Chapter 29

Elizabeth slammed the door to her studio so hard that it rattled the walls behind. Taking a deep breath, she leaned her back against it, shoving her rain- soaked curls from her face.

Johnny was such a bastard.

She wasn't sure why she was so surprised by what he'd said to her. It was like Johnny to hurt the people he cared about most in an attempt to bring them down to his level, so he didn't have to sulk in heartbreak alone. She could take his snotty comments and cruelness towards her, after all she'd been putting up with it for years, but she was so sick and tired of hearing about Jason Quartermaine. Sure, she'd used the boy as a crutch for years, fighting to hold onto the boy she loved all the while letting go of him, but that didn't mean other people could too – especially just to hurt her.

"Ugh," she groaned, her phone ringing inside her purse, but she just tossed the bag to the floor as she pushed herself away from the door.

She figured it was Johnny calling to apologize, to try and coax her back to the bar so he would have someone to bitch and moan to, though by the time she got there, he'd be busy with some tramp he'd been trying to pick up.

God, she hated the men in her life.

They were such putzs.

Well, except for Jason, but to be fair he had his shining moments.

Wiping her wet forehead with the back of her hand, she crossed the room to the couch, throwing herself down face first and letting out a shrill scream. It was muffled by the cushions, which was probably why it wasn't satisfying, so she rolled over in an attempt to scream again, but realized she was too exhausted.

So much had happened, and just when she started to feel like she had a grasp on things, Johnny had to fuck it up all over again. She had enough doubts about what she felt for Jason and why, and if he had said all of those things to her, he'd probably said them to Jason. They were both so anxious and concerned about where they stood with one another and if they were feeling the right things, and they needed to figure it out without Johnny's input.

Stupid fucking boys.

She jumped on the couch as lightning lit up the room, her stomach churning instantly. "You're not going to do this," she muttered, getting up from the couch to cross the room to the light switch by the door.

"Fucking great," she hissed, when the light failed to come on. She leaned her forehead against the wall, clenching her eyes closed as thunder cracked outside. "I'm so ridiculous."

Sighing, she slowly let herself crumple to the floor, reaching for her purse. She felt stupid calling Jason, knowing he was busy with work and had enough stress with everything going on with Johnny, but she just needed someone who could calm her down.

She smiled to herself as she flipped her phone open and saw that the missed call was from Jason, not Johnny, and pressed the button to call him back.

"Hey," he answered, halfway through the first ring. "You okay?"

"Now I am," she replied, her uneasiness fading at the sound of his voice.

"Things didn't go well?"

"Not exactly. He was angry, and he – he was just mean," she said, feeling awkward, like she was tattling on him. "Was he that way with you?"

"Yeah, but that's just – Oh, shit. The roads are a mess."

"Jason? What's wrong?" she asked, her heart pounding at the stress in his voice.

"There's a wreck on Main Street. The roads are just slick. Don't worry, okay?"

"I'll try," she whispered, suddenly not liking the idea of him being out in the storm.

"Elizabeth?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm fine."

"I know," she murmured, closing her eyes as she rested her head against the wall. "I'm just – just being myself. You're in the middle of a thunderstorm. The electric is out at my studio. I'd feel much better if we were together."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, letting out a heavy sigh. "I'll be there soon. I had to go to my penthouse to pick up some paperwork. I was going to drop it back off to Ritchie, but I'll come straight there."

"Jason, you don't have-"

"Or I could just walk. I'm only a few blocks-"

"No, stay in your car," she interrupted, jerking her head towards her door when someone knocked. "Hold on a second. Someone's at the door."

She pushed herself up from the floor, holding her cell phone at her side as she pulled the door open. The building's generator had kicked onoff, and the lights in the hallway gave off a soft glow.

"Johnny," she gasped, looking at her rain- soaked friend. He was shaking from the cold, his eyes red and glassy as he looked at her.

"Come in," she muttered, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him inside. She started to kick the door closed with her foot, but stopped, finding some kind of comfort in the light. "You're soaked."

"Yeah, I walked," he said stiffly, his teeth chattering as he spoke.

"You're so stupid," she hissed, starting for the counter to grab him a towel, and then remembered that Jason was still on the phone. "Hey, I'm sorry. Johnny just showed up."

"Yeah, I heard. At least you have company," Jason replied, sounding calmer than he had before. "I'm still going to come straight there though. So it shouldn't be longer than twenty minutes or so. They're cleaning up the accident now."

