Chapter 11

NOTES:

A few more revelations! The party never ends! LOL!

Hope you enjoy this!

Kudos to my lovely beta LadyDarksbane as well! She is a gem and I will never stop thanking her for all her help!

As always, feedback is totally welcome! I'd love to know what you think!

…

After Beatrix's initial shock over seeing Cullen without his armor on and dressed in leather breeches and a white tunic that did nothing to hide his amazing broad shoulders or muscled biceps at all, she simply threw herself at him. Then she was kissing him with such a passion that Cullen moaned into her mouth and ground himself against her.

She separated at this, looking up at him, a bright red blush tinging her cheeks.

"You're adorable," Cullen whispered, his smirk making her knees turn to jelly.

"Please sit," she gestured at the sofa. The room smelled of dinner – goat chops and roasted potatoes, freshly-made bread…Cullen's stomach growled and Beatrix laughed as she uncovered the meal, served in two huge plates.

They started eating almost immediately, but he didn't take his eyes off her and Beatrix had a pink tinge to her cheeks embarrassed at what she must tell him. She pecked at her food, her hunger suddenly disappearing.

What if he found her unattractive after she told him? What if he chose to end it?

"Is something wrong, Beatrix?" Cullen asked as he drank his wine, his eyes fixed on her face.

"I – I'm fine," Beatrix sighed, warring with herself, her shyness making her angry.

"I can tell you aren't telling me something," Cullen said seriously but in a soft voice. "I won't press you any further."

"Ugh!" Beatrix suddenly said, flinging her fork and knife on the plate. They clattered and were instantly silent, almost as if they were afraid of augmenting her ire with the noise they made. "This fucking thought that I…"

Cullen had stopped eating and looked at her alarmed and she bristled at him instantly, her rage escalating at an increasing rate, until it was too much to handle.

She exploded.

"I'm a fucking virgin!" she screamed. "I've never done it before! Satisfied?"

Cullen, who was about to finish his meal, stopped midway, his fork inches away from his face, looking at her with wide eyes – unable to make a sound.

Beatrix got up, and started pacing the room, glaring at him every time she passed by, her anger rolling off her in waves.

"I'm scared shitless! And I don't want to be scared!" she continued to yell, finally coming to a halt and faced him, clenching and unclenching her fists. "So, fuck you if you decide to leave me!"

Gently and slowly, Cullen put down his fork. He stood up, and walked to stand directly in front of her, mere inches away.

"Beatrix," he began, his warm golden gaze staring deeply into her eyes. "It's alright. I – "

"No!" Beatrix said, taking several steps away. "It is NOT alright! What if this is unattractive to you? What if you –" her breathing hitched, and Cullen shook his head and again took several steps, reaching out for her.

Beatrix shut her eyes, melding herself into his embrace, her head resting on the top of his chest – right below his neck.

"I'm sorry," she said contritely, taking a big breath and releasing it. "I – I'm just so fucking unsure and afraid I'll do something wrong and you'll leave me."

Cullen chuckled at this, lifting her chin so her eyes met his.

"I'm not going to leave you," he said in a soft, but firm voice, looking at her tenderly. "We'll take it slowly. And I'm not going to push you into anything. I'll gladly wait until you're ready."

"You aren't disappointed?" Beatrix asked, her eyes wide.

"No, I'm not," Cullen said, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled at her. "How can I be disappointed when we're together? When you – you have accepted me into your life. I – I do have something to talk to you about, though. Something you must know. And I hope you're still by my side after I do." His hand caressed her face, taking a lock of her hair and tucking it behind her ear.

"It's Kinloch, right?" Beatrix whispered, her eyes worried and sad.

Cullen's eyes darkened. He nodded and stepped away.

"How did you – " Cullen began, but Beatrix reached out and put a finger on his lips, stopping him from saying anything else.

"Your expression changed whenever you mentioned Kinloch, or the Blight, back at Haven. I understood it was something I couldn't bring up – something that you hated telling me," Beatrix nearly whispered as she looked into his eyes.

"Maker's Breath," Cullen said, taking another deep breath. "Was I that transparent to you?"

"Not completely," Beatrix replied quickly with a smile. "I just tend to be very good at reading expressions. They were very brief. But I knew all the same that it was something terrible."

Cullen shook his head, sighing. "I – I became a terrible man afterwards. My life – changed. I changed."

