Chapter Seven
Two months, Two weeks Ago
"You look good in red," he murmured, leaning against the nurse's desk at the hospital. Her head lifted from the chart, her eyes met his, and he winked, nodding at the red Santa cap that was slipped over her head. He could tell that she was briefly annoyed, then pleased to see him. It had been far too long since that afternoon in his bosses office.
She sighed, reaching up to adjust her cap. "Merry Christmas," she murmured, her eyes darting around the room to make sure no on was paying too much attention to them. Thankfully everyone was engrossed in the yearly Christmas party. It was difficult enough to hide what was going on in private and their conversations at the hospital usually pertained only to his girlfriend's mother. She could tell already that this wasn't going to be one of those conversations.
"Merry Christmas," he replied, a tight lipped, but sincere smile spreading across his lips. "Any big plans?"
She shook her head, causing her hair to fall in her face. "Working overtime," she replied, shutting the chart she'd been working on. "You?"
He shrugged, casting his gaze downward. "Uh, she's taking care of her sisters for her mother." It was difficult for him to ignore the pained look on her face.
"So, you're spending Christmas with them," she murmured, opening another chart. "That sounds nice."
He muttered her name apologetically, hating that once again they were being so awkward with one another after feeling like they'd gotten somewhere the last time they were together.
"You don't have to explain," she said curtly, slamming the next chart shut.
"She's having a hard time taking care of them on her own," he replied, trying to make her understand.
"I'm sure you'll help a lot," she said, staring down at the closed chart. She couldn't look at him sometimes and not think about him being with her, just as she was sure he did the same with her and her husband.
"If I could be anywhere, you know-"
"You don't have to explain," she repeated, her eyes snapping to his. "She's your girlfriend regardless of whether you say you two are on or off. She thinks your on."
"And so does he," he pointed out, beginning the inevitable awkward conversation about her husband. Her face hardened and he almost felt guilty, yet at the same time part of him wanted to know how he was doing. If he was doing well, that meant she was too and he needed to know that. "How is he?"
She shrugged, pursing her lips together. "Honestly, he's doing really well. He's going to meetings almost everyday. Mac is starting him back at the PCPD when his recovery is in full swing, but he'll have a lower position, of course. And he uh, he wants to work things out."
"Did you move back home?" he asked curiously, knowing he had no right to ask her any of these things.
"No," she replied, her voice shaky. She felt as if saying she wasn't home yet was like saying she was waiting on him to leave her. And maybe she was. Maybe she wanted him to make the first move, which was stupid because she knew in her heart, he would want her to make the big gesture.
He was torn between knowing that she wanted to be at home with her husband or at home with him. He'd hurt her so badly in the past and all he wanted to do was right the wrongs made by the man who was supposed to love and honor her. He was starting to wonder if she'd ever give him the chance. "I know I haven't been around-"
"I got your message saying you were going out of town," she cut in, stacking the remaining charts on the desk. She was relieved when he'd contacted her and she also felt special. If he took the time to tell her he was leaving and that he would miss her, that had to mean something, right? "I'm glad you're back safe and sound."
"You don't have to worry about me," he said, looking at her intently.
"Believe me, I wish I didn't," she replied, sounding more cold than she had meant to. It was just that worrying about him left her distracted and she'd had to explain over and over to her husband why she had been so on edge. And then he of course would try to comfort her, and it was all downhill from there to say the least.
He nodded, understanding her attitude and frustration. They'd managed to create an impossible situation with one another. No matter what happened it seemed as though they were both not only going to hurt those around them, but also hurt themselves. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," she said, shaking her head. She brushed her hair back from her face, lifting her arms to twist it loosely behind her head. "I just worry that you won't come back."
"I'll always come back. I always have."
"Yeah, but it's the waiting part that kills me," she confessed.
He grinned, looking away in embarrassment at how happy it made him to hear that. "I uh, I know what you mean. I thought about you a lot," he admitted, shifting his eyes back to hers.
She smiled, this time embarrassed in the same way he had been. "It's really good to hear you say that."
"It's true," he replied with a shrug. She was still looking away from him and he took the opportunity to look her over. He'd missed her more than he ever thought possible. At least if he was in town, he could see her, share a secret glance across the hospital floor where they both thought about the last time they were together. He missed the touch of her creamy, delicate skin beneath his hands and the way her need for him only matched his for hers. Mostly he missed talking to her; before or after or during. He missed her reading his mind and understanding everything without him saying a word.
