Jade was frozen. Did she answer, or not?
She had no lines prepared to combat this – but then again, she'd stopped thinking of Hsi Wu as being a part of the audience a while ago. And no one else was here.
So what to do? Should they continue this complicated song-and-dance? Would he always be pursuing the truth, and she always evading him, because she had no truth to give him? That sounded exhausting.
Or would she finally take off the mask – at long last, go backstage, and stop needing to act all the time? That thought frightened her – Jade had no idea what she would be like without her mask of the normal child.
But both choices were tempting.
Jade swallowed as sentence formed in her mind. It was true, but it also avoided his real question. He would probably be frustrated by this, but it would be the truest thing she had ever said.
"There's no one behind the mask." Her voice was cold and toneless, and her face utterly blank. She hadn't allowed herself to behave so naturally since she was just a little girl back in Hong Kong.
Hsi Wu clenched his fists; he looked infuriated. It wasn't the grand confession that he was hoping for – no doubt he had wanted a secret, camaraderie, an affirmation that he wasn't alone. A chance to tell his own story. But Jade had nothing to give him. Perhaps, given some time, he would realize what she meant.
Without even acting, she turned away and said, "I'm going to bed. Stay up if you want."
And she walked up the stairs.
That night, as she lay awake, she wondered if she had done the right thing, by choosing not to choose.
All day Saturday, Hsi Wu seemed to be avoiding her presence. For some reason, Jade felt guilty – and even lonelier than before. She thought that perhaps she ought to have come up with a different act, one with a secret, a character behind the sidekick.
But no, Jade decided. He would have seen through that, just as he had seen through her first act. Could there be no end to this?
All he wanted was answers, but Jade had no answers to give him. And so she turned to the person who might be able to help her. Even though she had to ask him through the veil of her character, it would, hopefully, still prove helpful. Faking or not, he was still her friend, after all.
Jade sighed as she dried another dish. "Hey, T. I...kind of need some advice."
Tohru set down a cup he had finished washing, and looked at her kindly. "Yes?"
"There's this friend of mine, from school – well, I say he's a friend... I mean, I'd like to be friends with him, but there's some...distance between us. I'd rather not get into it. But anyway, he's been asking me a question lately, and I don't really have an answer for him. What do I tell him?"
Tohru thought for a moment as he rinsed a bowl. "What kind of question is it?"
"It's...about me, I guess. But I just don't really know how to answer him."
"Do you mind telling me what the question is?"
"Yeah, kind of."
"Hmm." Tohru thought some more. "Is it...about your opinions?"
"No... It's more like it's about – well, who I am, I guess."
"Hm. It must be an interesting question." Tohru hummed to himself for a moment. "Maybe you should think about what he's asking. If it's about yourself, and you don't really know if there's an answer, then maybe you should try asking yourself if there is one. You might be surprised."
"Huh." Jade finished drying the bowl. "Thanks, T."
Jade lay awake again that night, thinking.
Hsi Wu's unspoken question was difficult for her to answer. Little did he know, this was as frustrating for her as it was for him. Jade closed her eyes, as if hoping that by doing so she could see inside her own mind and find the answer there.
"Who am I?" she whispered.
Hsi Wu's implied question – who was Jade, really? Behind the role of the excited and naive child, who was she? Why did she ever start this? What had she wanted to hide so badly?
She thought back to when she first realized that she wasn't a normal child. She had been four years old, and reading by herself in the back of the class, not interested in playing with the other children. Her parents were with the teacher, quietly talking, and giving her worried glances.
Normally they should have been glad their daughter was studious and quiet. But she was four years old. At the very least, they thought she should have been interested in playing, even if it wasn't with other children.
But even then, Jade had never really seen the point. She hadn't really seen a point to reading, either – but she didn't want to just do nothing.
When she realized that this disturbed her parents, she resolved to try and be normal – to make them happy with her. And when she saw them again after having been with Jackie for a year, they were happy – happy enough to transfer guardianship of her to Jackie, their hope being that he could guide her along her path better than they could. They still loved her, they called – they even visited sometimes. But they had given up on raising her themselves.
This made her unhappy, Jade realized. She had done all this for them, only for her efforts to be wasted.
So what sort of person must she have been before, to want to please her parents so badly – to go so far as to try to change herself?
