"Amata, I…"

Her words had thrown me off-guard completely. I'd built up a wall around myself as we'd grown up, trying to push from my mind the one thing that we'd both have to think about at some point.

When Alphonse had been in power, our teenage years had been filled with propaganda telling us to procreate. This was before we knew of the outside world, so everyone had just gone along with it even when we hated it. Amata and I never mentioned it (on account of it never happening), but we knew that there was only one pairing that could have made us remotely happy.

I'd never fully convinced myself that she felt the same way, nor had I dared ever bring up anything remotely related to the idea of us being a couple. I'd always worried that if she didn't feel the same way, our friendship would change for the worse.

"I can't keep it back anymore," Amata whispered as I sat down. "We never really mentioned it growing up, but I think we both knew what the most likely pairing was, right?"

I nodded, unable to keep from shaking. "It was the only choiced I'd be happy with."

I finally found the strength to meet her gaze. There was no disappointment at my reaction in her eyes. All I saw was the same warmth that had always been there, stronger than ever.

"Amata…" I whispered, my eyes filling with tears, "I love you more than anyone else in the world. I always saw us as brother and sister or cousins, but I know there's way more than that. I just…I'm a little scared."

"Of what?" Amata asked, frowning.

"Just…well, you know I've never been in a relationship before. The reason I never tried to take things further with us was because I was thinking of the worst case scenario. I was worried that if you weren't interested, or if it didn't work out…"

"That we couldn't go back to the way we were?" Amata asked.

I nodded. "I'm sorry. I know this wasn't what you wanted."

"All I want is to be honest with you," Amata said. "Ryan, I want you in my life, even if we're just friends. I'll be here for you no matter what happens."

She took my hand in her own gently, entwining our fingers. "I love you, Ryan, and that'll never change. Whether we're friends, siblings or a couple, I won't leave you ever."

Despite the butterflies in my stomach, I don't protest when she leans forward to kiss me, nor do I protest when our lips meet. A tingling sensation spreads through me. Amata rested a hand on my wrist while I rested mine on her waist, causing her to shudder.

We ended up back in my bedroom, any notion of taking it slow being forgotten until the next morning. I woke up feeling strangely refreshed and alive, thinking the experience to be a dream until I looked to my side and saw Amata curled up next to me under the blankets.

She must have felt me move sightly, because her eyes opened and she looked up at me tiredly.

"Ryan?" she murmured sleepily. "Was I dreaming?"

I kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yep. I'm in heaven instead."

"We've still got a Vault to run," I reminded her. "C'mon, we'd better get up before your dad throws a fit."

Sarah and her guards were in the break room with James and my father when we arrived. We'd walked down hand-in-hand, but separated before joining the others; a relationship was the last thing people wanted to hear about in wartime.

"You're in a good mood," James told Ryan, sipping from a mug.

"Was in a good mood," Ryan corrected, peering into the fridge and frowning. "Where's my Cola?"

"My bad," Sarah said sheepishly, gesturing to the recycling bin where four empty glasses of Nuka Cola sat. "There's a vending machine outside the hall, I believe."

"I know where the vending machines are," Ryan shot back. "It's my Vault, remember?"

Ryan left quickly, and I leaned close to Sarah. "Never take Ryan's Nuka-Cola. He gets real cranky."

"I'll remember that," said Sarah with a grin. "Cross is leaving with James today. They'll head to the Citadel and rendezvous with a research team. Work on the purifier should resume by the end of the week."

"Didn't the researchers hit a dead end the last time?" I asked, looking at James.

"By the time we ran into trouble, the super mutant attacks were increasing," James explained. "The Brotherhood was already losing manpower by the time we started hitting dead ends. By the time Ryan was born, we were all burned out. With a fresh team and fresh manpower, I'm sure we'll get somewhere."

"The super mutants will still be a problem," Sarah warned. "In 20 years of being here we've never been able to figure out where they're coming from. We've lost a lot of the old crew from California, and the new recruits are dumb as Brahmin shit. The D.C ruins are crawling with them."

Ryan returned, holding up a glass bottle of Nuka Cola for Sarah to see. "So what's the plan for today?"

"I'm going to the Jefferson Memorial with Cross once the Brotherhood doctors arrive," James said. "The assault team will arrive with them, and you guys can plan out your operation."

"When can we go ahead with it?" Ryan asked Sarah.

"It'll be over by the end of the week at the latest," Sarah reported. "When radios in D.C started picking up the Enclave station, we kept our eyes peeled for any sigh that they were in the C.W. We've had eyes on Minefield since our men went quiet there. Once your security guards can use laser weapons and power armor, we'll be ready to move."

"There's, uh, another matter," Sarah said awkwardly, standing up. "Ryan, I'll be honest with you. War's a bloodbath, and it's more than likely we'll all lose a man or two out there. You gotta be ready for that."

The mood in the room suddenly became very tense. James stared down at the ground, while the others kept their eyes on Ryan.

"Vault 101's population is still quite small," he said. "If we lose men out there, we need more people to stop our population from declining any further."

"How many people can the Vault hold?" Sarah asked.

