A Flicker of Light In The Darkness

Chapter 23

The Stress is Too Great

"Sam, I'm going to run over to Jonas'. We are completely out of eggs. Do we need anything else?"

The tall rugged man stepped out of the back room, "I can go get those things, Miss Kitty. I don't know that the Marshal wants you wandering around alone."

Kitty experienced a moment of irritation, not so much for Sam, but for Matt. He wasn't too bad the first couple of months, but lately he was impossible. Her giant, stoic, Marshal was gone. In his place was a stranger that hovered over her constantly, second-guessing her every move.

Nowadays, he would just happen by the Long Branch, several times a day. His work still took him out of town occasionally, at which time he would wrangle Festus and Newly into, "…kind of watch over her," which—in 'Matt' terms—meant, "don't let her out of your sight!"

He was even driving Doc crazy. His newest hobby was reading up on pregnant women: What they should eat, what they should do, what they should not do.

Kitty tried to keep in mind that he was doing this for her. He'd gone from thirteen years of a clandestine affair, to an open, no-holds-barred relationship. He was suddenly free to display his feelings for his wife. Maybe that was part of the problem—once he got a taste of that kind of freedom, the thought of losing it terrified him.

She heaved a heavy sigh before responding to Sam. "I'm just going down the street to Jonas'. I think I can handle that. Now, do we need anything else?"

Sam felt like he was caught between a rock and a hard place. He understood her point, but he also knew how upset the Marshal would be if anything were to happen to her. Against his better judgment, he backed off, "We could probably use some more coffee. We're running low."

She gathered up her umbrella and reticule, "I won't be gone long."

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"Well, what a surprise!" Newly leaped to his feet and opened his arms to welcome his wife in. Never one to care about propriety, Calleigh eagerly found his lips. Newly had long ago given up caring what anyone thought; the only one that he had to keep happy was Calleigh. "What are you doing in town?"

"I just came from the Proper ranch. Chauncey has been trying to break that horse, the one he bought last month. Well, something broke all right—his left leg, in two places. I think he wants to shoot the horse." Still snuggled in her husband's arms, Calleigh placed another light kiss on his lips, "thought maybe you would want to buy me lunch."

"It would be the highlight of my day," he released her from his embrace and let his arms slide around her waist instead. "Delmonico's?" She nodded and allowed him to usher her out the door.

"Where's Matt?"

"He was going down to the telegraph office to send a wire to Hays. Then, I'm sure he'll stop by the Long Branch to check on Kitty." Newly maneuvered Calleigh toward the inside of the boardwalk. "How long is Matt going to let her keep working?"

"Hmmm, if Kitty refused to be controlled before she was pregnant and now she's full of raging hormones," Calleigh winced, "it's not a good time to make comments like that. At least not in front of her. I want you to live a little while longer. But, to answer your question, she's just entering her sixth month, hon. She's doing fine. Besides, if he were to stop her from working, he couldn't check on her twenty times a day."

"I see your point, but he sure doesn't talk like he's going to let her keep… I mean he… well you know what I mean."

Calleigh stopped and looked up at Newly with an impatient sigh. "You do realize that she is the only pregnant woman in town, heck in this whole county, to have two personal physicians and a third person with medical training, watching over her?" Newly offered a sheepish grin and guided her into the restaurant.

"Yeah, he is a little over-protective." Newly pulled out Calleigh's chair and then seated himself. "What makes you think I won't behave the same way when our turn comes? Pregnancy is hard on a man."

The sound of her gentle laughter wafted through the room, "I'll try to take it easy on you."

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"Good afternoon, Miss Kitty." Wilbur Jonas, like everyone else in town, still dubbed her 'Miss Kitty' when speaking face to face. Oddly enough, she was constantly referred to as the Marshal's wife, but they just couldn't seem to drop the label she had used to build her reputation as a businesswoman. Most folks actually found it endearing, which she both understood and appreciated.

"Mr. Jonas, we are out of eggs and coffee." Kitty offered him her sweetest smile.

"Well, you have come to the right place. I just got in a delivery of fresh eggs and of course coffee is in stock. How many eggs do you need?" Jonas disappeared into the back room and reappeared with two dozen eggs. As he walked over to measure the coffee, he pointed out the new material, just in from St Louis. "I think you'll like the prints. It'll make some really nice little gowns for the baby. Course you'll have to decide between the pink or blue."