Clearly, there must be something to her besides her role. So who was she now? Did she really like video games? Did she have a real favorite color? Did she really enjoy acting?
Jade knew only a few things for sure:
She loved her family,
Having to pretend all the time bothered her,
And she really did want to get to know Hsi Wu – not Seymour, the act he used to fool her, not the Sky Demon who acted ruthlessly for his sibling's benefit, but Hsi Wu himself, the one behind the mask.
But the problem was, before she could get to know Hsi Wu, she would have to do what she'd never done before, and tell him what was behind her mask, what secret she was trying to hide.
So, what was it? What had she wanted to hide, all this time?
There was no weakness. No dark secret. Just herself – the self that her parents hadn't wanted for a daughter.
There was someone else she wanted to get to know, Jade realized. Her own self. Not Jade Chan, the rebellious niece and intrepid adventurer – but the girl who had never had a chance to grow.
Maybe having someone else know that Jade Chan wasn't all she was might help her. It might be time to befriend a fellow actor.
Hsi Wu had been right – the only reason she hadn't spilled it all then and there was because of what side she was on – and her character was still supposed to see him as an enemy. But Jade wasn't the type to hold grudges very long – it would be conceivable that she might have warmed up to him in the week of living with him.
Act One had ended with Hsi Wu joining the cast, and Intermission was nearly over. Jade needed to talk to him now, before Jackie returned with news and they all resumed their parts.
The problem was, he was still angry, and avoiding her at all costs. She'd have to come up with a creative way to communicate.
That morning, Jade got up before dawn and got out a pencil and a piece of paper. She tapped her mouth with the pencil, deep in thought. The message couldn't be too direct – if Jackie or Tohru were to find it, there would definitely be questions. Perhaps a cryptic poem would be up Hsi Wu's alley.
There is a mask, but the wearer cannot be seen;
Reflections give no answer – the players only see the mask.
Should the mask begin to slip and fall, what might be revealed?
We cannot answer, for who can see his own face?
If you want to talk, come with me to Golden Gate Park at noon.
That seemed clear enough to her. At the very least, Hsi Wu might get a vague idea of what she meant. Whatever questions he had, she could clarify once they met in secret.
Jade slipped the note under his door before breakfast. Hopefully he would get it.
At 12:00, Jade was waiting by the door, and Hsi Wu was coming downstairs. Their eyes met.
He had a slight smirk hidden in his blood-red orbs – not the triumphant smirk he'd had last time, but it was definitely satisfied, and perhaps even a little eager. Jade's face felt simply neutral, but she got the feeling that her eyes betrayed her nerves.
"I've already told Tohru where we're going. He won't be too worried, but we'll need to be back by 3:00."
"That should be enough time, right?"
She cautiously nodded. Her heart was beating like she was running at top speed. Jade wondered briefly if she was making the right decision, if he was just going to betray her again – but she knew. And he knew she knew. He couldn't just ignore that.
Could he?
"Alright, let's go." Jade opened the door with a chime, and Hsi Wu walked out ahead of her as she closed the door behind her.
Golden Gate Park was only a short walk from where they lived – rather than take them through the usual paths, Jade guided him through bushes and various shrubbery, to a small clearing, a ways away from any paths or picnic spots, that hardly anyone visited. In the center of it was a great big elm.
Jade walked over to the tree, and motioned for Hsi Wu to follow. "Come on, up here. I'll give you a boost if you need it."
In a flash, Hsi Wu had shimmied up the tree trunk, and was already on the lowest branch. He smirked down at her. "Sky demon, remember? If I couldn't climb a tree, I'd be ashamed of myself."
Jade scowled and started climbing the tree herself. "This from the one who didn't know how to sweep a floor."
"I'll have you know that's completely different."
As Jade reached the lowest branch, she motioned upwards. "Come on, we have to a little higher. People can still hear us at this height."
She climbed about five more feet, and came to a stop at a long, thick branch, about halfway up the tree, shrouded by the uppermost leaves of the trees around them. No one could see up here. She sat at the branch's base, legs dangling on either side of it.
Hsi Wu swiftly followed suit, scampering up the trunk and grabbing hold of the branch, swinging himself upwards to perch on the end like some kind of large, reckless bird. If anyone not knowing what he was had seen him, they would have called him a daredevil.
"Well? You wanted to speak?"
Jade drew a long, silent breath.