Chapter 25

London, 1820…

Elizabeth Morgan could quite easily be with child. The thought was so unbelievable, so unnerving, so impacting, that it made her stomach churn. There was a time – prior to last winter, to bloody hands, and nightmares – that having a child, – being a wife and mother, was all she ever wanted, but this was not how it was supposed to be.

Her marriage wasn't supposed to be one of convenience, one done out of a favor to her father, and surely, she wasn't supposed to actually end up caring for her husband. Her role was to remain dutiful and quiet while Jason worked diligently to prove her father's innocence. There wasn't supposed to be this many complications.

Jason didn't marry her with the intentions of loving her. Though she couldn't say much about the bedding part because he was a man, and Lulu and Carly always warned her that they only wanted one thing, and Elizabeth had given him just that. She hadn't thought about how much her heart would ache with desire and admiration for Jason after truly giving herself to him, and she definitely hadn't explored the consequences either.

Sighing, she caught her reflection in the mirror and let out a shaky breath as she laid her hand against her stomach.

Did Jason even want this?

If there was even something to want.

This was precisely why Lulu and Carly had warned her about giving into something she wasn't ready for, though she had to admit she now understood why they were sneaking off and having scandalous evenings of their own.

Being with Jason was thrilling in a way she never imagined, and she couldn't help but wonder how differently their lives would be had they met under different circumstances. Of course, he would be the same man, so unwilling to commit, but hopefully still drawn to her, and that was something in itself.

"Are you planning on hiding in here all night?"

Her eyes snapped to Jason's reflection in the mirror, and her fingers tensed against the skirt of her dress. She'd retired to her bedroom shortly after Johnny, Nadine, and the boys had left, still overwhelmed by everything going on.

Jason's comment about children didn't help, and her head had been spinning every since. She thought that if she lay down for just a while, it would stop, but it only continued, and she wasn't sure what to think about any of this.

"Well, it – it is my bedroom," she stammered, swallowing hard as she slowly turned on her stool to face him. "A gentleman is supposed to knock before he enters-"

"I thought by now you'd realize I'm hardly a gentleman," he teased, crossing the room, his hands tucked into the pockets of his pants. "But if you'd like me to go-"

"No," she interrupted firmly, surprised by her desire to have him near. After all of this, she couldn't imagine him not being close to her. It felt wrong to invite him into her room, to have him stay here of all places, but it wasn't as if he hadn't before. It was different to have him in her bed, and she wondered if he'd had the same kinds of thoughts about her staying in his. "I'd like you to stay."

"I'm sorry if talking to Johnny and meI upset you. I warned him not to ask you questions, but he didn't listen, and I hate-"

"He was asking what was necessary," she sighed, sucking in a breath when he kneeled down in front of her. "Selfishly, there are other things that worry me more than – than my father." It was a terrible admission, but one that she could see reflected in his eyes. "I promised myself I wouldn't be so committed to the idea of a future…with you, and now…"

"This hasn't turned out like either of us expected," he confessed, placing his hands on her knees and skimming his palms up to her thighs. She trembled instantly beneath his hands, her mind wild with the possibilities that could come from this. "I'm afraid I still dislike the idea of – of being a husband, of having the dependency and amount of care that it takes to be with someone, Elizabeth. And I-"

"I understand," she whispered, dropping her gaze to her lap, and shoving the romantic thoughts from her head. "I would never ask you to sacrifice your happiness in return for-"

"Will you allow me to finish?" he interrupted gently, his lips turning up in a slow grin. "It's impossible to talk to you sometimes, you know."

"Well, if you didn't take so long to say someanything," she hissed playfully, her heart relaxing inside her chest. She sighed heavily and lifted a hand to his face. "Please, finish. I promise not to speak unless it's necessary."

"That shouldn't take very long then," he murmured, chuckling under his breath.

"Oh, Jason,, must you always be so-" She paused, pressing a slender finger against her plump lips. "Please, finish."

"I dislike the idea of it all," he repeated, reaching out to tilt her chin in his direction, giving herim no choice but to look at her. "After my accident, I learned that people – the ones who care for you and love you – they can let you down in unimaginable ways, and I vowed to never feel that kind of distrust again."

"And you, you're honest and caring in the most unselfish of ways, and from the moment I met you, I knew you were more giving than I ever could be. Just look at all you've done for your father."

