Daryl stared at her almost incredulously. "Beth, I'm nearly twice your age," his face scrunched up at the words.
Beth stared back at him and felt anger surge through her body. She gritted her teeth. "Then you can't kiss me like that," she ground out stepping away from him. "And you can't touch me like that." She raised her voice. "And you can't just push me away after."
"I just…you don' know what you want," he muttered, looking away.
Beth studied him, her brow furrowing. "I know what I want. I just don't think you do." She stated quietly.
He shook his head. "You don't know what you're gettin' into. Me. My family." He turned away from her.
She took a tentative step towards him. Inside she was torn between slapping him and consoling him, but at least this time he was talking to her and not completely shutting her out. The room was now almost dark with evening settling over them and it didn't help the sudden shift of the room's mood.
"You've met my brother. You never met my father."
Beth went very still.
"He's long gone now, passed years ago." His profile twitched suddenly, as though he had been about to move but thought better of it. "Only thing I ever fuckin' prayed for was his death."
The sudden savagery in his voice sent a chill through Beth. Daryl abruptly moved, walking over to the couch and sitting down heavily. Beth didn't hesitate in following, sitting on the armchair adjacent to the couch. There was a long stretch of silence.
"Do you think you're like him?" She asked quietly.
He dragged a hand across his mouth, his head tilted towards the floor.
"Try not to be."
Beth furrowed her brow. "Isn't that what…sets you apart?" She probed slowly. "I mean, it's the decisions that make you as a person, right?"
She desperately hoped that didn't sound as cheesy to him as it did to her, though she believed the words to be true.
He bowed his head, his profile dipping in the dim light. "Isn't always that clear cut, Beth."
The room felt stifling as the silence became as oppressive as the heat outside.
"Did ya know," Beth began hesitantly, "did you know my Daddy was an alcoholic?"
Daryl looked up, turning his head to squint at Beth. If he was surprised by the question, he didn't show it. He nodded slowly. "Still remember from when I was a kid."
While her question hadn't startled him, that comment startled Beth.
"You remember?"
He shrugged. "Don't remember him, but…" he hesitated, and Beth shifted on the armchair. Daryl almost seemed wary of what to say, which unsettled her a little.
"'S a small town." He said finally. "I heard some stuff, growin' up here."
"Oh." Her father had given up alcohol a few years before Beth was born, and had been an upstanding member of the community ever since. She supposed it wasn't surprising that people had talked about him. While she had heard some murmurs of times long past before, it was still a foreign concept to hear of her father in that way.
"Do you think his choices will affect my life?" She asked.
His eyes flickered as he stared at her.
"It's just…the mistakes our parents' make, or our brothers', they can't dictate our lives."
Even in the dim light, Beth could see the muscle twitch in Daryl's cheek. "I just want you to know that," she added quietly.
He leaned back on the couch, twisting and suddenly there was a bright light filling the room, causing Beth to squint. The tall lamp next to the couch burned brightly after the gloom.
Daryl fixed her with a look as he leaned forward on his elbows. "Your father chose not to drink anymore. It wouldn't've been easy, but he did the right thing."
Beth shook her head. "But that's my point, this is about making the hard choice. Do you think this is easy for me? I'm nervous as heck, but I keep going. I've never…" she trailed off, and looked away in sudden embarrassment. That was not where she wanted the conversation going.
He didn't reply, and when she glanced back at him he was staring at the floor. "I'm not the one you're after," he said tightly, after a moment.
"So you're okay if it's someone else?" She retorted, and he glared at her, shifting suddenly on the couch. "You said my Daddy made the hard choice. Would pretending this didn't happen be easier for you?"
The glare on his face shifted a fraction. He was starting to get that lost look again.
"I think it would be plenty easy for you to just block it out, stay in this cabin and pretend you never laid a hand on me."
"What do you want from me?" He snapped, looking livid in a flash. "Do you even know? You can't even say it."
