Chapter 32

Helga vs. Lila

Arnold sighed and walked over to the open window. He looked down into the swirling water, now about thirty feet high.

"Maybe I'll finally get a chance to meet my parents," he thought gloomily. "I can't think like that! There's got to be a way out of here…somehow." Suddenly, his eyes fell upon a jump rope that some prankster had tied to the roof of the building. "I wonder…"

Helga glanced around at her classmates, who were all going crazy, running into each other and shouting 'I love you' to every person who passed them by.

"What morons," she muttered under her breath. "And yet, maybe they have more sense then I do. I mean, sure, half of them don't even know who they're confessing to, but at least they're doing something. What am I doing? Nothing." She glanced at Arnold and ran to the opposite corner of the room. She took out her locket and gazed lovingly at it.

"Oh, Arnold! As the seconds of our life tick away, all I can do is hide in a corner. I can't believe myself! I've only got a couple minuets left of my tortured existence; why waist them?"

"Uhh…Helga? I lov-"

"Brainy, shut up," Helga muttered, socking him once again. "Where was I? Oh, yeah. Who cares if Arnold finds out? Who cares if anyone finds out? Who cares about anything? The only thing I care about is Arnold. And if I can't have him in these last few minuets, then my life has been a complete waste." She suddenly stopped, realizing with a shock what she had just said. "Am I mad? Am I actually thinking what I think I'm thinking? There's no way I can confess. It's just not possible! I can't! I…don't have much of a choice." She sighed as she stared at her locket. "I guess it's now or never." She put her locket away and glanced up.

"Lila?! What do you want?"

"So. You think you can steal him, don't you?"

"Huh?" Helga said, confused by the question and Lila's completely different tone of speech. What happened to "ever so"?

"Don't play dumb. I know you love Arnold, so you can just stop pretending."

"W-what are you talking about? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!"

"Oh, please. Don't tell me you don't remember the school play."

"Huh?" Helga said, pretending to be confused.

"Please don't say it, please don't say it," she silently pleaded to herself.

"Romeo and Juliet?"

"Oh, right, that," Helga said. "Y-yeah, so?"

"So? Well, let me refresh your memory for you. A couple months ago, our class was performing the play 'Romeo and Juliet'. Rhonda, Sheena, Phoebe, and I all got chosen to be Juliet and her understudies."

"I was the fourth understudy," Helga reminded her.

"Unfortunately. That was only because you showed up at the last minute because you had just found out that Arnold was playing Romeo."

"So, what? Why would I have cared that he was Romeo?"

"Because there was a kissing scene."

"What? Now you think I want to kiss Arnold? That's disgusting! You're out of your mind."

"Yeah, right. I told you, I already know, so you can just stop pretending."

"How on earth would you know any of this? Hypothetically speaking."

"You told me."

"I did not!" Helga lied. She knew exactly what Lila was talking about, of course, but the longer she delayed her, the longer she had before she revealed what she was really planning on doing.

"Yeah, you did. You somehow knocked out all the other Juliets, until I was the only one left. You tried to get me to drop out too, but I wasn't so easily persuaded. Then I asked you if the reason you wanted to be Juliet so badly was because you wanted to kiss Arnold. You denied, of course. So, I said that if that was the reason, I'd let you have the part. Then you told me you loved him. Remember now?"

"Yeah. And do you remember how I said that if you told anyone that I'd strangle you with my bare hands?"

"I never said I'd tell anyone."

"Then what the heck to you want?! I really don't want to spend the last minuets of my life talking to you."

"Likewise, I'm sure. I'll make this be over as soon as possible. I just have to make sure you understand that you had better clear outta my territory, if you know what's good for ya."

"Wait. I don't get it. If you want me to stop, then why'd you give me the part?"

"I thought that after you kissed him, you'd confess. Then he would hate you."

"Why would he hate me?" Helga asked worriedly.

"Because he would realize that you were trying to steal him from me, and he'd hate you for getting in my way."

"You're nothing but a self absorbed little phony, aren't you? Can you even hear what you're saying? 'The world revolves around me, and if anyone gets in my way, the world will hate them because everyone loves me so much.'"

"So? It's true. It would have worked out perfectly, except that you didn't confess."

"Well, doi! Why would I do that? Just because I had just kissed him, and I was delirious from happiness, doesn't mean that I'd do anything that crazy."

"Go figure."

"And anyway, why would you care? I thought you didn't even like Arnold. If you wanted him so much, why don't you just tell him you like him like him, instead of always saying that you just like him?"

"Because I don't like him like him!"

"Then what the heck are you talking about?! What do you care what I do with Arnold, if you don't even like like him?"

"Because it's all part of my plan! Don't you see? First I have to play hard to get-"

"For months?"

