Chapter 10

Many thanks to all of you who are following this fic! Thanks also to my wonderful beta LadyDarksbane who always takes a moment of her time to help me out! :D

WARNING! The amount of fluff in this chapter may cause cavities! :P

…

No matter what she did or where she went, Beatrix could not keep that last image of her brother drinking a vial of red lyrium out of her head. It took her a long time to do so. However, she had to carry on for the Inquisition, and carry on she would. Besides, the anger she now felt for the Red Templars and Corypheus had increased tenfold.

This, she thought, was a very good thing.

Both Leliana and Cullen had their eyes on leads that would take them to the Red Templar strongholds or point them in the general direction. Since the Red Templars needed red lyrium to survive, they had also heard rumors of mines in several places. The only question was where exactly.

One bright morning, several weeks after Andras had left, Beatrix nearly collided into a messenger while she was heading to the undercroft where the smith was. She had planned on making a dagger with a bit of fade-touched material she had found in the Hinterlands mountains.

"I'm sorry, Inquisitor," the man said nervously. "The Commander wishes to speak to you at once. He said it was important."

Beatrix smiled at the man while giving him a nod, and he bowed before her. Turning around after she rolled her eyes, she headed outside the keep, towards Cullen's office which was located in one of the towers on the battlements. She could not still the beating of her heart, even though she frequently talked to Cullen. The truth was that she was falling for him even more – if that was altogether possible, and she had seen the way he looked at her sometimes. One of these days she would have to talk to him to discover the way he felt about her.

Reaching the tower, she knocked on the door and heard Cullen's voice calling out for her to come in. As soon as she entered, he stood up from the chair in front of his desk with a smile.

"Inquisitor," he said in a soft voice, his eyes shining brightly. "I didn't realize you would be here so soon."

"I wouldn't like to keep you waiting, Commander," Beatrix laughed, stepping closer to the desk.

"Are you feeling better today?" He asked.

"I try to keep Andras out of my head as much as possible. But there are days when it is more difficult," she frowned. "I wish I had been able to find him before the explosion."

Cullen frowned and shook his head. "There was nothing you could have done, Beatrix," he said sadly. "Your brother wasn't even inside the building."

"I know," she replied. Then she shook her head. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes," Cullen said, picking up a report from his desk. "We've found evidence of red lyrium smugglers in the Emerald Graves. They probably have leads that we can follow."

"I'll be happy to look at this for you, Cullen," Beatrix smiled. "One of the things I wish to do is kill more Red Templars and get to the bottom of their red lyrium source."

"I know we have to also keep in mind that Empress Celene could be assassinated and that Corypheus has an army of demons in that future you witnessed," Cullen added with a frown. "But I'm sure it's all tied together."

Beatrix nodded thoughtfully.

"Josephine was saying something about a ball to be held at Halamshiral," she said. "I think that would be a perfect opportunity for the assassin to make his move. We'll see soon enough what the Ambassador and our Spymaster can tell us."

There was a knock on the door and Cullen sighed. "Come in," he barked.

One of his assistants came into the room, inclining his head briefly and saluting.

"Begging your pardon, Ser, but you wanted to speak to me?"

"Yes," Cullen handed the man some documents. "Take these over to Sister Nightingale. I want a reply, so you bring them to me directly as soon as she does."

"Yes, Ser," the man said nervously, then bowed and left.

"I was wondering, Cullen if you have a moment to spare?" Beatrix asked, her cheeks tinged with red. "I wanted to speak to you, but I confess I don't know how to do it if we're to be interrupted."

"That's easy to avoid," Cullen replied. "I mean, avoid the interruptions." He blushed and his right hand landed on the back of his neck where he rubbed twice. Then he walked to each of the doors and started to lock them.

"Um…" Beatrix said, interrupting him right after he had locked the first door. "I thought about doing something different. I – I wondered if you could accompany me to my quarters? Nobody ever interrupts me there, and your soldiers wouldn't know you're there with me."

"Your…your quarters?" Cullen swallowed nervously. "Oh. Of – of course."

They left the office through the door that led to the rotunda, where Solas was painting. The elf raised his eyebrows slightly at Beatrix, but she gestured at him to keep quiet. The elven mage smiled at her and nodded at Cullen. Cullen nodded back as he followed Beatrix out of the room and into the main hall.

…

As soon as they arrived, Cullen cleared his throat.

"Please, take a seat," Beatrix gestured to the love seat in the room. "Would you like – um – some wine?"

"Wine sounds…perfect, thank you," Cullen replied with a nervous smile, his hand once again rubbing the back of his neck.

She sat beside him after giving him a goblet and both of them stared into the fire.

