Chapter 12

Notes:

There is a small part in this chapter that is a bit NSFW, but yeah, not much. However, it is rather spicy, so fair warning! :P

Thanks so much for all your lovely comments and feedback! Once again I want to thank my lovely beta, LadyDarksbane.

As always, your feedback is important to me, so I appreciate each and every comment on this chapter! I'm dying to know what you all think! :D

...

I didn't know where I was, but the place was amazing. Lovely trees, branches blowing in the wind, and a beautiful lake in the distance with a stream directly in front of me that led to the lake. Birds were singing, butterflies were flying around and the sky was an impossibly breathtaking blue color, not a cloud in sight. I walked towards the stream and it didn't feel like I was walking at all. It felt like I was gliding.

The grass was luscious, velvety soft and a deep green hue I had never seen. I sank to my knees, touching the grass and watching it spring back where I put my hands and took them away. I was mesmerized.

At that very moment, I lifted my gaze and saw a great black wolf looking at me across the stream. I was startled and felt like getting up and running away in the opposite direction, but my whole body seemed to be paralyzed. The beast paced back and forth, never taking its eyes off me. After a few moments it sat on its haunches, just staring at me intently.

It had beautiful eyes that looked blue from where I sat. They were very bright.

I felt myself relaxing, even though I very much wanted to stand and move away, I could not. The wolf started to pant, its great tongue hanging out as it continued to watch, observing my every move. Even though I felt the desire to run, I instinctively knew it wouldn't harm me. It couldn't cross the stream and I was safe.

But was I safe? I tried to focus on something – something that was important and that I had forgotten. I had known how to be safe somewhere else, but could not remember how or where.

A low voice behind me made me start.

"Inquisitor."

I turned expecting to see a man, but it was a woman. She was dressed all in white and was beautiful. Her eyes were not blue as I expected them to be. They were a bright yellow, as yellow as the sun that shone in the sky. She stood there smiling and I stared, taking in as many details as I could, as if I wanted to memorize how she looked. I didn't know why it was important that I should remember her. The woman said nothing else and a breeze suddenly made the leaves in the tree branches rustle. Very briefly I turned my head. Leaves were falling. They were bright yellow. I turned back to look at the woman and blinked.

She was gone.

When I turned to look at the wolf across the stream, it was gone as well.

"Beatrix," a man called. "Beatrix come back to me, please!"

I knew that voice.

If I could only remember who it was!

I looked around wildly, but there was no one there. The sun continued to shine and I lifted my face to it, basking in the warm heat for a time.

There were no troubles here; nothing bad around me, no great wolf, no lady in white. Nothing but myself.

Nothing but peace.

I suddenly felt very carefree and rejoiced at my total freedom. But when I opened my eyes and sat back up, I saw the great wolf again. It was not on the other side of the stream. It was approaching me at a slow pace. Careful and slow, without a making a sound, it padded towards me – its eyes never leaving mine.

I felt a jolt of fear hold me in place, and I was once again paralyzed and could not move. And suddenly, very suddenly, I heard a voice whisper urgently in my ear.

"Wake up!"

…

Beatrix opened her eyes wide, feeling a weight on her arm. When she looked down, she could see Cullen's head on it. He had fallen asleep on her arm and was snoring softly.

She smiled as she watched him. Still golden even in the moonlight, streaks of silver light and darkness on his face and arms. He looked so young…much younger than when he was awake. She didn't want to disturb his rest, but her whole arm had fallen asleep and she had to move.

He stirred when she tried to move her hand, and soon enough opened his eyes, confused at first at what he was seeing. Then he jolted up, faster than she'd ever seen him move, but soon after she saw a brief glint of realization in his eyes and he gave a deep sigh of relief.

"Maker! Beatrix!" he rasped out, before gathering her up in his arms, holding her to his chest as closely as he could. He wasn't wearing his breastplate and she was grateful for it. She felt him tremble and her grip tightened, as if wanting to reassure him that she was fully awake and unharmed.

"Cullen," she croaked, feeling incredibly thirsty. "How long?"

"Three days," he whispered, pulling himself away slowly – reluctance etched into every movement he made.

"No wonder I'm so parched," she replied, trying to lick her lips and bring some moisture to them.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" came his reply as he shot up from the chair he had been sitting on, pieces of parchments and what looked like reports fluttering to the floor. He appeared not to notice and Beatrix followed his movements to the fireplace first where he stoked the fire, adding another heavy log to it so that the room got warmer. Then he walked to the desk and filled one of the tumblers there with water from a large pitcher, turned and walked back to her, finally handing out the glass gently for her to drink.