"Do you…want to talk about it?" Beatrix asked, faltering slightly.

Cullen looked at her, his expression briefly unreadable to her. He nodded once and gestured to the love seat.

"I – I think we'd better sit down for this."

…

Varric introduced Hawke on the battlements, just a few towers away from Cullen's tower. They exchanged witty one-liners and Beatrix had to keep herself from flirting several times. He was dashing and roguishly handsome, which was one way to describe the former Champion of Kirkwall's good looks.

He was, however, all proper under that disarming smile and did not flirt with her once.

Beatrix reminded herself that there was a huge reason for his seemingly cold air when she asked about Anders. He had executed Anders, right then and there immediately after the Chantry exploded. Beatrix could see he was still haunted by it, even though he affirmed several times that he had done the right thing.

"It was largely Justice at the end, Inquisitor. Anders was hardly there. And the times he was, he was pleading for death as well. He couldn't take it anymore." Even though Hawke was standing straight and his arms were crossed over his chest, his voice calm and clear, Beatrix knew that he was still suffering.

She knew that he would never recover.

…

Crestwood was madness in the form of undead and demons that would not stop coming to attack the poor villagers. Beatrix was the angriest anyone in her team had ever seen her. She screamed all the curses she knew and invented quite a few as well.

It was apparent that the move to bring as many of her companions as she could had been a good one, because the demons and undead had seemed endless and Beatrix knew very well they would be fighting a lot more before the problem was solved.

They needed to drain the waters to get to the damned rift in the center of the lake that was causing the undead to attack the village. The mayor was nervous as he explained that the dam controls to empty the waters of the lake were no longer existent, because the darkspawn that had attacked the refugees and villagers had crushed it.

Beatrix narrowed her eyes and insisted she would take care of the bandits in the keep and hurried off to kill them all. She didn't stop until they crossed a bridge, which was really the top of the dam, and reached a tavern where a couple was in the throes of passion.

"Oh, for the Maker's sake! The last thing I needed was to run across this! Get a room already!" Beatrix yelled, scaring the young couple for life. She continued to grumble as Solas successfully hid a smile and Varric laughed outright. Cassandra pursed her lips and shook her head, but Varric could see she was trying hard not to laugh. He didn't say a word, however: The spat they had had over Hawke appearing suddenly in Skyhold when he had assured the Seeker that he didn't know Hawke's whereabouts, was still too fresh in his mind. The Iron Bull simply boomed out his laughter, while Dorian chuckled at the whole thing, shaking his head and saying something that sounded like 'how quaint the Southerners were".

As soon as they reached the room where the controls were, Beatrix stopped as she walked inside, her mouth slightly open as she stared in amazement at the perfectly fine waterwheel, alive and well.

"What the fuck is all the shit the mayor told us?" she asked no one in particular.

"Perhaps only the mayor can answer your question," Solas said, his voice sounding far too amused – something Beatrix had never heard coming from the serious mage before.

Cole suddenly appeared out of the thin air and scared her half to death. Cursing loudly she turned to face the blond-haired boy with the large hat.

"Cole! I keep telling you to stop doing that!" she grit her teeth together as Cole looked at her sadly.

Beatrix groaned inwardly. She liked the boy-spirit and hated to make him sad.

"I'm sorry," he began, but she held up her hand.

"No, Cole, I'm sorry. You have no need to apologize. I just get really upset when someone lies to me," Beatrix clenched her fists and unclenched them quickly.

"Guilt in this form, impossible to forget. Why must they drain the lake? Foolish to lie to them."

Beatrix said not another word, her face red and the anger in her eyes evident as she turned around, marching out of the tavern, leading her entire team back to the keep. A dragon flew overhead and she yelled at it.

"Of course! Of course! There has to be a dragon in this Maker-forsaken place! Fucking Crestwood! And why doesn't it ever stop raining? I fucking hate all this rain!"

"Boss are we fighting her? Please tell me we're fighting her!" Bull asked excitedly as he caught up with Beatrix.

"Yes, Bull. I think we are," Beatrix replied angrily. "But I have to kill the fucking mayor first!"

"And close the offending rift," Solas calmly said as he walked beside her on her left side, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

…

My darling Commander,

Crestwood is awful. There was a fucking rift in the middle of a lake and the demons and undead were coming from there. We managed to close the rift and help the people, but we still have a lot of work to do.

