Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any part of the franchise. The only thing that I own are the thoughts in my own head, the experiences I've gone through, and what ends up getting written down.
Now for an authors note. This series of one-shots is not Anti-SasuxSaku. As I had attempted to explain at the end of the last chapter, that was through Sakura's point of view. She had no idea what was going on in Sasuke's head when he freaked out on her, or what was going on with Sasuke on his end of things after he had left. Sakura's perspective was written as my own, because of what I've been going through.
There are two sides to every story.
I hope that this slightly clears some things up for everyone.
And now, with that being said, let's get some insight from our favorite Uchiha, shall we? (These are all still considered one-shots, but they all fit together somehow)
Causing Her Pain I (Sasuke POV)
She had the baby.
Kami. She kept the baby.
She managed to put herself through the last year of her associate's degree all while expecting a baby.
My baby.
My child.
Holy fuck. I'm a father.
And the only thing I have of my daughter is the picture that she posted on the only social media platform that she didn't block me on for some unknown reason.
Kami. From what I can tell, she looks just like me. Not that I would have minded if she had taken after her mother. Her mother is absolutely beautiful.
Last I had called and spoken to Sakura, it had been extremely late and night and part of me was hoping that she wasn't going to pick up her phone. I remember dialing her number, and shaking as I did so, because not only was I calling her on a whim, but I had no idea how she was going to react when she realized that it was me on the other end. She did pick up, to my surprise. She sounded like she had been dead asleep when she did so though. After awhile of speaking I had asked her if she had kept the baby. She told me yes, obviously. I had asked her about our child's name. She hesitated, and I could tell she did not want to divulge too much information to the man who had run off after finding out she was pregnant, and she told me that she had named her Sarada.
Sarada. The Goddess of Knowledge.
What a fitting name for both my child, and for describing the mother of my child.
"My last name, or yours?" I had asked her.
She had hesitated again. "Why?"
"Does she have my name, Sakura?"
Silence.
"Sakura, I'm her father."
"Her father who not only treated me like shit after finding out I was pregnant, but proceeded to run off to god only knows where, to contact me right after she was born to find out if he actually had his kid or not?"
"Sakura, I'm sorry. I really am sorry."
"Sorry isn't going to change things, Sasuke. You are a father now. You became a father as soon as I found out I was pregnant. You chose to run away and have me do this on my own. I don't need you."
"But she needs me. You two are my family."
"Family doesn't abandon each other, Sasuke. If you had wanted to be there, you would have been from the beginning."
"…how is she?" I quietly asked.
"Fine. Healthy. Sleeping in the next room. Clearly your child. Looks exactly like you."
"Can I see her?"
"Can I trust you?"
I had given her no reason to trust me. She was right with being hesitant. I hadn't reacted in the best of ways after finding out that I had gotten her pregnant. I was 20 at the time, with not too much income coming in. She had been 21 and trying to piece her life together after not knowing what she was going to do with it. She had her family to lean on, while I had no one. I may or may not have said some things to her that were completely out of line. I also may or may not have treated her like garbage for weeks before completely dropping off the grid.
I ran.
I ran like a coward.
I didn't tell her I was leaving, and I made sure that I didn't tell anyone that would have the information get back to her as well.
I ran four hours away from her and my child, and didn't contact her for months.
She never contacted me looking for help. But I deserved that.
I also knew that she wouldn't bother trying to figure out where I was. I had hurt her. I had abandoned her after getting her pregnant. I knew she wouldn't let me near her or our child at that point.
Hearing her voice that night, and hearing that tinge of true happiness that I had remembered that I was really the only person to be able to pull out of her, reminded me on how much I truly did love her, and how much I missed having her in my life. After a bit of coaxing, I got her to talk to me.
She spoke to me for three hours.
It was like nothing had changed between us.
It was like old times.
And then my dumb ass called her the next night and screamed at her telling her that I wanted proof that Sarada was ours, and that I wanted nothing to do with her, or our baby, and if she wanted me to be in our daughters life, she could take me to court.
I didn't hear from her again. That is, until she decided to go and fuck with her.
She being the woman lying beside me in my bed currently. The bitch that I decided to allow into my life so I wouldn't feel the pain of fucking up the way I did with Sakura and my daughter. It took Karin months to convince me to sleep with her. But all the time I spent lying besides this woman at night, Sakura was in my thoughts.
I know that I don't love Karin. She's convenient. She keeps me company. She's a good fuck when I need her to be. She's here, and she's head over heels in love with me. And for awhile, I had convinced myself that I loved her as well. I did what was expected of me to show her that I had feelings for her.