"Um, your quarters are beautiful," Cullen said, trying to keep his eyes away from Beatrix, desperately thinking of what to say. He had no idea what Beatrix wanted to talk about, but he did want to talk to her about a lot of things. Mostly about things he was feeling. However, how does one begin an appropriate conversation about feelings? Cullen sighed deeply.

"Cullen," Beatrix started, staring at the wine in her goblet. "I – um, I –"

Cullen turned to look at her and was lost. She was so beautiful and she was sitting there, so close to him.

"Yes?" his voice came out as a whisper as he looked deeply into her eyes.

"I…" Beatrix drew a blank. She found herself lost in his warm golden gaze, unable to talk at all.

Cullen smiled and took her goblet, setting it and his on the small table next to the love seat.

"You were going to spill it."

She laughed, leaning into him and he took her in his arms and kissed her. It was all so very natural, Beatrix wasn't even surprised. Truth be told, she wanted him to kiss her. Very much so.

The kiss was desperate and passionate. Cullen swallowed her moan and in but a few moments, their tongues were dancing against each other. He had one of his hands on her back, the other snaked itself into her hair. He held her as if she was a treasure to him and caressed her ever so gently. Beatrix moaned again, and he deepened the kiss.

When they came up to breathe, he looked into her eyes and smiled.

"This is so much better than talking," he said in a low voice. "But I'm curious all the same."

Beatrix laughed, putting her forehead against his. "I wanted to talk about us, so I think we have a good head start already."

"I confess I did also," Cullen commented. "I've wanted to tell you how much you mean to me for a while. But I can never find the right words."

"You've managed to really well so far," she chuckled, taking a deep breath.

"It must be the kiss. It's magic," he replied with a smile as he kissed her once again.

This time their kiss was gentle and loving. Both Beatrix and Cullen seemed to put all their feelings into it, finally realizing they were truly together at last. Beatrix sighed when they came up for air.

"You're such a good kisser," she said dreamily as she looked at him.

Cullen laughed at this. "Thank you, my lady," he responded happily.

"Does this mean we're together?" she asked her sapphire eyes wide and trusting.

"I hope it does," Cullen replied as he pulled her to him, embracing her. "I'm the kind of person who takes things seriously, in case you haven't found out yet."

She laughed at his comment, leaning away from him slightly so she could see his smile. It was a wonderful smile. A smile he should have on his face more often. Beatrix smiled back as her hands nestled themselves on his broad chest, lifting them a few moments later so she could twine them into his short blond hair.

There was a knock on the door, and Beatrix started, pulling away from his embrace. She adjusted her hair, which by now was loose from the bind that kept it up and away from her face, and went down the stairs to open the door.

The same person that Cullen had sent away to Leliana was standing there, his cheeks a bright crimson.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Inquisitor, but one of the guards said the Commander was with you."

Cullen appeared at the top of the stairs. He looked angry.

"What do you want?" he practically shouted.

"You wanted this immediately, Ser," the man replied nervously.

"Then take it back to my office and leave it on my desk," Cullen growled back at him.

"But, Ser! "

"I said leave it on my desk! That's an order!"

The poor man didn't have to be told twice. He spun around and ran down the steps, reaching the door that led to the main hall, which he opened and closed firmly behind him and with great alacrity.

Beatrix shook her head with a smile. But before she could speak to Cullen, he took her hand, guiding her gently up the remaining steps and kissing her again once she reached the top.

He moaned this time, feeling her meld into his embrace, inwardly cursing his armor. She kissed him back with as much passion as she could, feeling slightly light-headed. Eventually, she broke away to breathe, and he stood there, unable to say or do anything but smile at her warmly, his golden eyes now dark with longing.

"We should sit, maybe," she said her blush reaching her neck.

"If you wish," Cullen nodded. "You have something else to discuss, then?"

"No, not really. But I know how busy you are and I can't resist keeping you here for a little while longer," Beatrix grinned.

Cullen smiled back as he let her guide him back to the love seat, sitting and putting his arms around her again.

He sighed deeply and kissed her hair before he brought his lips down again on hers, drinking in the scent of vanilla and her own scent, wishing they could stay like this forever. For once, everything that worried or angered him disappeared completely. He was the happiest man in all of Thedas because Beatrix was in his arms.

She was in his arms and she wanted to be in his arms.

And that, in itself, was more than enough for him.

…

The Emerald Graves was green: full of lovely bushes and trees that swayed lazily in the breeze, stunning green moss that crawled up some of the tree trunks, and luscious green grass that sprang back up after you stepped through. It was a place where you wanted to be: green and vibrant, the shadows here and there adding to the overall effect of the beauty of the area.