Beatrix looked gratefully up at him and smiled briefly before drinking some of the water.

"Just a little bit at a time," he said tenderly, then took the glass away from her lips. She protested, but he ignored her protests with a smile. Setting the glass down carefully on the floor, he proceeded to pick up the parchments and did not sit back down until he had gathered them all up and placed them on a small table next to the bed. Then, he picked up the glass of water again and allowed her to take a few more sips.

Beatrix smiled as she drank, her eyes now taking in Cullen's clean-shaven appearance. For the first time since their first encounter in Haven, Cullen didn't have a single hair on his face.

"What happened to your stubble?"

Cullen's hand immediately shot to his face and she saw a light blush spreading along his cheeks before he replied. She stopped herself from smiling, but then shook her head and chuckled, unable to contain herself.

"Oh, I can – um – shave a little better here without so many interruptions," he replied a smile on his lips once he was done talking.

"You stayed here for three days?" she asked, barely conscious of her eyes widening slightly.

Cullen's hand automatically flew to the back of his neck, rubbing it vigorously before replying. She smiled again. Even though they were already in a relationship of sorts, she still loved the way he got so flustered when he talked to her.

It was very endearing, to say the least.

"Um, I brought my work here. But I was really worried about you and wasn't able to do much. Solas has been here to see you every day. He didn't understand why you hadn't woken up yet. Physically, you were healed and everything was fine. I was really desperate tonight, before I fell asleep. I called out for you, begging you to return…"

Beatrix frowned slightly as she remembered her dream. The voice calling out to her! Now she knew it was Cullen. How could she not have recognized his voice in the Fade? Very briefly she remembered the wolf and the lady in white. What did they want? Why were they there? She didn't even know them, did she?

"Beatrix?" Cullen's voice broke through her reverie. "Are you alright?"

The worry in his eyes prompted her to throw her arms around him.

"I'm sorry! It's just that I had this weird dream. I heard you calling out to me, I think," she paused, leaning back so she could look at him.

"Well, if it helped you to come back, then I'm glad," he murmured, his smile disappearing as soon as his lips touched hers.

The kiss was gentle, but there was love and longing in it. Beatrix opened her lips slightly, deepening the kiss. Cullen moaned before complying and she leaned forward, moving so she was straddling his lap.

Cullen broke the kiss off, staring deeply into her eyes. His eyes were dark with desire and longing, and he was breathing heavily.

"I may not be able to control myself," he said with difficulty.

"Maybe I don't want you to control herself," she whispered back.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her in a husky voice.

"I could have died Cullen. You could die tomorrow. We both could die. We're living in such dangerous times!" Beatrix began, but he kissed her again, interrupting her words.

Beatrix felt like she would burst if he carried on, his hands now seemingly everywhere at once, caressing her gently. She felt her breath quicken, and she dug her fingers into his hair, raking over his scalp. There was desperation in the gesture, making Cullen growl as he kissed her back with equal intensity. One of his hands found her breast over her tunic, and he squeezed gently, tweaking her nipple immediately afterwards. She mewled at his touch, unable to break away. She was panting as she looked deeply into his eyes, her desire fueled even more by the passionate look on his face.

"Are you ready for this? Are you sure?" Cullen asked again in a husky voice, the kind of voice that made her knees go weak, that made her desire his touch very badly. His eyes were holding hers intently. His hands – oh Maker his hands! Beatrix arched up as both his hands touched her breasts now, over her tunic.

"I am, please, Cullen!" she managed, her whole body yearning for his.

She had never felt this way before, and she was both in awe and lit up by pure passion, her gasps and low moans eliciting hums of appreciation from him as he kissed her cheek, then her neck: His tongue laving gently over the small nips he bestowed upon her neck, making her mewl each time. His hands slowly traveled to her hips, pressing them with an urgency that made her gasp with pleasure, grinding her to him.

And then, she felt his arousal, hard and thick, pressing into her very core. Even though Cullen still had his breeches on, she could distinctly feel it and she paused, breaking away from his kisses and leaning away slightly.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately, the concern in his voice making her almost kiss him again.

Almost.

She felt herself blush and shook her head, giving him a shy smile.

The smile he gave her was enough to make her melt, but she still felt shy as she looked at him under her lashes.

"I told you, love," he said then, his finger and thumb lifting her chin gently so her eyes met his. His golden gaze fixed on her sapphire ones. "We can go slowly. We won't do anything you don't want to do."

Her breath hitched.

"What did you just say?"

He had called her 'love'. The thrill and joy she was feeling at this moment was nothing she had ever felt before. She blinked back the tears of happiness and waited for his reply.