"At the absolute most, 1000 people," I replied. "But that would mean shared quarters and the bare minimum when it comes to living conditions. If we open up and restore the lower sections of the Vault, we can have around 800 people living comfortably."

"You'll be lucky to find half of that in the entire Capital Wasteland," James said, "let alone people who can operate Vault machinery."

"We can educate people as they come," Ryan said. "At the moment, we have enough staff to keep the Vault running. With some Brotherhood personnel here, we can keep running until more people come in."

"Fair enough," said Sarah. "Just remember this; if you're going to send men out there, you'll have to expect that some of them won't come back."

Those words rang in my head over and over as the preparations were made. Since the Brotherhood had no way to move power armor without using it themselves, the Vault 101 recruits were escorted to the Citadel. The youngest among them had been a legal adult for just two months.

The entire affair was draining. Our Vault was small enough that almost everyone knew each other as acquaintances at the very least, and the loss of even one man would be felt throughout. I made a commitment early on that, if we lost a man, I would be the one to tell the family. It seemed only fair, as I would be the one sending them to their death.

Nobody knew the details of the plan, but word got around the Vault that someone serious was going on. How could they not? We could hardly send those men out to risk their lives without telling their families?

I watched the group of twelve head to the Vault door from my office window on the day of the siege. They were of varying ages, but all had looks of either excitement, nervousness and outright pants-shitting terror on their faces.

"I should be out there with them," I muttered. "How can I sit here in a cushy Vault while those men die out there in the Wasteland?"

"You're not a soldier, Ryan," Amata told me. "What good would you do dying out there? You're the Overseer, you're important."

"What makes me more important than anyone else in the Vault?" I snapped, causing her to flinch. "I'm just one guy, and there are plenty of other people in the Vault as smart as me. I'm no more special than the men I'm sending out to die."

"You don't know that they'll die," Amata said.

"Of course they're going to die!" I snapped. "Amata, you've seen what the world is out there! How people will stab you in the back before they say hello. If the Enclave doesn't kill them, then what about Talon Company or the Raiders? What chance have they got out there thanks to us?"

"You're pinning this on me now?" Amata said, scowling. "Ryan, you gave this plan the green-light just as I did. It's too late for second thoughts, Ryan!"

"Then you take this job then if you think you're so good!" I shouted, kicking my desk chair aside in anger. "You'll probably do better than me anyway. If I hadn't acted like some wasteland saviour and disarmed that fucking bomb, maybe we wouldn't be in this spot in the first place!"

"If that's really how you feel, then you just let me know!" Amata shot back. "If you think you can't handle this job, then tell me right now and I'll take your place. Is that what you want?!"

I opened my mouth, ready to throw my resignation right at her, but my anger subsided almost as quickly as it came. Breathing deeply to calm down, I looked at the mess my outburst had caused. Kicking my chair aside had knocked over a tray of forms and a tin of pens, scattering their contents all over the floor.

Sighing, I knelt down to pick them up. Amata, her anger apparently gone too, knelt down to help me.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I just don't know how long I can do this."

"I'm sorry too," Amata said back. "I'm with you, Ryan. And so is everyone else. If you think you can't handle, then you need to tell me."

I didn't respond, cleaning up the rest of the mess in silence and placing my chair upright, and sinking onto the couch by the door when we were finished.

"I'm not putting you through all this shit," I muttered as Amata sat down next to me. "People expect you to have all the answers. It's hell."

"I can do it," Amata replied. "I was raised to be Overseer. If you need me to take over, then I can do it."

"The Vault won't hear the end of it," I murmured. "Imagine how embarrassing it'll be; the first democratically elected Overseer quitting because he couldn't take it. I can hear the Wasteland laughing now."

There was a long silence in which we both said nothing, as there was nothing to say. I knew that resigning would make me – and Vault 101 – a laughing stock. Who would take the Vault seriously if I resigned without even finishing a term as Overseer?

"I hate when we fight," said Amata.

"Me too," I agreed. Over our nineteen years of friendship (and five days of something more), we'd hardly ever gotten in a fight. We'd have those minor spats here and there, but it was rare that we didn't get over them within a few seconds.

"Have you thought any more about…well, us?"

"Yeah, a lot," I replied. "Amata, I mean it when I say I love you. Nothing would make me happier than to spend every day with you, no matter how corny that just sounded. But you've seen what this job is doing to me. I can't put you through all that crap."

"Why does that stop you?" Amata asked. "You'll have these problems whether we're dating or just friends. I'm not making you go through all this on your own."

"Amata, this isn't the best time for romance," I replied. "With everything going on most of the conversations we've had have been business. We're barely maintaining a friendship."

I sighed. "And I'll admit, I'm plain nervous. I've never been in a relationship before. With everything that's going on, how can I not fuck everything up?"

"We don't have to worry about that," Amata said quietly. "Some people think that's what love's about, expectations and standards. Love shouldn't be about that. Love shouldn't be about being afraid of messing up or saying the wrong thing."

The buzzer on the office door sounded and we both jumped. I reached over to open the door, allowing Gomez to step in.

"Sir, ma'am, we have a live feed of the operation ready."

"Good," I said, turning to Amata. "Ready?"

"Ready."