Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Beta'd by SunflowerFran!
I will try to have at least one chapter up over the next week, so send me your positive vibes!
"Bella, you have to pay attention or the boss is going to have your head!" Peter hissed into my ear before giving me a sharp nudge that pulled me from my daydream.
"Shit, sorry," I mumbled with pink cheeks as I dumped the coffee I'd all but abandoned to start a fresh one. Tuesday shifts in comparison to Monday weren't as busy, but I'd had trouble concentrating on any task for long after Saturday night.
Going back to filling in orders, my mind drifted again to the third floor and to Edward. He'd been relentless in drawing pleasure from my body, using his tongue and fingers to thrust me over the brink again and again until I had become a mess of quivering limbs beneath his touch.
He'd driven me home afterwards, his smirk firmly in place as he had walked me to my door, dropping a kiss on my forehead before leaving me to stumble to my bedroom on shaky legs. Only stopping to remove the wings from my back and to kick my shoes off, I'd collapsed onto my bed, and had fallen asleep, still wearing Rosalie's dress.
It had been the best night's sleep I'd ever had.
I finished my shift with a smile on my face, despite the confused looks on the faces of my co-workers, who were too used to my usual melancholy nature to understand me showing another emotion.
I didn't know what was going on between Edward and me, and I was in no rush to put a label on something I was so unsure would go anywhere, despite the fact that I thought about him constantly. Him and not the reaction he'd drawn from my body, but him as in the guy who had read Wuthering Heights because he'd seen me with it and not only watched, but owned the extended editions of The Lord of the Rings.
Edward Cullen had noticed me when nobody else ever had, drawing me out of my shell and into a place where I felt like I could finally be myself.
It scared the hell out of me.
What are you doing today?
I smiled as I opened my phone to read the message, the same one I'd been waking up to every morning since Sunday. He'd text me sporadically throughout the day, between classes and whatever else he did. He didn't answer the questions, he asked them. Hundreds of questions it seemed; everything from my favourite colour, to why I was studying to become a social worker. I'd answered the first with complete honesty; that my favourite colour varied with my moods, before fibbing my way through the second.
I'd told him that I wanted to assist in finding children better homes than the ones they were born into, to help them find parents to give them the unconditional love they deserved. I hadn't told him about Chelsea, my real motivation for becoming a social worker. The woman who had singlehandedly saved my life after what little family I had left, perished.
I hadn't told him about my father and mother's deaths or that I had been orphaned at age sixteen. I hadn't told him any of it. While I knew it would be so easy for me to give Edward those parts of myself, something deeper within me commanded me not to, to keep the secret safe with Rose and I. Jacob knew, of course, but while his morals had slipped exponentially over the past year, he had loved Charlie too much to disrespect his memory in that way.
I shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts, of the negativity. I'd been having a good week and I refused to allow myself to start wallowing in doubt. Regardless of what we were or weren't, Edward made me feel alive and I was not ready to give that up, not when I'd barely gotten a taste of it yet. I sighed and typed out my response to him, a small smile finding its way back to my face.
I have classes and I usually spend Wednesday nights studying in the library. There are no revising notes when Emmett sleeps over if you know what I mean. What about you?
I have classes and I usually spend Wednesday nights studying with Alice and Jasper. It's much easier to study when Rose isn't sleeping over, if you know what I mean.
Lucky guy, I replied, a small chuckle escaping from my mouth.
I've been incredibly lucky this week, if you know what I mean.
My cheeks flamed and my lower body tingled in response to his words. I inhaled deeply, not one person or piece of erotica had ever enticed this kind of reaction from my body before and I closed my eyes, remembering the way his eyes had locked with mine the moment that I had first come undone beneath his touch.
The week isn't over yet if you know what I mean. I typed the message out and clicked send before I could change my mind, shoving my phone back into my pocket, determined not to obsess over my response.
I wanted him to touch me again, to make me fall apart, over and over and then I wanted to give back as good as I got.
"Are you going to tell me what went down on Saturday night?" Rose asked as I arrived back at the apartment after my Wednesday morning classes. I rolled my eyes and smiled at her, shaking my head as I made my way to the fridge to pull out last night's leftover risotto.
"No," I replied, amused by her relentless asking. The morning after it had happened, I'd wanted to tell her, to share with her all of the delicious details until we were both blushing and giggling uncontrollably. But then, as I'd lain in bed, recalling every moment that he'd touched me, how unbelievably naked and vulnerable I'd felt beneath his gaze, I realised that I didn't want to share that, I didn't want to share how I felt. Not yet, anyway.
"Ugh, you're so stubborn," she whined as she made her way over to the breakfast bar, pulling out one of our barstools and collapsing onto it dramatically.
"Yeah, but I can cook and you can't, so you have to keep me around." I teased, winking at her as I pulled out two bowls from the cupboard.
"I keep you around because you're my best friend, Bella, the fact that you know a hundred different ways to cook chicken is just a very lucky bonus," she said. The sincerity in her voice surprising me enough to turn around and raise my eyebrows at her display of emotion. While she and Emmett were inseparable and madly in love, Rose was still always going to be careful about who she let into her life and heart. Her trust was hard to earn, but when won, it was unwavering.