There are red templars here, and areas where the red lyrium is growing at an alarming rate. I also have to kill some wyverns that are bothering the people with their nightly walks around the area. As if that wasn't enough, there's a fucking dragon which has begun to attack the people. It fucking has to go, so we're going to help it go – right into the Animal Fade or wherever dead animals go.

Aside from that, it's just peachy. I met the warden and he is a former templar, who was stationed at the Kinloch Tower, but for a very short time. Perhaps you know him? His name is Alistair.

Warden Alistair told us that the Warden-Commander, a woman named Clarel, had made a deal with a stupid Tevinter mage and that they were up to no good. He said that the stupid Tevinter mage had Clarel hypnotized. She'd spoken to everyone about a ritual to go into the Deep Roads.

After I wondered out loud if the wardens had lost their minds, Alistair was quick to explain a reason of sorts. Apparently all the wardens under her command are hearing 'The Calling' – whatever the fuck that entails. As a result, they want to stop the Blight and in order to do this they have to breach the Deep Roads to find the Old Gods directly and kill them.

Yeah, it doesn't make sense at all – it's worse now that I see it written. In my opinion, the wardens have finally lost it.

So there is a lot of work as you can see.

I'll probably continue to clean up Crestwood.

There's a lot of cleaning up to do.

In the meantime, Hawke and Alistair will be heading towards the fucking Western Approach, which is where the wardens all are. Tell Leliana that she was right. I wish I was there for her 'I told you so' look.

I miss you terribly, my darling. In your arms everything is wonderful and all the bad things disappear as if by magic. I keep remembering your kisses – your gentle touch.

Keep away from the damn lyrium and please remember that you are always in my heart as I hope I am in yours.

I can't wait to be back, safely in your arms.

Your,

Beatrix

…

Cullen groaned and rubbed his hands across his face as he looked at Leliana first and then Josephine. The Spymaster had just finished reading the missive Beatrix sent her and the Ambassador out loud, which was exactly like the one Cullen had in his breast pocket, except for the romantic parts.

"She's probably killed it already, Commander," Leliana supplied helpfully a wide smile on her face as she watched him snap his head in her direction. He scowled and then sighed immediately afterwards.

"And I'll probably hear an 'I told you so' coming from you as well?" he remarked dryly, his head now turned to the huge map in front of them, his cheeks tinged with pink.

"Nonsense, Commander," Leliana's voice reached him. It was pleasant, but he swore he could hear a smirk in there. "Do not worry about the Inquisitor. She's taken almost all her companions with her and I've sent my best scouts to the keep. There are also some soldiers there that can help her out."

"She shouldn't be risking her life like this!" Cullen said angrily, his eyes flashing as he regarded Leliana whose smile had now turned into a wide, wolfish grin.

Josephine, who had been silent through all this, suddenly saw an opportune time to speak.

"You both look adorable together, did you know that?" the Antivan had stopped writing and even though her quill was in the air, it was poised in her hand like a bird ready to dive down to the parchment on the clipboard.

Cullen clenched his jaw, his eyes closing briefly as he struggled to get a grip. When he spoke his voice sounded calm, but what he said sent Leliana and Josephine into bursts of giggles and laughter.

"I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about Ambassador. There's a lot of work waiting for me…um…at my office."

He waited for the laughter to stop, glaring at them both.

"Is there anything else?" he said through clenched teeth, his hands grasping the pommel of his sword tightly.

Leliana started laughing again in reply, followed by Josephine's giggles.

Cullen scowled as he turned, then reached the door and opened it, slamming it behind him.

And even though the doors were built of solid oak wood, he could still hear their damn laughter following him as he walked away.

…

Beatrix clenched and unclenched her fists as she regarded Livius Erimond. He had been prattling on about all the things they would do – meaning he now had the warden mages under his control. Once he explained his plan and talked proudly about it, she felt like she would scream if she didn't hit something fast.

"So you're not only a Tevinter magister, but a dickhead as well?" she interrupted his endless chattering, in spite of the fact that a dozen mages under his control were each accompanied by a demon. "You stupid, mother-fucking twit."

Alistair blinked at her, his eyes wide with surprise. He didn't know her well, but he was starting to.

Erimond narrowed his eyes at her and they flashed angrily.

Beatrix smiled.

"You have NO need to use that language, Inquisitor," he said angrily. "My Master prepared me for you, if you came poking your stupid inquisitive little nose into our business."

