Chapter 18

London, 1820…

Elizabeth yawned, rubbing her eyes with her fists as she stretched out on the bed, gasping when she felt the empty space beside her. "Jason?" she cried, sitting up in bed and looking around the room, her shoulders slumping with relief when she saw him standing at the window. "You're supposed to be resting."

"I've been resting for two days now," he murmured, shifting his eyes to hers and giving her a soft smile.

"The doctor said you need to stay in bed," she argued, throwing the comforter back from her legs. He couldn't help but grin at the sight of slender legs peeking out from beneath her nightgown as she slid off the bed, her feet feeling across the floor for her slippers.

"He said that if the wound hadve been just half an inch over…" She trailed off fumbling to slip her robe over her shoulders, frustration getting the best of her when she finally tossed it back onto the bed.

"It wasn't half an inch over," he reminded her, just as he had for the last two days. He crossed the room to the other side of the bed and grabbed her robe, holding it out for her to step into. "Here."

"Thank you," she said quietly, folding the robe closed as she turned to face him. "I really do wish you would listen to the doctor."

"He told me to stay in bed, and I did for two days," he sighed, not wanting to get into all the reasons that staying in bed was starting to drive him mad.

Two days to think of all the things that Ric had said to him, and two days of mixing those comments with Johnny's assumptions. He was getting nowhere with the case; just a wider, deeper hole, and time was going to run out eventually.

Not to mention that Elizabeth hadn't left his side for the last two days; refusing to leave him alone for a single moment, which he understood was because she was afraid. It wouldn't have been so annoying if she wasn't so close to him all the time.

He'd watched her eat for six straight meals, and sometimes he found himself envying the food that she put in her mouth. And he'd sat beside her while she stretched out on the bed, sketching quietly and providing short anecdotes here and there about her life, her curls hanging loosely at her shoulders. Though she wasn't the one to blame for that – he'd asked her to leave it down because he liked the way itthey framed her face and made her appear at ease.

Sleeping next to her was the worst, but he'd asked her to do that too, so this was all his own self-torture. He'd wake up in the middle of theher night with her body either curled against his side or draped halfway over his, forcing heat to radiate between them in ways that neither of them wasere prepared for.

Well, he was.

He knew exactly what to do with these kinds of urges, but with Elizabeth things were going to have to go slowly – that was if they happened at all. And despite what had happened in the garden and everything else that he felt for her, part of him wanted to say no, to push her away, and to keep the inevitable from happening, but then he would look at her. And he'd remember the way her mouth felt against his and how ragged her breaths were, and he wanted it all, which was precisely why he'd forced himself out of bed before she'd woken this morning. He wanted to avoid another awkward morning, where they stared one another in the face, trying to pretend that what they weren't thinking wasn't completely exactly pure.

Well, his thoughts weren't.

And when ith the she smiled and nuzzled against him in the mornings, her fingers gently stroking his side, something told him hers weren't either. There'd been the slightest hint of desire in his eyes from the first time they'd met, and he'd noticed how it deepened as time went by, and he just couldn't think about it…at all.

Especially now; when Ric had accused his wife of murder, and his best friend seemed to think the same thing, and all he could do was look at her and not see anything of the sort.

"Jason?" she asked worriedly, lifting a hand to his face. "Are you alright?"

He nodded, placing his hand over hers and pulling it from his face. "I'm sorry you were afraid, Elizabeth."

"Well, it's not as if you stabbed yourself," she muttered, dropping her eyes to his side. "I still can't believe that Ric would do something so dirty. I've always thought he was a little…strange and controlling, but this…" She slid her hand beneath his shirt, tracing a path to his bandage. He shivered beneath her touch, letting out a shaky breath, which caused her to smile. "If you're not careful you'll break your stitches."

"I'll be careful, but you can't keep me in bed forever," he said, biting back a groan as she slipped her hand around to his back, resting it flatly against his smooth skin.

"I suppose I've gotten used to having you to myself," she replied, pulling her lip back and forth between her teeth.

Even he had to admit it was nice; so few interruptions and so few arguments, except over dinner. He was surprised with how much control Elizabeth had taken in her attempt to save his life and keep him safe. No one had ever tried to protect him in such a way – well, no one except Jeffrey Webber, so perhaps it ran in her blood.

"And I've enjoyed being alone with you, but…" He shrugged as he lifted a hand to her face, gently tucking her silky curls behind her ear. "There is so much-"

"I know," she interrupted, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I only hope you'll feel the same way about being alone with me when all the truths are told." She swallowed hard, her eyes fluttering closed beneath his touch as a knock came on the door across the room. She stepped away as it continued, folding the robe over her flimsy nightgown as she hurried over to answer it. "Yes? Who is it?"