Turning to Dorian, she smiled, replying to the comment he'd made upon entering the area they were walking through, heading directly towards the forward camp.

"Emerald Graves – the name – is because the elves bury their dead and plant a tree over the graves. The whole area is green, sooooo – "

"I get it, I get it," Dorian sighed dramatically interrupting her. Right behind them Cassandra was responding to Bull's flirt and Beatrix grinned.

They reached the forward camp and suddenly Scout Harding was standing before Beatrix, rattling off the information she had on the whole area.

They filled their packs with healing potions and Beatrix added a couple of flasks of bees just in case. Then they were off.

The whole idea was to get to the Emerald Graves, look for the lyrium smugglers and get back out. However, between the stupid Freeman of the Dales which attacked them on sight and the staggering amount of rifts in the area, they were detained well past the time they thought they would be there.

"Ugh!" Beatrix commented as they reached an actual path in all the greenery. "Fucking lyrium smugglers! Where the fuck are you?"

"Let's go speak to Fairbanks," Cassandra suggested, getting an eye roll from Beatrix. "We should have done that as soon as we arrived and we do have to see what he wants, do we not?"

…

My darling Commander,

We're still stuck here, unfortunately. We did manage to find two groups of smugglers, and I have some information for you. But I'd really like to scout ahead, even further into the Emerald Graves to make sure that there were only two groups.

We've been ambushed so many times by the 'Freemen of the Dales' that I've lost count. So, we're in the process of making them disappear forever. The last place we've decided to attack is a quiet place built out of wood that looks quaint. Their leader is an idiot who thinks he's the best. The mother fucker will not know what hit him when Bull cleaves him in two.

These Freemen were in league with the Red Templars, though. So it's good to know that we're doing Thedas a favor by reducing their numbers! Considerably, I may add.

I miss you terribly. Every night I go to sleep remembering your face and gentle touch. I can hardly believe we're together at last. Even though I'm extremely happy, I must say I've been pining for you and it isn't fun!

Well, we have to go! More fighting awaits! But know that I miss you dearly and when I'm back I'll fling myself into your waiting arms!

Love,

Your Beatrix

Cullen brought the missive to his face. It still smelled a bit of her and he sighed deeply as he caught her scent. He folded it carefully and put it in his pocket, then rubbed his eyes. One of his headaches was starting and it was one of the more aggressive ones.

There had been many nightmares in the time Beatrix had been gone – she seemed to stop the nightmares from happening altogether. He really didn't want to go to bed, but he'd finished up all the reports and for the first time in weeks – months even, had nothing else to read or write. Sighing deeply, he got to his feet and went up the ladder to his loft, where his bed was.

Undressing quickly, he washed himself and cleaned his teeth. Since it was cold, he put on a long tunic and some loose breeches. Looking for the letter in his pocket, he quickly retrieved it and took it with him to bed.

His head pounded and he moved on the bed restlessly, looking for the right spot to finally relax. It took several long minutes before his eyes started to close, in spite of the pain in his head and he fell asleep, only to jolt himself awake and sit up in bed as soon as he heard a noise coming from the ladder to his loft. A woman climbed the remaining steps and stood there naked before him until he realized it was a desire demon, who had taken the form of…

"Cullen," she whispered, her raven hair and sapphire eyes holding his amber ones. "Come to me, Cullen!"

He swallowed taking in Beatrix's – no that wasn't her! – figure in, standing from the bed and looking wildly around for his weapon.

"You are not her!" He shouted. "Be gone, demon!" His weapon was gone, his armor non-existent. He struggled to close his eyes, to shut out the vision before him, but he could not.

"Now, Cullen! I am deeply hurt," the demon purred, a few inches away. "What will everyone say when they realize you wanted to attack the Inquisitor? I'm afraid you must be punished."

He hissed when he felt claws ripping at his shoulder, all the way down to his arm, the face of his Inquisitor now inches away from him. But that was not her! It was not his Beatrix.

"See what you've made me do?" the demon pouted. "I feel we have to teach you how to respect your loving Inquisitor."

"Not her," he groaned as she clawed at his abdomen, leaving deep slashes, the blood dripping to the floor fast.

He felt the nausea come over him and turned, falling to his knees and vomiting all over the floor. He blinked and turned back, but the demon was gone. He was covered in bile and vomit, but he crawled all the way to his sword and pulled it out from its sheath, holding it before him, his eyes wide and fearful as he stared into the darkness.

It would be dawn before he could finally get up and wash up all over again, praying to the Maker that it was over.

There were no slashes or wounds on his body when he checked so he realized he was, in fact, awake and also totally exhausted.

