a/n: I don't own anything but the plot. BTW-I'm really diggin' Rob Pattinson's voice. I had no idea that he was singing Never Think in Twilight.
Miserable. That was the only way to describe my life, and my feelings. I was at the coffee shop again, it had been a month since I saw him here, and I refused to go back to that reclusive…shell of me again. So, I came here every day steeling myself just incase, but he wasn't here. I sent a quick thanks to the man upstairs for showing me the tiniest bit of mercy when I didn't deserve it. This was my new normal. Until I found another job, I sat here drinking my cappuccino, thinking of different jobs I could take, different places I could go. Today, I had my sketchbook, and I was doodling. The only problem I had was that I couldn't stop doodling Edward's face. Yeah, my plan didn't work. You know the one where I forgot his face, and the memories between us.
I remembered everything between us. But, the last two days I remembered the ease with which he was laughing with that lady. The care free look in his eye, the way is grin was crooked on the one side. It was beautiful, but it wasn't for me anymore. So I drew him the way he used to look at me. With his whole face lit up, eyes shining bright, showing all the love he held for me, his smile released at full strength. My heart ached this day because he was looking at that woman the way he used to look at me. It had only been shortly over a month, yet he'd moved on so quickly. Did I mean that little to him? Did what we had shared mean that little to him? Or had I just screwed him up that badly? I had never hated myself more than in that moment when I saw him with her. Because I knew, I would never again be as happy as I been with him.
A few hours of self destruction later, I made my way back home. I walked in, threw the book on the coffee table, and went to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water, purely for something to do seeing as I wasn't thirsty, and went to the living room. I plopped down on the couch, and turned on the T.V. I flipped through a few channels and then turned it back off. I was really pathetic. With a heavy sigh, I made my way to my room, unbuttoning my pants along the way. I know I said I didn't want to be a shell of me anymore, but I was tired. I walked in my room and bit back the scream threatening to come from my mouth.
"Hi." He said quietly. I just stared at him, was he seriously in my room right now? This had to be a hallucination, it had to be. Why would he be here? Oh my gosh. I was going crazy! Great, just fucking great. I always wanted to be crazy. That was my lame attempt at a joke people. I promise I won't do it again. I was fully prepared to call a therapist when he stood up. Okay, he can't be a hallucination if he's moving around right? I mean, that doesn't sound like a hallucination does it? Crud. What was I supposed to do?
"Bella? Are you alright?" he asked, stepping a little closer. I couldn't move, I just stood there while he came within inches of me. He touched my face, and I refrained from leaning into his touch though I desperately wanted to. I couldn't show how vulnerable I was to him, he could be here to try and hurt me as badly as I'd hurt him. I could have saved him the trouble of trying though, it wasn't possible.
"Wha…what are you doing here, Edward?" I choked out. He stared at me for a moment, and then sighed. "I missed you. I saw you at the coffee shop, and I didn't want you to get the wrong impression. But when I called out to you, you wouldn't even look at me. That was my mom, Bella. We always meet for lunch and I picked the coffee shop afterwards because it reminded me of you." He explained his hand never leaving my face. I couldn't take it anymore, I moved away from him.
"You don't owe me anything, Edward. You don't have to explain who you're with, or you aren't with. I screwed that up remember?" I replied dryly. I pulled my pants off, and unbuttoned his shirt. "That's where that went to huh?" He said with a slight chuckle. I guess he was trying to make this situation a little less awkward, too bad it wasn't working. I held on to the stupid shirt for a moment, and then threw it to him. "You can have it. I meant to get it to you anyway, just haven't had the time." Or the guts. I mentally added. He threw it back to me. "You keep it; obviously I didn't miss it that much if you'd had it this whole time." I shrugged, and crawled into bed.
Why was he here? What did he want? If he came just to torture me he could spare himself the trouble. Again, I did enough of that for the both of us. Promise. I asked him as much, and then felt the bed shift as he lay next to me. I fought the tears. I would not cry. I didn't dare shed those damn tears for him. He pulled me against him so we were spooning, and sighed heavily. "I told you love, I missed you." He breathed onto my neck. I stiffened, and pushed him away. Asshole. He was drunk! That's why he was here? He wanted to fuck me? Seriously? I jumped out of the bed as quickly as I could.
"You need to leave, Edward. You shouldn't have come here." I snapped, pointing to the door. "What? Come on, Bella. Surely you missed this just as much as I have. Or have you been getting enough clients lately that you've forgotten me?" he fired off, stumbling. How could I not have seen this earlier? Because I was blind that's why. "Just go, Edward." I whispered, lying back down. "I shouldn't drive right now." He said so low I barely heard him. I snorted. Of course he shouldn't be driving. I got up, and let him have the bed. I grabbed an extra blanket from the hall closet, and when to the couch. I prayed that when I woke up in the morning he'd be gone.