"Spinelli, Fair Elizabeth," the assistant called out apprehensively, leaving Jason to wonder just how much fear his wife had instilled into the house. "You have visitors as per your husband's request."

Her brow furrowed as she looked over her shoulder. "Who?"

"Johnny," Jason replied, walking over to her. "I sent for Johnny. He and I need to speak about what happened that night…And I thought some tea with Nadine would help you relax."

"My husband was stabbed," she reminded him, worry filling her face.

He grinned crookedly as he reached out to take her hand. "And he was saved by his wife."

"Forgive me for taking so long," Elizabeth said, breezing nervously onto the terrace where Nadine was sitting with Amalia in her lap. "Jason didn't tell me we were having visitors until you were already here, and I'd slept in late and-"

"It's quite alright," Nadine interrupted, smiling as she sat down across from her. "I wanted to come the day after Jason was hurt, but Johnny talked me out of it. I was worried for Jason…and for you, and I knew I would probably just get in the way, but I hated the thought of you being alone."

"I appreciate the sentiments," she replied, smoothing her hands over the skirt of her dress.

It felt strange to be in clothes after two days spent in bed in nothing but a thin night gown and she already missed the laziness that came with such; the sleeping in, the afternoons sprawled out on the bed, and the meals ate there. It was all so very intimate from the way she laid beside him to the words they shared. Of course, no life-changing declarations had been made, and it had been Elizabeth doingto do most of the talking, but the way that he listened – Well, she wasn't used to someone paying such attention to her.

"How are you?" the blonde asked nervously, bouncing the baby gently in her lap. "I can't imagine how horrified you must have been were when Johnny brought him home. I was distraught enough when my own husband didn't make it home until the next morning and he was in one, healthy piece."

"There wasn't much time to be afraid," she shrugged, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.

She'd hurried to change and properly pin her curls – another daily ritual she'd tossed aside at Jason's bidding. She'd never wear her hair up again around him if it was possible, and she blushed at the thought of him whispering to her about her lovely curls.

She blushed when it came to most thoughts about him.

"Johnny said you saved his life," Nadine commented in awe.

"I did what I could," she replied, feeling awkward that everyone looked at her as if she were some kind of hero. "I did what I had to do to save him." Her voice caught in her throat and she looked away, embarrassed that she was getting emotional over something that had happened days ago.

"I understand your need to be strong, but eventually you'll have to let it out," she murmured softly, giving her a weak smile. "You can't always hold it together. It's not good for you, and surely Jason doesn't want you to lie about how you feel."

Elizabeth nodded. "It's easier though," she admitted, briefly disliking how easily Nadine seemed to see right through her and the walls she put up.

Then again, the woman had her own experiences when it came to men like Jason. She appeared to know him well enough, and she was married to his best friend, so surely she had experiences she could relate to this.

"I can'touldn't imagine how I would feel if something like that had happened to Johnny. I'd be completely hysterical – I almost am at the thought of losing my husband."

"I think you'd be stronger than you think. I didn't make a conscious choice to push my emotions aside. I knew he needed me to save him, as well as that I had to save him if I was ever going to make it."

Nadine grinned widely, her eyes shinning. "I never thought Jason would find someone to take care of him. Or rather, that he'd let them. He's so independent and difficult, and he always has been, but he's different with you. He's tender in a way that I haven't seen in quite some time."

"He has his moments," Elizabeth laughed, her heart tightening at the woman's words. She didn't like the idea that she'd changed Jason, hoping instead that he had changed on his own. "But if he is only like this with me – well, I suppose I won't complain." She lifted her eyes to Nadine's, unable to fight her curiosity. "You speak as if he wasn't always so cold and alone, and I can't help but want to know how he became that way."

She sucked in a breath, her face growing flushed. "It isn't my particular truth to tell, Elizabeth."

"Oh, I understand. Please forgive me. I didn't wish to make you uncomfortable." She shook her head and looked away, completely embarrassed.

"No, it's quite alright, but – well, if I may be so bold, I think you and Jason both have secrets that need to be told to each other." Elizabeth fisted her hands in her skirt at the woman's words. "It isn't my place is all, but if you care about one another as deeply as I believe you do, then your admissions will only make the both of you stronger. He cares about for you, and I know marriage is hard and frustrating, but what you feel for another matters more than anything."

"I'm afraid I'm not too sure about that," Elizabeth admitted. She'd had the realization over and over in the past couple days that Jason would inevitably learn the truth, and there was no way to know how they would end up. "I want to have all the faith that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to, but I'm just not so sure anymore. Jason's made his feelings very clear."

