Chapter 22

Arnold's Valentine

Helga was freaking out. She was trapped in pitch darkness in this tight little place, which was even more crowded now that the couch also occupied it. She had no light to see by so she couldn't even see if she had grabbed the right sheet of paper. Worst of all, the blasted remote was out in his room! How on earth was she supposed to get out without his finding out?

"Hey, Gerald, wasn't the couch out when we left?"

"I don't think so. It was in when I came up."

"If you say so," Arnold said, flipping the couch out again.

Now Helga had a little more room, but not by much.

"Alright, now finish reading that letter."

"That's the end of it."

"I thought there was another page?"

"I know, so did I! Where'd it go?"

"Wow, Arnold! Your secret admirer strikes again!"

"Come on, Gerald, we probably just misplaced it. Or maybe it didn't exist in the first place."

"Whatever. Who do you think wrote it?"

"Cecile."

"Who?!"

"Cecile. You know, my French pen pal."

"I thought she went back to France."

"Not the real Cecile. The…other one."

"Huh?"

"Didn't I ever tell you what happened that Valentine's Day?"

"No."

"Good grief. Okay. You know how I used to love that sixth grader, Ruth?"

"Oh, yeah. Whatever happened to her?"

"I'll tell you if you be quiet. Well, that one time we had to make Valentine's Day cards in class I made one for Ruth, asking her to meet 'anonymous' at Chez Pierre for dinner."

"Yeah. A sixth grader's really gonna go on a date with a fourth grader."

"Yeah, but she didn't know I was a fourth grader. Anyway, then I got a letter from my pen pal Cecile saying that she was coming over from France and that she wanted me to go with her to Chez Paris on Valentine's Day."

"Oh, yeah, I remember this. And you had to run back and forth between the restaurants to try to keep both of the girls happy."

"Right!"

"Okay, but I don't really know what went on inside the restaurants. You know?"

"Well, Ruth just turned out to be a spoiled brat who thought of nothing but her hair."

"And Cecile?"

"Well…let's just say…"

"Lila's got competition?"

"You don't get it, Gerald! There wouldn't be a competition! Cecile was the most beautiful, funny, nice, caring girl I've ever met in my entire life! I'd give up Lila in a heartbeat over her!"

Helga's heart skipped a beat. Arnold didn't know of course, but she and Cecile were one and the same.

"So what happened?"

"Basically I just kept switching restaurants. I had a really good time with Cecile, and I learned that Ruth was an overrated no-brainer."

"Gee, I wonder what I kept telling you. She's in sixth grade! You're in fourth! You could never be together!"

"I know that now. But then I was really disappointed. I went back to Cecile, and I guess she could tell I was upset cause she asked me what was wrong. So, I told her that there was a girl who I liked, but I just figured out that she wasn't really all she was meant to be. Cecile was really understanding. She said, I'll never forget this, she said 'Maybe she is not the girl for you. Maybe the girl for you is someone you didn't expect. After all, the most beautiful gift can come in the plainest box'."

"Where'd she get that jazz?"

"I don't know. I guess she thought it up."

"Weird. So, then what happened?"

"Well, at some point Cecile said that she really liked me and wanted to know if I liked her back."

"And you said yes?"

"No, I said I had to go do something and went back to Chez Pierre cause it had been awhile since I had switched restaurants."

"Arnold, you're never gonna get her to keep liking you if you won't answer her stupid question!"

"I know. When I got back to Chez Paris she was standing outside the restaurant, and I'm pretty sure she knew what was going on with Ruth and all. She got really mad and threw the red sandals she was wearing at me and then…then the real Cecile showed up."

"Huh?"

"This other girl came up and said that she was Cecile. Then you came."

"And I took the real Cecile off your hands. I remember now. Nice girl but…I've seen better."

"Yeah, like Phoebe."

"Well…that's beside the point. What became of you and the fake Cecile? Who was she?"

"Well…I don't really know."

"YOU DON'T KNOW?!"

"After you guys left, she was just really shy and nervous and stuff, and we weren't really sure what to do, so we both bent to pick up her shoes at the same time, and we both ended up picking up one shoe, and then I asked her who she was…"

"And?"

"She said 'I can't tell you'."

"But you demanded her to, right?"

"No. If she didn't want to tell me, she didn't have to. I could tell she wanted to keep it a secret. So, I asked if I would ever see her again, and she said probably. But I wasn't sure, so I took her hand and told her that this was the best Valentine's Day I had ever had."

"Man, you're so corny."

"And she said that it was her's too but that she had to go," Arnold went on, ignoring Gerald. "So I told her that we would always have Chez Paris. Then I kissed her."

