Chapter Ten
One month ago
She eased herself back against the bench, having not been to this part of town in years. She remembered all too well how he'd pressed his lips against hers, telling her that she had to stay away, and disappeared into the night. Her lips tingled at the thought and she found herself aching to be next to him, just to know he was there, because now after everything, he wasn't.
They'd come so close to having what they always wanted, and in an instant his sister had ripped it from them, and she blamed them for not holding onto it as tightly as they should have. They were careless, too swept up with desire and need to care about where they were or who could have seen them. They'd made so many mistakes along the way and finally got caught. She knew when she left the gazebo that night it was over, that she was walking away from everything she wanted, her heart and soul weighted with guilt.
She would go back to her ex-husband because she felt sorry for him and didn't want to abandon him, because he had stood by her all those years ago. And he would go back to her, choosing to settle instead of pining, and because he felt obligated to stand by her, like she had done him. They would continue doing the one thing they'd been fighting this whole time; the choice of living their life for other people.
It was a fight they'd both lost because they were cowards.
Sighing, she pushed herself up from the bench, throwing her purse over her shoulder as she headed for the stairs. Pausing briefly in that very spot that he kissed her, she closed her eyes remembering the way his palms felt against her cheeks, how rough his skin felt against hers, and how she could only think of him touching her everywhere else.
Her eyes snapped open at the familiar sound of a roaring engine, and despite the fact that her head told her not to, her feet flew up the stairs, just in time to see his motorcycle coming to a stop on the farthest end of the parking lot.
He hesitated when he saw her, clearly contemplating whether to stay or go, but his heart won out too, and he cut off the bike, slowly slid off the seat, and made his way over to her.
Her knees shook with anticipation, torn between throwing her arms around his neck and getting in her car and driving away. Things had changed, and they couldn't move forward anymore than they could go back, but if they were stuck…
"You shouldn't be out so late," he said, kicking the gravel with his motorcycle boots.
"I needed to think," she replied, running her hands over her chilly arms, and scolding herself for wearing such a thin dress and leaving her coat in the car. It was funny to her that she didn't realize how cold she was until she was in his presence, and she wondered if it was just her body wanting him to do something about it.
"About?"
"Everything."
He nodded, looking her over, his eyes tired. "Are you okay?"
"She told him," she answered quietly, shuffling her feet across the gravel ridden parking lot. "It was an accident. He overheard us and…"
"I'm sorry," he murmured seriously, his lips pulled in a tight frown as if this was his fault.
She wasn't surprised when he didn't ask her to elaborate, knowing he would take only what she gave. That was how it had always been with them, and she wondered if it had changed. "He doesn't want me to see you anymore."
He nodded understandingly, shuffling closer to her, his boots crunching over the gravel and breaking the eerie silence that surrounded them. "She doesn't want me to see you either."
"You told her?"
"It seemed fair."
"You only told because he found out?"
He shrugged. "I had to tell her eventually."
"So you're with her?" she asked, her voice shaky, trying not to show just how upset the thought made her.
"You're with him," he muttered, swallowing hard and looking over her shoulder, his eyes narrowed. "Being alone is hard."
"I suppose I can't be upset that you're with her," she said slowly, her voice breaking. "Have you two…" She couldn't bring herself to ask the question, couldn't take the possible answer, and all the jealousy that came with it.
He shifted his eyes to hers, arching an eyebrow, and she wasn't exactly sure how to read him. "You should get going," he murmured, turning and heading back to his bike. They had made their choices, forced by their obligations, and he was going to honor them. "It's not safe here at night."
She called out his name, stepping forward and then stepping back, her heart conflicted with what to do. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, praying that some kind of decision could be made for them.
Her knees went weak at the sound of the gravel, and she trembled when she felt his hand against her face. "We can't do this anymore."
"I know," she agreed, her eyes fluttering open to meet his, and she nearly collapsed on the spot, just from seeing the need in his eyes.
It wasn't fair. They couldn't seem to meet up, to stand side by side, and to simply have the time to be with one another.
"Do you want to?" she asked, the question bursting from her lips as if she'd been holding it there for the past three weeks.
"All the time," he replied, stroking his thumb over her cheek. "It's all I think about."
"Me too," she admitted, nuzzling his palm. He started to pull his hand away, but she placed hers over it, holding him to her. "I tell myself I can't, but I miss being with you, and I wonder if one more time – one last time-"
His mouth was on hers, swallowing the rest of her words as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, desperate to taste her, to remember the feeling of her against him. Maybe she was right. Just one last time, a goodbye to commemorate what time they'd had. She fisted her hands in his shirt, pressing herself against him as he tore his mouth from hers.
"I can't," he growled roughly, pressing his forehead against her head. He made no move to push her away, not having the strength, but if she walked away, he wouldn't be denying her a thing.
"I know," she whispered, licking her swollen lips, her hips pressed against his, "but I want to. I need-"
His mouth was on hers again, the taste of one another having consumed them both as he lifted her into his arms and she wrapped her legs around him, both sending their obligations to hell. It didn't matter that one more time would never be enough, they simply had now, and that was all that matter.
She cried out loudly, tearing her mouth from his as her back slammed against the side of her car. One of her legs dropped to the ground to steady her, his hand holding the other around him as he grinded against her, having succumbed to his need the second he wrapped his arms around her. She knew he wouldn't walk away without having her.
