LawOfUeki x DOS (2/?)
...
Susumu's plan was simple.
Find Brat that fit criteria. Convince Brat to represent him in the Tournament. Sit back and relax. Write acceptance speech. Reminder to sound somewhat humble, because people liked humble, and thank mother.
Susumu's Brat criteria was twofold.
Be smart. Be lazy.
Because lazy humans with functioning brains were the ones who wouldn't betray him (too much work not to obey), who would complete tasks quickly and efficiently (anything to cut down the workload), and wouldn't fuck up the minute Susumu wasn't around to tell them which way was left.
He'd thought it out. Lazy was easy. Smart, not so much. Find a Brat who was smart, but not ambitious. Someone who'd listen to him and his orders. Someone Susumu could set his hopes on.
The boy who skipped class to nap in the field was that Brat.
While the other God candidates went looking for a puny human to represent them in busy and overpopulated Tokyo (seriously, don't humans get claustrophobic surrounded by so many of each other?), Susumu made a beeline for a little backwater town he'd come across two months ago when he'd stepped into the Human World to... explore.
Yeah. Let's go with that.
Just satisfying his curiosity and confirming once and for all whether the rumours regarding Humanity's general intelligence was below or above the Celestial Being Average (it wasn't cheating. It was reconnaissance, and it wasn't his fault none of the other God Candidates had to brains to do a bit of it pre-Tournament).
Two months later, it was a complete coincidence that Susumu came across the Brat, the one who had the worst grades but was seen reading texts far above his reading level and playing boring old man games with other boring old men. And beating them. Those were hallmarks of high intelligence, according to one Celestial Being's thesis.
All that was left for Susumu to do was convince the Brat to represent him.
Humans, as he understood, were simple minded but stubborn.
So he told him about the competition ("It'll be fun! You fight other unimpressive Brats for supremacy. To be alpha-"), about the cool power Susumu could give him ("Anything. Anything at all. Another Candidate gave his Brat the power to turn towels into metal, or something as inane as that."). He even told the Brat why Susumu chose him ("You got moxie, kid."), and what the Competition was for ("Winner becomes the next God. I want to be God. I really want be the next God. I'd make an awesome God.")
After the initial raised eyebrow and disbelief, the Brat's face went blank, he leaned back onto the grass, sighed and closed his eyes. If Susumu didn't better (and he did because he was a great and powerful Celestial Being with above average intelligence), he would've thought the boy had tuned him out.
Then the Brat opened his eyes and started asking him questions like, how many Candidates were there? Were there any restrictions to the powers he could ask for, or drawbacks? How does one win the Tournament? How is one disqualified? What rules were there? Would his life be in danger? Would others? Where would the fight take place? When? How? Why?
("It sounds like a rather roundabout way of choosing the next God. Why not just draw names out of a hat? It'd be less troublesome."
"See why I need to be the next God now? I'd never think of something this convoluted.")
The Brat fit Susumu's requirements, all right. But the problem with 'smart' was that, from the heavily sugar-coated explanation and non-answers Susumu provided, the Brat had gleaned that the Tournament was essentially a dangerous, potentially life-threatening, and needlessly complicated method to pick the next God that depended heavily on the Human that was chosen to represent them. Like playing rock-paper-scissors by proxy while the proxies tried punching the daylights out of each other out.
Okay, so the Brat was cautious. Which was good. It only underlined Susumu's good thinking in picking such a bright Brat. Cautious meant less likely to lose Talents in careless fights, which would kick Susumu out of the running, deprive the Celestial World of his Godhood, and wouldn't that be a travesty?
But the real problem, aside from Susumu's inability to trick, coerce or lure the Brat into entering quickly before he changed his mind, was his lack of motivation.
Susumu could see it. The Brat was intrigued by everything he'd told him about the Celestial World. But to learn more was to embroil himself in trouble.
Thankfully, Susumu was prepared. He told the Brat that winning meant Susumu would be the next God, and the Brat, just for entering and winning, would be awarded the Talent of Blank. It was a win-win for them both!
A slow blink. A slight tilt of the head. Minutely furrowed eyebrows and narrowed, questioning eyes.
The Brat was smart, lazy and curious. Susumu knew he'd got him then, hook, line and sink, as those silly fishermen humans would say.
"Blank? What kind of talent is that?"
"Not a talent at all. You fill in the blank. If you win, you get a talent of your choosing. Like, the talent to pick winning numbers if your dream is to be a billionaire."
The Brat seemed to consider this. Susumu knew it'd be the money. Humans were obsessed with it. They were such a short-sighted species. Money. Bah! Dangle a couple gold coins in front of their faces and they'd salivate like dogs.
And that was the story of how Susumu found a Brat to represent him in the Tournament.
Susumu gave himself several pats on the back and a round of applause. Through Susumu's well thought out planning, he was going to be sitting in God's Throne and partying with hot Celestial babes in no time at all.
All that was left to do was wait, he thought when he left. The Brat had been playing around with that new power of his and had been given the plan Susumu had wrote out himself to memorize and follow. Susumu found the nearest bar (human bar, ick, but alcohol was alcohol, even if it was much, much below his standards) to buy himself a round of drinks to celebrate his wisdom.
...
A/N: Susumu. Meaning advance, make progress.
I'm not sure if I want Shikako and Shikamaru to meet because then I'd have to write their reunion and if you haven't already noticed, I suck with characterization. But I do have an idea. Probably not a good one.
Any ideas of what Talent DOS Shikamaru might want? And Shikako?
Also. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of a jerk does Susumu sound like?
(On a side note: I messed up the fic title. It was meant to be Shots of Sunshine but apparently my brain wasn't working properly at the time. Pfft. Took me long enough to notice.)