Someone was yelling. The noise was confusing him, because he wanted to stop listening. Because he didn't know who was yelling. Or maybe he did? His head began to hurt, the pain unbearable, even worse than the pain he had felt in the past, when his withdrawals had made him miserable.
Someone was yelling. Insults to the Maker. To Andraste. To life itself.
Someone was yelling. Yelling so hard, the voice broke. Yelling so hard, the voice left. Yelling so hard that there was only silence and a great darkness that brought relief.
When Cullen opened his eyes, he saw nothing but a blue sky above. And the blueness of the sky filled him with a sense of well-being. The well-being was strange to him for it was unlike anything he had ever experienced.
He had never felt like this before – so absolutely peaceful. Not one care in the world he had come from. Not one care in the world he was now in. Just peace. Long, restful and invigorating peace. His soul took it thirstily and drank.
He immediately realized he was lying on grass, the greenest grass he had ever seen. A sweet smell enveloped him, bringing with it vague memories of his childhood. With the memories came laughter – the laughter he shared as a child with his siblings. And a feeling of happiness slowly crept upon him.
When he sat up, he discovered that the place he was in was the most beautiful place he had ever seen. It was a place that reminded him of home. It was a place that he wished to live in for the rest of his days.
He took in the faint sounds of a brook laughing merrily as it went along its way. He turned his head to the left and saw the brook. It looked perfectly serene and a smile slowly formed on his face as he began to notice more details of this curious but beautiful place. Tree branches swung lazily in the soft breeze and birds were chirping and singing their sweet song. Bushes full of ripe fruit and berries made him smile.
A twig snapped behind him, and he jumped up and turned around, instinctively reaching for the sword sheathed and strapped to his belt, but he discovered there was no sword.
It really didn't matter anyway for the noise of the twig breaking had heralded the arrival of a person. A beautiful person who was walking towards him – a peaceful smile on her lips and love shining through her sapphire eyes.
Beatrix.
Instead of kissing her passionately like he wanted to, he took her in his arms, rocking her gently as she held on to him tightly. He held her close to his heart and she whispered words of love to him that were a balm for his soul.
And in an instant, he relived it all. The blood she coughed up as the magic from her mark squeezed her heart. Solas arriving to help and witnessing her death. The pain he had felt in his soul when she whispered she loved him before she died. The terror and sadness he felt of being completely and utterly alone for the rest of his days.
No one there to calm his fear of the dark, of the monsters that still visited him on occasion. No one there when he woke sweating from the nightmares.
It would all be past and the memories would be the only things that filled his days and nights.
He started to cry as he held her and she slowly and tenderly disengaged herself from his arms and looked up at him as she had done countless of times before.
"My love," she said sweetly. "We will be together in a heartbeat. Time will not exist for us once you come back to me here."
"Beatrix, I can't," he cried. "I cannot endure –"
"Cullen, we have two children who need their father more than ever now. I am sorry I won't get to see them grow up. But you will," she smiled, the love on her face making it even more beautiful.
"I cannot –" he whined, but she placed her fingers over his mouth, tracing his scar briefly before her hand fluttered around his face in caresses that made him take a deep breath, the tears now slowly subsiding.
"You must," she said. "You will never be alone, my love. I will always be there with you. You will feel my touch in every cool breeze that enters the room. When you are troubled I will be there. I will be there when you wake at nights drenched in sweat. I will not leave you. And then…"
"And then," he finished for her, looking intently at her, his amber eyes alight with love, "we will be together at last one day."
"Yes," she smiled. "We will have our time together in Thedas also. It won't be this time and era, but we will live the life that was taken from us too soon."
He shook then, trembling with fear and want. With desire and love and pain. "Why was it taken from us?"
"Because Solas would have ripped open the Veil too soon, destroying all of Thedas," a voice said behind them. "Even himself. He is not eternal. He can die and would have died."
They turned to face her…the Lady in White.
Andraste.
She stood in front of them and smiled. A smile that brought hope and promise; respite and relief. At that moment, Cullen felt like he was being given a new lease on life.
"Do you mean to say Beatrix's death stopped the end of the world?" Cullen asked the lady, whose yellow eyes now looked sadly at them both.
"Yes," she replied. "He was saddened to see her dying in your arms, possibly the only human friend he had in his entire life. Beatrix gave him hope for a better tomorrow. She reminded him that he was good and not a monster like Corypheus. And she left her children behind. Solas could no longer carry out his plan with the guilt he felt. So he desisted. Although, he hasn't realized this yet. He soon will, however."
"How do you know all this, when you always say that you cannot see the future completely?" Beatrix asked with a frown.
"Because I know him well," Andraste replied sadly. "All too well, I'm afraid."
"But why did she have to die? I can't – I can't live this life without her!" Cullen insisted, fresh tears now falling down his face.
"You will," the Lady replied. "You'll do it because you love your children. But more importantly, you'll do it because you love her. And you will do it because you will both meet again here at the end of your life, Commander. When the time comes, you both will be reunited in Thedas once again."
"Why her? Why does everything fall to her? Why must she be the one to fix it?" Cullen sobbed, clinging to Beatrix, wishing to never let go.
"Because she is my chosen one – and that is all I can reveal at this time. She will fight the darkness and bring the light." The Lady paused as she started to glow. The glow filled Cullen with peace and love and hope for the future.
"She will bring the light to Thedas. Always."
