Chapter 11

London, 1820…

Elizabeth was determined to beat Jason out of bed and into the kitchen, but the by the time she'd made it downstairs, he was already gone for the day. She'd found Spinelli sitting alone at the table, flipping through a stack of papers, a cup of tea in his hand. The moment he lifted his eyes to hers, his cheeks grew flushed. He started murmuring about everything he had to do for Jason, disappearing before she had the chance to say good morning. She understood the poor man's embarrassment and knew that he would likely replay the sight of Elizabeth pinned against a bookcase by Jason for some time to come.

As would she.

She'd tried hard to forget about it. How even through the material of her dress, his hands felt so warm and rough, yet were extremely gentle. , Aand how soft his lips were against hers, and how he kissed her slowly, easing into it as if to make sure that she not only understood exactly how it was supposed to go, but that she enjoyed it too.

And she had.

More than she ever imagined she would. Carly had talked to her about such incidents with men, and she'd come across Lulu with more than one member of the staff time and time again, but it was still very strange to her. She could never see herself in those types of situations and struggled with the fact that she suddenly wanted to be – with Jason.

She didn't like the ease she felt around him. Even in the beginning, when she was afraid, more so of upsetting him or doing something wrong, she felt safe and at peace knowing he was there. She liked to believe it was all those months of being alone getting the best of her, but when Jason wasn't being a complete scoundrel, she liked him.

After last night, she liked to think he liked her too, but she wasn't so sure. He was a man, and Carly always said they cared about three things; where their next meal came from, their booze, and who was keeping their bed warm. Jason had Spinelli to cook his meals and could go to any pub in town for booze, so he was clearly lacking someone in bed, and maybe that's why he'd finally pursued her.

Or maybe he hadn't wanted to, but couldn't stop himself.?

It was somewhat of a romantic thought, which seemed silly seeing as Jason Morgan was anything but a romantic. She wouldn't be surprised if his idea of taking a woman to bed really did involve throwing her over his shoulder and kicking her out of bed a half hour later. Maybe longer – she wasn't really sure how long something like that took.

Sighing, she slumped over her cold cup of tea as she tried to figure out what to do with herself. She'd sat through breakfast and lunch, waiting for Jason to come home, and she was starting to feel ridiculous. What kind of woman sat around all day waiting on a man? Granted, she really had nothing to do, but it didn't seem fair.

Was he thinking about her?

She snorted at the thought, pushing her chair back as she got up from the table and carried her teacup over to the sink. He was most likely off focusing on her father's case and how he would make the impossible happen. She shouldn't hold it against him for doing something so selfless. He could have ignored her father's letter and gone on with his life instead of involving himself in this entire mess, just like he could have been completely horrible to her all the time instead of wanting her to be happy.

Stupid man.

Nothing he did or said made the tiniest bit of sense, and it was completely silly of her to sit here and – She paused mid-thought when she heard a knock on the door and failed to ignore the slight flutter in her chest that thought, just maybe, it was Jason. Of course, it wasn't him because he had a key and he was most definitely not the type to forget such things, but there was always a chance.

He was going to be end of her.

Sighing, she hurried into the foyer, wondering who it could be and how embarrassing it wasould be that she had to answer the door. If theresomeone was a visitoring, it was someone to see Jason, not her, and how inappropriate was it to have his wife answering the front door. She'd have to talk to him about a staff or something of the sort – if he came around her again.

"Nadine!" she gasped, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "What a surprise, I-"

"I hope you don't mind," the tiny blonde interrupted, shifting Amalia in her arms. "I came into town to run some errands, and now I've left the boys to run amuck with Trevor – he's someone on our staff. Johnny can't stand him, but the boys love him, and he worked for Anthony, so…" She gave Elizabeth a nervous smile as she continued to ramble. "I know it's rude to come by without so much as a note or some warning, but I know Jason is out with Johnny, and…"

"With Johnny," she murmured, mostly to herself, relieved to see that husbands actually told their wives where they were going, and it wasn't some high expectation she'd had for hers. "Please, come in."

"I hope I'm not interrupting or coming at a bad time," she said worriedly, looking around the foyer, a soft smile on her face. "Oh, it looks just how I remembered."

