AN: I have a feeling this will anger some people… I love it! Let me know what you think! Love y'all!

Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or the characters.

Elliot turned off his phone over an hour ago. It wouldn't hurt to ignore Olivia's calls so much if he didn't know that she was calling. How could he answer the phone and reassure her that he was okay when that wasn't true? It was better to ignore her than it was to lie to her. Besides, she would probably hear a slight slur in his voice. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't drank enough to forget about Dickie. His son hated him, and now he was developing his own problems. The bartender gave him a sympathetic look.

"Look, it's late. Why don't you head home? Sleep it off".

Elliot nodded, tossing bills on the bar. He headed out of the bar, walking in the opposite direction of his apartment. He couldn't go home until Olivia left for work. The least he could do was text her and tell her that he was okay.

Olivia stirred, hearing her phone ring. She blindly reached for it, forcing her eyes to open. It was a text from Elliot.

I'm sorry that I left without a word. I'm okay, just needed space. Love you x

It was four in the morning and he was just now answering her. Knowing that she had nothing nice to say, she decided to say nothing at all. Sleeping was no longer an option, so she got ready and was at work by 5:15. Her coworkers were probably at home and in bed still, but she was fine with that. She wanted to work in peace. The light in the captain's office peaked through the blinds, genuinely surprising her. She set her purse on her desk, but kept walking until she was in front of his office door. Maybe she did want to talk about it. Before she could knock, Cragen opened the door, letting her in.

"Come on in".

She took a seat, waiting for him to do the same.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Of course, Liv".

She took a deep breath before beginning. "How many times did you fall off of the wagon before getting sober?"

"I'll answer that if you answer this, why are you asking me that?"

She avoided eye contact, just like she had when they first started therapy.

"Elliot left after I went to bed last night".

"And you think that he was drinking?"

She nodded. "He didn't tell me that, but I can feel it in my gut. He would have called me if not. All I got was a text hours later".

Cragen walked around his desk so that he could sit on the edge of it in front of her. He gave her a sympathetic look, which he knew she hated.

"Look, last night's slip up will crush him. He'll question his ability to fight the addiction. He might even try to create distance between you two, but that's because he'll think that you're better off without him".

Olivia felt her lip quiver, but at this point she didn't care about looking weak. She took a deep breath to try and steady herself. At least he didn't sugar coat anything.

"You can't let that happen. Don't let him push you away. I don't care how ridiculous it sounds, love him through it".

Tears made their way down her face, but she knew that the man before her would never see her as anything less than a pillar of strength.

"Go home and take care of him" He ordered. She nodded again, unable to speak.

"Oh, and call me if you need anything".

00000000000000000000000000000000000

Elliot let out a shaky sob, crying into his pillow. Even though he intentionally avoided her, he wished that Olivia was with him. Then he felt the bed dip next to him. Her slender fingers ran through his hair and her body curled into his.

"I love you, Elliot" She whispered into his ear. He silently turned towards her, taking her into his arms. Much to her surprise, she couldn't smell alcohol on him.

"I cracked, Liv". He held onto her a little tighter.

"I went out for a walk to clear my head and the next thing I know I'm at my old bar. After my fourth drink I just stopped. I feel so disgusting".

Olivia shook her head. "El, you slipped up, but that doesn't meant that you can't do this".

"I ruined the birthday of my first grandchild".

"For whom, El? The only people that know about this are you and myself and I'm just happy that you're okay".

"You don't understand, Liv".

She felt the frustration boiling in her chest. He was doing everything he could to dismiss her. Even though she knew what he was doing and why, she couldn't control her temper.

"You know what, I'm tired of your wallowing in self pity, so I'm going for a run".

She pushed herself off of the bed, quickly changing into her workout clothes. She was about to leave the room when he called out her name.

"I'm sorry, Liv. Will you please stay?" She looked over at him, seeing the pain in his eyes.

"Of course, El. I'm sorry that I lost my patience". She plopped down onto the bed again, leaving some space between them. "Get some sleep, El. Maybe later we can visit Maureen and the baby". She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, again, not smelling any alcohol. She stayed with him until he fell asleep. Once he was out, she grabbed her journal and camped out on the couch.

*Olivia's Journal*

Elliot went out to drink last night, but he's completely sober. I don't even know what to say to him about it. He's fighting a long, hard battle and I know that he wants to get better. What amazes me is that he didn't drink to the point of oblivion. My mother never had any control when it came to drinking. Once she started, she didn't stop until she passed out. I don't think he knows how amazing it is that he could stop. Of course, going out to drink is still a bad thing. I think I'm more upset about the fact that he didn't come to me. I always go to him when things are bad, so why doesn't he do the same? I love him and I know that he loves me too, I just want to be there for him. Captain said that he'd try to push me away to try to help me, but I'm not so sure. I don't know what I'm doing. My mother never sought out help, and I never had to be someone's support system. We kinda talked about this divide before, but I don't know how to actually fix it. If Elliot doesn't want to come to me, he's not going to. Doesn't he know that there are other outlets for stress relief? I'd come in handy for half of the ones that I can think of…

Dickie has always been a carbon copy of Elliot, I just hope that he's not when it comes to alcohol. I have no clue what the girls told Elliot after I went to bed last night, but I know that whatever it is, we can handle it.

Olivia read over what she wrote, realizing that she had turned Elliot's drinking into her problem. She made everything about herself. Maybe that's why he didn't want to tell her? Did she always do that? She closed her journal and dropped it on the floor. Enough of that for now.

AN: I know it's short and I apologize for that. Love y'all!