…
This time, when he opened his eyes, there was darkness. And he wasn't lying on grass anymore, he was in the room he shared with Beatrix. He was on the bed with pillows all around him. He had been stripped of his armor, and lay in a sweat-drenched tunic and loose trousers – the kind he wore to sleep when the children were nearby.
He turned, the moonlight suddenly peeking from a dark cloud, and saw the empty pillow beside his. The bed neatly made on that side. Untouched by a human presence.
He was alone. He would always be alone.
His eyes filled with tears and he curled up on his side, keeping the empty pillow within sight. His mind supplied the image he so desperately sought and for the briefest of moments he could see her sleepily opening her wonderfully perfect eyes and smiling sweetly at him.
Bad dreams?
They always are. Without lyrium they're worse.
Even though he sobbed into his pillow to keep the noise from reaching the children's room, he felt like he would never be able to get up to face the day. He was a coward. He couldn't live without her. He knew he couldn't; he wouldn't be able to take it slowly or quickly or take steps to overcome the pain of a world without Beatrix in it. He wouldn't be able to –
"Papa," a sweet voice called from her side of the bed. Standing still in the moonlight was his daughter, her little face sleepy, but sad as she watched him closely, her blonde locks a disarray of curls. His daughter was not yet three, but she was so serious and aware of everything that happened around her. She was not like her twin who was a whirlwind that ended up charming others because of his bubbly personality.
"Lenny," Cullen whispered back, holding his arms open for the toddler, who immediately climbed on the bed and into his arms. "Lenny, my darling child. Can't you sleep? Hmm?" He held her close to his heart and she sighed before she spoke.
"Papa, I miss mamma," the little girl lisped. "Mamma coming home soon?"
Cullen only tightened his grip slightly on his little girl, then leaned back.
"Shall I sing you the lullaby you love? The one mamma sings?" he asked with a smile.
Lenny nodded to her father, a dimple appearing as she gave him a smile. Cullen put her under the covers and lay her down, then started to sing softly to the child. He did not stop until the little girl was fast asleep.
A light breeze came in through the open window. A breeze that caressed his face gently. The words Beatrix had said to him in her safe place suddenly came back to him. And he smiled through his tears.
You will never be alone, my love. I will always be there with you. You will feel my touch in every cool breeze that enters the room. When you are troubled I will be there. I will be there when you wake at nights drenched in sweat. I will not leave you.
Then and there, Cullen knew he would not, could not fail his children. Not with their mother watching over them all.
"Thank you, my love, for comforting me," he whispered to the night, the grief in his heart lifting ever so slightly.
And he could almost hear her voice singing the tune he had just sung to their daughter. Singing softly as he drifted off to sleep.
…
The days turned to months and then years. Time flowed effortlessly in Cullen's life and the children grew. He never remarried, but dedicated himself to the wellbeing of his son and daughter. He fought to protect Divine Victoria and, when the time came, went back to Skyhold where he opened a clinic to help the templars overcome their lyrium addiction.
His children grew and both became knights in the new templar order. One without the lyrium chains that had tied their father to the Chantry so long ago.
Soon, age caught up with him. One afternoon, he sat on a chair overlooking the battlements. His memories were sharper than ever that lazy afternoon. It was as if Beatrix was with him the whole time, and he could hear her laughter ringing across the battlements.
He smiled to himself – a wistful smile – taking in the beauty of the mountain peaks all covered in snow. The quiet tranquility before sunset, the soldiers now gone. Some back to their own families, others to the barracks – those who remained to protect Skyhold. His children had already moved on with their lives. Both Andreas and Eleanora were married and had their own children to look after.
Cullen hadn't changed much over the years. More lines on his face – the normal wrinkles that came with old age; his yellow mane of curls now white. He was content enough to stop styling his hair as he used to. It didn't matter anymore. He was free from obligations and had been for a while. Now he could sit on his chair and imagine a life with Beatrix.
The life that had been taken away from them.
He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, feeling sleep overcome him.
The sunset came and went. When his daughter – who was visiting Skyhold with her family at the time – came looking for him, she found him on the chair. His eyes were closed. She stepped forward with a smile then shook him gently.
"Papa, your grandchildren want you to tell them a bedtime story," she said with a laugh. A few moments passed and Lenny shook him again when he did not open his eyes.
"Papa!" she called out this time with urgency. Cullen's head lolled at an angle. "Papa! Papa!" Her screams filled the whole area and some soldiers ran to help, but nobody could.
Cullen Stanton Rutherford was dead. The only thing that kept his daughter from screaming and collapsing on the stone floor was the aura of peace that enveloped the man who was once Commander of the Inquisition forces – and the happy smile on his face – the same smile he gave her when he was smirking.
He was with her mother now and Lenny smiled through her tears.
They were together at long last.
…
Cullen opened his eyes. The sky was blue and the grass he was lying on felt comfortable, the sweet smell filling his nostrils. He sat up and smiled. He felt years younger and stood up, rushing to the brook where he looked at his face reflected in the clear water. A much younger version of himself looked back at him.
He felt her before he turned to look at her. She was as beautiful as she had always been. They rushed into each other's arms, kissing each other with a passion and love that was both intense and desperate.
"I've missed you, my love!" Cullen crooned, rejoicing within at how she melded into his embrace.
She looked up, her lovely sapphire eyes meeting his amber ones.
"Love me forever?" she asked with a twinkle.
"Forever and more," he replied with a happy sigh.
The End?
Notes:
No, not the end. Cullen and Beatrix meet again in Part 2 of the Inquisition Revisited series. The fic is called 'Another Chance' and is set in the modern Thedas universe. Will they finally live happily ever after?