AN: Just to clear things up, William Lewis is not actually dead, that was just part of the dream. I will be writing about the trial soon my dearies! I'm sorry I haven't updated in bit, so here's a shorter chapter. Thank you all for the support and I love you all! Hope you enjoy

If you have any comments or concerns feel free to review or message me!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Elliot's Journal

I think it's about time that I get rid of my cellphone. That way, the only dose of reality I get is from Olivia and the trial. I've learned to expect crap when it comes to the justice system and William Lewis, but Kathy threw me for a loop.

She hadn't called me in months. She'd send me the occasional picture of Eli or text me to remind me about child support, but that was it. My heart nearly stopped when her name came up on the screen of my phone. Olivia knew that I was going through an internal war with myself. I couldn't decide if I wanted to answer it or not. Being her assertive self, she grabbed the phone from my hand and answered it. I expected her to greet Kathy the way she used to, but instead, she handed the phone right back to me. She retreated into the bedroom and shut the door, forcing me to handle whatever it was.

She called me to see if I was still alive. She said that Eli gave up. He didn't ask her when he could see his father anymore. My little boy gave up on me… it's only fair, since I gave up on him. I gave up on my family, my life. I gave up on my job and Olivia, the woman I love. I gave up on everything because I am weak.

We talked for about twenty minutes, each minute breaking my heart more and more. Kathy told me that she's engaged. I'm happy for her. She deserves a man that is going to take care of her and love her in a way that I never did. The problem is with Eli. He calls the man "daddy".

I'm not mad…I'm disappointed in myself. My son shouldn't feel like his real daddy is gone. I'm here, but I'm broken. His real daddy is a mess and doesn't deserve such a special gift from God. Maureen got married last month. I missed it because I was too drunk to answer the phone whenever she tried to invite me. Kathleen, Lizzie, and Dickie are doing well, but I didn't get any more details than that.

I told Kathy that I'm getting help. She said that she'd believe it once I could prove it. How do I prove that I've been fighting for weeks to stay sober? How do I convince her that I'm trying to earn my kids back? How do I tell her that Olivia was exactly what I needed in order to make this step?

Speaking of Olivia, I haven't told her. I didn't say a word after my conversation with Kathy. I didn't know what to say. Olivia knows that I have issues. She's experienced most of them first hand. I don't know how she's managed to stay with me for so long, but I thank God every day. Now I sit here and pray that I can get my kids back. I need them. I may not deserve them, but I rather die than go on knowing that they hate me.

Olivia's Journal

I don't think Elliot knows that his silence is killing me. Kathy called and ever since he's been extremely quiet. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he shuts down. He starts to pace the room and clenches his fist. It's like he wants to hit something, but he can't decide what. I asked him if everything was okay, and he answered with a nod. I don't like him being this short with me. I don't like the fact that I don't know why either.

I've had an issue with him treating me like a victim, but he was getting so much better with it. We were watching one of my favorite movies together and then Kathy called. BOOM, all our hard work is gone. Well, I shouldn't say all our hard work, but a good chunk of it. We were just starting to tell each other everything again, but of course life had to mess things up.

I know for a fact that he didn't get any sleep that night. We were in bed for hours before I even closed my eyes. He held me tight, as if I was the only thing keeping him from floating away. I didn't mind of course, but I really wanted him to tell me what was wrong. I stayed up with him as long as I could, but eventually I fell asleep.

I haven't seen him smile ever since he talked to Kathy. We don't have much to smile about these days, but I prefer to not focus on the negative all the time. He would be mad at me if I kept beating myself up over the fact that he could get charged for assault, so why can't I be mad at him for keeping things bottle up? It's a two way street and it's about time that he opened up to me.

Dr. Lindstrom's office

"Elliot, I'm surprised, you usually want Olivia to go first" the doctor mused.

Elliot sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. He really didn't want to talk about his week, but at the same time, he just wanted to get it done and over with.

"So, where do you want to start?"

"I guess with the biggest problem, my ex-wife".

Olivia's brows shot up in curiosity. She almost didn't believe that he was going to talk about it.

"What happened?"

"My ex-wife called and… I really screwed up. My youngest son now calls another man daddy".

Olivia reached for his hand, grabbing as tight as she could.

"Elliot, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know".

She knew that he was being sincere, but it didn't make her feel any better.

Elliot's Journal

I don't know why, but I felt much better after our session. I should be able to tell Olivia these things, but I think I know why I didn't this time. Olivia is so invested in my life. She knows everything I know about my kids because I told her throughout our years as partners. Hell, she helped deliver Eli. How many coworkers help deliver a baby?

I think that having the impartial third party made telling her about it much easier. When we got home, she wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. We stood in the middle of the living room, just holding each other for what felt like forever. I decided to be completely honest with her. I told her everything, even stuff I didn't mention during therapy. For example, after talking to Kathy, I realized two things: one is that I really need to check out my financials because there's no way I have much money left, and two is that I am terrified of going to prison. If I get caught for assaulting Lewis, I could go away for a long time. I would never get to see my kids again. I would never see Eli graduate or my first grandchild. I can't miss these things. I've missed enough as it is.

Normal POV

They were running low on groceries, so Olivia ordered a pizza from her favorite place. She hadn't let herself get a pizza from there since Elliot left. She had tried a couple of times, but she knew it wouldn't be the same without him splitting it with her.

"Did you get mushrooms on it?" he asked.

"Of course and onions on half" she answered.

"Just the way I like it" he said with a smile.

There was a knock on the door and she didn't even flinch. She was improving more and more each day.

"I ordered, so I'll get it".

Elliot sighed. He wanted to talk to her about something, but he wasn't sure how to approach the topic.

"You can keep the change" she told the delivery boy who couldn't be much older than Dickie.

"Thanks. Have a nice evening, Miss".

Olivia chuckled as she closed the door. It had been a while since some addressed her as "miss".

They had each eaten a few slices when Elliot decided to just go for it.

"Hey Liv, I've been thinking…maybe it's time to get a new place".

She was surprised. This was completely out of the blue.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, I can't afford it" he stated. He wanted to be completely honest with her. "I was so desperate to just find a place that I didn't really worry about the price".

"If that's the case, I can help with the rent. I've been staying here for a while so it's not an issue".

"That's nice of you to offer, but don't you think it'd be nice to start over? To go somewhere fresh with no bad memories attached to it? We both deserve something better".

"Wait, you said 'both'. Does that mean that you want me to move with you?"

He hadn't even thought about that before he brought it up. He had assumed that she would come with him.

"Well…yea. Of course I want you to come with me".

Olivia thought it over for a minute. She would love to live with Elliot, but would things be different?

"We could work out the details later. Come on Liv, what do you say?"

"I don't know, El"

AN: I was really excited to put that last bit in there! What do you think? Is it too soon? Should they get a place together? Their future is in your hands!