Her lips twitched at his words, and she couldn't help but feel shaken by the image of a smashed car in the rain. "I hope no one was hurt."

"Yeah, me too," he sighed, sounding as if he felt guilty for ever mentioning it to her.

"I'm fine. Just drive slow," she said, snapping her phone closed and setting it on the counter. She wanted to continue being angry at Johnny, but he was a mess, and she couldn't rightly let him stand there and drip all over her floor.

Pulling open a drawer, she grabbed several towels and held them out to Johnny. "Why didn't you just call me to come back?" she asked, glaring at him as he wiped one of over his face.

"You shouldn't be driving in the storm," he replied, doing his best to dry himself off. His dropped his shoulders and hung his head. "I'm really sorry, Elizabeth. Everything is such a mess, and I don't know how to deal with any of it."

She nodded, accepting his apology because that was easier than telling him what she really thought. She hurried over to the couch to grab a blanket. "Here, wrap this around you," she muttered, laying it over his shoulders. "Jason will be here soon, and we'll take you back to the penthouse."

Tugging the blanket over his shoulders, she turned him so he faced her and held it together, her hands holding it tightly around him. She caught his eye, saw the sadness on his face, and felt bad for ever being mad at him in the first place. "You're a real piece of work, Johnny," she whispered, pulling the towel from his hand and lifting it to his face. She cringed as thunder struck loudly, feeling embarrassed that Johnny was seeing her like this.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She nodded, shivering as she thought about the storm. "I just hate…"

"Storms," he filled in, looking at her intently.

"Yeah," she said, taking a deep breath as she tried to drown out the sounds outside. "I hate them." She lifted her eyes to his,; suddenly remembering that she was still a little mad at him. "I hate you more."

"You don't."

"You were a real bastard tonight."

"I'm so sorry, Elizabeth.Everything is just falling aparth," he muttered quietly, closing his eyes as she gently pressed the towel to his cheeks. "I tried. I really did. I tried to be good for her, but I'm just not."

"You are good," she argued, tossing the towel onto the counter and pushing him towards the couch. "Lulu knows that, but acting like this…"

"I really do love her," he confessed, sitting down on the couch only after she pushed him down. "I thought I could be happy with her and…"

"You still can," she said, tucking her knees beneath her as she sat down beside him. "Give her time, and if she loves you half as much as you love her, she'll come back."

Shaking his head, he dropped it back against the couch, clutching the cover around him in his fists. "I screwed up. I fucked everything up – with Lulu, with Jason, with you." Her stomach tightened when his eyes shifted to hers. "I really am sorry."

"Who knew liquor made you so honest?" she asked, giving him a crooked smile. "We all forgive you. We always have."

"Yeah, but I just…I hurt you last year. I let you think that something was going to happen, and maybe it would have, but I would've have ruined you like I do everything else," he said roughly, taking a deep breath. "Lulu was perfect and now…"

"You wouldn't have ruined me," she replied seriously, propping her arm on the back of the back of the couch to rest her head in her hand.

She wanted to know where Johnny got this attitude from, why he never felt like he was good enough, and why he always had to pit himself against everyone else. Sure, he was an idiot and often messed things up more than he made them better, but he had a kind heart and was always there.

"You were my best – my only friend for the longest time," she reminded him, reaching over to poke him in the side. "You held me together after the accident, Johnny. I wouldn't have survived without you. You didn't even really have a chance to grieve because you spent all your time helping me and that is one of the most selfless things anyone has ever done for me."

"Yeah, but then I turned that into something it wasn't. I wanted you, and I don't even have a good reason why."

"I wanted you too," she shrugged, finding it hard to believe how the tables had turned. Before she was drunk and being honest, and now Johnny was. "I just – I didn't want things to change. I didn't want to lose you like I lost Jason Quartermaine."

"But you lost me and found Jason Morgan," he replied, forcing a smile at her. "I always figured it would happen if I could get you two in the room long enough to really talk to each other." He shrugged, picking at the blanket. "It's hard not to be jealous."

"Why?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. "You've got Lulu, who is probably the most perfect girl in the entire world."

"Yeah, but for the longest time someone else was perfect to me," he teased, winking at her and causing her to laugh.

"Just when I was starting to think that the walk in the rain may have sobered your sorry ass up," she said, sitting up and shaking her head.