"You haven't been here in a while," Elizabeth replied, shifting her eyes around the house and wondering why everyone who stepped in the foyer seemed to instantly transform. She wanted to see what they sawdid; what magical place they disappeared to upon entering her home. It was impossible not to be jealous when her memories were so horrible.

"No," she answered, her eyes landing on Elizabeth's. "I – I stayed here for a while when I was younger." She nibbled her lip at the confession, clearly wondering if she should take it back.

"You were a patient?" Elizabeth asked, motioning her towards the kitchen, assuming she should put on a pot of tea or something. It had been so long since she'd had a visitor that she almost forgot how to act.

"Yes. I'd just turned seventeen. It was such a long time ago," she replied fondly, adjusting the baby in her arms as she watched Elizabeth fuss over the tea. "You don't have to go to any trouble. I mostly wanted to stop by and see how you were doing."

She let out a shaky breath as she sat the pot on the stove, and Nadine reached out and placed her hand on her shoulder. "I was a new bride once, and I had no one to talk to, so if you need someone, Elizabeth..."

"I have no idea what I'm doing," she admitted shyly, her eyes filling with tears. "I've been alone for so long, and Jason isn't – he's not an easy man by any means. He doesn't expect much. Honestly, I don't know if he expects anything, and I'm just…"

"Confused?" Nadine offered, propping Amalia against her chest when she started to fuss. She gently smoothed her hand up and down the baby's back, and she quieted instantly. Elizabeth couldn't help and be the tiniest bit jealous that the woman seemed to have everything so under control.

"Very," she sighed, chewing her lip as she stared into the pot. "He's very private, which I understand because I am too, but I have no idea what he wants…"

"Oh, Elizabeth," she laughed, nudging her with her elbow. "Jason doesn't know what he wants, and he probably isn't even thinking about what he wants. I've known him long enough to know that, if anything, he's stressing over what you want and you need."

Elizabeth nodded, anything but pleased with her response. It only made her feel more confused. "What if I'm not sure?"

"What do you think you want?" Nadine asked challengingly, giving her a serious smile. "I was terrified when I married Johnny. I had no doubt that he cared for me and loved me very much, but I was so afraid. Getting married forces you to be close, and Johnny and I were fuarther apart afterwhen we wed than we were before. There's a lot of space to be filled with expectations and needs and desires, and the only way to deal with that is to at least figure out your own. Once you share that, he'll return his own sentiments."

"I…I…This is all so new to me," she stammered, smoothing her hands nervously over the front of her dress. "I've had suitors. I was prepared to be a wife, but none of them madke me feel the way Jason does."

"And you have no idea what to do with those feelings, right?"

"Not in the slightest," she confessed, wiping at her eyes with her fingertips. "I want him to be happy – to feel well everyday and to want to come home to me. And I – I'm not sure how to explain it, but I want…"

"Him to want you?"

Elizabeth's eyes widened at her words. She wasn't sure why she was so surprised that Nadine seemed to understand everything she was saying. After all, she'd been the person Elizabeth had wanted to go to from the moment these feelings started. "Is that so bad?"

"No, it's not," she laughed softly, not at Elizabeth, but in a way to let her know she'd been there too. "I can only speak from my own experience, but Johnny – he may act differently, but he was afraid of coming too close when we were first married. He didn't want to frighten me or hurt me in anyway, and he was too stupid to realize that being distant was doing just that."

"So, what did you do?" she asked, hoping that whatever Nadine had done for her husband could apply to Jason.

"I took my aunt, Rayleen's advice," she replied, giving her a devious smile. "When all else fails, seduce your husband."

After spending the morning and afternoon with Johnny, failing to get Sonny Corinthos to speak to either of them, Jason decided that a stop at a pub was necessary. Not only would it relax his frustrations, but hopefully it would stifle the need to go find Elizabeth and finish what they'd started the evening before.

He could have strangled Spinelli for bursting into the study all because he'd heard some strange sound. If the man had any sense, he would have known it was the sound of a very pleased woman. Just as he should have known that herthe tear-filled eyes and red cheeks of her as she left the study wereas the resultface of someone very displeasedupset.