"I love you, too," I told her, understanding what she hadn't said out loud.
"If you loved me, you'd let me know if Cullen was as good with his fingers as I imagined he would be, bitch."
When I arrived at the library, it was empty of almost all students, the majority of my peers choosing instead to study down at Starbucks instead of being surrounded by the smell of well-worn pages and the sight of cracked spines.
Back in Forks, the library had been my haven growing up. Renee's lack of being a permanent fixture in my life had forced me to learn all that I knew about becoming a woman by reading, and later, everything I knew about sex. The librarians in Forks had known me by name by the time I was ten. Charlie would leave me in their care during the long summer days when he had to work and I put my foot down about him leaving me at the station during his shifts.
The library here had been the first thing I'd researched when Chelsea had forced me to apply. And apart from the woman's tenacious opinion that I needed to go to college, it had been the library that had won me over. I'd walked through miles of books, my fingers tracing their spines and my eyes filled with wonder. I had never felt more at home.
It felt the same way two years later.
I carefully navigated my way through the stacks, despite knowing exactly where I was and found my table. It was the same table every week, the huge, dark mahogany desk buried deep in the history section, well lit by one of the few lamps on the third level that didn't flicker when you turned it on.
I breathed a sigh of contentment as I sat down in the chair that I would be cursing later for giving me a backache, and pulled out the study material that needed my attention the most.
I was five pages deep into the chapter I was reading when the chair opposite me became occupied. Never having gotten company while sitting in this spot before, I startled and looked up. When I did, I found myself staring into a pair of shining jade eyes.
"Hi," Edward said, his mouth lifting in one corner to flash me that wicked crooked grin.
"Hey," I said back, my voice filled with surprise. I was pleased though, my stomach already starting to fill with the butterflies that seemed to be a permanent fixture whenever he was around. "What are you doing here?"
"Wanted to hang out with you," he answered simply, giving me a small smile before pulling his own books and pens out of his bag. I liked that he didn't study with a computer, that he took notes on paper and highlighted his textbooks rather than use Wikipedia.
"Uh, okay," I said calmly, despite the fact that my heart was racing at a thousand miles per hour. We hadn't messaged since morning, when I'd sent him that text.
"It's okay that I came here right?" He asked suddenly sounding a little nervous. I looked up to find him staring at me, hesitation on his face for the first time since I'd met him.
"I've never been here with anyone before," I admit, waving my hand over the table. This small, seemingly private section of the library was special to me, one of the few places in my life that I've felt completely at ease. "It's ... Special to me."
He winced and frowned. "Do you want me to leave? I didn't mean to overstep-"
"Stay," I told him with a smile. I wanted him here, I wanted him to understand my world and I wanted him to like it.
He grinned in reply, jade eyes twinkling. "Okay."
We worked in companionable silence for an hour, the only sounds around us coming from the scratching of our pens on paper as we filled page after page of notes. The silence wasn't awkward and I was relieved to find that I didn't feel out of sorts with him being here with me.
I was halfway through reading the same paragraph for the fifth time, my mind going over the text I'd sent him earlier. My imagination ran wild with all of the things I wanted to do with him and for him.
I stood silently, before I could lose my nerve and started walking through the stacks, deeper and deeper into the sections that rarely saw a visitor. I heard footsteps behind me, the sound of shoes on the old carpet letting me know that he'd done what I'd wanted; followed.
Without missing a beat, I turned and made my way towards him, moving until he was backed against shelves, trapped between them and me. His eyes darkened as I dropped to my knees before him, his breath hitching in his throat as I lifted my hands to undo his belt. And with only slightly shaking hands, I managed to pull his jeans down and boxer briefs down, causing his erection to spring towards me and I giggled as I wrapped my hand around him.
With my mouth only a few inches away, I looked up at him, my stomach flipping at his deeply aroused expression as he stared down at me in both awe and shock. I moved my hand slowly, up and down, revelling in the feel of his soft skin beneath my hand and smiled when he twitched and let out a small groan in response.
"Will you let me?" I asked, using his words from the weekend before moving in a little closer, my breath washing over him.
He smirked then and I smiled in response as he said nothing but nodded, his eyes never leaving mine as I closed those final few inches between us. I moved my hand again, a fraction harder than I had before, intently watching his reaction as I slowly wrapped my lips around him.
Now we're even, I texted him as I slid into bed, my mouth fixed in a permanent smile as pride continued to course through my body, even an hour later. I'd never enjoyed giving blow jobs before, I'd always felt it to be more of a chore than arousing, but watching Edward's face as I made him come undone had definitely changed my mind. I'd never been wetter than when he'd muttered 'fuck,' as he reached his release, his hand twisted in my hair.
My phone chirped with a message before I'd even had the chance to close my eyes and I leaped to pick it up, my cheeks flaming as I read his reply.
Oh no, pretty girl, we're far from even.
Fic Rec:
With or Without You by Rochelle Allison
Edward and Bella were once high school sweethearts. Years later, their lives converge unexpectedly, forcing Bella to deal with and accept things she's long since tried to move past.