"I said we can go slowly – "

"Before that!" she interrupted, a myriad of feelings making her want to get up and dance around the room wildly.

"Oh," Cullen smirked, his eyes gentle and loving. "I called you 'love'."

Beatrix was glad she was kneeling, but felt her knees turn to jelly all the same. She melted. Nobody had ever called her that before.

Whatever happened after this, it didn't matter. She would always remember the first time her Commander called her 'love'.

"Did you mean it?" she asked in a soft voice, her eyes now looking down, too shy or frightened to see what was in his eyes.

But Cullen once again lifted her chin, so that his eyes met hers.

"Yes," he almost whispered. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. I love you Beatrix Anna Trevelyan. With my whole heart and soul. I swear to you that I will always be here to protect you from the Fade itself if necessary. You are the most wonderful woman I have ever known. The Maker has truly blessed me."

And Beatrix Anna Trevelyan felt the tears start to fall as she fell into his open arms and held him close, a prayer of thanks on her lips and a song of true happiness in her heart.

…

Cullen held her close, stroking her soft, silky hair and he made a conscious decision. He would take his dear time for her no matter what his body wanted. She was special and he wanted to make her feel special. At the moment, she was still vulnerable and had only just woken from three days of what, he didn't know. All he knew was that he would not take advantage of her current vulnerability.

"I think I should go downstairs to the kitchens to get you something to eat?" Cullen said in a whisper as he held her.

Beatrix's stomach gave a growl at his suggestion and Cullen grinned and chuckled.

"Don't take too long!" she asked.

"Never," he replied, bending down to kiss her again, very gently this time.

He stood up as soon as he could and went down the stairs heading towards the kitchens. There was, of course, no one around. He only met the guards doing their nightly shift. It was, however, close to dawn.

And as soon as he arrived at the kitchens, the smell of freshly baked bread reached him and his mouth watered.

The cook eyed him with a scowl on her face, but he knew that she had a soft spot both for him and the Inquisitor.

"Mistress Natinia, I hope you fare well?" Cullen said, bowing before her.

Instantly, the cook giggled and nodded, a blush settling on her rosy cheeks.

"Ye donna have to use that tone with me," she responded. "Yer hungry, take what you want and be done with it!"

"I need two today," Cullen hurried to say, a question on his face and in his eyes.

The cook's blue eyes widened slightly, blurting out her next words. "Two? Whateva for?"

"Um…" Cullen began, not wishing to give the impression that he was with the Inquisitor or – Maker forbid – that he had spent the night in the Inquisitor's quarters.

"Ack, go on! Take what yer need," the cook scolded.

Cullen let out a sigh of relief and got two lovely freshly baked rolls, some sweet jam and butter, eggs and pieces of bacon. Then turned to get a pitcher of hot water and some tea. He carefully placed everything on a large tray, then bowed before the cook once again, thanking her for her kindness. Balancing the tray in his hands, he turned to leave and headed towards the door.

"And say 'ello to the Inquisitor," the cook called gaily behind him.

Miraculously, Cullen did not drop the tray he was holding, but he did feel his blush extending well past his neckline. He pursed his lips and clutched the tray, leaving the kitchens behind, the cook's hearty laughter following him all the way to the main hall.

…

Hawke and Alistair arrived from the Western Approach three days later. By then, Beatrix was waiting anxiously for news, and was totally bored of being in Skyhold with hardly anything to do except hack the training dummies to pieces.

She rushed towards them, but stopped short when she saw how exhausted both of them looked.

"Inquisitor," Hawke gave her a small smile. Alistair raised his hand in greeting, but didn't speak. The bags under their eyes spoke volumes for her and she nodded to each of them, dimpling a wide smile.

"We'll hold a meeting tomorrow early in the morning, so you can let everyone know what you found," she said, hoping she conveyed her thanks in the look she was giving them both.

"And here I thought I would drop dead from exhaustion in the 'meeting room' Hawke was so eagerly telling me about," Alistair quipped. "A pity."

"I shan't keep you from hot baths and sleep," Beatrix chuckled, "even though I'm anxious to know what you've found."

"Thank the Maker for that," Hawke muttered as he made his way towards the stairs that his tired feet would take him to. Alistair followed closely behind, having been assigned to the same quarters, two beds in each of the floors of the leftmost tower in the keep.

Beatrix sighed as she watched them go. She was still bored, but that changed once she turned back to where the dummies were. It was then that she noticed with dismay and a little trepidation that there were no dummies left.

Cassandra was going to kill her.

…

The meeting room was now nearly filled to capacity, Beatrix and all her companions as well as her advisors, waiting for Hawke and Alistair to fill them in with the latest news from the Approach.

