It was the most tentative of beginnings.
Beth knew that it was a small step, but it was a significant step for Daryl. Over the past few months, Beth had been the one who initiated everything. Beth was the one who would ask Daryl to spend time with her, and at times she had felt as though he would almost prefer it if she left. Other times, she would catch him looking at her like he couldn't believe she was standing next to him.
That look needed to disappear.
Well, okay, Beth wasn't so prideful that she couldn't admit she liked that look. Yet in that look lay a part of the problem. Daryl held such an incredibly low opinion of himself that he didn't dare let himself hope that he could have something of his own. Someone to talk to, laugh with and hold him up when he needed it. Beth heeded his words about 'fixing' him, and she honestly believed that she didn't want to 'fix' him. She wanted to help him realise his potential, and move past what was holding him back. One theory she had on a step in that direction was to fulfil her promise, and accompany him to visit his brother in prison.
Okay, if that did indeed mean she wanted to fix him, then so be it.
It didn't take a genius to figure out the Dixon brothers had unresolved issues that needed working out, and Beth said as much to Daryl one day. Not in so many words, but in as gentle a way as she could.
He tensed for a moment and grunted in reply, which she figured was as good a reply as she was going to get.
"Have you contacted the prison about visiting?"
Daryl shifted slightly, jostling Beth as she lay back against his chest. "Not yet. I'll call 'em tomorrow."
They were lying on Daryl's couch watching television, the cabin closed off from the hot summer air outside. Well, Beth was watching television. Daryl was dozing.
They had been taking things slowly since Daryl had declared that he wanted to pursue a relationship with her, and so far their relationship had consisted of Beth spending most evenings at Daryl's cabin eating dinner, watching television or reading. They talked quietly in the dim light about their days and exchanged hesitant touches and kisses before Daryl dropped her back home.
Daryl's declaration was in no way a magic fix for everything, of which they were both aware. They had not exactly spoken about taking things slow but it seemed that neither of them were going to push the limits of their relationship anytime soon, even if Beth could privately admit to herself that she really, really wanted to. Her father had sat her down for an embarrassing and thankfully brief conversation, where he had stressed the importance of 'being safe' that had left Beth red faced all afternoon and evening.
Beth didn't know if Daryl felt impatient, or if he even suspected that she was feeling impatient, but she had a feeling that he would wait for her to make the first move. Their kisses good night had been steadily building but it was a bit of a leap from that to rolling around in the sheets with him. Sometimes though, he seemed hesitant and distant, and she felt a pit open in her stomach. Tonight however he'd had a couple of beers and lay pliant against the couch, drifting in and out of sleep with a hand laid heavily on her arm.
"Daryl?"
He hummed in reply, his hand pausing in its feather light touches.
"Can I stay over tonight?"
Daryl tensed again. He cleared his throat, moving as if to sit upright, the couch creaking beneath them.
"Just to sleep," she added hastily. He paused, inhaling deeply as he slouched back against the couch.
"I dunno, your Daddy be all right with that?"
Beth twisted around on the couch so that she could face him, her eyebrows drawn together. "Daryl, are you gonna ask me that before we do everything?"
It was hard to tell in the bluish light from the television but the colour seemed to drain from Daryl's face. He huffed out a breath before coughing slightly. "Jesus, Beth. No." He looked up at the ceiling, huffing another breath, his lips curling up as he shook his head. Beth pressed her face against his chest, trying and failing not to laugh as a small giggle escaped her throat.
She pushed herself up again to meet his gaze, once she got control of herself. "I told him that I might stay over tonight. I won't say that he was…thrilled, but I told him it was just to sleep." Although the words were intended to assure him, Daryl looked mortified. His version of mortified, anyway. Her own face felt heated but she tried to catch his eyes when he ducked his head. Beth bit her lip, shuffling on the couch to get better leverage, bringing herself up on her knees.
Wordlessly, she took his face in her hands so that he'd meet her eyes, and ducked down to softly press her lips against his. Daryl barely responded at first, his lips applying slight pressure on her own, before she tilted her head and coaxed him to open up to her. He relented at the soft brush of her tongue, their mouths meeting in a hot, wet languid clash.
Her feet hung off the edge of the couch, the perch a little precarious as he angled towards her so she shifted her hands to grip his shoulders firmly. She broke apart from him abruptly, and he looked up at her in confusion.
"So, is it all right if I stay over?"
Daryl exhaled softly, studying her intently. He nodded.
.
.
.
When Beth started yawning, they decided that they should move to the bed and try to actually sleep, even if Daryl had basically been dozing for a couple of hours by then. Beth took her duffel bag into the bathroom and changed. She had deliberated a little on what to pack, and ended up with the old t-shirt and a pair of pyjama shorts that she often wore to bed at home.
It was in moments like those, when she was rifling through her drawers for something that wasn't too cutesy teenager or desperate jailbait, that she thought about how much older than her Daryl was. She had finally admitted to herself that she is scared to ask him exactly how old he is, especially when he had never offered up that information. He could be early thirties, mid thirties…late thirties? Did it really matter? Yes, yes it did. In the long run, she wasn't sure if she could commit to someone twenty years older than her.