She glanced up, only to see the way his were roaming over her. It wasn't in a dirty or sexual way, but he looked at her like he knew her-like he really knew her. She'd forgotten how much she'd missed that. She instantly forgot about all the reasons it was wrong and felt only the desire to be in his arms where it was safe and the rest of the world didn't exist. Her mouth went dry at the thought of being with him, but she knew she didn't have to be scared. "Are you free for a little bit?" she asked, her voice just above a whisper.
"Right now?" he asked, looking around at the bustling hospital, only to realize that he didn't really care where they were. He just wanted to be with her. "Is there somewhere we can be alone?"
She bit her lip, going through the list of possible places they could steal a moment together. She wasn't about to be reckless or stupid. "The on call room down the hall behind you," she replied, nodding her head towards the hallway. "Last door at the very end of the left side. I'll go first. Wait five minutes or so."
He sucked in a nervous breath when she didn't give hi m a chance to answer. She turned around, crossing to the other side of the desk, and hurried down the hallway. He almost wondered if it was risky to do this at her work place. They'd almost been caught once and if she got caught her, surely everyone would find out about them. But God, he just wanted to be with her. If only for a minute, he wanted to feel the touch of her skin on his.
Halfway down the hall, she realized that the room might be occupied, so she broke into a sprint, knowing that if it was, they'd have to find another room. She shook her head in disbelief, half annoyed, half proud of herself. Yes, she had a husband who wanted to be with her and who loved her, but she didn't want either of those things from him. As ridiculous as it was, she just didn't know how to walk away. She knocked softly on the door before opening it and was relieved to find it empty.
Glancing up at the clock, he sighed heavily, waiting the longest five minutes of his life. He knew at this rate, when he got to be with her, they'd have no choice but for it to be fast and furious because that was all he was going to be able last. He took a deep breath, glancing around the hospital floor before heading down the hallway.
She paced back and forth in the dark room. One part of her was saying no, but it was being trumped by her not only her need to feel close to him, but to feel loved. The word had come up during their last encounter and she found it hard to believe that secret meetings and relationship built on lies could add up to love, but she did know that when she was with him, she felt like she was being loved. She paused when the door open behind her and she turned to see him slipping inside.
"Do you think anyone saw you?" she asked softly, her face finding his in the dimly lit room.
"No," he replied, moving to shrug off his jacket, but she was on him before he had the chance.
Her arms around his neck, she drew his face against hers and her tongue sought-no, forced-entrance into his mouth. She felt his arms snake around her waist as he swirled his tongue around hers to hard that she gasped into his mouth. Their mouths still connected, she pushed her body against his, backing him up against the door. She shoved him against the door, breaking the kiss only to shove his jacket off and pull his t-shirt over his head.
His hands were as quick as hers, pulling the thin material of her scrub top over her head and tossing it onto the floor. He moved quickly to unsnap her bra, his hands brushing over her delicate breasts all too briefly. She shoved him against the door, harder this time, and her forceful desperation to have him only turned him on more. He felt her reach beside him to flick the lock on the door and then her mouth was moving over his skin.
She smiled against his chest when he sighed, resting his head back against the door as her lips traced a trail over his smooth, chiseled chest. His fists were in her hair, attempting to guide her where he wanted her to go, but she was in charge this time. This was going to be done her way. Bringing her hands to his belt, she undid it hastily, fussing with the snap before his pants were free and shoved to the floor.
He groaned when her hands brushed against him through his boxer and he grabbed her, pulling her up against him. Taking her mouth with his own, he kissed her hard. His teeth dug into her bottom lip and when she cried out he was worried at first that he'd hurt her. Then she kissed him back just as hard, wrapping her arms around him and pulling herself up against him until he was holding her in his arms.
She tightened the hold of her legs around his waist, rolling her hips against him when she felt his hard on between her legs. Breaking their kiss, she rested her head on his shoulder, gasping for air, but he gave her little time to rest. She felt his hands brush her hair from her neck, leaving a trail of kisses from her ear to her collar bone.
