A Flicker of Light In The Darkness

Chapter 7

Matt's frustration

The next couple of weeks proved to be a strain on Matt. Granted, young Calleigh was at the heart of his problem, but it wasn't her hidden past that was bothering him. He was no longer able slip up the back stairs at night. It had been two weeks and Kitty had not been able to figure out a way for them to be together.

He stood at the door to her office, trying to decide if he should knock. Just going in, seemed to be his best option. Without a sound, he stepped inside, leaned back on the door to close it, and flipped the lock. Kitty was deep in thought, as she leaned over her desk shuffling invoices and marking notes in a journal.

Matt took care to remain silent as he slipped up behind her. An unexpected breath caught in her throat and she stiffened when his arms slid around her waist. It wasn't fear she had reacted to, but the familiar touch and scent that she knew so well. She leaned back, pressing against his hard body. His hands always appeared so huge when spread across her slender body. One hand remained about her waist, pressing her close, while the other slid down, settling in the folds of clothes between her legs. He began pulling at the fabric until he found her warm, soft flesh. He found the spot, already moist with anticipation. When he ran his finger across it, she shuddered and released a husky moan that nearly caused his knees to buckle. Her body began to move seductively, rubbing against his already throbbing manhood. She was arching back, whimpering softly and he knew it was time. Just as she heard his heavy belt and holster hit the floor, he turned her around. With no more effort than if she were a rag doll, he lifted her up and lowered her onto himself. She wrapped her legs around his waist, as he moved rhythmically, slow at first and then suddenly pumping frantically inside of her. Her arms came up around his neck and he felt her quiver and tighten around him. With one final thrust, he pushed into her and she could feel her body being filled with his hot release. They clung together, trying to catch their breath and he gradually released her, until her feet touched the floor.

She looked up into his contented face and erupted in laughter. "Well hello, Marshal. And how is your day going?" She straightened her dress and pushed a wayward curl behind her ear.

With a look of chagrin, he reached down to pull his pants up off the floor. "Better now," he tugged on the belt and adjusted his holster. "Kitty, we can't live like this. It's been two weeks." He reached out, pulling her back into his arms. "And this is not the way I want it to be. I want to lay with you at night. To hold you while you sleep."

She stroked his cheek with the tips of her fingers. Her tone was gentle, her words loving, "I know, Cowboy. I just don't know how to do that now."

"Well, Kitty, I didn't realize when you took this girl in, it was going to turn our lives upside down." There was a trace of whining in his voice that was not complimentary to the big man's size.

Kitty leaned back on the edge of the desk. "What am I supposed to do here, Matt? You don't want anyone to know that we're together; but if you come by, night after night, of course she's going to know."

He worked his mouth from side to side in an irritated gesture. When he finally spoke, it still had the tenor of a sulking little boy, instead of US Marshal. "All I know, this isn't working."

"This whole thing at the bar isn't working. I don't want her around this lifestyle."

Forgetting his own irritation for a moment, Matt stepped closer, "Kitty, this IS your lifestyle. Are you going to change everything in your life for her?"

"Not everything. I mean—no. Well, some things could stand changing." She watched Matt snatch his hat from the desk and turn away. Kitty grabbed for his sleeve, but he eluded her grasp. "Where are you going?"

For a moment, he was caught up in those blue eyes, almost forgetting his objective. As was always the way when he looked into those eyes, his body started to betray him; and he suddenly remembered why he had to go. "This has gone on long enough," he pulled his hat back onto his head, as he walked away.

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Matt climbed the stairs to Doc's office. He wasn't sure how to handle this situation, but he knew he had to try. He stepped into the office to find Doc going over some medical books with Calleigh.

"Matt, I didn't expect to see you up here today. You feeling alright?"

"Fine, Doc." Matt looked past the old man, to the young girl beside him. "Think Calleigh and I could have a minute alone here?"

Doc tugged nervously at his ear. His gaze darted from Matt, to the girl—confused by the determined look on the big man's face. "Well, yeah...I guess I could use a beer right about now." He grabbed his hat from the rack by the door and Matt stepped out of his way.