She noticed that the toothbrush she'd used months ago was still in the cupboard, sitting in a cup, and she opted to use it instead of her toothbrush in her toiletries bag.
Beth took her time, even flossing her teeth. While she prepared for bed, she could hear heavy footsteps from the bedroom pacing back and forth and the faint sound of something slamming. She tilted her head, straining to hear what Daryl was doing, before mentally shrugging it off and resuming flossing her teeth. She could never get to the back teeth.
When she was finished in the bathroom, she padded back outside and knocked hesitantly on the bedroom door. After a moment, Daryl opened the door abruptly, shuffling past her to the living room. He had changed into a ratty t-shirt and shorts, the oppressive heat necessitating light layers.
He stood aside, allowing her to enter the room, before he disappeared into the living area. Beth looked around the dim bedroom apprehensively. There was a pile of clothes that looked as though they may have been hastily flung in there. The bedspread was a little rumpled, but not overly so and she suspected there may have been some smoothing over. It was strange to think that she had slept in the bed already, and was going to again under very different circumstances.
Even so, she was wondering whether she had made a mistake in staying over. She knew she had stuffed up by springing this on him. It had been a somewhat impulsive decision, and the bag of clothes she had packed seemed to draw her eyes to it throughout the night. If she hadn't already told her father that she would be staying, she wasn't sure if she would have gone through with it. As it was, she was wavering in her decision.
She heard the toilet flush faintly from the bathroom and combed her fingers through her hair self consciously. After a moment there was the sound of the bathroom door opening, and heavy footsteps through the cabin and Daryl appeared in the doorway.
There was a stilted moment.
"Are you sure this is all right?" Beth gestured vaguely towards the bed, feeling herself blush.
Daryl's lips parted, and he blinked at her and the bed. He nodded.
"O-oh, okay." Beth nodded, inwardly cringing. Any semblance of intimacy was rapidly deteriorating and Beth felt younger than ever.
"You got a side?" He stepped into the room.
Beth blinked, his meaning not clear for a second. "Oh, um, no. Not really."
Daryl smirked. "Me neither. Kinda just lie in the middle."
Even though he didn't mean to, the implication only exasperated her anxiety. Here was a man who was used to being on alone. He even preferred being alone – going to the extent to living in a cabin that a recluse built out in the middle of nowhere so it was difficult for vehicles to reach. Yet here she was, inviting herself into his bed.
Her invitation had been accepted, but was it under duress?
Daryl shut the door behind him and she felt her heart rate pick up. Beth sat on the bed and drew the covers back slowly, the light from the lamp casting a glow on the room. As she slid inside the sheets, Daryl stared at the foot of the bed. He stood for a moment, frozen, where he had shut the door to the bedroom.
He moved towards the bed with his usual prowl, unbeknownst to him how he looked when he walked.
They settled in the bed together, the rustling of the sheets almost deafening.
Daryl reached up and switched the lamp off, the room plunging into darkness. The moonlight outside tickled the edge of the sheets on the bed, rippling along the side.
"I'll give you a bit more warning next time," Beth said as she flipped on to her side, facing Daryl. She felt a bit brave, saying there would be a next time.
Daryl shifted in the bed as well. He hummed noncommittally.
Beth lowered her eyes, and started to turn away, when he spoke.
"You snore?"
Beth froze, her eyes darting back to his. He looked back at her with his eyes half lidded, waiting expectantly. "I was out like a light at yer house, don't really remember."
"Um, I don't think I snore…I haven't really…" She trailed off, trying not to blush, but she could feel her face reddening again. Unless you counted the time after they had played monopoly, she had never slept in a bed with a boy…or man, until that moment. Not with intention. Jimmy's parents were very religious and when she had slept over it had been to sleep on the fold out sofa in the den.
Daryl looked away, his expression suddenly guarded.
Beth felt her face heat up to the point where she was surprised she wasn't on fire, but whether it was because the conversation served as another reminder that Beth is, in fact, a virgin, or the dawning realisation that Daryl may not have really slept in the same bed with someone else, she wasn't sure. While she doubted that he was a virgin, actually sleeping with someone was a different thing entirely. She pondered this as she watched his eyes drift shut.
They had both been so tired that night after they had played monopoly, they had slept heavily. When they had fallen asleep, they had been miles apart. When they had woken up, it had been a different story. The memory did nothing for her blush.
"I've shared a room with Vanessa and the girls a few times on sleepovers, and they've never said anything," she tried to reassure him, her voice a little too loud in the small room. "But…I never said anything to Vanessa either, and she snored somethin' bad."
Daryl cracked one eye open with a soft snort. "Well I ain't gonna lie if you do," he smirked, but it softened after a moment. "Can't imagine it though."
She felt herself sink into the mattress a little more.
Beth grinned. "I know you snore."
He opened his other eye, narrowing them both to mere slits. "That so?"