Sucking her skin between his teeth, he kissed her as lightly as he could, knowing that they'd have to be more discreet now. She had someone watching her. Tugging her head to the other side, he moved his lips in the same motion on the other side of her neck. He froze briefly, pulling back to look at her when he saw a branding that he knew wasn't his.
She murmured his name, thrusting against him, eager for him to continue. "Why are you-" She stopped when she felt his calloused fingertip run over the bruise on her neck. "It's not what you-"
"You don't have to tell me anything," he murmured, his grip on her loosening as he lowered her to the ground.
Tears stung her eyes and she knew that he was hurt. "It's not-He and I-we didn't…." She hung her head, when tears started to fall. Damn him for making her feel guilty for trying to be with her own husband.
"You don't owe me an explanation."
"We didn't do anything. I mean, he wanted to. He tried really hard, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it," she whispered guiltily, holding her head in her hands. And it was true, her husband had come to her, attempted to do everything the right way, but she couldn't bare to have him touch her. "I tried to do it, but I couldn't. I just felt so dirty," she confessed, lifting her eyes to his. "Please, say something."
"I shouldn't be mad," he replied, running a hand through his short, spiky hair. It was impossible not to be though when he thought about another man having his hands on her body, marking her in the same way he did. "I don't own you. If you want to be with him-If you want him-"
"I don't want him," she cried out, rushing into his arms again. She threw her arms around his neck, pushing herself against him, relieved that he was still hard and still wanted her. "I only want you."
There was something about the way she said it was that was innocent, yet so raw. "You want me?" he asked, grabbing her by her hair and tugging her head back to look at her. She nodded, but it wasn't good enough. "Say it."
"I want you," she whispered, moving her hands to the sides of his face. "Only you."
"Only me," he repeated, dropping his hands to her waist to untie her scrubs. He stooped to slide them off her body, then looked back into her face. "Say it again."
"I only want you," she whispered, pressing her body against his. She knew he could feel how wet she was through his boxers. "Please, just take me. I'm yours."
That was all he needed to hear. He pulled her towards him, placing his lips over hers and taking her mouth as his own. "Only mine," he growled into her mouth, pushing her down onto the lower bunk.
"Only yours," she replied, attempting to break the kiss to catch her breath, but he wouldn't allow it. She kissed him back as hard as he kissed her, forgetting the need to breathe.
He shifted to move his body between her legs, continue the assault of her lips with his. Every time she moaned into his mouth, he felt himself grow even harder, and it was difficult for him to not just take her like he had that day in the office.
She whimpered into his mouth when she felt his hand slip between her legs. Her hips thrust upwards as he ran a slender finger over her slit. His touch was so light and gentle, it was hard to know if it was even there or if she was only imagining it because she needed it that badly.
"Is that what you want?" he asked roughly against her mouth as he pressed his finger against her, refusing to push it inside her. She nodded again, her tongue continuing to meet his. "No, I need you to say it."
"Touch me," she murmured, relieved when he broke the kiss and moved to look down at her face.
His hand disappeared from between her legs and he grabbed her wrists with his hands, drawing them up over her head. He kissed her mouth again, sucking her lower lip between his as he pressed himself between her legs and she whimpered loudly, her body thrashing against his.
She was gasping for breath when her mouth left his. She caught his eye, smiling when saw that the desire in his eyes only mirrored hers. "Please," she murmured, pushing her hips upward. "Touch me. I need you-"
"I will," he replied, giving her a long, reassuring kiss that left her light headed. He pulled her arms above her, stretching them towards the edge of the bed.
She moaned his name, withering below him. She was sure that if he didn't give a release soon she was going to come just from the way he was handling her.
"Grab the bar," he commanded, when wrists banged against the cool metal.
She nodded, moving to wrap her fingers around the railing of the bunk beds. "Now, please," she whispered, almost to the point of tears with how badly she needed him.
"Now," he murmured, placing a chaste kiss against her mouth before lowering it down her neck and towards her chest. He moved his hand to trace her slit again as he lowered a mouth to her nipple. He licked it gently, his eyes on hers. "You're mine."
She cried out loudly when he slid his finger inside her, but didn't move it. Her body trembled below his mouth. His tongue lashed around her nipple, tugging it between her teeth, then sucking it hard until she cried out for him to stop. She was given a brief second of relaxation before his lips found her other nipple and she was sure she'd pass out before he brought her to the edge.