He finally sighed in relief, the pounding in his head very much diminished, but his hands were shaking uncontrollably as he made his way to bed again. After but a few moments, he fell into a deep, relaxing sleep holding Beatrix's letter as firmly as he could in his right hand.

…

The loud horns signaled the arrival of the Inquisitor and her Companions. Beatrix urged her horse into a gallop when she heard them.

She rode her horse over the bridge with haste, her companions close behind her. The afternoon sun was already low enough above her, heralding an early evening, and she was feeling elated because she was finally…home. Yes, it was home. And a day early, no less. She dismounted and nearly tripped over her feet with happiness, an all-consuming urge to see her Commander at last.

Without really noticing, she handed her horse to one of the stable boys, and rushed to the staircase that was near the stables which led directly to the battlements. She took the steps two at a time, and ran through one of the towers, her heart pounding. The next door was the door to his office.

She knocked and when she didn't hear his voice asking her to come in, she was a little puzzled. Opening the door, she peered inside. Cullen was at his desk, staring at a box on it, his forehead covered in sweat. He looked up with a frown. His eyes looked so sad, she wanted to cross the room and give him a hug. But the seriousness of his countenance made her stop short, and she closed the door behind her, walking towards the desk with a confused expression on her face.

He straightened and his hands fell on the pommel of his sword, his eyes glued to hers, unable to look away.

After an awkward silence, he cleared his throat.

"As leader of the Inquisition, there's something I have to tell you. What I have to tell you may also impact you…us. You might decide to end our relationship and I wouldn't blame you at all if you did."

Beatrix's eyes widened and she shook her head. "Nothing will end this. I certainly won't. And you can tell me anything."

Cullen's expression soften a bit, but Beatrix could see he was struggling to say something so she just waited patiently.

"As you well know, we've been securing lyrium for the templars here, and for the mages," Cullen said in a low voice. "But I, I no longer take it…"

"You've stopped?!" Beatrix exclaimed her voice an octave higher as she realized the implications. She knew very well what the withdrawals could do to a templar – Andras had shared that information with her a while back.

"I stopped when I left the Order and agreed to Cassandra's proposal to become the Commander of the Inquisition's forces. That was months ago."

"Cullen, this could kill you!" she exclaimed, the worry in her eyes making him lower his own.

"It hasn't yet." His voice was but a whisper, his eyes fixed on his desk.

Beatrix shuddered inwardly. This man before her was doing the impossible, had been doing it for months, and she realized all at once that he must be experiencing a great deal of pain, nightmares and even hallucinations. The tears came unbidden as she stood there looking at him.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her voice low and broken.

Cullen looked up quickly, dismayed to see her crying. He walked around the desk and took her in his arms.

"I am," he said, holding her tightly. "I didn't – I didn't mean for you to cry, I'm sorry."

"I know," she whispered. Stepping back she looked up into his eyes, the warmth usually there replaced by worry.

"I wanted you to know that Cassandra is watching me closely," he said, now holding her at arms' length. "If she sees that I cannot fulfill my promise, that I'm compromising the Inquisition in any way, she will replace me."

"I will stand beside you in this Cullen," Beatrix said resolutely. "I'll try to help you however I can. I respect what you are doing."

"Thank you, Beatrix, that means a lot to me," Cullen said. "But I can't help thinking that maybe you should find someone else. Someone less broken."

"I don't need someone else. I need you," she said simply, her arms holding him even tighter, bringing him close to her again. "And I'll continue to support you, whatever you decide to do."

Cullen gave a sigh of relief, and Beatrix felt his lips on the crown of her head as he kissed her gently. She stepped back a little, but still held him close. Sighing, she wiped her tears away.

"Welcome home," he whispered, lifting her chin and claiming her lips lovingly.

…

Cullen watched as she left the office after putting the letters she'd found in the Emerald Graves on his desk. He smiled, then his expression darkened and he shook his head. Even though he was happy she had supported his decision, he knew he had left out what had happened to him in Kinloch Hold. He had to tell her – he wanted to, but he didn't know how – didn't even know if he had the strength to explain the horrors he had been through.

Sighing, he focused on the letters. One of the scouts who served as a messenger of sorts walked up to his desk. He quickly wrote something off to Leliana, and handed his missive and the letters to the young man, confident that her spies would end up finding the Red Lyrium mine he so desperately wanted destroyed. After this he left his office, heading for the mess hall for dinner. Another messenger interrupted him along the way, handing him a missive from Beatrix, which invited him to partake of the meal in her quarters in half an hour.

Smiling, he pocketed the message and nodded to the messenger, turning to head back to his office and wash up.

This time, he would not be wearing his blasted armor.

…

Notes:

Yep, this is the end of the chapter! Why do cliffhangers have to be sad, violent, or evil anyway? Hehehe!