But Sakura was always the one I wished that I was living this life with.
Karin took Sakura's number out of my phone one day when I wasn't paying attention, and started to harass her. She started saying all of these nasty things to the mother of
Karin took Sakura's number out of my phone one day when I wasn't paying attention, and started to harass her. She started saying all of these nasty things to the mother of my child. And the Sakura told Karin how she was sexually assaulted while she was pregnant by my friends. People who knew me. Sakura had been told that I had sent people after her to do that to her.
And she believed it.
And Karin lost it even more.
Sakura refused to speak to me. Her friends got involved and started fighting with Karin. All while I was sitting there with my head in my hands wishing I hadn't caused this girl so much pain. Even to this day, she won't believe me when I tell her that I was not the one behind it. That I would never do that to anyone. That she knew me better than that and I would never go and fuck someone's life up so bad like that.
She won't believe me.
My heart broke when I heard her break down on the phone.
"Why! Why the fuck would you do that to me?! Why the fuck would you send people after me to have me sexually assaulted! What the fuck did I do to deserve that!? Tell me what the fuck I did! I know you didn't want this baby. You made that very clear, Sasuke. It was MY choice to keep her, just like it was YOUR choice to run away and deny that this ever happened. What the fuck did I do to deserve getting sexually assaulted! TELL ME! TELL ME WHY I DESERVED TO BE HELD DOWN AND HAVE SOMEONE FORCE THEMSELVES ON ME. TELL ME WHY! All I want to know is why! Why me Sasuke! Why did you do this to me!"
She broke. Karin was on the phone listening to the whole thing, trying to mediate the situation. And Sakura broke, and all I could do was sit there on the line and listen to the girl sob.
"Does our daughter mean nothing to you, Sasuke? Am I really just some 'whore', some 'slut' as you've called me? Is that all I am? Someone who would spread their legs for you? You knew you were my first! You knew how weary I was about sleeping with you! This is how you are going to treat me! ANSWER ME DAMMIT!"
I was silent. Karin was silent. The only sounds were Sakura's sobs and the occasional "Why Sasuke, why?"
Karin tells me that I don't need her. That she isn't worth crying over at night. She isn't worth the constant stress. Karin keeps telling me that I can just continue to stay out of both Sakura and Sarada's lives like I have been. She also told Sakura that Sakura didn't need me, that she would be able to do this on her own without me. She tried to convince Sakura that I wasn't worth it because I wasn't a man enough to stick around.
Sakura tried contacting me once after that, and all I did was scream at her.
She tried talking to me about a way to make things work so I could see my child. All I had to do was prove to Sakura that she could trust me again, and then she would allow me to see my daughter. I blew it. I started screaming at her. I had asked her how I could do that and she told me that it was something that the two of us needed to come up with. That she didn't have all of the answers. She just had the ideas. I was unwilling to compromise with her.
I regret it.
Sakura never contacted me again after that.
I contacted her the day before Christmas, and called her a bitch.
She never responded.
Karin contacted her later on that same day, and surprisingly Sakura responded, telling Karin that she didn't deserve to be spoken to in that way. Karin quickly defused the situation, telling Sakura that I just wanted to wish my daughter a Merry Christmas and to check in. Sakura thanked her and proceeded to ignore us.
I showed up the day after Christmas with a gift for my daughter. As soon as Sakura got outside, she was in my arms. I didn't want to let her go. I didn't realize how much I missed having her in my arms until that very moment, and I think she didn't realize how much she had missed being in them until that moment as well. I took Sakura out to breakfast. We sat and talked. She told me about the new school she was going to and how she was balancing out taking care of her baby and managing a full course load.
I reminded her that it was our baby, and she rolled her eyes and told me that I would only get to be a part of that aspect when I showed her that I really wanted to be a part of both her and her daughters life.
She still refused to let me see Sarada.
I don't blame her. I know she didn't trust me.
I called her a bitch again when I dropped her off back at her place. She told me that it hurt her when I did that.
She gave me one of her famous bone crushing hugs before we departed. I didn't realize how much I missed those stupid hugs.
I didn't realize how much I missed her until she was gone.
But all I'm good at is causing her pain, even though I'm madly in love with her.
I love her, but all I do it hurt her.
So. Sasuke loves Sakura. Sakura doesn't trust him, but he does really love her. He's just a bit confused on how to properly handle himself.
Just remember, this isn't an anti-SasuxSaku series. Even though it's a series of one-shots, all I will say is that they will find their way back to each other in the end. It's just them finding their way and getting there.
All of these are intertwined somehow. In some weird way. But not entirely.
Reviews are welcome and appreciated!
Bunny.