"Oh, it is adorable, Mr. Jonas." Kitty ran her fingers over the soft fabric, "Maybe I should take both colors."

Jonas stopped scooping the coffee, his face conveying his surprise, "Are you talking twins?"

"No," her response was a cross between a sigh and a laugh, "but I'm sure I could find someone who could use the extra one. Bess Ronniger can always use baby clothes."

"True." Jonas resumed his measuring, "So, can I cut you off some of that material?" He asked as he finished bagging the coffee. "Miss Kitty, can I cut you some of it?" As he carried her order to the front counter, he was curious as to why she hadn't answered. At first, he thought she was just interested in the fabrics, but then he realized it was more than that. She seemed to be holding onto the table. Jonas rushed over to her side, just as Kitty was going down.

"Oh my! Miss Kitty, oh,my!" Jonas struggled to gently ease her to the floor. Numerous thoughts bombarded him all at once, the first being that the Marshal would surely shoot him dead if she were to die in his store. Once she was safely on the floor, Jonas hit the ground running, out onto the boardwalk. Spying the Marshal standing outside of his office, Jonas began to yell and wave his arms like wild man.

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"Maybe we can trade places and you can have the first one." Calleigh was slightly distracted from their conversation by the spectacle outside the restaurant. "What is Jonas doing? He's jumping up down like a madman."

Newly left his seat to see what was going on. "He's yelling something," curiosity pushed them both to step outside. The words were no more than a jumbled mess. It wasn't until Newly spied Matt running toward the store, that he pieced together something about Kitty. In that same instant he felt Calleigh push past him and knew she had come to the same conclusion.

Matt covered the distance between himself and Kitty in only a few steps. Jonas was still trying to explain, when Matt shoved him out of the way. As he dropped to his knees beside her, Calleigh and Newly appeared in the doorway. She joined Matt, doing a quick exam. "Jonas, what happened?"

"I..I don't know. One minute we were just talking and then she..she got real quiet. I could see she was turning pale and was starting to go down. Marshal, I did the best I could." The proprietor was still in a panic.

Newly pressed a comforting hand to the shopkeeper's shoulder. Knowing that Matt could see nothing but Kitty, Newly tried to show some consideration and put Jonas at ease. "You did fine, Jonas, I know the Marshal appreciates it. Did you notice anything, or did she complain of feeling bad at all?"

"No, sir. She was right as rain, in a really good mood."

"Matt," Calleigh rose to her feet, "Get her up to Poppy's so we can check her out better. The only thing I can tell you right now, is that she's just passed out. I don't see any blood."

Matt had Kitty in his arms before Calleigh could finish and was soon taking the steps outside Doc's office two at time. Matt was shouting with each step, enough to draw Doc out onto the landing. "What in heaven's name is-! What happened to her?"

Matt reached the landing and pressed past Doc, to lay his wife on the examining table. "She passed out in Jonas' store. Calleigh said to bring her up."

"I couldn't find anything physical, Poppy." Calleigh announced breathlessly as she passed through the door. "Slightly feverish at best, but her heart rate was good." Even as the young doctor was talking, Kitty began to rejoin the world of the living. Calleigh quickly went to the table, taking her place beside Doc.

Kitty blinked several times, as though disoriented and then suddenly frightened. "What happened? What am I doing here?" she tried to sit up, but the dizziness returned, knocking her back down.

"Doc! What's the matter with her? Do something."

"Calm down, Matt. Let's just see what's going on here. Kitty, has this happened before?"

Kitty cast a sheepish glance at Matt, looking as though she really didn't want to answer. "Kind of."

"Kind of! What does that mean? Why didn't you tell me? And why would you be wandering all over town alone? Where's Sam! He's supposed to be watching you!"

"Watching me!" Again she bolted up, this time pushing against the lightheadedness. "Sam's JOB is to manage the Long Branch for me! And I don't think walking down the street to the mercantile is wandering all over town. I didn't tell you because you make such a ...big..." the dizziness won out and she dropped back onto the table, barely clinging to consciousness.

"Kitty, just relax." Doc studied his patient for a second, tugging on his ear out of habit, "have you eaten today?" He held up his hand to silence Matt before he could answer for her.