She stopped, catching herself from saying more than she'd meant to. Sure, Johnny and Nadine were privy to most things in Jason's life, but were they aware that theirhis best friend's marriage was only for show? That the husband who appeared to be dutiful and doting continuously reminded Elizabeth that while he wanted her now, he wasn't sure if he wanted her forever and her truth would only reaffirm why he had such feelings. Lust was powerful enough to pull him to her in a way he couldn't understand, but it wouldn't save their connection or change the outcome of any lies.

She wasn't sure if anything could.

"If you have something to say…" Jason looked across the room at Johnny, who was leaning against the window, and watching their wives on the terrace. Elizabeth had been hesitant about him moving around, so he agreed to meet with Johnny in the bedroom. He wouldn't admit that he was relieved to stay inside the four walls; they were safe in a way that nothing else was ere and it was what existed outside them that worried him the most.

"I'm glad you're well," he murmured stiffly, further annoying Jason.

He wasn't used to Johnny being so quiet and withdrawn, and he would have never sent for him if he knew this was what it was going to be like. "Only because of my wife."

His friend's eyes lifted to his. "Have you spoken to her about what happened?"

"I gave her the runaround," he admitted, refusing to worry his wife more than he had to. It was difficult enough to admit he'd gotten into a bar fight with Richard Lansing, and that he'd been carried outside by two officers who held him while Lansing got the better of him. It was embarrassing and disgusting, and he felt guilty mostly because he should have been home with Elizabeth.

But he was scared.

Of being alone with her and learning her secrets – terrified that she would admit to doing what he was so sure she hadn'tdidn't, and he wouldn't be able to control his reaction.

"You have to talk to her, Jason," Johnny sighed, hanging his head. "That night – she – she knows what happened to Lucky, and I think she-"

"I'm not discussing this with you," he interrupted, glaring at him. "Elizabeth and I will-"

"You've been avoiding it all along."

"This isn't any of your concern."

Johnny arched an eyebrow as he started towards him. "Not aAny of my concern? You're trying to free her father, and I've been the only person able to help you. Without me you wouldn't have anything so this is my concern because we're trying to free a man who may be covering up a murder committed by his own-"

"Stop," Jason cut in, gritting his teeth as he clenched his fists at his sides. "She's my wife. You cannot accuse her-"

"She practically confessed the night you were stabbed," he murmured, backing away when Jason flinched. "She said it was her fault and that if-"

"She could never kill someone," he defended, turning his back to Johnny as he sat down on the edge of the bed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "She just couldn't. She's too small and delicate and-"

"I think you're underestimating your wife," Johnny said slowly, eyeing his friend as he retreated back to the window, and stared down at the terrace. "She's been through so much already, and she's managed to survive. She's stronger than you think."

"I know her," he insisted, shaking his head.

He knew her heart and there was no way that Elizabeth would take someone else's life. She'd never forgive herself or be able to live with it, and she wouldn't let Jeffrey take the fall for a crime she'd committed.

"Sometimes the people we care about are capable of things we'd never believe," Johnny said sadly. "She blamed herself for what happened with Lansing. Don't you remember anything?"

He shrugged, closing his eyes as he replayed the entire evening his mind. The scene at the bar where Richard goaded him into throwing a punch, and the snide comments he made outside as he drove a knife into Jason's side. He'd said so many things; that Elizabeth had already been used, that the Webbers were nothing, and that the wrong person had been arrested for the crime.

So much of it was a blur; Johnny finding him, the ride back to the house, seeing Elizabeth in the upstairs hallway. He remembered the pain more than anything. How his side blazed with a fire that didn't feel like it was ever going to end and the tender touch of Elizabeth as her hands moved over him, desperate to save him.

There were so many voices; Spinelli, Sonny, and Johnny all mixed inside his head, and he couldn't be sure, but he was almost positive there had been an argument. He could remember the fear in Elizabeth's voice as she ordered them to leave his room, and then there was nothing but the warmth of her settling down beside him, her hand draped across his waist. She'd spoken to him softly, words he couldn't remember, or maybe he didn't want to. He could never believe what Johnny was telling him. After all, she was his wife; if she'd murdered someone he would know.

"Jason, I'm sorry if I've crossed a line, but-"

"You should go," he cut in, pushing himself up slowly from the bed. His eyes found Johnny's and he knew the look that passed was one of complete understanding. They were friends first and foremost, nothing would ever change that, but for now this was between him and his wife. "I'll speak to her, and I'll send for you when I've learned the truth."

Jason leaned against the doorway that led to the terrace, smiling to himself as Elizabeth quietly tended to what little mess she and Nadine had made over tea. Sonny had tried to help, but she'd sent him away, cleaning up with shaky hands, leaving Jason to wonder if she knew what was coming. They'd all exchanged tense smiles in the foyer before Johnny and Nadine left, and Elizabeth had hurried back to the terrace the moment the door was closed, fussing that Jason could go rest.