Jason was torn between whether or not stopping was the right thing to dogood or bad; the sane part of him pointing out that Elizabeth was still very much Jeffrey Webber's daughter, meaning he couldn't take her to bed just to take her to bed. It was supposed to mean something, right? Or at least he imagined it would for her. And then there was the other part of him that wanteding nothing more than to march home, toss up her skirts, and take what was his. She was his wife, therefore none of this should have come as a surprise, but being quick and hurried would only ruin the fun of drawing out the pleasure.

Damn her for getting inside him in the worst possible way.

"I'll take another," he called out to the barmaid, polishing off the last bit of his…eight or ninth glass of alebeer. Maybe more. He'd lost count amidst his desperation to forget.

"You may want to slow down," Johnny murmured, slowly sipping on his second or third. Marriage had really ruined his best friend in every possible way. "At this rate, you'll never make it home." He arched an eyebrow and shifted on his barstool, giving him a knowing grin. "Or perhaps that's the point."

"Shut your mouth," he hissed, snatching his beedrinkr from the barmaid as she hurried past. "You think you know everything because you married-"

"The best damn woman in all of London," he interrupted, flashing a smirk. "I can't figure out why you're so upset because Elizabeth has the potential to be second best, but you're too stupid to see it."

"This isn't about Elizabeth," he snarled, wiping his mouth after taking a swig from his glassbeer. "I came to London for one reason, and it's starting to seem impossible, especially with that damn woman always getting in the way."

"You would care less if you didn't like her so much," Johnny commented, tapping a finger on the side of his glass.

"I can't stand her. She's always there and teasing me and practically begging me to take her, but…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head in frustration. "I'm drunk."

"That you are," he laughed, clapping Jason hard on the back. "And a changed man because the old Jason would never stand for letting a woman tease him, and he wouldn't let her beg either."

"Oh, stop it," he muttered, scrubbing his hands over his face. "You have no idea what I'm going through. You and Nadine-"

"Were rocky in the beginning. All married couples are, especially if you marry someone as pure as Elizabeth and Nadine are. They don't know what to do with how they feel, or if what they feel is even okay, so it's up to us to help them out."

"You can't possible be suggesting that I sleep with her?"

"She's your wife, Jason," Johnny reminded him. "I should be curious as to why you don't want to."

"You know this situation is very different from yours and Nadine's."

"You mean that you married Elizabeth because you tricked her into it? Nadine might argue differently. I had to pursue her for quite a while before she gave in," he laughed, lifting his beer to his mouth.

"Nadine's very different from Elizabeth. Your situation was unique. She had every reason to be afraid of you."

"Are you saying Elizabeth has no reason to be afraid of you?" Johnny asked, his eyes darkening as if Jason had offended him. "You need to look at this from her perspective, Jason. Yes, Nadine had every reason to be afraid of me, but she also trusted me. She knew I would never hurt her."

"I've done nothing-" He groaned when Johnny raised his eyebrows as if to argue to differently. "I may have been difficult in the beginning, but now…I'm no good for her. You know this as well as I do. She needs someone who can love and take care of her."

"I forget. Jason Morgan isn't capable of such intense emotion."

"Besides, once Jeffrey's situation is handled, I'm leaving. I won't let a damn woman stop me from doing what I want."

"When did you start having such a distorted view on life?" Johnny asked curiously, shoving his half-filled alebeer across the bar, signaling he was done drinking. "Contrary to what you think, your life is not solely about you."

"It's not about her either," he griped, draining his glassfinishing his beer in just a few gulps.

"I know that what happened before you left London was difficult, Jason, but you chose to leave. You found a life somewhere else, and I was under the impression that you were quite alright with how your life turned out. Only now you've come back to London, and if I may be so bold, you're seeing everything that you don't have in Italy, and you can't stand it."

Johnny slid off his stool and tossed some more money down onto the bar. "I think you're scared to admit that you want Elizabeth because she's so different from any other woman you've been with. You've never had someone give so much of themselfves to you, to really become yours, and you don't know what to do with it."

"You're right," he shrugged, shaking his head. "She's pure and innocent in every way, and I don't deserve to mark her with everything I am."

"You're just the equivalent of a wench," he joked, slapping him on the shoulder.

"Not that." Though Johnny did have a point. "She's standing by her father through something so difficult, and what did I do to my family?" he asked, swallowing hard. "I let them go, forced them out of my life as if they were nothing."