Crystal blue eyes struggled again, trying to focus. "I had a piece of toast earlier. I've been too nauseous to eat."

"What have you been doing with the breakfast I fix for you every morning?" Matt was dumbfounded. He was mad at everyone else for not taking care of her and she was getting sick on his watch.

"I've been giving it to Ranger." Kitty was too weak to argue with him anymore. "I didn't have the heart to tell you, because you go to so much trouble."

"I thought it was something like that." Doc wiped at mustache, "Newly, will you go over to Delmonico's and get a bowl of oatmeal and some hot tea?" Newly nodded and winked at Calleigh as he left on his errand.

Kitty took a deep breath to steady herself, "…Not to mention the fact that you get so crazy. This last month you've been out of control, Matt. Yelling at everyone as though the only thing they have to do is babysit me." A single tear squeezed out before she could close her eyes. "I love you and I know you love me too, but I just can't do this anymore. I'm tired," she turned away from him and toward Calleigh. "I'm going to go stay with Calleigh and Newly, if it's all right with them."

Calleigh stepped closer to Kitty; for the first time in her life, she was torn between two people she loved. "Of course you're welcome to stay with us. We'd love to have you." she was unable to look away from Matt. Their blue eyes met, caught up in a multitude of emotions: Love. Anger. Betrayal. Pity.

"Kitty, please. Don't do this. I'll calm down." Matt was not used to losing control of any situation, especially those involving his wife's welfare. He felt completely out of his element and deep down, he knew he was being unreasonable. Matt Dillon knew horses, guns, fighting, and drunken brawls; but he didn't know pregnant women. The one thing he did know for sure, was that he loved this one more than life itself and he was driving her away.

"Matt, please," Calleigh's heart was breaking, "You're upsetting her more. Why don't you go on home tonight? We'll take good care of her." She laid her hand on his forearm "This will all work out," she reached up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "I promise it will."

His eyes were still on Kitty, willing her to turn around, but she refused to look at him. Feeling the gentle tug on his arm, he cast his eyes down to his daughter. Finally realizing it had been settled for him, for now at least, he hugged his daughter and slowly left the office.

The door opened and the grin on Newly's face was very much alone and out of place. Something had happened, that was for sure. He looked to his wife for answers and the look she gave him was clear. Later, she would tell him everything; but for now, she needed him to just be her support. "Where do you want this, Doc?"

"Bring it over here. Kitty, I'm not letting you go anywhere until you eat this," she looked up at him, silent tears streaming down her face. He felt Calleigh's hand on his arm.

"Just let us take her home, Poppy, I'll see that she eats something. I've got a feeling Matt's going to be sleeping at the jail. He's not going to want to go home without her. Will you check on him?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing. You can use my buggy to take her home."

"Newly, Kitty is going to stay with us for a few days. Can you help me-?"

"I got it babe." Without questioning anything, Newly went over to Kitty. "I know you must be plum worn out, Kitty, so you just relax and I'll get you settled in Doc's buggy." Before she could object, Newly had picked her up and was heading toward the door with Calleigh close behind.

In the shadows of the alley, the big man watched as his woman was gently carried down the stairs and set into the buggy. Those should have been his arms holding her, his hands settling her in. There in the dark, he felt tears running down his face.

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One week had gone by. Seven days. One hundred sixty-eight hours. Matt knew, he was counting off every second. Calleigh was right, he had been staying at the jail; he couldn't bear the thought of going to that big empty house without her. Doc and Festus came by daily, trying to boost his spirits. He was grateful that they cared.

It was a cool night, almost like that beautiful night he had found her on the balcony. He stepped out onto the boardwalk and took a seat in front of the jail as he spied Doc coming down the street. Matt nodded, as he pushed his hat further back on his head.

Doc could see the same sorrow-filled eyes and weary attempt at a smile, that had greeted him all week. "Matt, had dinner?"

With a grimace and shake of head, the Marshal indicated again that he wasn't hungry. That in itself was enough to worry Doc. "Maybe later." Matt's gaze wandered down Front Street, even though he didn't see anything. "She all right?"

Doc nodded. "Misses you though."

"Did she say that?"