"Yep," she rested her chin on her arm, nodding against the skin. "Not badly, but a little bit."
"Thanks for telling me." He said dryly.
"You're welcome."
His eyes glinted warmly in the dim light and the tension Beth had felt eased a little. She asked him about work that day, and he spoke quietly about the busy day he'd had and how Axel was surely sending him to an early grave.
"I know he means well, but fuck he's annoyin' sometimes."
"What happened to that other guy?" Beth asked sleepily, one of her hands fisted in his t-shirt. She felt the muscles in his chest tense up for a moment against her knuckles.
"Martinez?"
She nodded.
Daryl shrugged. "He took off. Dunno where."
Beth hummed in acknowledgement. She had a feeling the Sheriff's department had something to do with that, and Daryl knew it. His voice was tight when he'd replied, and she'd never gotten the impression he'd gotten along with his former co-worker so she didn't push it. She didn't really want to talk about Martinez anyway.
"You like what you do?"
He exhaled heavily, and Beth felt that nervousness flaring up again. Maybe he just wanted to sleep, and she kept him awake by asking him questions.
"Sometimes."
Beth nodded in reply and let her eyes slowly droop closed, intending to stop talking and let them both drift into sleep.
"You like college?" The bed shifted underneath her as he moved on the mattress. "You like kids?"
Beth smiled and opened her eyes. "Yeah, always have. I kind of can't wait to have a class of my own. What about you? What did you wanna be when you were little?"
He furrowed his brow, facing her completely. "When I was little?"
Beth let go of his shirt for a moment to tug on his pinkie finger. "Yeah, you know, when you were a little boy."
A light smirk spread across his face for a brief moment, before fading. "Different thing every week, I think. Firefighter was pretty common. Thought about joining the military, like Merle. He got kicked out and then my old man died, so we stayed on here."
"Workin' in the family business."
Daryl snorted. "Trying to. We were barely breakin' even before…" He fell silent. Beth lowered her eyes. He didn't have to say what he was referring to.
Eventually, their breathing evened out and they fell asleep with Beth's hand still loosely gripping the older man's shirt.
.
.
.
Beth awoke to a warm room, the air almost stifling in the small space. The sheets had been rucked around their waists during the night, and Beth twisted around to see Daryl's hunched back facing her from the opposite side of the bed, the man still in a deep sleep judging from the sounds of his breathing.
Beth allowed herself to relax back into the mattress. She wasn't in any hurry to get up just yet, and as warm as the room was, the quiet was quite nice to wake up to out in the woods. There was no shift at the diner to go to, no assessments to be done for college. It wasn't long before it was her nineteenth birthday, and not long after that college would be starting again.
And not long after that it will have been one year since her mother passed away.
Beth felt that familiar ache in her chest and frowned into the pillow. Instead of focusing on the hollow ache that threatened to grow inside of her, she tried to focus on all of the happy memories of her mother as she had now started to do lately. All of the times her mother laughed, when she sang in the shower, when she cooked her soup when she was feeling ill. Gradually she felt herself relax again, the ache remaining but tinged with a bittersweet edge.
.
.
.
The smell of bacon sizzling awoke her some time later and she shifted in the sheets with her eyebrows furrowed. She had not meant to drift asleep again, but it seemed she had and long enough for Daryl to have gotten up and start breakfast if the smell was anything to go by.
She sat up in the bed and looked around blearily eyed and heavy limbed. If the light streaming into the room was any indication, it was definitely nearing the afternoon. Eventually she shuffled out of the room to find Daryl standing at the stove flipping a bit of bacon over, his back to her and hair mussed. That was a sight she wouldn't mind seeing more often.
Beth greeted him with a "good morning" quietly, to which he grunted the same in response. He obviously wasn't a morning person. While he finished cooking, she set the table and poured some juice for the two of them. As he dished the scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes and bacon out she couldn't help yawning widely.
"What time is it?"
"Nearly eleven. Slept in."
She hummed her assent.
They talked a little as they ate, but they were both puffy eyed and hunched over their plates of food. As they ate Beth could feel herself wake up a little, but she had slept for a little bit longer than normal and her body was a little lethargic because of it.
"I'm gonna go on Saturday." Daryl spoke up suddenly, his food nearly finished. "Called them up."
Beth blinked until it clicked. "Oh, okay. Do you still want me…"
He cleared his throat. "You working or anything?"
"No," she replied quickly. "No, it's fine."
"All right then. Saturday it is," he drawled.
Beth was actually meant to be working, but he didn't need to know that. One shift wasn't worth more than supporting Daryl when he finally visited his brother in jail.
A/N: I'm don't think I'll be continuing with this story. But I'm leaving it as in-progress for now.
Thanks so much to everyone for reading and for everyone's comments. They all made me smile and I appreciated them all so much.
I've put so much time into this story and I'm disappointed in myself that I am leaving it unfinished but every word has begun to feel like drawing blood from a stone. I have moved on from this story and I'm so sorry to anyone still reading this.