"Keys," he growled, raking his teeth across her lower lip, before sucking it into his mouth.
How she managed to slide her hand into her purse, digging for her car keys while his mouth consumed her and his hands slid beneath her dress, she would never know. She groaned in disapproval as his hand moved from under her dress to snatch her keys, leaning over to unlock the doors.
Seconds later, the back door swung open and he laid her down on the back seat, one hand pushing her dress up while the other pulled her underwear down, and she was amazed at how quickly he had her naked. She reached for his belt buckle, but he batted her hands away, stretching them to the other door and positioning them against the handle, silently telling her to hold on.
She trembled in anticipation, letting out a loud gasp as his hands roamed over her, forgetting how much she missed his touch. His face nuzzled against the underside of one of her breasts, his tongue snaking out to trace a trail to her nipple. He drew the bud into his mouth, alternating between nipping at it gently and sucking it leisurely, leaving her withering below him.
Despite her attempt to fight it, she dropped a hand from the door, fisting it in his hair as he moved across her chest, paying equal attention to other breast. He growled against her, raking his teeth across her skin as she tugged his hair.
He shifted above her, tugging her hand back to the door and clasping her wrists together, his hips settling between hers. She thrust up the second his jeans pressed roughly against, the friction driving her wild. He skimmed his other hand up her side, tugging it gently through her hair as he moved to link both their hands together.
"You okay?" he asked, and her body answered as it thrust against him, aching for some kind of release.
"Please," she whispered, her mouth going dry.
He slowly released her hand, obliging to her demand, and she opened and closed her fists several times, surprised by how tightly he'd been holding her. She raised her head, brushing her lips to his, groaning as he kissed her forcefully, parting her lips hurriedly to taste her. Her hands brushing beneath his shirt, gently tracing a path across his skin, and their mouths parted long enough to tug his shirt over his head.
Sliding her arms around his neck, she pulled him against her, shivering as their smooth bodies touched. He buried his face in her neck, letting out a low groan as she slid a hand down his back, gently raking her nails around to his abdomen. He sank his teeth into the delicate skin of her neck, causing her to moan and thrust against him, her shaky hand barely able to slide his belt buckle from the loop.
He groaned again as she slid the zipper down, not so subtly pressing her hand against him, and he swore under his breath as he helped her tug his pants down, and she slid her hand into his boxers. Her hand wrapped around his length, pumping him in her hand, and he decided to be as much of a tease and slid his hand between her legs, lightly tracing her wet slit with his knuckle. She bucked against him and he shifted to slide his finger inside of her. Moaning loudly, her hand tightened around him, and he gritted his teeth, trying to hold back his release.
"You're going to have to stop," he hissed, tightly squeezing the hand that was still linked in hers.
She laughed softly, looking up at him with a sexy grin. "You started it," she replied, groaning as he slid his finger from between her legs.
He stopped long enough to tug her hand from his pants and shove his boxers down enough so that he was exposed. Positioning himself against her slit, he ran his tip over her opening several times, causing her to squirm beneath him, her hand gripping his arm tightly. When neither of them could take anymore, he snapped his hips forward, sinking inside of her, and eliciting sighs of pleasure from both of them.
Shifting above her, he reached for her hand, linking it in his as he drew it above her head with the other. She drew her knees around his hips, her eyes closing from sheer bliss as he started to move. His thrusts were slow and steady, his forehead was pressed against hers as he groaned softly, and she matched his own cries of satisfaction.
When he felt her tighten around him and knew that she was on the brink of release, he moved to hold himself over her, still clutching her hands as he changed the rhythm of their thrusts. She matched him thrust for thrust as he sped up, losing herself in the motions, and she was barely aware of her release building until it washed over her. Several thrusts later, he collapsed on her in a sweaty heap, their chests heaving against one another.
"Hey," he panted, brushing his lips over her cheeks, her hips still rolling against his.
"Hey," she said back, arching her back against him, her eyes cloudy with desire.
"Are you okay with this?" he asked, pressing his forehead against hers as he stared her in the face. "We should have just made a clean break and…"
"I think it's a little late for that," she groaned, her eyes welling with tears, a mixture of frustration and guilt. "I need this. I need you." She tilted her head back, pressing her lips to the corner of his lips. "I'm yours. No matter who I'm with."
"That's not fair to him," he muttered, dropping his head to her mess of curls, reveling in the silkiness against his face.
"Or her," she whispered, managing to pull one of her hands from his. She placed it gently on the side of his face, raking her fingers through his hair. "And it's not fair to us either."
He started to pull away, but she slid her hand down his back and wrapped her leg around his waist. "Don't," she murmured softly, curling against him. "I need you."
"It's wrong," he said, the reality of just how far they'd gone finally catching up to him.
"It doesn't feel that way," she replied, twisting her other hand from his and moving it to cup his face. "You said it yourself when this whole thing started."
"So, we're back to where we started," he said, snuggling against her, too exhausted to move away from her.
"I didn't mean to upset you. I thought – Don't you want this too?"
"Of course," he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair. "We're hurting everyone we're supposed to care about. I don't know what we're doing anymore, Elizabeth."
"I do." She sucked in a shaky breath, tilting his head back so that he looked her in the eye. "We're loving each other the best way we know how."