"You WHAT?!"
"On the hand!"

"Still! Arnold, you're nine!"

"Too bad."

"Arnold, you're crazy. Can you name one kid who's ever been kissed before in our whole class?"

"Curly kissed Rhonda. On the lips. Twice."

"Yes, but Curly's a psycho freak who hatched out of an egg from Mars. You can kind of expect those things from him. But not from you. You're different."

"I've been kissed twice."

"Arnold, you're crazy! I know I already said that, but it's true. You're crazy."

"Gee, thanks."

"Who kissed you?"

"Helga."

"HELGA?!"

"Helga."

"Helga?"

"Helga."

"You mean the Helga?"

"I only know of one."

"Helga G. Pataki?"

"Yeah. What's your point?"

"Arnold, Helga wouldn't do something like that. In case you haven't noticed…SHE HATES YOU! She's constantly picking on you! Her goal in life is to make you miserable! And now you tell me that she kissed you?! When was this?"

"Don't get so excited. They weren't really 'real'. They were both acting. She kissed me for that Romeo and Juliet play and when we won this sandcastle thing, and the prize was to be on this show, and that was part of the script."

"You had me worried there for a second. But that would have been stupid if I thought she kissed you for real. She's too mean to do anything like that."

"How come you always have to take everything out on her?" Arnold asked.

"What do you mean?"

"How come whenever I even mention her you start going on and on about how mean she is?"

"Because she is."

"She's not really! She just has unsolved conflicts to work out, only she doesn't know what to do about them, so she takes them out on people."

"She takes them out on you!"

"Well, yeah…"

"And all this stuff about unsolved junk is just psychology garbage. It doesn't mean anything. Helga is a mean, evil, cruel bully, and that's all there is to it."

"You know what, Gerald? Maybe you should try to get to know someone before you decide that they're mean. Helga's not mean. She just acts mean for some reason. I'm sure of it."

"Man, Arnold, how come you're always sticking up for her?"

"Because someone has to when she's being unrightfully judged."

"Whatever. You can think whatever you want, Arnold. It might not make any sense, but you can still think it. Besides, we're getting off subject."

"Right. What were we even talking about?"

"Cecile. And your letter."

"Oh, yeah. So, I kissed her, and then she just kind of left. And I've never seen her since."

"You let her get away just like that?"

"Yeah. I figure she'll tell me who she is when she's ready."

"But you just said you've never seen her since!"

"Actually, I probably have. I bet the first time she was in a disguise."

"You mean so you wouldn't figure out who she really was?"

"Yeah. And it worked too. Up until now I hadn't a clue who she was."

"And now you do?"

Helga gasped. Did he know?

"Well, not really, but I do have one major hint. She's in our class."

"How do you know?"

"Because in the letter she said that all the love poems Mr. Simmons ever read out loud to the class were about me, from her."

"So, you're saying she'd have to be in our class because she'd have to have written the poems for those creative writing things or something."

"Exactly. And all we have to do is figure out who she is."

"Okay…who's in our class?"

"Lila?" Arnold asked hopefully.

"No."

"Phoebe?"

"Definitely no. What did Cecile look like anyway?"

"She had soft, wavy, blond hair that glowed in the moon light and-"

"Wow, you really are stuck on this girl, aren't you? Okay, blond hair. Who in our class has blond hair?"

"Gloria, but it's not her. She was nothing like her."

"Nadine?"

"No."

"Was she wearing a wig or something?"

"I doubt it. It could be, but her hair looked too beautiful to be a wig."

"Right. Considering it was though. Rhonda?"

"Too snobbish."
"Sheena?"

"Too tall."

"And you're sure it's not Gloria?"

"Too nice."

"Too nice?"

"Like, Gloria couldn't get mad even if she wanted to. But Cecile got mad. Cecile got really mad a couple times. That's one of the things I like about her. Her fiery temper."

"Yeah. Sure. Arnold, we've named just about everyone in our class."

"What about me, ya moron?" Helga thought, although she didn't really want them to think of her.

"There's got to be someone we're forgetting. I'm getting out my yearbook. Then we can try to figure out who she is," Arnold said, as he walked to one of his shelves and pulled out a book.

"Arnold, there's no one in here we haven't already mentioned!" Gerald said, flipping through the yearbook. "Rhonda, Lila, Nadine, Gloria, Helga, Phoebe-"

"Helga? We didn't mention her."

"That's because there's no way it could be her! We had this talk before, remember?"

"She has blond hair."

"Arnold, you're denser than that person said. HELGA HATES YOU! END OF DISCUSSION!"

"How do you know?"

"What, do you want her to like you?"