"Elizabeth."

"You're supposed to be resting," she scolded gently, looking up from the table.

"Leave that to the help," he murmured, stepping onto the terrace, his eyes squinting as they adjusted to the light.

"Jason, please," she begged, wiping her hands over the front of her dress. "Must you be so stubborn."

"I'm afraid so," he replied, sighing heavily as he glanced back at the house, relieved to see that no one was paying them much attention. "Take a walk with me."

"You know what the doctor said," she argued, shaking her head as he held his hand out. She took it anyway, her eyes softening as he linked their fingers together, nodding towards the stairs that led down towards the garden.

"Please, I could use the air," he muttered thickly, hating himself for what he was about to do. Why couldn't he simply go with what he felt and believe she had nothing to do with any of this? Why couldn't he live a lie for just a little while longer?

"If you insist," she said, nuzzling her face against his arm as she leaned against him.

"I do."

She sucked in a shaky breath, folding her trembling hand over her chest and resting it on his arm. "You don't always have to be difficult."

"Would you want it any other way?" he asked, wincing as they started down the stairs. He tipped head towards her, relieved that she was oblivious to how much he was hurting.

"You mean would I want things to be easy?" she laughed, squeezing his arm. "I suppose that would be a new feeling all in itself. What would we do with ourselves?"

She laughed again, light and airy with just the hint of uneasiness, and he was almost sure he'd never heard anything so lovely. If only they'd get rid of the uneasiness that existed between them; the foreshadowing of what was to come.

"Are you alright?" she asked, looking up at him as he bit back a groan. Her eyes darkened as she dropped her gaze, and he was relieved she wasn't going to fight him. "Is fresh air really worth such pain?"

"If it means I get to see you in the sunlight…" Sometimes he couldn't help himself; he was only a man.

"Oh, stop," she blushed, pressing her face into his arm.

She gripped him tightly as they started towards the rose bushes, and he wondered if, like him, she was thinking of the last time they'd been here. It almost made him want to do this somewhere else, but he knew if he kept his mouth shut now, he'd never say anything.

"Can I tell you something silly?" she asked softly, sighing as they came to a stop among the trellises. He nodded as she looked up at him, her cheeks still flushed. "The other night – I – there was a part of me that was terrified we'd never get to do this again." She bit her lip and looked away, and he felt her hand start to tremble in his. "I suppose there are a lot of things we'll never get to do."

"Elizabeth…" Her name fell from his lips, making him sound vulnerable and sad in a way he wasn't prepared for. He started to apologize, to take back his decision to question what he already knew, but she shook her head as her eyes rimmed with tears and gently pulled her hand from his.

"Go ahead," she whispered, folding her arms over her chest as she backed away, looking him in the eye. "I've seen the question in your eyes for days now, and I knew when Johnny arrived today he would remind you of what you may have forgotten."

He stiffened, hanging his head in defeat as he pressed on. "Ask me, Jason. Just get it over with," she begged, bursting into tears. "You can close your case. Go back to Italy. Pretend none of this ever existed."

"Elizabeth," he hissed thickly, "it's not that simple."

"It is," she argued firmly. "It's what you want, so just ask me."

He couldn't do it; the words lingered on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to question her in such a way. She continued to cry softly, her head in her hands, and when she finally realized he wasn't going to confront her, she started past him, her shoulder bumping hard against his.

"Fine, then I'll tell someone who wants to know. Perhaps Johnny or Richard or-"

"Stop it," he growled, grabbing her by the arm and spinning her around to face him. He jerked her hands from her face, pulling her gently towards him as he slid an arm around her, smoothing it over the back of her neck as he forced her to look at him. "Don't you understand how hard this is for me?"

"For you?" she sobbed, her eyes wide with disbelief. She tried to jerk away, but he held onto her, refusing to let her run. "Once I tell you, Jason – once you know everything, you'll have gotten what you came here for…"

"It isn't about the case," he muttered angrily.

"You'll leave. You'll do the same thing my father did to try and protect…" She hung her head, pressed her face into his chest as she cried. "I don't want to be alone again, Jason. I don't want to lose you. I can't – I…I can't."

He slipped his arms tightly around her, cradling her to his chest as she continued to sob, hating himself for doing this to her. "Elizabeth, I'm not going anywhere. I just need to know," he murmured, smoothing his hands up and down her back, failing to calm her. He slid a hand around to cup her cheek, wiping her tears away with his thumb. "And I'm not asking you for the truth as part of the investigation. I'm asking you as your husband because I need to know."