"Just making sure. Anyway, if I play my cards right, and I almost have, then by the time I pretend to tell that I love him, he'll be so completely into me that I'll be able to make him do whatever I want! I'll be in complete control! He'll be my devoted servant! Isn't it brilliant?"

"Brilliant?! Are you out of your mind?! I can't believe you! I knew you were evil, but this! What kind of a monster are you? How could you do that to Arnold?"

"Hey, you're the obsessed freak, not me. I don't care what happens to him. I'm just using him."

"Boy, I wish I had a video camera right now. Except that I'd never get to play the tape, since we're all gonna drowned. But it doesn't matter. All I have to do is tell Arnold what you've said, and you'll be ruined!"

"I don't think so," Lila said, smiling cruelly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"First of all, he'll never believe you."

"He might."

"True, but I've already got that figured out."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I wasn't going to for a couple more weeks, but because of the strange predicament we're in, I'll just have to now. And when I do, there's not a thing you or anyone else…but mostly you, can do about it. He won't believe a word you say."

"I don't get you. What are you gonna do?"

""Confess," Lila said simply, like it was the most common thing in the world.

"B-but you can't!" Helga exclaimed, standing up. "I won't let you! You can't do something like that to Arnold!"

"Oh, really? Who's going to try and stop me?"

"Me. That's who."

Lila laughed. "Yeah, right. What could you possibly do?"

Helga stared at the floor, desperately trying to think of an answer.

"I thought so. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make a pretend confession." She turned swiftly and started walking toward Arnold.

Without thinking, Helga ran up to Lila and exclaimed, "Not if I confess first!"

"Why, you little!" Lila cried, but Helga was already running past her, through knee high water, trying to make it to Arnold.

"Hey, everybody!" Arnold shouted. "I think I know a way we can escape!"

Everyone was basically too crazy at the moment to hear, or care, what he had to say, but Phoebe, Gerald, and a few other people looked up.

"There's a jump rope tied onto the roof! If we jump, we might be able to reach it and climb to the roof! Then we could-"

"Arnold!" Helga cried, running up to him. "I-I have to tell you something! I lo-"

"Don't listen to her! She's lying! It's a trap!" Lila cried.

"What's going on?" Arnold asked, confused.

"Arnold, you have to listen to me!" Helga exclaimed. "Lila is evil."

"What are you talking abo-"

"Just listen! I know it doesn't make sense, but it's true! She just told me! She has this whole crazy plan to make you her slave or something!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah! And then she's going to say that she loves you, so you'll do everything she says!"

"That's completely crazy!" Lila cried. "Arnold, don't listen to her. The whole drowning experience has gone to her head!"

"Shut up, Lila! There's no way you can win this one, so why even try?"

"Well, the way I see it, there's no way I can lose."

"Yeah, right! Your secret's out, Lila."

"Um…what exactly is going on?" Arnold asked again.

"Your secret's out. And just my luck, Arnoldo still doesn't get it. Didn't you get a word I said, football head?!" Helga screamed at him.

"Not rea-"

"See! I told you! He still doesn't get it. Nothing's changed. He still loves me, he still hates you. Everything's still going in my direction. Face it, Helga. You've lost the battle. There's no way you can beat me!"

"You're not gonna make this easy on me, are you?" Helga asked. Then she turned to Arnold. "Arnold, I've got to tell you something really important, so don't interrupt, and if she says anything, just ignore her."

"Ok, Helga. I'll listen."

"Really? I was kind of hoping you wouldn't."

"Well, if you don't want me to-"

"No, wait! I do!" Helga exclaimed, grasping his hand.

Arnold looked at his hand in surprise. "Well?"

"I…um…-"

"Don't you dare!" Lila screamed. "You'll ruin everything! Absolutely everything!"

Arnold ignored her. "What is it, Helga?" Arnold asked, looking into her eyes. "You can tell me."

Helga smiled slightly. "Ok." She took a deep breath. "Arnold, I…I really, really lo-"

"NOOOOOOO!" Lila screamed. "Get away from him!" she cried, shoving Helga away from Arnold.

Helga stumbled and lost her balance. She fell toward the open window. She frantically grabbed for something, but there was nothing to grab onto.

"ARNOLD!" she screamed, as she plunged through the window, into the deep, swirling water.

Arnold turned to Lila in horror. Then, without thinking, he jumped into the cold, dark water.

Lila turned around. Everyone stared at her, motionless.

"I'm ever so sure I didn't mean for it to go that far!" she told no one in particular. "Honest!"

Everyone continued to stare at her, too shocked to do anything.

"You're nothin' but a dang murderer!" Stinky cried, finally breaking the silence.

"Murderer!" everyone shouted. "Murderer! Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!"