edward's heart as well. How could I have expected him to forgive me for something I would never forgive myself for? That was stupid, and selfish, and ignorant. He was right, I was a slut. No, I was worse than that. So much worse in fact that I couldn't even think of a name to call myself. I reached my apartment unscathed, though I'd silently wished the whole way that someone would come by and shoot me. Or maybe just beat me within an inch of my life and leave me to suffer. I deserved that and more.
I went up to my room, ignoring the girls' calls to me, stripped down, and went to my closet. I dug through the many different pairs of pants and wrinkled up shirts until I found what I was looking for. A white, collared button down shirt that Edward had left here. It still smelled like him. I put it on, not bothering to button it, and crawled into bed. Alice and Rosalie were in there immediately, lying on either side of me, whispering words of encouragement and understanding. I felt very blessed and very undeserving to have two amazing friends such as them.
Two weeks later, I had finally had enough. I'd had enough of my moping around acting like I'd been the one victimized. I forced myself to get up, and shower and go downstairs. I tried my best to make small talk with the girls, and then left. I was still in Edward's shirt, and I'd thrown on a pair jeans. I refused to take it off, even to wash it. I didn't want to lose that smell of him; it was all I had left. I had tried my hardest to forget his face, and the memories that came along with it. I may not have been the victim, but it still hurt to remember what I'd fucked up.
I went to the little coffee shop around the corner from my house, ordered my fat free French vanilla cappuccino, and found a table by the window. I liked to people watch, it was interesting. You'd be surprised what you could learn about a person just by watching them, and even more surprised what you'd learn about yourself in the process. It was sort of comforting to hear the constant hum of conversation around me, the ding of the bell above the door every time someone came in or left the building, especially after being in complete silence for so long. It soothed a spot in my heart that had been aching for quite some time, and made me feel the tiniest bit better. It made me feel normal again, and I desperately needed that now.
My comfort was short-lived however, as I looked around the shop and noticed that just about everyone in here was with a date. Or at least with a companion of some kind, and then I saw him. My heart broke all over again and my throat was constricted. He was with a woman, and he was laughing. I glanced away, blinked the tears out of my eyes and looked back. It was definitely him, and he was definitely staring at me. I felt foolish; embarrassed for crying when I had done this to myself. I got up, and left quickly, praying he didn't realize it was me. I heard him calling after me, but I ignored him. Yes, I was my mother's daughter. I was too big to face the man I'd ripped apart. I had too much pride to face him in this moment, and have a conversation of any kind. I ran all the way home, up to my room and locked the door. This time, I crawled into bed fully clothed, and cried myself to sleep yet again.