Doc stood up and leaned against the post. He rubbed his chin and swiped at his mustache, definitely a sign of his irritation. "You two are the most ...stubborn... I can't even think of the words to describe you both! Kitty is miserable; still have to force her to eat, she barely sleeps. You over here doing the same." Doc's irritation was peaking, "What on earth got into you to behave like that? I've watched you with that woman for almost fifteen years and I know you've always been protective of her—we all have—but not to this extreme."

Matt was suddenly on his feet, "Damn it, Doc, it's just so hard to explain. I know I was being overbearing. I was doing okay, but then when she got to be six months, she went from this kind of paunch, to a full-blown belly. It suddenly got so real."

The older man pulled back, staring at the big man in shock. Then Doc started to laugh. "What did you think was in there, Matt?"

For the first time in a week, Matt traded in his self-pity for annoyance, "Oh, of course logically I knew, but... Everything got mixed up. Suddenly it was very real and all the dangers that went with it were real too. She could die, giving birth to this child. Or, what if something happened to the baby? I didn't know how to protect them both. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"

"Yeah, I think I do. New fathers sometimes go through this. I just didn't expect it from you. But then, if anyone can turn you to jelly, it would be Kitty." Doc's laughter wasn't infectious enough to spread to Matt, but it did elicit a genuine smile. "Well, I'll be checking on her this afternoon, maybe I can put a good word in for you."

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Kitty stood on the porch of Calleigh's house, her hands gently circling her baby. She glanced back at Calleigh and Newly, sitting side-by-side on the wooden porch swing. "I think we're going to have a nice summer. Not as hot as last year."

Newly stretched his arm around Calleigh's shoulder and pulled her a little closer to himself. "I hope so, last year was a scorcher. Farmers could sure use more rain this year too." Calleigh winked and gave him a kiss before getting up.

She walked over to Kitty and slid an arm around her, leaning in until their heads touched. "Enough of the weather report. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I miss him terribly." Kitty bit her lip to hold back the tears.

"I know you do. Do you want to go home?" the question went unanswered. "I wish I could say something to make it all right. All I know is that the two of you being apart is just not natural, not the way God intended at all. I'm not taking sides here, although we both know Matt acted like an ass, but I think you need to talk to him. You're not going to settle anything, hiding out here."

Newly left the swing to join the ladies. "He's a mess, Kitty. I don't know why he was acting the way he did, but I know that fear is a great motivator and he's sure terrified of losing you. I think he'll try to do, or be, anything—if you'll take him back."

"Newly! I just said we're not taking sides."

"Was that before you called him an ass, or after? I'm sorry, baby; but I see him every day and he's powerful sorry."

"Do you think he would be willing to come out here and talk to me?" Newly was caught off guard by Kitty's innocent expression—and for a moment, saw what Matt saw. She truly was stunning and she really had no idea how much her husband really loved her.

"Kitty, he would crawl out here on his hands and knees if it meant getting you back." He took a step closer and kissed her cheek, "Not every day a man gets to kiss a beautiful woman in front of his wife. Why don't you ladies take a seat in the swing and I will get us all some lemonade."

He'd started for the house when Calleigh pulled him back. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"If it's only half what they have, we've got it made." His lips brushed his wife's and he whispered, "You do know that you are the only woman in Dodge that is prettier than Miss Kitty?" He gave her a swift swat on the rear. "Now get over on that swing."

Calleigh giggled as she crossed the porch, "Hey, grab some of those cookies!"

"Did you make them?" he called back, "'Cause I think they're all gone."

She plopped down on the swing beside Kitty with an insolent smile, "I didn't make them. Kitty did."

"Oh, those cookies; yeah they're right here. I'll bring 'em."

"Smart ass! Apparently, I'm a natural with guns and medicine. Not so much in the kitchen," she began to laugh. "At least if my cooking makes him really sick, I can doctor him. Hey, you actually look better."

"I think you're both right. We need to talk if we're going to solve this. I have to say, you were right to hang in there with Newly. He's a special man." Kitty smiled and took the girl's hand, "Of course, you're pretty special too, so it's a good match."

Newly pushed the door with his foot and maneuvered across the porch with the tray. "I brought an extra glass; figured Doc would be showing up soon. It's almost four o'clock."