"Thanks, Doc." Matt crossed over to the table and took Doc's seat. He pushed the journal around, taking notice of the title. "You interested in medicine?"

"I think I'm more interested in what you need to talk to me about?" Calleigh replied, with an almost shy smile.

Matt offered a brusque nod. Now that he was here, he wasn't sure where to start. "Calleigh, I need to talk to you about...uh...about Kitty. No, uhm…about Kitty...and...me." He paused for a moment, and then revised his comment yet again, "I mean, about all of us. You and Kitty and—and me."

"I'll bet this conversation would be easier if I was about ten years older." Calleigh suggested and watched as a bright red shadow engulfed Matt's face. This was too easy, she thought to herself and decided to have pity on him. "I'm sorry. It's just kind of obvious that whatever this is, it's personal."

"Kitty should be doing this," he muttered, then took a deep breath to get started. "I'm not sure if you have a good understanding of my relationship with Kitty."

"Hmmm. Let's see; I understand that you've been in a -real- cranky mood for the last two weeks; and that you haven't used the back door to the Long Branch since you brought me back… Which just happens to coincide with that time frame."

It was pretty obvious from the expression on his face, that she had '-understood- the relationship' all too well. Matt's face felt suddenly flushed again and he could only imagine the shade of red he wore. She placed her elbows on the table and cradled her face in her hands. "You know that Kitty does not allow me in the bar at night. I don't have the heart to tell her that for the last three years, Carter hit every bordello from Boston to Dallas. He was quite the ladies man and there was always an open door for him. "When you're a kid, you're invisible; and well, there wasn't much I didn't see or hear."

It was not possible that he had ever been more uncomfortable than he was right at that moment. But, he knew his only chance was to push ahead. "I know how it looks, me coming in at night..." His words faltered as he stared at the youthful face staring back at him.

"It looks like you love her." She finished for him. "It's none of my business, but, why don't you marry her?"

"As long as I'm wearing this badge, my life expectancy isn't too great. Having a family isn't conducive to being a lawman; and I would never want to leave Kitty alone to raise our child. Not to mention, that there are too many people willing to hurt her, to get to me. That's why we try to be discreet."

"I'm not sure you're succeeding on that point. Local gossip has you two being a couple for several years."

Matt offered up a crooked smile, "But that's just gossip. They don't know for sure. Doc is the only one that knows the truth." Calleigh cleared her throat and looked up under hooded lids. "And you," he added.

"I don't want to create problems for either of you, especially Kitty. Your secret is safe with me. Mind if I ask another question?"

"Can I hear the question first?"

Calleigh nodded, "It's a harmless one, I promise," she offered with a grin. "Kitty told me about the first time she saw you. Was your recollection the same as hers?"

His brows furrowed and tiny lines formed across his forehead. He wasn't expecting anything that simple. "I'm sure she told you some malarkey about a big handsome guy." Calleigh grinned to confirm this. "It wasn't that way at all. I was an oversized oaf. Doc and I were having breakfast and this girl walked into the restaurant. Hair that looked like it was on fire and eyes the color of sapphires. Kitty was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Almost seven years later, she just keeps growing more beautiful. Why she took up with someone like me, I'll never understand. She wasn't a whole lot older than you are now, just barely eighteen."

"Was she your first love?" Calleigh finally got the question out that she had wondered about all her life.

"I'd like to say I was a saint, but it wasn't like that. When I was young, I was pretty friendly with the ladies. Something happened…that brought me to a crossroad in my life. I realized there had been too much drinking, too many women and too much gunplay."

"What changed you?"

"I met a girl. Someone too young; and too innocent."

"Did you love her?"

"I thought I did; but…we never really got a chance to see if what we had was real."

"What happened to her?"

"She uh...she died."

Calleigh heard the sadness in his voice. She couldn't stop the single tear that rolled down her cheek. He did love her mother. "Is that what changed you?"