"Jason, that's different," she said, biting her lip and sighing heavily. "Forgive me, finish. I won't say another word."

He grinned, slipping his hands over hers and squeezing them gently. "You are everything that I never wanted, and somehow became everything I-"

"Sir?"

Swearing under his breath, Jason gave her an apologetic look as he moved to his feet. "What?" he barked, jerking the door open and glaring at Spinelli.

Elizabeth couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor boy and his terrible timing.

"I must speak with you in private," he muttered, sneaking a glance at Elizabeth. "It's a pressing matter and-"

"Forgive me, Elizabeth, but I must-"

"No, it's quite alright," she nodded, getting up from the stool. She could already see the tension in his face; worry lines on his forehead and tension in his jaw. "I think I'll get ready for bed. Will you – will you come back?"

The corner of his mouth hitched as he started out the door. "Always."

**********

"You're absolutely positive this is true?" Jason asked, raking a shaky hand through his hair as he paced the length of the hallway.

Normally, he wouldn't have discussed such matters in the open, but he assumed with Sonny downstairs and Elizabeth safely in her room, no one would be listening. And honestly, he couldn't bring himself to put any kind of distance between him and his wife.

"Yes, the move has been made, and I imagine it will break in the press either tomorrow or the day after," Spinelli replied, frowning heavily. "Sir, I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do for you…"

"You can not speak a word of this to anyone," he said firmly, narrowing his eyes at the small man. "No one is to know about this."

"There isn't much time. I understand that you are trying to protect Fair Elizabeth, but she's going to know soon. Very soon, in fact, I-"

"I will tell her, but not like this," Jason interrupted, pausing outside her door when he heard the floor creak on the other side. He knew she wasn't the type of woman to listen in through the cracks and spaces, but she was terrified, and fear could make a person do anything. He couldn't blame her for wanting to know what was being said in the hallway, but he wanted to be the one to tell her. "Your word, Spinelli, no one can know."

"Sir, it will be in the papers tomorrow-"

"And there won't be a paper for Elizabeth to read. I'll go to Johnny in the morning and…" He scrubbed his hands over his face, not sure what exactly he would do, but knew that for tonight there was nothing. "I'll see Johnny in the morning. And then I'll go to town. I'll – I'll fix this. I promised her I would."

Shaking his head, he turned towards her bedroom door, giving Spinelli a long look over his shoulder. "Be ready in the morning. We'll leave as soon as the sun is up. I'd go tonight, but…"

He couldn't leave her, not now, not knowing that she needed him, and he needed her. At least one last time.

"I was wondering if you were coming back," Elizabeth teased, grinning from where she sat in the center of the bed, pulling a silver handled brush through her hair. "Is everything alright?"

She sounded so innocent and naïve and he knew she hadn't listened because if she had, she wouldn't be this calm. "Nothing that can't wait until morning," he said, easing himself down on the bed beside her.

"That's a relief," she murmured, tucking her curls behind her ears. She laid the brush beside her on the bed and drew her knees to her chest, her knees peeking out from the silk robe, making it very apparent that she hadn't exactly dressed for bed.

"Elizabeth," he groaned, unable to fight the urge to reach out and touch her. Her skin was like velvet beneath his hands, so soft and plush, and he wanted to fall into her.

"Aren't you going to finish what you were saying before?" she asked, her breath hitching as she fell back on the bed, her hands reaching to pull him with her. "I promise I'll be quiet and listen."

He swallowed hard as he held his weight over her, careful not to crush her as one of his hands fumbled with the sash at her waist. "I'd rather show you," he murmured, tracing the slope of her breasts with a single fingertip. "And I'm afraid that requires you to respond."

"Well," she whispered, her back arching off the bed when his hand closed over her breast, desperate to push the soft mound against his rough palm. "I suppose we could – could talk in the morning."

He grimaced at the mention of the morning, which she noticed, but he moved quickly, taking her mouth in his and not giving her the chance to question him. He kissed her hard, drowning in the warm silkiness of her tongue against his as both sets of their hands struggled to pull away his clothing. He couldn't help but wonder if she could feel his desperation to have her, if she knew that something was coming and everything would change yet again before it had the chance to settle. When she pushed his pants over his hips, her own arching towards him, he knew that the morning didn't matter because she was just as desperate to have him.