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Matt checked himself in the mirror. He brushed a sprinkle of lint from his courting jacket and straightened his string tie. He hadn't been this nervous since he...well, since the first time he took Kitty on a real date. How many years ago was that?

This had to go well. Please, he prayed, let me say the right things. There was a moment's pause and then he revised his prayer, if I can't say what's right, please just don't let me say what's wrong.

He turned away from the mirror when he heard Doc calling to him. "Well, I had no idea this was such a formal affair."

"Got a make a good impression. This is a mighty important date."

"You riding in the buggy with me?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

Doc shrugged, knowing full well that Matt was hoping Kitty would be coming home with him and he couldn't bring her home on Buck.

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"Kitty," Calleigh peeked around the bedroom door, "you about ready?" She took a full step into the room and found Kitty standing in front of the mirror. "You look beautiful." She could see the skepticism in Kitty's eyes. "You do know where all of this doubt is coming from?" Calleigh pointed to the protruding mound that seemed to be leading Kitty around. "I'm guessing you are starting to wonder who you are."

"When did you get so smart?" Kitty tried to raise a smile, but it fell short. "I'm just not me."

"Called hormones and yours are running wild. After this one comes, you'll get back to normal and once again be the redheaded holy terror that has kept us all in line."

Kitty's shy smile was unable to hide her enthusiasm at the prospect of returning to normal. "Have I been unfair to Matt because of that?"

Calleigh sighed with a sad smile. "No, he got off track somewhere, but he's going to be fine. You know what he told Poppy. It sounds silly, but it makes sense-Nine months seems so far off; a lot of people are still not ready, even when the time comes."

Calleigh's delicate face took on a somber look, "as far as him worrying about you—a lot of women do die in childbirth; that's a possible fear. To be honest, Matt's had about all the fears of losing you that he can take. I think he just let it get too out of hand. Doc seems to think he can rein it in." She turned her attention outside when she heard Newly call from downstairs that Doc and Matt were coming up the road.

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Matt stepped up onto the front porch and took a deep breath to shake off his nervous tension. Newly opened the door, eagerly greeting his friends. They had only taken a couple of steps into the foyer when the sound of female voices drifted down the staircase. Matt turned, just as Kitty stepped from the last step. His breath caught like a lump in his throat when their eyes met.

It had been a week, could she have really gotten that much more beautiful in seven days? If he didn't know better, he would swear he saw the same desire in her eyes that he felt. The tension began to fill the room, suffocating each of them.

"Well my goodness," Calleigh spoke up, a little louder than necessary, "this could be considered quite awkward." Just as she suspected, that comment was enough to bring everyone back to reality. It temporarily broke the spell between the two lovers. With a gentle tug on Matt's jacket, she made the announcement, "Dinner's ready everyone, let's eat."

It was a relatively quiet meal. Calleigh and Doc carried most of the conversation; Newly tried to join in but he was too uncomfortable to be of much help. Neither Matt nor Kitty said anything at all. They spent most of the evening trying to avoid any eye contact. Doc gave it one last try, "Calleigh that was a really good dinner."

"Don't sound so surprised, Poppy. Kitty cooked it." Calleigh flashed a warning glance at Newly before he could make a comment about her cooking that they both would regret. "Newly why don't you and Poppy help me clear up the table, so Matt and Kitty can have some time to talk?"

Matt pulled Kitty's chair from the table and placed his hand under her arm to help her up. The electricity from the touch coursed through both bodies. "It's a perfect night, do you want to go out on the porch?"

Kitty smiled, accepting his offer and followed him out into the cool night air. She was only a couple of feet from the swing when Matt took hold of her arm and turned her around to face him. "Kitty if you don't let me kiss you soon, I...I…"

She didn't wait to hear his ultimatum, but rushed into his arms. Their lips met and the world around them ceased to exist as their tongues touched and tasted, savoring each other, each wanting to make up for lost time. Only their lungs screaming for a breath could pull them apart. Matt buried his face in her hair, lost in the fresh clean scent. His fingers remembered the feel of her soft skin. "Kitty, please," he whispered, "Please come home. I'll do anything you want."

"I just want my Cowboy back," she pulled him down again, claiming his mouth once more.

Matt broke away long enough to open the front door and yell to Doc that he was taking the buggy home.

TBC