"Ah, yes," Beatrix now cackled. "Your business of raising a demon army. I became quite acquainted with the whole idea in Redcliffe. It's fucking terrible, if you ask me."

Erimond's face was so red now, it was purple. "You little bitch!" he murmured, flinging his hand out, a reddish hue rushing forward and hitting Beatrix squarely in the chest, making her kneel and cry out in pain. "You see, my Master can overcome you easily. We will make sure that you and your pitiful Inquisition are crushed and my Master will – "

Beatrix felt her mark reacting as she gasped for air, then slowly straightened, her left hand raised. A single green beam shot forward, hitting Erimond with such a force, he toppled over and fell to the ground, breathing heavily.

"You will be arrested and put on trial, you fucking twit!" she practically screamed at him. "Release the wardens now before I kill you!"

Erimond rose swiftly to his feet, and before anyone could react, hobbled away through a back door of the ritual chamber, giving the mages a final order:

"Kill them!"

The battle was abrupt and chilling, as the demons lunged forward and the mages cast their spells. Beatrix blended into the shadows, reappearing and disappearing as she always did, her daggers quick and merciless as she slashed the enemy.

Since they had left Bull, Dorian and Cole behind in Crestwood so they could take care of the dragon along with a number of scouts and soldiers, they were vastly outnumbered as the wardens summoned forth even more demons. Cassandra was trying to keep her shield out to protect her, but Beatrix's disappearing act was doing more harm than good. Varric fired bolt after bolt, trying hard not to inadvertently hit Hawke, who was standing directly in front of him, casting spell after spell. As for Alistair, he was doing a fantastic job on his own, and had already felled two mages.

Beatrix buried her daggers in the back of a rage demon, saving Cassandra's life and the Seeker turned, only to yell at Beatrix to watch out, her eyes wide open in alarm.

It was too late for Beatrix to turn and stop the attack, and the shade behind her sank its claws deeply into her back. Beatrix's eyes widened slightly in surprise, then then she went down.

Cassandra cursed and rushed to her, but one of the demons stood directly in front of her. Solas eliminated it with ease and killed two more mages while he was at it, the flames burning them to a crisp. They reached the end of the battle after a long while, totally exhausted. Even so, they all huddled closely as they formed a circle around Beatrix, who didn't move at all. There was a lot of blood on the ground under and around her.

Too much blood.

"We'll go see where Erimond went," Alistair supplied quickly, gesturing to Hawke who nodded at him. "There's an abandoned Warden fortress – Adamant. I'm betting he headed over there. It must be where the rest of the wardens are."

"We'll take the Inquisitor back to Skyhold then," Cassandra said, looking as Solas who was now kneeling before her.

"I can heal her injuries," Solas announced, "but she has lost a lot of blood. She will need rest and time to recuperate."

They all cast worried looks at each other, wishing things had not ended so badly. Hawke and Alistair nodded and walked off towards the general direction of Adamant, and Solas cast a spell to lift the Inquisitor and carry her in his arms, while Varric helped as well. They walked to their horses and got ready for their journey back to Skyhold.

…

The horns signaling the arrival of the Inquisitor and her team took Cullen by surprise. He left the tower and hurried to the battlements, catching the party climbing towards the outer gates. His eyes blinked twice.

As they came closer, he noticed that one of the horses didn't have a rider on it, and was being led by one of Leliana's scouts, who had probably met them at the outer gates. He could see three horses, but he couldn't see Beatrix, and the horse the scout was leading looked like her favorite horse. His heart started thumping when he saw Cassandra carrying someone on her horse.

Breaking into a run, he scrambled down the stairs, two at a time, his chest heaving heavily when he arrived at the front gate. He then ran across the bridge and met them halfway.

"Cullen, we need to get her to her room, and a healer to look at her," Cassandra said, her voice breaking with worry.

He nodded as he took her in his arms. She looked as white as sheet and was covered in sweat – cold sweat as he discovered when he brushed her hair away from her face.

"What…happened?" he asked in a broken voice.

"A shade attacked her. You will have my full report immediately, Cullen," Cassandra replied.

Cullen turned and carried her gently in his arms, the fear squeezing his heart and making it even harder to breathe. He quickly walked back the way he came, climbing up the stairs to his tower, where he could easily access the main hall without running into all the people that filled the courtyard at this time of the day.

