The day we bury Sam, it rains.
I stand by the edge of the cliff, the rain drops turning my grey coat black. He's been cremated, and Emily, his mother, and every member of the pack are to scatter a handful of ashes each.
This cliff was a favourite place of Sam's. He loved to sit here and cloud watch. I thought he was bizarre, but I used to come with him. We used to just sit, relax, talk. Kiss.
I take my handful of Sam as the wind howls, lifting the strands of wet hair, echoing my own grief. Slowly I let the grey dust trickle through my fingers, watch the small specks disappear into the steel grey sea below.
As I release the ashes tens, hundreds, thousands of memories flood back to me. The first time we met. The first time we kissed. Every time he told me he loved me, every time we laughed. His face, his smile. My pain reflected in his eyes after he imprinted on Emily...
No. I don't want to think of that. I won't think of that. What's done is done, and now he's gone.
Emily opens her hand and lets the wind blow the ashes off her, off the cliff. She looks as though she wants to follow them herself, step off the side and join Sam, wherever he is now.
Oh god. Poor Emily. What right, really, do I have I to cry, when she's the one that's lost her soul mate?
She's white, from cold and grief, thin, tired. She had bags under her red eyes. But at the moment she's calm. No tears, just that heartbreaking dead look in her gaze. It's over for everyone else. The funerals finished, it's done and Sam is dead, gone. It's so unfair. He had so much ahead of him!
And it's all my fault.
People begin to disperse slowly, until there's just me , Jake and Emily. She turns to me and wordlessly I engulf her in a hug for a long moment, then she walks off, her shoulders hunched against the elements.
I turn to Jacob. "Are you OK?" he says.
"Me?" I ask, surprised. "I'm fine. Why?"
"Well, you loved him too." He points out.
My eyes sting at this.
"What I wanted to ask you about is to do with the pack." He continues.
I'm suddenly reminded of the night he died. How I lay by his body that slowly changed back from wolf to man, and howled, hearing more voices in my head than I should. How I could hear Jared and Paul and yet not Sam...
And how I refused to understand, refused to accept that I could hear them because he- Sam- had gone and Jacob was the only Alpha.
I wrench myself back to the present by saying sharply "What about it?"
Jacob hesitates. "As the Alpha, I need a second." He says simply.
I look at him, uncomprehending. "Yeah? So?"
"So," he says. "I have to choose between you and Jared."
"Jared?" I repeat.
"He was Sam's second once the pack split." Jake says in a rush. "But now we're one pack again there's only room for one second and..."
I blink rain out of my eyes, finally understanding. "And what-you're asking... permission to pick Jared?"
He looks taken aback. "No!" he says loudly. "Leah, you idiot, I was trying –badly- to ask you to stay as my second."
"Don't call me an idiot!" I say, bristling. "You want me?"
"Yeah!" he says. "We work well together and we're better friends than me and Jared have ever been."
I smile. "Thank Jake." I say warmly.
He grins. "It's OK. But...I don't want you to feel as though you have to accept this. I know you've got a whole other life outside of La Push, and Joel –who's great by the way- and I won't be offended if you choose that."
My smile fades. I've been longing to get out of this for months. I don't want to be a werewolf anymore. I never have done anyway.
And now I have Joel I could do this. I'm sure I can.
I shake my head without realising I'm doing it.
"What?" ask Jacob, confused.
"No, thank you." I say. "I don't want this. I think I need to get out of this shit now, before I get even more screwed up."
"Not possible, Leah." mutters Jake with a wry smile. I hit him on the arm, then before he can say anything else I take off.
I run in human form. I never do that. As a wolf running is as natural and easy as breathing, as a human its...well it freaking hard. Laborious.
But I revel in the burn in my throat, the cramp in my legs, the way the air stings as I force it in and out of my lungs.
I ignore the tears in my eyes; they're only there from the wind and cold anyway, I'm sure. I ignore the anger in my heart that swells at the injustice of it all, until I'm at the beach and I'm screaming and swearing and cursing at the sea and the sand and the smoky remains of the fires until I'm worn out and I'm on the floor sobbing weakly.
When I start to shiver I go home. I pay no attention to anything around me, and as a result I slam into a tall person holding a lurid pink umbrella. I bowl him over, landing right on top of him. It's Joel.
"Hello." He greets me. "Can you get off me? My ass is getting soaked."
I roll of him, but then both of us lie there on the path, getting wet through, but I don't care. To be honest I'm so wet anyway it makes no difference.
Joel takes my icy hand and presses it to his lips briefly. My throat constricts.
"Nice umbrella." I mumble. He laughs.
"It's your mom's." He says. "I was just coming to look for you. Where did you go?"
"I didn't go anywhere; you're the one who went off." I accuse, then sigh.
"What's up?"
"Jacob asked me to be his second, now that we're one pack again." I tell him.
"What did you say?"
"I refused."
"You did?"
"Yeah, you're not getting rid of me that easily." I try to tease, turning my head to look at him. He grins upwards at the sky.
"I'm glad of that." He whispers. "I wouldn't want to leave you here."
He faces me, and makes a slight movement, as if he's going to kiss me.
"Joel and Leah, what the hell are you doing?" Lizzie's voice comes from above, and then her face appears.
"Painting a door, what does it look like?" says Joel sarcastically, getting to his feet and helping me up. "Finally ready are you?"
"I was saying goodbye to Embry." replies Lizzie defensively. "My bags and stuff are all in the car."
"I'm just going to say bye to Mom and Seth." I say and make my way in.
"God Leah, you're soaking!" exclaims Mom as I walk in. "Go upstairs and change!"
I sigh and trudge upstairs. I yank the clothes on and run back down, suddenly extremely keen to get the hell out of here.
"Bye Mom." I give her a hug. She continues to try and persuade me to stay longer, to at least stay for dinner, but I really think I need to go. I can't bear to stand around and talk to every one.
"Bye kid." I say turning to Seth, ignoring Mom chuntering in the background. He nods, then surprises me by giving me a big bear hug. Considering the fact that he's like four years younger than me, he's a lot taller.
"By Charlie!" I call. Then I seize my bag and go outside. Lizzie's in the car, Joel leaning against the door so I can't see her. He takes my bag when I get there.
"Ready?" he asks softly.
"Ready." I reply, climbing into the car.
And with that I turn my back on La Push.
A/N Ok, so not the best ending, but I had a bit of writers..well not block exactly cos I knew what I wanted to write, it just didn't come out that great. Anyway this is the last proper chapter, the next one will be the epilogue. =]