The two men, at present, were in a match of sorts that had Beatrix rolling her eyes, and Varric snickering loudly behind her

"You go first!" Alistair hissed again.

"No!" Hawke nearly shouted, then dropping his voice to a whisper. "I'm telling you, it's YOU that has to go first! You're the warden not I!"

This went on for a few more minutes until Cullen cleared his throat loudly. Both men stopped and turned to look at the Commander, who was holding tightly onto the pommel of his sword, his angry glare making them both take a step back.

The result to all this was a bit of an accident, for when Alistair stepped back, he unknowingly and very unwillingly stepped on Sera's foot.

"Shite!" came the yell from the potty-mouthed rogue, scaring Alistair half to death and making him start apologizing to her over and over again as she continued to swear, jumping up and down on her other foot. "Those. Boots. Steel, yeah?" Sera said with every jump, the rest of her companions shushing her one way or another. Cassandra turned an angry glare at her and the elf stuck her tongue out at the Seeker. The whole room erupted into giggles and laughter, except for Cassandra, Cullen and Beatrix, who had been biting the insides of her cheeks the whole time this was happening. She knew, however, that she would have to ask them all to keep quiet and be serious.

Besides, if she didn't do something soon to keep busy, she would soon start killing things from boredom.

"If you please," Beatrix said loudly over the din in the room and Sera's swearing. "We need to hear what Hawke and Alistair have to say! Unless you want us to fail to stop the demon army! I'm sure THAT will go over really well!"

The noise and even Sera's cussing quieted down immediately, but she still glared at Alistair, muttering dark threats at the back of his head.

"We were ambushed by darkspawn on the way to Adamant, Inquisitor," Hawke said after realizing that Alistair was still too flustered to speak. But we finally did arrive at our destination, although much later than we hoped." Hawke turned to Alistair who cleared his throat.

"Yes, uh," the Warden began, looking at Beatrix. "There is a very large group of Wardens at Adamant Fortress. We did manage to spy quite a bit and saw Erimond there. The bad news is that he is continuing to bind all the mages he can. We personally saw one of the rituals taking place."

Silence met the Warden's first words. Beatrix shook her head, her eyes clearly asking Alistair to continue.

"Erimond and some of Venatori are holed up there in the fortress as well. They are indeed making a demon army."

"We must stop them somehow," Beatrix nearly shouting and her eyes flashing angrily for a few moments.

Cullen, in the meantime, was handed a map of the area by Leliana. "My scouts have mapped the fortress as best they could. We should be able to take a look and I'm sure they'll send messages to update this map. We can plan ahead."

"But if they are already forming their demon army, there may be no time to even plan," Beatrix shook her head, a deep sigh escaping her.

Cullen, who had been focusing on the map, suddenly jerked his head up, his eyes twinkling. Beatrix immediately knew that he had a good idea and waited for him to speak.

"These walls are ancient. A few trebuchets should do the work," he smiled. "As well as ladders to invade the battlements as soon as we arrive."

"And we're lucky," Josephine happily said. "We've just received trebuchets from two very illustrious families that support our cause."

Beatrix clapped her hands at this, her eyes twinkling as she dimpled at Ambassador first and then the Commander.

"I love the way you think, Commander."

Leliana giggled to this and then held a gloved hand over her lips immediately after. Cullen scowled, but Beatrix once again spoke, allowing Cullen some time to calm down.

"Bull," she said turning to the Qunari, who looked fondly down at her.

"Yeah, boss," he said, ready and eager to help.

"Do you think that Rocky could help bringing down the walls?"

"Oh, yeah. Rocky will make anything in Thedas explode," Bull replied with a grin. "I'll speak to him right after the meeting."

"Excellent! Make sure all the Chargers meet with the Commander and you. I want you to devise a plan of where and when to hit, using the trebuchets and Rocky's concoctions."

Cullen smiled, nodding as his eyes met the Iron Bull's. "We'll be ready, Inquisitor."

"Excellent. Then I must ask that you start planning on the road. We leave at first light tomorrow," Beatrix said crisply. "If we tarry any longer, we may not have a winning chance against all the demons Erimond will let through."

"I agree," Cassandra commented, steely determination in her eyes. "We will not fail, Inquisitor!"

"There is no option for failure," Beatrix replied with a frown, her eyes hard. "For if we do, the whole of Thedas will be razed by Corypheus and his demon army. We cannot and will not allow this to happen!"

A brief pause followed and then she spoke again, her clear, fearless, and steady voice filling the room.

"We cannot let Thedas die!"

…