They glared at each other.
"I don't wanna…fuckin' chaperone you," he muttered, then winced slightly. Beth gaped at him, before looking away.
"I know what I want. I've made it pretty clear. But you?" She turned to look at him. "You're too afraid to admit it."
Daryl twitched, an involuntary reaction that only seemed to irritate him. He bit his thumb agitatedly, before, "Why?"
Beth blinked at him for a moment, thrown off guard. "Why?"
He jerked his chin once, and it strikes her how vulnerable he looks. He pushed off the couch abruptly. "What d'ya want?" He gestured around the room. "You really want this?"
She looked at him in disbelief. "What does it matter where you live?"
He huffed in incredulity. "This ain't some romance novel, Beth. There's no silver lining. This is it."
Beth stood up slowly. "That isn't it," she told him carefully, restraining her anger. "That's what you've settled for."
"That's the problem," he snapped, pointing a finger at her abruptly. "You think this is some fuckin' fairy tale that you can fix, when it ain't. You're eighteen, Beth. You're in college."
"I don't want to fix you," she retorted shakily, ignoring the last part of his sentence. This had very quickly escalated into something neither of them wanted to hear or deal with. She didn't want to fix him.
He was just…well…darn.
"I don't," she said, the words sounding oddly hollow and loud in the otherwise silent room.
.
.
.
Beth watched Daryl put the bowls in the sink with a bit more force than necessary and bit her lip anxiously. It was pitch black outside and he had offered to drive her to the truck, but she had refused since he wasn't supposed to be driving the bike just yet. In turn, he had stated firmly that she wasn't walking to the truck on her own. It looked as though he would be walking her there, though she wasn't keen on that idea either.
There was a part of her that was so hurt by the things that he had said, that she was sure that after tonight she would leave the truck and the keys for Daryl at his work and that would be that. That same part wanted to be at home right now, this very second, and in bed so that she could curl up under the blankets. There was another foolish part of her that knew he said those things because he was scared, and because he didn't think he was good enough. The sad part was that if he was never going to get past that he would only prove himself right.
He glanced at her over his shoulder as he washed up the last bowl, and she shifted her gaze away from him. After all these months Beth had thought that he was finally comfortable with her, and certainly there had been moments…did she really want to fix him? She didn't believe that she was too young, though truthfully she wasn't actually sure how old he was. She had never thought it mattered. But she had never thought of him as a project that she was working on.
Daryl placed the last piece of cutlery in the cutlery holder and shook his hands free of any last flecks of water before turning to face her, leaning against the bench.
"I can still –"
"No." Beth cut him off firmly. "Whatever it is, you can't. Not if that's how you want to leave it."
His eyes flickered, and he bowed his head slightly. "I don't want to hurt you."
Beth feels tears sting her eyes and nodded, blinking so that they didn't fall. "Well you have," she said with a smile she doesn't feel. "And just so you know, I've never felt like that about you."
His eyes snapped to hers.
"You were never a project to me. I liked spending time with you, and I thought you did too. I wasn't really asking for much, but…" she wiped at her eyes abruptly.
He took a step towards her suddenly and she stepped back. "If this is how you want to leave it, then this is it. I'm not coming back."
Daryl stares at her.
"You've thrown every reason and the kitchen sink at me, so if that's what you want –"
"S'not what I want," he said, eyes fixated on her.
Beth tipped her chin up. "Well you can't have it both ways. That's not how it works. We can't just be friends."
He exhaled heavily, looking around the room, everywhere but at her. "Beth, I…" he trailed off, looking aggravated.
Beth considered him for a moment. "Do you think I'm too young?"
Daryl glanced at the floor, before looking up at her. "Sometimes." He mumbled the word. There was a long pause.
"Never think I'm smarter," he offered dryly.
"You got that right," Beth responded, just as dry. He looked as though he might roll his eyes for a second, before grunting in agreement and folding his arms across his chest.