Their moment was rushed, not slow like he wanted, and he did his best to commit it all to memory. How soft her skin felt against his, how alive she made him feel with the stroke of her hand, and how she panted his name as he slid inside her. Everything about her felt new; the way she smelled, the taste of her hardened nipples in his mouth, how she tightened around him with every thrust.

"Jason," she cried, clinging to him as she came apart in hiser arms, her body trembling beneath his hands. He followed soon after, burying his face in her hair as he grinded out his own release. Soon after, he started to pull away, but she held her hands around him, forcing him to fall against her, their hearts beating against one another's chests.

There was so much that he wanted to tell her, for her to understand, and he hoped that all of this was enough for her to comprehendunderstand. She was everything he never wanted, and now she'd become everything he neededwanted., and Hhe wasn't sure how he could ever walk away from this, and hated knowing that he might not have a choice.

Some promises were made to be broken, and unfortunately, he would have to break hers.

**********

"Sonny, did Jason say where he was going?" Elizabeth asked, frowning at her breakfast plate when the servant placed it in front of her with a warm smile. "I woke up this morning, and he was….well…" She trailed off, her face flushing as she realized she was admitting to sleeping with him, and that seemed like hardly an appropriate topic of conversation to have with her surrogate father.

"He left early," he answered, smiling warmly, "but I hardly doubt you have any reason to worry."

Smoothing her cloth napkin out in her lap, she nodded, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "He didn't wake me or leave a note or anything…"

She sighed, nibbling her lip as she thought about how he'd acted last night. How he'd switched from being so determined to tell her how he felt to showing her. Not that she necessarily minded, but it was very clear that something was going on, something bigger than he wanted to admit, and she was too caught up in him taking solace in her to care.

"Won't you join me?" she asked, looking over at Sonny as he started to leave the room. "I'd rather not eat alone."

"I'd like that," he smiled, walking around to the other side of the table. "Things have been so hectic around here and we haven't been able to spend much time together."

"Yes, I know," she agreed apologetically, poking a fork around her eggs. She wasn't very hungry, but knew she couldn't be rude and not eat. "Jason isn't working you too hard, I hope."

"He's only requested that I cook," he laughed, picking at a pastry.

"I can't blame him for that," she grinned, taking a bite of the eggs. They were slightly cold, but she continued to eat them anyway. "He'd cook himself I think, but he's been so preoccupied."

"Well, newlyweds are allowed their time for such," Sonny teased, flashing his dimples. He always had a way of making her feel surprisingly comfortable, and that was more than what she needed right now. "Jason is a very good man, Elizabeth. I can see that he makes you happy."

Shrugging, she continued to poke around her plate. "Yes, he does, but I can't help but anxiously wait for it to all be over."

"You shouldn't think that way. Times may be difficult, but he obviously-" He stopped mid-sentence, his head turning in the direction of the doorway when a soft knock filtered through the house. "I better answer that."

"Of course," she nodded, watching as he made his way from the room, curious as to what he was going to tell her.

How could it be so obvious to everyone else what Jason felt when she was so confused by it all on her own?

Frowning, she pushed her plate aside and grabbed a muffin from the overflowing basket in front of her. She nibbled quietly, listening as Sonny talked to someone, their voices coming closer and closer to the dining room.

"Forgive me for interrupting breakfast," Johnny said, appearing in the doorway. His eyes flashed to the plate across from her. "Is Jason home?"

"No," she answered, shaking her head as she wiped the crumbs from the muffin on her napkin. "Sonny joined me so I didn't have to eat alone." She scooted her chair back and stood up, gesturing to the table. "You're more than welcome to have something. Sonny tends to cook more than necessary."

"I've never heard any complaints before," he laughed, looking back and forth between them. "Should I leave you two alone? Or are you here to see Jason?"

Johnny tensed, clearly not sure if Elizabeth would mind being left alone with him or not, and she couldn't help but find the entire thought extremely silly. "You can leave us, Sonny," she said firmly. "Is here fine or would you rather talk in the study?"

"This is fine," he replied hesitantly, waiting until Sonny had disappeared from his sight before moving towards the table. "Mostly, I – I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I realize that I may have overstepped my bounds by questioning you about that awful night, and it wasn't my place. Jason warned me, and he was rather upset when I didn't listen to him., and Yyou've been through enough already."