"Jeffrey is very different from Alan," he replied seriously, taking a deep breath. "In fact, Jeffrey was more of a father to you than that bastard ever was. The Quartermaines – the entire lot of them – except for Lila, of course – got exactly what was coming to them."

Jason nodded solemnly, but couldn't shake his guilt.

"Go home to your wife," Johnny muttered, patting him gently on the back. "Let her take care of your sorry drunken ass. And while you're at it, tell her how you feel."

He grunted, shifting his eyes to Johnny's back as his friend disappeared through the crowded pub.

Like he was really going to go home to Elizabeth all drunk and stupid and tell her things.

Elizabeth swore under her breath as she tossed a dirty pot into the sink, scolding herself for even trying to do something as silly as seduce her husband. What the hell had she been thinking? It was different for Nadine and Johnny because they actually wanted to be with one another, and she and Jason – well, they were like oil and water. It was never going to work.

"It was quite a lovely meal," Spinelli muttered behind her, his chair scratching loudly against the floor as he got up from the table, his empty plate in hand.

"Thank you," she said weakly, relieved that she hadn't ruined the meal completely, but frustrated that it was the wrong man enjoying it.

Like Carly, Nadine believed there were very specific ways to get to a man, only she'd left the booze part out of it. She did mention that Johnny liked to go out from time to time, usually when it was to discuss business, but that he'd much rather be at home having dinner and playing with the boys. After which he went to bed with her, and Elizabeth knew immediately what she meant.

"He'll be sorry that he missed it." Spinelli seat his plate in the sink, giving her a sad smile. "Perhaps you could save him a plate and-"

"It won't be good once it sets out too long," she interrupted, nodding towards the plate she'd madeset for Jason. Nadine had helped her prepare a roast with plenty of sides. Not only had it taken hours, partly because they had to send Spinelli out to get everything they needed, but she hadn't burned or undercooked a single bite. It was absolutely perfect, something Nadine was sure that Jason would appreciate, and the stupid man hadn't even come home.

"Eat it, Spinelli," she pressed, walking over and picking up the plate.

"Elizabeth-"

"It's late. He probably ate something when he was out doing whatever it wasis that was so important he couldn't come home," she interrupted, slamming the plate down on the counter.

She didn't know why she was so upset. It wasn't like Jason had to come home to her, but any other night he was there; waiting and complaining that she wasn't there to eat dinner with him. Maybe this was his way of getting back at her for all the times she locked herself in her room. Instead of holding himself up in the study, he'd taken to the streets of London.

Only God knew what he was doing.

She briefly imagined all the possibilities; the women and the pubs and what he could do when those two mixed, which made it impossible to think about anything worse. Was anything worse than having a husband who was off gallivanting with whores and liquor?

"Eat it," she repeated, grabbing the plate from the counterher head and thrusting it towards the man, who instantly backed away.

"He doesn't take well to having his food-"

"Never mind," she interrupted, lifting her eyes to the form that had darkened the doorway to the kitchen. "I see the man of the house has decided to make an appearance."

Jason grunted, folding his arms across his chest as he rolled his eyes. "Spinelli, could you excuse me and my wife?."

She frowned at his tone, the way he rolled the word off his tongue like it represented some kind of ownership. She was no more his wife than he was her husband; they were simply two people – strangers – forced to come to grips with a situation neither of them wanted to be in.

"Thank you again for the delicious meal," Spinelli muttered, hurrying off at Jason's command. No doubt he would leave the house soon to fulfill his latest task. She really wanted to know why the poor boy spent all his days running around London. Surely, it had nothing to do with her father.

"Always," she replied, plastering on a fake smile. She held Jason's gaze as she approached, the plate of roast still in her hand. "Hungry?"

"You cooked?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yes, is that so hard to believe?" she asked, holding the plate out. He snorted, and before she even knew what was happening, she'd thrown the plate against the wall. "Dinner's served, husband."

With that, she turned around and walked back to the sink, well aware that he was right behind her. "Elizabeth, what the-"

"Oh, don't start with me! You disappear without so much as a word, and then you don't show up for a dinner that I spent hours making. At least I'm trying here, Jason. You're off doing whatever the hell you feel like without so much as even thinking about me!"

"That's not true," he huffed, stopping beside her at the sink. "You're the one who hides in your bedroom whenever you don't like what's going on and-"

"You just thought you'd follow my lead?" she interrupted, letting out a sarcastic laugh. "Who knew that Jason Morgan took cues from a woman?"