"Doesn't mean you know everything," he said quietly, in as gentle a tone as he could probably muster. "One day down the track, you might realise what you're missin' out on."
Beth tilted her head, frowning. "Neither of us know what might-"
He sighed in frustration, cutting her off. "You're s'posed to meet some boy your own age, move away, get married in a church…have the white picket fence whole nine fuckin' yards," he ended on a mumble.
Beth stared at him. "I wasn't aware my life was already picked out for me."
Daryl shrugged. "S'the life you deserve."
She shook her head, huffing a laugh. He narrowed his eyes a fraction.
"There's just no winning that stupid argument!" Beth put her hands on her hips, flabbergasted. "Are you really so self-righteous that you think you can tell me that what I want is wrong?"
He avoided her eyes, clearing his throat, but no words were forthcoming. His shoulders were practically bunched around his ears by this point.
"You don't want me to leave, but you…what? Just want what's best for me? And if I say the same for you, you're just gonna brush it off?"
Daryl's jaw was clenched, a muscle shifting as he gripped his arms tighter against his body.
"I think I should just leave," Beth said shaking her head. "I have a torch on my phone," she added as he straightened, unfolding his arms. "I'll be fine."
He moved to follow her. "I'll –"
Beth held out a hand firmly. "I'll be fine." She picked up her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. She paused before she opened the door. "I'll bring the truck around tomorrow."
She shut the door behind her without looking back.
.
.
.
.
"If you were in a zombie apocalypse, how long do you reckon you'd last?"
Glenn furrowed his brow, appearing to consider the question quite seriously.
"Would we have weapons?" Shawn asked as he strode towards them, shaking out his hair, the subject of zombies proving to be a greater lure than the water. Beth rolled her eyes.
"You would have whatever was around you when the shit hits the fan," Austin replied authoritatively, having recently become the puppet master of a hypothetical zombie apocalypse.
Beth exchanged an amused look with Vanessa, who rolled her eyes before turning on to her stomach on her towel to bury her head in her folded arms. The sun peeked through the trees to dance in patches on her pale skin, while Vanessa lay next to her in direct sunlight. She will more than likely regret that later. It was the perfect summer day a couple of weeks into their break, and they had seized the opportunity with everyone in town to go down to the river.
"So where are we when it goes down?" Glenn asks, sitting up properly. Maggie turns on to her side on the towel next to him, appearing amused by the conversation. Beth smiled as she settled back on her towel, closing her eyes.
Austin considered him for a moment. "You'd be at work, in the city somewhere. We'd all be out here," he nodded to the rest of the group. Vanessa looked up from her towel.
"I'd be dead in two seconds. Like, I'd wake up to a zombie chewing on my arm."
"And that zombie would be Austin."
"Fuck off, I wouldn't eat my sister."
Shawn laughed. "Well it'd be someone in your family. Unless…?" He cast a sly look at the sunbathing girl.
Vanessa scowled at him. "No."
Beth glared at her brother. "Shawn…"
"All right, all right."
"I think I'd do all right," Maggie said thoughtfully. Glenn smiled as he looked at his girlfriend.
"Heads would roll," he agreed.
Shawn snorted softly. "You have to say that."
Glenn looked confused. "I have to say that my girlfriend would decapitate zombies efficiently?"
Austin nodded. "Well duh. Maddy, what about you, how'd you go in a zombie apocalypse?"
They all looked up at Maddy as she approached the group, wringing her hair out. She appeared to ponder the question for a moment.
"I'd probably die pretty quickly. My iron levels are pretty low as it is, and I'd find it hard keeping my energy levels up to sustain my strength."
Austin nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, but let's say we're talking traditional, Dawn of the Dead type zombies. Slow walkers."
"How's your cardio?" Shawn asked Maddy as she flopped down on to her towel.
She shrugged. "Okay. I go to the gym after class sometimes."