"Johnny, you didn't do anything wrong," she sighed, motioning for him to sit down as she took her seat again. "It's a very complicated situation for all of us. I really dislike that you and Nadine were drawn into my problems."

"Any problem of Jason's is a problem of ours," he shrugged, brushing it off. "He's just so protective of you, and I can't say that I blame him, but sometimes he tends to be so methodical and unemotional…I don't believe he wanted to see what was really there, what really happened that night."

"He likes to believe in the best in people," she agreed, settling back in her chair. "Mostly the ones he cares about, I think. He doesn't like to think that I'm capable of what I did-"

"He doesn't like that someone was capable of hurting you," he corrected gently, tugging at the collar of his shirt. "Jason has always been a difficult person. He feels things so differently than everyone else, deeper, I suppose. He expects good and truth and he knows it doesn't exist, but when the people he expects it from the most disappoint him…"

"His family," she offered. "He is definitely complicated."

"After the Quartermaines treated him so horribly, he shut down," he started to ramble, and Elizabeth couldn't understand why he was telling her all this. "He told you about the accident?" She nodded. "If he had things his way, he would have no ties to London whatsoever, including me and Nadine. I suppose at first, I remained his friend out of guilt. I fought for his companionship after because of my role in his life, but not much has changed between us. We're better friends now, and I would still lay down my life for him if asked to do so."

Elizabeth couldn't help but smile, knowing that Jason would never ask such of his friend.

"He was so much like a child after his accident, so hopeful and excited, which I suppose comes with nearly dying. He only became bitter and angry after they pressured him to remember his old life, and I don't think he understood how to handle that anger. I still don't believe he does, and I'm afraid that – I don't know what he'll do if he can't fix this for you."

"You're scared for him?" she asked, slowly putting the pieces together.

"He ruined the Quartermaines. Of course, he had my help as well as my father's, and I don't know what will stop him from doing the same to Lansing." She sucked in a breath, the thought not having crossed her mind. "Not that he doesn't deserve it, but I don't know if he'll be able to stop himself. Jason cares for you so much Elizabeth, and your father, and this entire mess – he'd do anything to fix it and make it right, even if it's not by your standards."

Swallowing hard, she let his words sink in. "What's going on, Johnny? Is this why he's not home? He went to Richard once, and he nearly killed him," she cried, getting up in such a hurry that she knocked her chair to the floor. "Where is he?"

"Elizabeth, please, just calm down," he said softly, moving to his feet. "I shouldn't have come here, but things are – we honestly thought we could free Jeffrey because he was innocent. We didn't realize…"

"What is he doing?" she asked again, not caring about anything else in that moment. He looked at her blankly, his eyes dark and scared. "Tell me now or leave."

"Elizabeth, don't."

Her eyes flashed to the doorway where Jason was standing, his eyes tired, face strained. "Jason," she cried, rushing around the table and throwing her arms around his neck. She hugged him tightly, breathing him in for just a moment before pulling back and looking at him, her eyes filled with questions. None of which he would answer until she asked. "Where were you?"

"I went to see Johnny this morning, and then I went to town," he answered, loosening his arms from around her as he looked at his friend. "I know that you're worried, Johnny, but-"

"This isn't just your life and Elizabeth's anymore," Johnny reminded him, hanging his head. "I helped with your investigation, with getting you in to see Jeffrey, and now…"

"Are you in trouble?" Elizabeth asked, pulling herself out of her husband's arms and walking over to him. "Does Richard know?"

"I don't regret my choices," he replied seriously, staring her in the face. "Jeffrey is important to me, as are you and Jason, but we have to decide what comes next together or else someone we don't want to will end up taking the fall."

"What aren't you telling me?" she asked exhaustedly, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I just – please, someone tell me what is happening."

"Elizabeth, the last thing I want to do is upset you," Jason murmured, stepping up beside her and sliding his arm around her waist. "I went to see Johnny this morning to see what our options were;. iIf there was a way we could stop it or a way around it., and I don't think we have much of a choice for what has to happen next if we're going to free Jeffrey."

"What?" she asked, turning into his side and resting her head on his shoulder. She felt faint, overwhelmed, as if the walls were closing in around her. She was vaguely aware of Jason's voice as he continued to talk, and it only took one sentence to bring her to her knees on the floor beside him.

"Your father goes to trial in two days."