[b]Chapter Three: I'm My Own Worst Enemy[/b]

[i]Shit![/i]

I roll my eyes. Maybe if I blow this off, I'll be safe from the oh-so-scary power of the alpha.

"Nothing." I attempt to push past Sam, avoiding eye contact.

Sam stops me by grabbing my arm. "Seth Adlai Elan Clearwater. You are not leaving my sight. You tell me, [i]what did you do?[/i]"

"Get off me!" I tug my arm free and attempt to stalk off. Sam's face fills with rage. He still has his werewolf temper, after all. Thank God. Emotion from the Alpha. I should thank the lord.

He growls. The look on his face… I've pissed him off, for sure.

"Tell me what you did." His tone is that of the Alpha, and I am powerless.

I'm stuggling to remain upright under his command. My knees buckle. Sam stares straight into my eyes, never looking away. He's got the Alpha power inside him, burning through me, and suddenly, I am kneeling underneath him.

"F***," I mutter.

Sam growls. He hates my bad language. The other guys do it; why can't I? He's too used to the old me, the happy one, the one content with everything.

"[i]Tell me what you did, Seth Adlai Elan Clearwater.[/i]"

I want to spit on Sam, but I can't. I'm about to throw up, that's how hard I'm struggling not to tell Sam. He shouldn't know something is up, and he shouldn't get into my own damn business.

"Bar… fight…" I gurgle out. It's a small relief to the pressure on me, but I'm still bowed down, in human form, which makes it all the more humiliating.

Still in Alpha command, Sam says, "More."

And I am so powerless now. My head bent under his words, I explain everything: the running, the anger, feeling horrible, sick of it all, going into the bar, wanting some, hitting on girls, hitting that ass, being kicked out, the bar fight. It's all pouring out.

Sam heaves an enormous sigh. I realize, after feeling this way, that he's tired too. "Seth, I of all people [i]know[/i] you're upset about what's been lost. I [i]know[/i], and don't you forget. But running into bars, hitting on girls, starting fights, and then running away isn't going to bring you to terms with what happened. Leah's upset too." Sam cringed at the name. He still loved Leah, no matter how much he loved Emily.

I shake my head. "Maybe it's not the right way to deal with it, but it's MY way of dealing. I'm screwed up over it. I'm fine with the way I am. I LIKE the way I am. Maybe now I'll get respect. Maybe now I'll get a girl. I'm the one who has no dad and who's got Leah for a sister. But apparently that's not punishment enough, is it? Ohhh, no, not for Seth Clearwater."

"You already get respect. You're the beta now, remember?"

"Ohh, [i]how[/i] could I forget? You should have just given it to Quil, not to me, out of pity. I'm fifteen. I don't need to learn how to manage a pack."

"You're doing just fine." Sam's gritting his teeth. I can tell I'm irritating him.

"No, I'm not. Weren't you the one implied that I need therapy? Yeah, nice. Way to score with an angsty, pissed off Seth Clearwater."

Sam's snarling now. I'm evoking lots of different emotions from him. It makes me feel pleased. "You're messing with the Alpha, Seth. Don't forget what I can do."

"Oh, right. Force me to do your bidding by your magical powers." I snort. "Don't forget what [i]I[/i] can do."

With that, I lift up my arm and connect my fist with Sam's face. It's not the first punch I've thrown before, and it won't be the last, that's for sure. I feel the broken bone and blood on my hand, and I know I have to run. Part of me wants to stay and see what Sam can do, but I know if I do, I won't be conscious for at least a month.

I bolt out of there. Beneath my feet, I can feel the vibrations coming from Sam, shaking. He's about to phase. He's about to lose it. Sucks for him, phasing in his cute little girlfriend's shack. He'll tear it to pieces.

I'm out the door in under five seconds. I keep running, in human form, running, running, running. I'm not thinking of anything, either. I can hear Seth yowling in Em's house, and I can guess he's a) still pissed or b) he tore up the house. Too bad for him.

He's not going to find me if I don't want to be found. I'm causing trouble, and I don't want to deal with anyone. So where do I go?

I don't slow down as I enter Forks. I push my legs faster, looking at the blur of houses rush past me. White picket fences and pretty little (well-watered) gardens. Yeah. The life I don't have anymore.

There's a white house with light blue shutters that looks perfect. As I near it, I can see with my super-duper-whoopee! wolf eyesight that the paint is chipped and the hinges to the door are rusting.

Instinctively, I run around the house, into the backyard. Here. I'll stay. Here. It's not my type and it's not La Push, but I'm worn out for the day and for Christ's sake, I'm not running to Mexico.

There's random trees in the back, big, wide ones with leaves still on and dripping wet. I hide my huge, massive sandy colored body behind a giant oak with emerald leaves. I don't know what to do know, but I'm away from Sam, and that's what matters.

For some reason, Sam's not in my head. Either he's staying silent, or he phased back and not bothering me. At any rate, I'm thinking, [i]Sweetness,[/i] and I stare at the back of the house. It's sickening. One of the windows has pink, frilly curtains. A seven-year-old girl probably occupies the room. One of the rooms has olive green curtains, tastefully closed and very in-style, I can tell. The other room is blacked out. It's kind of freaky, but hey, I'm just here to hide.

I hate feeling like a coward.

Looking at curtains, hiding, running away, punching the Alpha. What is wrong with me?

Sam may be right, but I'm not going to admit it anyway soon. [i]He[/i] never did, anyway. He did what he pleased, right until the day he died.

And now I'm emulating it. If I go to far, I could end up like him.

I don't want that to happen! But… I'm… done. I've always been one thing, and he was my hero, and then he went and died! And then that caused me to screw myself around and get like him. It's sick. I've become the very thing he would have never wanted me to come.

I stare up at the rainy sky, wishing for a sign. I want something to hear me so bad.

[i]Jacob, why did you leave me?[/i]