"I'm being serious, you know," he muttered, reaching out to touch her arm.

"This from the boy who used to pull my pigtails," she laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, I didn't let any other boys do it," he said, as if that made up for every time he'd pulled her hair. She laughed again, trying to ignore how awkward the bit of nostalgia made her feel. "Seriously though…"

"Yeah?" she asked, honestly not wanting him to fill in the blank.

"Things could have been different," he stated, narrowing his eyes through the darkness at her as he sat up.

"But they aren't," she murmured, nibbling her lip. "You left, and things changed, Johnny. It took me longer than it should have to realize that, and you were probably right with what you said earlier tonight, and with what you said that night at the hotel. I may have not have wanted you to be him, but I wanted you to be his stand- in, and that wasn't fair."

Her mouth went dry at the admission, and when hurt flashed briefly across Johnny's face, she almost wished she hadn't said anything.

"What if I wouldn't have?" he asked quietly, continuing to hold her gaze.

"But you did," she replied firmly, not wanting to get into the possibilities. It wasn't fair to play pretend with what could have been, especially now. "And you found Lulu. I know that you're hurting right now, and you want to find a way to fix that, but-"

"I fucked it all up," he moaned, leaning forward and holding his face in his hands. "Everything good that I've had…is gone."

"It's going to be okay," she said, sliding her arm around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder. She couldn't remember having ever comforted him like this and part of her thought it was long overdue. "You just have to be strong and believe that love is enough to fix this with Lulu."

"It's never been enough to fix anything before," he muttered, lifting his head slightly as he turned to look at her. "I just…I don't want to feel anything right now."

"Hence the liquor," she pointed out, figuring it had more than done its dutyies.

"Yeah, but it's not what I want. I…" He swallowed hard, leaning towards her. "Elizabeth."

"Johnny," she whispered, shaking her head slightly as she started to pull back. "I think you should-" He cut her off as he snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her against him to place his mouth over hers.

She protested at first, digging the heels of her hands into his shoulder, her lips parting to tell him to stop, but he slipped his tongue into her mouth. She briefly found herself caught up in the familiarity of his touch and his lips, but knew that it wasn't right.

"Johnny," she whispered, her lips brushing against his as she spoke, "this isn't-" She stopped, noticing the blur as it moved passed the door.

"Son of a bitch," she hissed, shoving Johnny hard as she got up from the couch, rushing towards the hallway. She saw Jason rounding the corner of the hallway, his fists clenched at his sides. "Jason, wait!"

She hurried after him, knowing he wouldn't stop and that he had already decided what had just happened. "Jason!"

By the time she reached the end of the hallway he was gone, having disappeared down the steps, and she could faintly hear the sound of the metal door clanging closed. She called his name again, going down the stairs so quickly that she nearly tripped over her feet and fell.

"Jason!" she cried, bursting through the door to see him fiddling with the lock on his car door. His shoulders tensed at her voice, and he slammed his fist into the side of the car as he dropped his keys.

"It's not what you think. He was just upset and-"

"Go back inside," he growled, snatching his keys out of a puddle as she grabbed his arm.

"I wouldn't do something like that to you," she said, her tears mixing with the rain. "Why would you think-"

"Are you really going to ask me that after everything you've said and done since he's got back?" he hissed, jerking his arm out of her grasp as he opened his car door.

"I meant everything that I said to you – everything that I feel-"

"Well you obviously need to figure some things out," he interrupted, climbing into the car and slamming the door.

"Jason, you asshole!" she screamed, slamming her fist against the driver's door window. "I may be a lot of things, but I would never – Jason!" She let out a cry of frustration as he peeled out of the parking lot, his tire sloshing into a puddle and spraying her with water.

She started after the car, but knew it wouldn't matter because Jason was going to keep going. She understood why he was so upset, that he'd seen her with Johnny, that she hadn't pulled away as quickly as she should have, but she didn't want Johnny.

She wanted Jason.

That much he should have known and believed. They'd been so honest and real with one another recently, and she thought that was enough to get them through anything. She'd had a sinking feeling from the second Johnny had come back without Lulu, only she never imagined it would end up like this.

Shoving her wet curls from her face, she watched his car come to a stop at the end of the street. Her heart tightened in heris chest, and she told herself he was going to turn around, that he would come back.

Only he didn't.