He quickly stopped a scout along the way to the door to her quarters, aware of the nobles who had begun to whisper as soon as they saw who he was carrying. He asked the young man to get a healer, as well as the elven aide who regularly attended Beatrix. Suppressing a troubled sigh, he ordered one of the guards to open the door to her chamber and carried her gently all the way up the stairs, finally arriving to the door that opened into her quarters. The guard stationed there opened it quickly for him and closed it after he stepped inside.

He crossed the room, lying her on the bed carefully, his eyes brimming with unshed tears as he took in how dreadfully still she was.

Crossing the room he quickly had a roaring fire burning in the fireplace. There was a knock on the door and the healer and the Inquisitor's personal aide rushed inside.

"Commander if you will?" the healer said patiently, as she addressed Cullen, who was standing there, trying to keep the tears from falling. "I need to be alone with my patient. We'll bathe her and put her into comfortable clothes, Ser."

"Of – of course," he muttered, turning and leaving the room. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and leaned against the wall, the tears suddenly falling from his eyes quickly. He could say that he was very fond of her. Or that he adored her, but as he waited for the healer to appear, he knew for sure that none of this was true.

The fact of the matter was that he was deeply in love with Beatrix. So in love with her in fact, that no matter what his brain told him – that she would be fine, that the worse had been stopped, that she was safe – fear still gripped his heart and left him feeling defeated and angry at the same time.

He swore to himself then and there that he personally would try to accompany her on her missions.

He would never leave her alone in the face of danger again. Not while he drew breath.

…

Cullen received Cassandra's report while he was waiting on news from Beatrix's chamber. He shook uncontrollably when he was done reading, and forced himself to pace as he waited.

He was relieved when he finally heard from the healer herself that she would be fine. He made it a point to thank Solas, for the elven mage had certainly saved her life.

Stepping inside the room, he approached her huge bed, as the aide smiled briefly at him, inclining her head. He gave her a small smile back, and sat right beside Beatrix, his shaking hand once again brushing away an errant lock that had drifted to the front of her face.

Since he knew he wouldn't move from her side, he turned towards the elven girl asking her if she could have someone bring the work he had left on his desk. The young woman nodded and curtseyed, leaving the room immediately. Cullen then saw Leliana and the Ambassador's worried faces as they approached the bed.

He was surprised to see Leliana bending over her and pressing a kiss on the crown of her head. The Spymaster straightened and took a step back, knowing full well that Cullen had a lot of questions to ask. Just before he spoke, however, she started speaking and he listened, his eyes fixed on her face.

"Lena Mahariel, who died when she killed the Archdemon was close to my heart. She didn't pursue a romantic relationship with me though. Zevran, an ex-Crow who traveled with us, had already bewitched her. I was happy for her even so," Leliana said softly, pausing for a while, her eyes staring directly ahead at something she could only see as she relived the past. Josephine stepped closer to her, a hand pressed on her back, trying to comfort her.

"Lena had a terrible temper," Leliana chuckled, the mirth unsurprisingly missing from her laughter. "She would swear in Elvish and in the common tongue almost constantly. She often got into trouble because of the language she used. I even learned a lot of Elvish swear words from her."

She paused for a moment, sighing briefly. "Lena always spoke her mind. She often blurted things out without thinking. I had to learn how to control myself from bursting out laughing as she often did this in the most serious situations."

The Spymaster swallowed thickly and willed herself to keep the tears from falling.

"I miss her to this very day," she said, her voice almost a whisper. "Beatrix Trevelyan reminds me so much of her."

Cullen let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding back as Leliana turned to look at him. They both said what they had to say with their eyes.

"I'm glad you two are together, Cullen," Leliana finally spoke, her voice cold and distant, even though her eyes shone with warmth and happiness. "You will make her the happiest woman in Thedas."

She squeezed his arm and turned to Josie, who put her arms around her, hugging her before they both turned to leave.

When they were gone, Cullen turned back to Beatrix, who was breathing evenly. There was more color in her cheeks, even though she was still too pale for comfort.

Sighing to himself, he took her hand and prayed to the Maker for her speedy recovery.

Because praying to the Maker was what he always did – his faith leading him onwards, crushing the fear and conquering the doubts that lay before him.

…

Notes:

This is why Leliana behaves differently towards Beatrix, Flaminea.