"I was working on your father's case."

"That's your excuse for everything," she spat, poking through the dirty dishes in the sink with shaky hands. "I want to get to know you…to make you happy…to just be your friend, but you can't do a damn thing because of my father. You're terrified that you might actually like me – and what? Will that hinder this silly investigation of yours in some-"

"That's probably what you want, isn't it? To distract me from finding out what really happened the night Lucky died," he cut in angrily, following after her when she started to stomp away again.

"Don't!" she shrieked, his hand wrapping around her arm and spinning her so that she faced him. Her entire body went stiff beneath his grasp, and she tried to kick at him, but he pressed her against the cabinets. "What do you think you're doing?"

"What's wrong with you?" he snarled, leaning over so that his mouth was close enough for her to smell the alcohol on his breath.

"You're drunk," she whispered, her lower lip quivering when she realized he had no intentions of letting her go. Her lashes fluttered closed as she took a deep breath, trying to ignore how close he was to her, and how strong and forceful he was being towards her. "Jason, let go of me."

This wasn't right.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he repeated, his voice lower this time, almost rougher as if he'd been pushed past the point of understanding.

"I'm not talking to you when you're like this," she said softly, shaking her head as her eyes filled with tears. "Let go of me."

"Elizabeth, you don't have to be-"

"I'm not telling you a damn thing when you're like this!"

"It's not like you're going to tell me anyway," he muttered, narrowing his glassy eyes at her face.

She sank her teeth into her lower lip as a tear slid down her cheek. This was Jason. She could trust him – she had trusted him from the beginning, and he wasn't going to hurt her, but still…He could turn on her in a second if he wanted to.

It was just too familiar.

"Let go!" she cried suddenly, kicking her legs against him, somehow maneuvering her arm out of his hand. He started to grab her again, but her fist flew out, catching him off guard as it collided with his face.

"Son of a bitch!" he spat, clenching his fists in front of him.

"Oh, God," she moaned, backing away slowly, one of her hands stretched out in front of her as if to keep him away. "Jason, I'm sorry...please…I didn't mean to..." She let out a low sob when she backed herself into the wall, covering her hands with her face. "Jason, please, don't…I…" Her knees gave out and she slowly slid to the floor, her legs curled beneath her as she continued to cover her face. "I'm so sorry…I…"

"Elizabeth," Jason murmured, kneeling down in front of her. "Elizabeth, it's-"

"I'm sorry," she interrupted, shaking her head as she dropped her hands to her lap, pressing her back into the wall. "I shouldn't have…" Her heart tightened in her chest, her stomach churning at what had happened – or what could have.

"No," she hissed, jerking away when he held out his hand. "I'm…I shouldn't have...I could have hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," he said softly, his tone gentle and patient like the man she'd gotten to know. "I should have come home. I shouldn't have gone to the pub…or grabbed-"

"It's quite alright," she argued, pushing herself up from the floor.

"Let me help-"

"No," she replied firmly, still pressed against the wall. "Please, just go…go away."

"Elizabeth…" His voice trailed off as she continued to shake her head.

She closed her eyes briefly, wanting to will this entire moment away, but all she saw was what had happened before. "No," she whispered, letting out another sob, and remaining frozen against the wall.

"Sir, is everything…?" Spinelli never finished his question as he stepped into the kitchen to find Elizabeth so obviously upset and Jason standing in front of her. "Sir?"

"Everything's fine," he muttered, stepping away slowly, his eyes never leaving her. "Can you…help Elizabeth…to her room, please?"

"I can go on my own," she spoke up, wiping her cheeks with the backs of her hands as she started for the doorway. She paused for a moment when she neared Jason, and then hurried past, heading straight for the stairs.

"Sir?" Spinelli asked, glancing in her direction when her door slammed upstairs. "What…?"

"I think…" Jason started, slumping his shoulders in defeat. His eyes lifted hesitantly to his assistant and confidant, who nodded understandingly. "I think she's been hurt before, and I think it was…"

"What are you going to do?" Spinelli asked timidly.

Jason shrugged, walking over to the smashed dinner plate. Kneeling down, he slowly started to clean it up, letting out a heavy sigh. "I have no idea what to do."