He nodded. It had been a long time since he thought of that painful memory. "I realized then, that life had to mean something. I took to the law, instead of the gun. I was just twenty-two when I became the marshal here."

"Wow, so young."

Matt had to laugh, "They were having a hard time filling the job. I was the ninth Marshal they hired. Dodge was a pretty ruthless place, and lawmen didn't live long. They didn't figure number nine would be around long either. I guess I'm pretty good with a gun too."

Calleigh circled around to their earlier discussion, "Do you ever plan on marrying Kitty?"

"When I retire; and it's safe."

"When will that be?"

"I've been on the job almost twelve years. I could retire after fifteen."

"Hmmm," her lips turned into a thoughtful pout, "you two would still be young enough to have some kids of your own."

In the beginning, Matt thought she made such comments for shock value. But, over time he realized her brash, outspoken manner was just her way of being direct and honest. Unlike most females, she didn't waste time being coy; and once you got past the shock, it was kind of refreshing. "Oh, you think so, do you?"

"Definitely. Kitty needs a real baby, not a used girl, with too many miles."

His face fell somber, as he mulled over that last comment. He felt the need to ask. "Calleigh...were you ever-" He couldn't finish the sentence, but she knew what he was trying to ask.

A slight shadow of sadness passed over her face and her gaze fell to avoid his scrutiny, "Carter wasn't quite right in the head and he made some real bad choices; but he tried his best to watch over me. Still, one time...he had gotten too drunk and passed out. There was this guy he had been playing poker with…and, uh..." Now it was her turn to stumble and grasp for words. She licked her lips, as her mouth suddenly felt like it was full of cotton. She chose to forgo the details. "After that," she continued, her voice barely audible, "Carter thought it was a good idea if I dressed like a boy. Maybe I wouldn't be noticed as much."

For a moment, Matt thought he was going to be sick. He wanted to scoop her up in his arms and promise her that no one would ever hurt her again. He also wanted to find that 'guy' and beat him to a pulp. But, he did neither of those things. "Does Kitty know?"

Calleigh had surprised herself. That was the first time she had ever acknowledged the assault. It had been one more thing to bury in the past. She shook her head slowly, "No, why bring it up now? It was a long time ago; and there's nothing she could do about it anyway."

She saw the pained look on his face and reached out, resting her hand on his. "There's nothing you can do either; but I thank you for caring. I guess that's why I'm so accommodating with Kitty. She is determined to give me a childhood. I don't understand why; I just thank God that she came into my life."

"She had a rough childhood too; and she wants to save you from going through the same thing." He rose to his feet and held out his hand for her to join him. "I guess we're both pretty glad she came along. Ready to go and tell her we've worked out 'the problem'?"

"You want me to go with you? She's not going to like the conversation we just had."

"That's why we're going together."

"Hmmm," Calleigh crossed in front of him and slipped out the door, "I think you're just afraid to face her alone."

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Calleigh and Matt slipped up the back stairs of the Long Branch. "Why don't you wait in her room and I'll get her up here." He nodded and disappeared into Kitty's room. The girl walked down to the end of the hall and looked out over the bar below. She spotted Kitty, sitting at the back table, going over some ledgers. Calleigh finally got her attention and waved for her to come up.

"I thought you were at Doc's?" Kitty said, as she reached the top of the stairs.

"I was, but he had a call he had to go on. There's something I need to talk to you about." Calleigh began to pull Kitty by the hand. "Come on, in your room."

"Calleigh, what are you up to?" The door closed behind her and she whirled around upon hearing a familiar masculine voice.

"We all need to talk." Matt took her hand from Calleigh's, and led her over to the small table by the window. He sat down beside her and the girl took a seat on the settee.

"I get the feeling that somebody has already done a lot of talking. Now, what's going on?" Kitty's tone was serious.

The small girl gave the big man a look of support. "Calleigh and I discussed this situation. She understands our relationship and our problem."

Kitty stared first at him, then at the girl. She did think to close her mouth after a few seconds, but the stunned expression remained. "You talked to a child about...about our relationship? Are you insane?" She started to stand and Matt took her hands, pulling her back down into the chair.