"You'd last a little while. I reckon the only one we'd really have to worry about is Beth."
They all looked at her as she snapped her eyes open. "What?" She sat up. "Why me?"
She glanced around at the others' faces. Maggie looked at their brother reproachfully, before catching Beth's eye and smiling sheepishly. Glenn unknowingly mirrored her expression.
"Beth would kick ass," Maddy said, frowning at Shawn.
Vanessa sat up on her towel. "You're such a douche, Shawn."
Beth felt a rush of affection for her friends.
"What? She's a stick! Imagine her taking on a zombie."
Austin tilted his head, grimacing. "Or worse, a herd of zombies. If the farm got overrun –"
"What's the rate of infectivity?" Beth interrupted him.
"Huh? Infectivity?"
"How long from the bite until the person turns into a zombie?"
Austin opened his mouth before shutting it. "Uh…does it really matter?"
Beth raised her eyebrows. "Well if you're asking how long I think I'd last in a zombie apocalypse, it does matter how fast the zombie population spreads."
Austin grins crookedly. "Yeah but what does it matter when your only skills are cooking and laundry?"
The sun is still shining and the wind still rustles the leaves of the trees, but for a moment it seems the world has gone quiet. The grin on Austin's face slips a little as he realises his joke fell flat.
"Hey man," Shawn snapped angrily, blissfully unaware of how hypocritical he was being. "Don't say that shit, that's my sister."
Vanessa sighs heavily. "You're such a dumbass sometimes," she shakes her head as she flops back on to her towel, clearly finished with looking at her brother for the day.
"On behalf of women everywhere, you're a dick." Maggie drawled, her lips drawn in a thin line.
"I didn't mean it like that," Austin protested. "Sorry," he added, looking at Beth sheepishly. "It was just a stupid joke."
"Most of your jokes are," Beth replied. As nice as Austin could be sometimes, he had a mouth that could run away from him and it got him in trouble more often than not. Vanessa shared in that unfortunate trait but to a lesser degree.
"Even if she just did the cooking, so what?" Glenn asked, looking around at the group defiantly. "Someone has to do it, otherwise it doesn't matter if a zombie never chews on your arm. You'll die of starvation first."
Beth smiled softly, catching Glenn's eye. He shook his head minutely in return, rolling his eyes. Out of everyone sitting by the river, Glenn is oldest of the group, and it's clear sometimes he's all too aware of the fact.
"Just because Beth – or me, don't know how to use a gun doesn't mean we couldn't learn," Maddy pointed out. "You know who could teach us?"
"You do know we aren't actually in a zombie apocalypse, right?" Maggie interjected, amused once again.
"Daryl Dixon."
Beth gaped at Maddy. He was the last person she wanted to hear about. She hadn't really spoken to him since she had returned his truck. Apart from glimpses of him at his work and an awkward run in at the grocery store in the town centre, she hadn't seen him either.
"Oh shit yeah, he would be the last man standing." Austin nodded emphatically. Shawn and Maggie eyed Beth, much to her annoyance. Glenn watched the scene before him warily.
"He sure would," Vanessa grinned. "And what a damn shame that'd be," she added sarcastically.
A flush crept up Beth's chest.
"He any good with a gun?" Maggie asked, staring at her sister flatly. Beth blinked.
"Um, I don't know. I think he uses a crossbow though."
Shawn's eyebrows shoot up. "Now that…that is badass."
Despite everything, Beth had to agree.
A/N: I'm both excited and a bit nervous to finally be able to post this chapter. I know the second part seems a bit random but I needed something a little more lighthearted, after so much angst, and even then it ended up being a bit mean to Beth at one point. Anyway I hope you liked it, I'd appreciate any feedback from you guys!
I never thought this story would end up being (or taking) so long, so I'd really like to thank the people who have been reading all along. And to everyone following, favouriting, and reviewing, you keep me going.