"Mine," he murmured against her warm, sweaty skin as he slid a second finger inside her. Her body bucked against his and she moaned loudly, her hands gripping the bar tightly in her hands. He moved feverishly, sliding his fingers in and out, his thumb occasionally grazing the tiny bud between her legs.
"Oh, god," she moaned, rolling her hips against his. She wasn't sure if it was fair to feel this much pleasure, but she didn't want it to ever stop.
"Does that feel good?" he asked, raking his teeth over her soft, creamy breast.
She nodded, panting with pleasure, knowing what his response would be.
"Say it," he commanded, desperate to hear how badly she wanted him, needed him, but more so for her to know that he meant it when she said she was his.
"It's good," she moaned, meeting every thrust of his hands. Her eyes flashed open, clouded with pleasure, and she kept them on his. "Faster. Please…" And when she felt his fingers move quickly, his thumb pressing against her. "Oh, like that."
He lowered his mouth to her skin again, listening to her moan beneath his touch. She'd never been so vocal with him before and he almost wondered how far he could push her. He softened his touch, began to move slower, eager to tease her.
"Dammit," she murmured, tears of frustration stinging her eyes. "I need you to-" She cut off mid-sentence, moving to place her own hand over his. She forced him to move against her. "Please, just let me-"
He smacked her hand away, pulling his fingers away from her body. Grabbing her wrist, he jerked her hand back up to the bar. "Don't let go," he commanded, sliding his way down her body. He tugged her legs apart, lowering his mouth to her center.
No sooner than she felt his tongue slide inside of her, lapping at her softly was she on the brink of release all over again. She thrust against his mouth, moaning when he sucked her tiny bud between his teeth. Gripping the bar tightly, she pushed her body against his mouth as she panted for her next breath.
"Come on," he urged, his mouth still moving against her.
She wasn't sure if it was his command or not that pushed him over the edge, but seconds later she was calling out his name, her body trembling beneath his mouth. She gripped the bar tightly, pulling her body against him, wanting instantly to come again.
"In due time," he murmured, sitting up and staring down at her. Her body was trembling against the sheets, her eyes barely open as she continued to moan softly. And he couldn't help but notice the way that he'd branded her all over again, from her neck to her stomach, reminding her who she belonged to.
"Don't stop," she muttered, spreading her legs and thrusting her hips up at him.
He lowered himself over her, taking her lips with his, making her taste herself with his kiss. Skimming his hands over her skin, he gently squeezed and pinched, her body all the while thrusting against his. "Tell me," he murmured against her mouth, pulling back to look down at her.
"Make-make love to me," she whispered hesitantly, her eyes peeking up at his. She felt drunk and delirious, not sure if she'd be able to walk after this was all said and done.
"Love?" he asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow at her as he brushed his lips lightly over hers. "I thought love had nothing to do with this, remember?" He traced his fingertips lightly over her skin, feeling the tiny goosebumps between them as she moaned.
"Then fu-"
"That's a dirty word for such a pretty mouth," he cut in, lowering his lips over hers. He wasn't sure if he could have taken hearing her say it completely. That alone was enough to bring him over the edge.
"Well, if you don't-" He cut her off, thrusting his tongue into her mouth again. She felt him pulled her legs downward, his husky voice telling her to hold onto the bars as he slid his arms under her legs.
He teased her entrance, tracing his head against her, enjoying the way she whimpered and thrashed below him. God, how he loved to drive this woman crazy. If she only knew that what he'd just done to her, that her mere touch did the same to him, maybe she wouldn't feel so tortured.
She cried out loudly when he finally pushed inside her. She felt him start to pull out, but she refused to allow it. Wrapping her legs around him, she pulled him down against her, pushing him deeper inside of her.
He growled against her neck, his tongue snaking out over her skin as he started to move against her. He tried to move slowly, wanting her to come again before it was all over, but If she kept this up, kept thrusting against him like that, he wasn't sure she'd have the chance.
She tightened her grip on the bar, pushing her body up against his, realizing that every time she met his thrusts, he groaned loudly against her neck. She'd never been like this, been such an equal with someone she was in bed with. It always seemed to be about them, never about the two of them reaching the endpoint together, and that was how it always was with him.