"Now, Kitty, just hear us out. It's not like you think." Matt stopped short, his face a mask of desperation "Okay, it is what you think but-"

Calleigh stepped up and stood beside Matt, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe it would sound better coming from me." Matt imparted his most grateful expression.

"I'm forever grateful that you have taken me in," Calleigh continued, "but not at the expense of ruining what you and Matt have here. I'm so proud of you both, for who you are and what you stand for. As for being married..." her voice faltered and just for a second, a faraway look seemed to overtake her. "A marriage license and a -proper- home, isn't always suitable for a child." Her eyelids fluttered and she shook her head, as though to shake the memories away. "I mean...do you think I can't handle Matt coming home at night to the woman he loves? He explained his reasons for not marrying, and as usual, your welfare is his top priority. It shows me the kind of love I want in my life."

Kitty felt their eyes on her and she lowered her lids to shield her own gaze, "I was just trying to protect everyone, I guess."

"But, we never need to protect each other from ourselves," Matt pointed out.

"I understand what you're saying." She reached out, taking Calleigh's hand in hers. "I'm sorry; I know you were cheated out of a childhood and I just wanted to make things right for you."

"And I love you for it, but one of the things that makes me feel secure, is the two of you together. I think it's pretty obvious that we're not going to be a conventional family, but that's what makes us stronger."

Kitty sighed heavily, "You're right. I've been thinking about something else; but now, I'm half afraid to mention it." She was met with two sets of curious eyes. They were the same color, she suddenly realized. Staring into them was like looking into the cool blue waters of the ocean. Odd, she had always thought Calleigh's were the same color as her own.

"Well?" Matt arched his brows, "We're waiting."

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, I got sidetracked...I was just noticing...you two have..." She tossed her head to shake out the irrelevant discovery, "Never mind. I've been thinking about leaving the Long Branch."

Calleigh's and Matt's eyes found each other again. Then in unison, turned back to Kitty. "You want to get rid of the Long Branch?"

"No, I don't want to get rid of it; I just don't think it's working, with us living here. It's not the kind of place for you to be growing up in." Kitty's hands went up instantly, to silence the girl, "I know what you have been through in the past, but that doesn't mean it has to continue. And," she turned to Matt, "I think you and I need more privacy than a back alley doorway."

Matt leaned back, resting one giant boot across the knee of the other leg. He took note of the girl's admission to living in a -perfect- home. Sooner or later, he was going to find the meaning behind that. For now, he opted to stick to the discussion at hand. "Honey, Ma Smalley's place isn't going to give us any privacy at all."

"You lived with Ma Smalley? When? Why did you move out? Are we moving there?" Calleigh wasn't giving her time to answer the series of questions.

"I lived with Ma Smalley when I first came to town. When I bought the Long Branch, it made more sense financially to live here, too. But, not now. I think it's time I looked at a house. Something maybe just outside of town." She looked at the others for approval.

"Something bigger might be nice. What do you think, Pa?"

"Pa?" Kitty repeated, casting a quizzical glance at Matt.

"It's a private joke," he mused, while shooting an amused smile to the girl.

Calleigh returned to the original topic, "Will it have a kitchen and parlor and everything? It's probably a good idea to get settled in now. Then you can start to get ready."

Matt rose and stood behind Kitty, with his hands resting on her shoulders. She leaned back into him, curious about Calleigh's statement. "Ready for what? What are you talking about?"

"Well, three years will give you time to get everything straightened away for when those babies come." Calleigh flashed a wicked wink in Matt's direction. "I think I'm going to bed now, Pa; gosh, I'm suddenly tired." With a grin and a giggle, she was out the door.

Kitty turned slowly in Matt's arms. "Babies again?!"

He wore a sheepish grin under a slightly flushed color. "Well, uh..see, we were talking..."

"Obviously. That's twice in one week that subject has come up." A shiver ran down her spine, as he leaned down, claiming her lips. After all these years, his touch still set her heart to beating faster. "I think we need to practice on that."

TBC