He could feel the release building inside him and pulled back to look down at her face. Sliding a hand around her neck, he pulled her head forward. "Open your eyes," he whispered, grinding downward against her.
She felt his movements slow, until her eyes flashed open, locking with his. "Please," she hissed, rolling her hips upward against his, but of course that wasn't enough for him.
"Say it," he commanded, moving against her at a steady slow pace that was driving him just as crazy as it was her. "Tell me what you want."
"Please," she murmured against, pushing up against him. She closed her eyes as her body withered uncontrollably below his. It was difficult to tell him what she wanted when he was staring down at her so seriously, so passionately, his eyes as drunk as hers. "Harder."
"Look at me," he said, brushing his lips against her cheeks. "I wanna see you."
"Now," she replied, opening her eyes. "Please. Just take me."
"Mine," he said, kissing her softly as he pulled himself out of her, then pushed back into her forcefully.
"Your's," she cried out, her eyes locked on his as he continued to move in and out hurriedly, listening to her demands. And she knew she was crazy, that this entire ordeal between the two of them was completely insane, but being here like this, with him, nothing else mattered. She wanted this, even if it meant seeing him few and far between. Yes, this was something she could live for.
He groaned loudly when she tightened the grip her legs had around his waist. He slid one hand between her legs, brushing his thumb over her tiny bud, while the slid the other over her arms, grasping her both her wrists in his hands. He tugged her hands away from the bar, pushing them down into the bed.
She was pinned beneath his body, his hands, and his mouth. His thrusts came faster against her, his eyes still locked on hers. And when she felt his thumb brush across her bud she cried out loudly, a single shot of bliss shaking through her entire body. His name burst from her lips and she felt tears sting of pleasure sting her eyes.
He pressed his lips roughly against hers, swirling his tongue around hers as he grinded against her. And it was only seconds after hers, that he felt the burst of his own release, crying her name into her mouth. His body collapsed over hers and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her trembling body against his.
It was only minutes, but it felt like hours before her breath began to steady. She felt him start to shift his weight off of her, but she slid her arms around him, holding him above her. She missed the feeling of his body on hers all too much and she wanted it to last longer every time she was with him.
"I'm heavy," he panted against her bare shoulder.
"I like heavy," she replied, running her fingers through his hair. She placed a soft kiss on his jaw line as she turned her face to meet his.
"You okay?" he asked, placing a hand on her cheek.
She nodded, nuzzling against his palm. She knew that in just a few minutes they'd part ways, not knowing when they'd see one another next. "I-I just miss you all the time," she confessed, squeezing her eyes shut to hold in her tears.
"I know," he replied, placing a kiss against her forehead. "You're all I ever think about. You're the only place I want to be."
"I want-" She was cut off by a knock on the door and she moved quickly shoving him off of her. "Yeah?"
The door handle turned abruptly and she heard the head nurse spit her name in disdain. "You're needed in surgery in ten minutes."
"I'll be there in five," she called back, her heart pounding with the realization that they'd almost been caught. Again. "I uh, I spilled-coffee on my scrubs. I came to change."
"Well, hurry up. The hospital can't wait on you," came the disapproving voice again.
She drew her knees up to her chest, sliding her arms around them. It seemed to be the quickest way to cover her body since the sheets were below them. She felt a tear slip from her face and she rubbed it away with her knee.
He took a deep breath, realizing just as she had that they had almost been caught. Again. He wanted to comfort her, but didn't know how. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come to see you at work."
"Don't," she murmured, shaking her head, her hair falling down around her shoulders. "I just-I hate this. I really, really hate this."
He nodded, understanding more than she knew. "We have to figure this out," he said, reaching out for her hand.
She linked her fingers in his, her sad blue eyes connecting with his own. "I know," she agreed with a helpless shrug. "I just-I want to leave him."
He was surprised to hear her say it. It was the first time that she'd said it aloud. "You do?" he asked, knowing that it was difficult for her to say, so it would be just as difficult for her to do. Neither of them wanted to hurt anyone, but that was inevitable at this point.
She nodded, biting her lip. "God, I want to leave him so badly," she said, her eyes welling up with tears. "I just don't know how."